In which the savvy Savva's call came from inside the house, and Cory's call came from loser nowheresville ...

Could there be anything more terrifying than the call coming from inside the house? Don't worry about the technicalities, just grasp the sheer horror …

This day the reptiles evoked an even greater fear. What if you looked under the bed, and discovered an irrelevant, faded old monster of the Cory kind?

Yes, it was a piquant coupling, the ardent climate denialist blathering on about nukes, apparently unaware of his profound irrelevance, while the savvy Savva was making a call from inside the house.

Naturally the pond went with the savvy Savva first because the pond likes to kick back its heels and watch a wet give the dries a hard time, much like the welcome rain falling in assorted places brought a little hope to the country ...

We al know where this sort of talk is coming from. The greatest demonic force in Australian politics …

Oh dear … and still the savvy Savva went on ...

Say what? Oh she's not going to go there, is she? But she is, and it's a short, sharp final gobbet, perhaps even worse than a call from inside the house …

Let's have that lead in line again, and then let's get on with the slaughter ...

Polonius, the Bolter and Bettina Can't (as a correspondent might have it) all roundly trounced in three sentences on a live digital Oz page? Three flies with fleas in their ears in one blow?

The pond went into a fainting fit.

But there was one potato head that the savvy Savva had missed, and what joy that the infallible Pope had returned in the nick of time to remind us of his sublime insights into a man besotted with left wing Islamic terrorists ......

And so to Cory, not because there's anything sensible to be discovered, but because, like Everest, he's there ...

Now everyone knows that the figures don't stack up, that nuclear energy is more expensive than the alternatives, and that there's no great desire for it, such that even the coalition trots out the line that it would only proceed on a bipartisan basis.

And what's the reason for Cory insisting on it being a must? Everyone knows that Cory is a climate denialist of the first water. 

Search for Cory and climate, and the first thing that pops up is How Cory Bernardi was inspired to push climate denial from US conservative groups ...

But enough of that, because who has forgotten the delusional days when Cory imagined he and his party were a thing?

Anyone wanting more can follow the link - at least if they've been living on another planet, and want to catch up on crazy Cory …

As always, the pond's own solution is to run a few favourite snaps of its most beloved narcissist …

 

By golly,  he was cut, and his mind is still pretty cut too … just look at this gambit to explain his nukes routines somehow matching up with his climate science denialism …

While not wishing to appease climate-change catastrophists, the only viable response to their demands …

But why should he respond, the unreconstructed, deviant goose? What's the pitiful point?

Sadly there's only one explanation, it's an epic troll, as Cory tries to stay in the game, though it's beyond mad uncle in the attic status to think that scribbling stupidity for the lizard Oz is staying in the game ...

Hold on, hold on, what's this talk about  emissions-free base load power?

Why the fuck should the plucked climate denialist goose give a flying fuck about emissions-free base load power?

Of course this sort of weird logic has been a Cory speciality, one that entranced the pond in days long ago, when Cory was a thing, rather than a desiccated monster lurking under the bed … as here ...

And yet surely talk of emissions-free base load power is like downing a bottle of climate science Kool-Aid in a single gulp …because strangely, back in those days, when he was going solar, Cory resolutely saw no need to reduce emissions at all ...

What a funny, silly old irrelevant monster he is, still trying his hand at trolling, though if this was the supposedly fearsome troll you found under the bridge, you'd likely burst out laughing ...

To be fair, Cory did do the reptile commentariat litany thing, jumping from a thought bubble about nuclear energy to a thought bubble about the subs, and carrying on as if he was still in parliament, as if the thoughts of a failed, useless senator, the leader of a failed party that bombed big time, had even the slightest use for folks, even those desperate enough to waste their time on reptile follies …

And that's why for once the pond abandoned its two reptiles rule, for in the usual way, the number shall be two, no more or less … except that the lizard Oz editorialist came out with a piece that almost moved the pond to tears, it was so inspirational, so heroic ...

Everything is for the best, and it's the best of all possible worlds, and the way forward is to take the footy up the guts, hit 'em hard, and so on and so forth …

Indeed, indeed, while wags have their fun, comparing how the Donald responded to the Ebola crisis up against his response to the coronavirus … and other wags had even more fun …

… the reptiles are powering on, full steam ahead …though there might be a very minor speed bump about that balanced budget thingie that was talked up, as if it was a pure gold thing as opposed to a shonky piece of rolled gold jewellery…

Well you wouldn't be a decent reptile if you couldn't slither and slide, and so at a time when things are looking a little fanged, urge SloMo to go for growth, because what this country needs is a population of a 100 million, and let's face it, will fifty billion people be enough for a planet wanting to go for growth?

Luckily there was an immortal Rowe on hand to bring the pond down from its lizard editorialist-induced high, much quicker and more effective than a cold shower, with some astute reporting on current events (and with more Rowe here) ...

In which the world goes mad, and only nattering "Ned" and Dame Slap offer the chance of a snooze ...

 

The world has gone stark, staring, raving mad …

It began with the little things … the reptiles' amazing ability to distort time. 

Last night the pond's time stamp assured it that Xians had been banned from poofter bashing at 9.43 pm. Yet this morning, when the pond clocked in at 6.22 am, the same story turned up, slightly refreshed, having been published only 27 minutes before …

It was a miracle …hours had vanished, and yet the worm hole had somehow worked.

But forget the time distortion. Bigger, sinister things have been going down.

There were poor old Xians being stopped from bashing poofters and assigning them to hell, and all Dame Slap could do was deliver IPA blather about activists in the corporate world "stealing" cash, which perhaps isn't the same as stealing cash, but "who knows?" rhetorically speaking.

And there were other signs and wonders …

Reptile favourite poor old Bettina censored and censured, just for sticking up for killing kids if you're pushed a little too far, the mutton Dutton causing an uproar on the ABC by talking of left-wing Islamic terrorists - who knew that Daesh was really a bunch of filthy dirty Commies? 

And then there was the budget surplus receding like a mirage in the fake drought celebrated by genuine loon Aaron Patrick. Sometimes the pond regrets covering the morning beat for the lizard Oz daily when there are joys like this out in the world ...

And poor Joel was in trouble for simply loving clean, decent coal …how can that be a thought crime? And here the pond was, thinking Otis was a lift.

And yet weirdly the editor made a pick this day that celebrated sweet dinkum clean Oz coal's ugly, vile rivals ...

A revolution? Oh wash out your mouth, soon we'll be talking real revolutions …

And then there was the matter of Polonius and the Bolter, given yet another kicking by Media Watch here …

Sheesh, you can't even hit on an underage kid these days without someone picking on you. It's the nanny state gone mad. And poor old Polonius can't even trot out his usual ABC conspiracy theory without sounding like a senile old clown. 

And then came news they'd banned him, or at least said his services were no longer immediately required for The Insiders...a perfect example of an ABC conspiracy …

The pond was so alarmed it needed a good snooze, and luckily "Ned" came along …

Now a warning. As any regular reader will know, there is absolutely nothing new in what's to follow, not a single genuine insight, just a bunch more of the same, with "Ned" doing a Chicken Little, and wandering around wringing his paws in a state of barely repressed hysteria …

The pond appreciates that some readers are jaded by this spectacle, and that the likes of the dog botherer turning up over and over again like a bad ha'penny can be wearisome, but can there be anybody more wearying than a spell with weary "Ned"?

No complaints. you were warned. It's more blather about the transformation being dangerous, and not a thought about what climate science is saying… you know that the planet is in more than a spot of bother …

Fortunately, as the pond read on, no genius is required to see that things have come to a pretty pass when the reptiles are reading Bill McKibben in the NYRB … where's the mutton Dutton when he's needed to discover Islamic left-wing climate terrorists?

Oh how the reptiles dream of a Donald victory, oh how they yearn for it …

Strange, the pond gets furious at Fox and Friends, Fox News, News Corp, Hannity, Tucker, and the whole Murdochian madhouse, but I guess it's all care and no responsibility for Caroline …

And so back to the endless wittering and twittering of "Ned" ...

Trust "Ned" to miss the point. Has he caught up with the cost of running server farms? 'Tsunami of data' could consume one fifth of global electricity by 2025 …

Now there's a revolution in every sense of the word, but how can we ruin the chance for the mutton Dutton to spot those deviant Islamic fundamentalist left wing climate terrorists by doing a data check …

Never mind, what joy, what relief …there's only a gobbet to go, as Chicken Little faces his usual Herculean task …trying to explain, with a straight face, coalition policy responses to climate science ...

Now the bottom line for all that? "Ned" knows that the mood has changed, and yet the luddite dinosaurs in the coalition have yet to realise it, so the entire climate crisis the planet faces can be reduced to a simple issue: it puts poor old SloMo in a policy pickle. 

Now there's a fine job of singing "what about me, it's so unfair", sorting the planet chaff from the pitiful me grain, and it surely deserves a cartoon …

As for Dame Slap, the pond decided to include her piece with great reluctance.

There's only so many times any human bean needs a dose of IPA propaganda. It's a bit like all those X-rays. Who knows which one might be the tipping point?

But since Dame Slap is a mean MAGA hat wearer, the pond has decided that it's usual strategy - gobbet and relieving cartoon - might be the only way to get the job done...

You know, the pond still can't get its head around 'stealing'. What's wrong with straightforward, inverted commas free stealing? Trying to soften the accusation won't wash …it's not 'cash in the paw', it's cash in the paw, or the quote goes up by half …

Sorry, in a day when the reptile world went mad, next thing you now pussy groping will be frowned on … so it's back to Dame Slap railing at people attempting to be kind to each other ...

Yes, once you become a do gooderist, there's no end to where the do gooderism might end. And next thing you know, you might be doing good for clients, customers, and the world at large, and what the fuck, how will we ever get back to the Satanic mills of Victorian England? 

What a relief we've shipped the problems off to Asia … as Colbert said when in India the Donald had a feel-up of a replica of Mahatma Ghandi's clothes spinning wheel…

"That's lovely," says Colbert, "Now he knows what it's like to work in one of Ivanka's factories."

Oops, almost forgot the cartoon …

Phew, that was necessary, because it gets really tedious in this gobbet ...

Good old Dame Slap. The pond always knew between Robin Hood and his merry band, and the Sheriff of Nottingham, of course she'd want to be the Sheriff. 

Who wouldn't? A chance to do an Alan Rickman or a Basil Rathbone is much more fun than being a dull goody goody in love with some wench, and trying to help out the poor, when really they should just be mulch for some Soylent  Green… why if she had her druthers, she'd have a desk fitted out Mr Byrnes style, or give the Scouts a sensible oath, or help others join the IPA dark side …

Really the best solution is to go bankrupt and then let the creditors whistle in the wind. That's sound business practice, instead of this do gooder nonsense, as if we want a good world when we yearn for the Satanic mills … 

Meanwhile tired sloggers can thank Basil Rathbone or the long absent  lord that there's only one gobbet of Dame Slap doing an Alan Rickman to go …

Charity? Community? Sheesh, next thing they'll be saying Christ was a socialist when everyone knows all he cared about was hating poofters. Hmm, the pond seems to have mislaid that direct quote ...

And so to wrap things up, it's off to the immortal Rowe here, as he brings a nice circularity to the plotting, remembering that we started with SloMo and the lads in mourning for lost dreams ...

In which the reptiles crank up the climate wars again ...

The pond rarely pays any attention to valiant Troy, lurking in the reptile swamp, but his opening pars this day were rippers designed to bring out rampaging ancient crocs …

Beyond mad? 

Release the croc …or at least the kraken dog botherer ...

Yes, it grieved the pond sorely to have ignored the dog botherer yesterday, especially as he managed to bring together two pet reptile peeves from yesteryear … a fear and loathing of that dreadful Ali person, and climate science …

Well, if the 'beyond mad' Troy will pardon the pond, let's get on with the madness beyond …

Uh huh. "As I have demonstrated time and again..."

There you go Troy, are you ready to go beyond mad, as the pond routinely does when it dips its toe into the stagnant water known to some as the dog botherer's mind?

He really can't give up his denialism, and manages to twist and turn in the wind and rage at anybody who dare threaten his beloved coal, or the heretical theology known as climate change, and of course the easiest form of distraction is to talk of others, rather than note what's happening in our own back yard ...

Scrupulously fair? Now there's a laugh, as on and on the dog botherer ranted, oblivious to the notion that perhaps there were a lot of countries that needed to be doing more, and that to observe another nation not up to scratch didn't excuse Australia's own dismal record … especially as the dog botherer accuses Germany of shamelessly importing coal, which sort of raises the question of why the dog botherer's mob wants to keep shamelessly exporting the stuff, as much as can be dug out of the ground, as fast as possible ...

Just 35%? Shocking stuff? So how are the dinkum little Aussie battlers doing? (pdf here)

Yes, that'll teach those wretched Germans …but perhaps that data looked a little dry. How about a bigger splash, here:

Take that you damned Huns with your 35%, let a real country show you how it's done … and how are we going by other measures, here?

Highly insufficient?

Well played, but hey, it's all the fault of the Germans ...

The dog botherer talking of intellectual depth and integrity?

And yet Troy had the cheek to talk of beyond mad …

The pond had a sudden flashback to an ancient Pope cartoon - how the pond misses the infallible Pope …

What else? Well, the bouffant one was looking forward to a revival of the coal wars … because never mind the planet, let's just win the next election ...

Yes, the glory days could live again …

Talk about a triumph, talk about a boon for the reptiles, talk about warming the cockles of the dog botherer's heart ...

Never mind the planet, never mind the science, never mind the absence of coalition policies, just feel the need to bung on a do …

And so it's back to the old dog botherer angle. Everybody's doing it, so we should keep doing it too, and not just in a lackadaisical manner, but with great energy and spirit …

Yes, the planet might be going to hell in a Barners carry bag, but think of the political advantages …

And so in this reptile fever, the pond turned back to Troy for his thoughts ...

He waxed and he waned? So "climate change is crap" is what we call waning these days?

Never mind, let's look on the bright side …

And after all the both siderism and carry on, as if climate denialism wasn't firmly lodged in reptile hearts in Surry Hills, along with a deep and abiding love of dinkum clean Aussie coal, where does Troy end up?

Bring out the nukes …

It's funny in a way, because actually it turns out that the dog botherer is, as he claims, more intellectually deep and honest. He's a climate science denialist, and any trick of the trade can be turned to his denialism …

And the bouffant one is just as honest. Bring on the climate wars, so we can win again, and never mind the planet?

Troy? He's just a feeble brained limp as lettuce dullard without the first clue about anything much, keen to blame everyone, but refusing to recognise the role that the reptiles, the coalition and especially Nationals of the Barners/Canavan kind have played over the years …

And that bring out the nukes trick is a classic reptile tactic. Get the country arguing over nukes, and meanwhile pure sweet dinkum clean Oz coal can go on being dug up and shipped out, or used to drive a brand new, five year plan coal plant in Queensland …

In his own way, Troy is as fatuous a fop as any of the swamp dwellers wanting to face up to Australia's ongoing failure to meet its targets, or even set a target … because think how a target can be used to club an opposition into submission with a scare campaign, not about the planet, but about sweet coal …

Don't believe the pond, listen to the bouffant one, and his clarion cry ...

And speaking of targets, it just so happens that the immortal Rowe set a target this day, with more target-setting to be found here …