In which Polonius takes the pond back to the 1960s, before the pond reluctantly signs up to the bromancer's war on China ...

 

On a Sunday, the pond likes to take it easy, slip on a cardy, and battered slippers, and wander about oblivious to the world ... 

There's a comfort to living in the 1950s, and that's why prattling Polonius has featured of late at the start of each Sunday meditation ... 

It reminds the pond of its joy when it first long ago discovered The Diary of a Nobody (then a Penguin, now free at Project Gutenberg) ... with that opening echo still sounding in the pond's ears ...

"Why should I not publish my column? I have often seen reminiscences of people I have never even heard of, and I fail to see—because I do not happen to be a ‘Somebody’—why my deeply repetitive columns should not be interesting. My only regret is that I did not commence endlessly repeating myself when I was a youth." Polonius, still full of prattle ...

And why shouldn't he bore the socks off people with his tedious, monotonous endless repetitions, with this week the only variation on the endless, interminable abuse of the ABC provided by bringing writers' festivals in to the Polonial tent, as reliable a seasonal ritual as the seasons themselves...

Polonius's opening serve had done the trick, and the pond was transported back to the good old days of the 1960s ...

And so on, and please forgive the pond if it just jumps to the conclusion because there's more to Polonius to go, and the rest of Cassandra Pybus's piece can be found in full here ...

Oh happy days, and Polonius still convinced that 'Nam was there for the winning, and sadly now all that CIA loot scattered to the wind ...

Once again Polonius had worked his magic, and the pond wondered why the tedious old fart and his pedantic excursions weren't celebrated at literary festivals around the world and on the ABC every day of the week ... could it be the Pooter effect, down there with the Bourne syndrome ...

April 4. Tradesmen still calling; Carrie being out, I arranged to deal with Horwin, who seemed a civil butcher with a nice clean shop. Ordered a shoulder of mutton for to-morrow, to give him a trial. Carrie arranged with Borset, the butterman, and ordered a pound of fresh butter, and a pound and a half of salt ditto for kitchen, and a shilling’s worth of eggs. In the evening, Cummings unexpectedly dropped in to show me a meerschaum pipe he had won in a raffle in the City, and told me to handle it carefully, as it would spoil the colouring if the hand was moist. He said he wouldn’t stay, as he didn’t care much for the smell of the paint, and fell over the scraper as he went out. Must get the scraper removed, or else I shall get into a scrape. I don’t often make jokes.

April 5.—Two shoulders of mutton arrived, Carrie having arranged with another butcher without consulting me. Gowing called, and fell over scraper coming in. Must get that scraper removed.

April 6.—Eggs for breakfast simply shocking; sent them back to Borset with my compliments, and he needn’t call any more for orders. Couldn’t find umbrella, and though it was pouring with rain, had to go without it. Sarah said Mr. Gowing must have took it by mistake last night, as there was a stick in the ‘all that didn’t belong to nobody. In the evening, hearing someone talking in a loud voice to the servant in the downstairs hall, I went out to see who it was, and was surprised to find it was Borset, the butterman, who was both drunk and offensive. Borset, on seeing me, said he would be hanged if he would ever serve City clerks any more—the game wasn’t worth the candle. I restrained my feelings, and quietly remarked that I thought it was possible for a city clerk to be a gentleman. He replied he was very glad to hear it, and wanted to know whether I had ever come across one, for he hadn’t. He left the house, slamming the door after him, which nearly broke the fanlight; and I heard him fall over the scraper, which made me feel glad I hadn’t removed it. When he had gone, I thought of a splendid answer I ought to have given him. However, I will keep it for another occasion.

Ah the eggs, the eggs ... 

We all know how it goes ...

Such nostalgia, but that's the charming effect a dose of Polonius can have, way better than a dose of salts ...

The pond is proud to announce that Polonius has managed a record. For the zillionth time, and that's a completely unique number (certified by ABC News), he has scribbled "The ABC is a conservative-free zone without one conservative presenter, producer or editor ..." yadda yadda ...

The pond wonders some days whether Polonius has a hot key, a short cut, where with a single press,  he can decide, "righto, haven't run the meme yet, time for the meme, cue keyboard shortcut, damn you ABC, damn you to hell, that'll teach you for not giving me a hosting spot and for kicking me off The Insiders for being a boring old dullard given to incessant repetition ..."

You are old, prattling Polonius," the young man said,

    "And your hair has become very white;

And yet you incessantly blather about the ABC while standing on your head—

    Do you think, at your age, it is right?"

"In my youth," prattling Polonius replied to his son,

    "I feared it might injure the brain;

But now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,

    Why, I do it again and again."

And that's how the pond gets to enjoy a meditative Sunday with Polonius typing the same old things week in, week out ...

Oh surely that's just idle trolling. There's more debate on Faux Noise in the US? And a program about the media needs to turn into a Q and A routine? Presumably the Weekly Beast should turn into a dialogue with Polonius, and Polonius should invite the venerable Meade to provide half the content for his newsletter, all in the interests of spurious, meaningless debate, as if the reptiles don't run their own closed shop of agitated old farts ...

What a silly old clown he is ... but it does allow the pond a chance to slip in a few US themed cartoons ...

And so to a survey of what else was on offer at reptile leet HQ in Surry Hills where the best baristas in the world pander to the leet reptile needs ... in a way that would make James Hoffman splutter into his Makita ...

The pond realised that it had already had the pick of this weekend's offerings. The pond simply couldn't go the oscillating fan blathering on about Liberal moderates, or Gemma doing her best to FUD the voice by demanding the details ... the pond had, thanks to the reptiles, FUD'd the Voice to an early grave.

Nor could the pond go with Dame Slap in full hagiographic mode this day ... just a sample will explain why ... (by way of spoiler alert, it's the closing gobbet)

Um, is Price aware that she's being celebrated by a woman dumb enough to don a MAGA cap and stride out into the New York night air to celebrate the elevation of the mango Mussolini?

For that matter, is Dame Slap aware that Price was elected as a Senator, and so would have to leave parliament, get a lower house seat, in short do a John Gorton? 

Or is she going to set a precedent? A precedent entirely fitting and suited to a mango Mussolini worshipper ... conventions? Who cares about them?

When Liberal Senator John Gorton became Prime Minister he resigned from the Senate and contested a lower house seat. High-profile senators who are touted as potential future prime ministers have switched to the House of Representatives, for example Liberals Fred Chaney and Bronwyn Bishop, Labor’s Gareth Evans, and Democrat-turned-Labor Party member Cheryl Kernot. Yet constitutionally there is no requirement for this to occur; after all the Prime Minister is not even mentioned in the Constitution. It is only by convention that the leader of the majority party (or parties) in the lower house becomes Prime Minister. This Westminster convention is largely based on the democratic legitimacy of Britain’s elected lower house, even though British prime ministers have sat in the unelected upper house. However, both Australian houses are popularly elected. (here)

Good luck with all that, but while the pond was pleased to see that Dame Slap's hagiographic excesses went well beyond her usual planet Janet nonsense, it made the pond feel very tired, and in need of some stimulation, and what better way than the bromancer, deep in his ongoing war with China ...

The pond should issue a travel advisory and warn that this outing with the bromancer is exceptionally long, compounded by the way that the pond has already travelled the same turf yesterday with nattering "Ned"...

The pond wishes that the reptiles had run a feature on rats, so it could run a ratty cartoon about rats ...

But forget the snake oil seller, the pond must play the hand it's dealt itself, so on we go ...

Still, might not the pond yearn for the occasional break from the war on China, what with other matters jostling for attention ...

Of course the pond did that yesterday with the dog botherer, and it could have gone with a more on-topic cartoon ...

But what need of that peering into the mouth of the bellowing panda when we have the bromancer doing his own bellowing?

Hang on, hang on, did the pond just read "a typically impressive piece of analysis by Kevin Rudd", and in the lizard Oz of all places?

It did, it did, and it seems that the former chairman is all over the place, with the Ruddster also at it in the magic water rag ... sorry, sorry, the pond meant hexagonal water, gel water, cluster water, structured water ... whatever snake oil turns you on ...

The pond realises it's just searching for distractions, and might pay the price ...

But this war with China, or at least the bromancer's piece, is never-ending ...

The pond has no idea why the Chinese might think the US is in decline. Thanks to Faux Noise, the United States has never been in better health ...

Good old Faux Noise. How to keep a country strong and up for the bromancer's game ...

Okay, okay, the pond should probably offer another on topic cartoon ...

But it's all so wearing, because everyone knows that there's a giant panda in the room ...

And nobody knows what to do about it, except perhaps to hope that the current emperor carks it, and the new emperor might show a bit more sense, and get back into the swing with climate science and a revitalised economy ...

Could we also remember that a real war is going on ... with all sorts of cheer leaders out and about, from lickspittle forelock-tugging Putin lackey Gerhard Schröder to fellow travelling Jeremy Corbyn ... to the granddaddy of them all, News Corp's beloved fearless leader ...

So easy to forget, and it's on with the forgetting, even as a 100,000 North Koreans offer to help cleanse Ukraine ...

Indeed, indeed, and everyone was going to stick up for Hong Kong ...

China pledged to preserve much of what makes Hong Kong unique when the former British colony was handed over more than two decades ago. Beijing said it would give Hong Kong fifty years to keep its capitalist system and enjoy many freedoms not found in mainland Chinese cities. 

But in recent years, Beijing has taken increasingly brazen steps to encroach on Hong Kong’s political system and crack down on dissent. In 2020, Beijing imposed a sweeping national security law on Hong Kong. Since then, authorities have arrested dozens of pro-democracy activists, lawmakers, and journalists; curbed voting rights; and limited freedoms of the press and speech. These moves have not only drawn international condemnation but have also raised questions about Hong Kong’s status as a global financial hub and dimmed hopes that the city will ever become a full-fledged democracy. (here)

Well duh, as if it ever had a chance of staying democratic, as if China's pledges were worth a brass farthing ...

Meanwhile, there are many still willing to consort with killers and take their blood-stained dimes ...

Sorry, just another distraction - there are so many of them - but it's back to the bromancer, still valiantly fighting on ...

But in a day of reptile heresies, this one has to take the bromancer cake. Not only has he a kind word for Pelosi, he attacks the Donald, when everyone knows that the mango Mussolini stands for all that's good and wise in Faux Noise and the United States ...

Luckily this is the last bromancer gobbet, and so the pond's endless quest for distractions - and shock at bromancer heresies - can come to an end ...

Certainly no peace for the bromancer, and no peace for readers of the lizard Oz, and yet the pond feels oddly comforted that there's an Eric standing by to win the battle ...

And if Faux Noise and the GOP have their way, things can only get better ... and the bromancer will just have to like it, or lump it ...