Occasionally the pond is asked about the best health precautions to take if thinking of approaching a reptile, and it's true that swallowing disinfectant or dosing up with ultraviolet light is a good first step.
But experts maintain the best cure of all is to inject disinfectant straight into the eyeball - as the eyes cloud over, it's impossible to have anything to do with the reptiles. Of course it's hard to have much to do with the rest of the world too, but that's the danger of reptile handling …
Why the macabre start? Well amongst the many things the pond never forgave Dame Slap for, including climate science as a way to UN world government, was her love of the MAGA cap and her donning it in New York to celebrate the arrival of the new Don …
Strangely, or perhaps not so strangely, we don't hear Dame Slap talk much about the Donald these days. But just because she showed she was a class A fuckwit when it came to picking politicians doesn't mean she's going to stop rabbiting on about things that come her way …
And so we get this weird offering today …
It goes without saying that it's littered with that warped brand of IPA libertarianism that can be found in the dumb bunnies in the United States, and it's also true that judging by appearances and photos, Dame Slap looks like she might have spent one day on the beach some decade or so ago … which makes her calling for imaginary friends to go unto the beach once more beyond the valley of the Dali … (with bonus stretched, melting clocks).
Note how the notion of "shouty diktat" is employed by the MAGA cap wearer … perhaps an American context might help in understanding?
The point is obvious enough. We have done well with the response to the virus because we took it seriously, unlike the chief clown in charge in the United States. But with Dame Slap you can always guarantee that you will go from the ridiculous to the ridiculous ...
We've seen the result of all this idle IPA-inspired faux libertarianism of the Ayn Rand kind, and it hasn't been pretty …
But please feel free to trust Dame Slap, kool-aid swallower sublime.
Studies show that the best results are to be obtained by only swallowing the purest of kool-aid suppliers …
Locally, Dame Slap offers the best MAGA-cap wearing, distilled essence of hokum, kool-aid the pond is aware of ...
Yes, Dame Slap has much in common with the man leading the folks in Georgia …
Can it get any weirder? Yup, when Dame Slap talks of the difficulties of reopening and rebuilding.
In the pond's admittedly not wide-ranging experience, it's difficult to reopen and rebuild if you happen to be dead. But politicians attuned to the IPA mindset assure the pond older people would rather die than let Covid-19 harm the economy …
There are, in the immortal words of Texas Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick, more important things than living …
Show us Dame Slap, lead the way ...
Some might think there are also more important things to do than reading Dame Slap's fuckwittery on a regular basis, but what other spacing and padding could the pond find for its celebration of the deeds, thoughts and works of the immortal David Rowe?
Now to be fair to the immortal Rowe, he not only apologised to Curtis Mayfield, he put a link to a YouTube clip in his Twitter posting here …
Some days the pond feels like a pusher too, offering a free lick of the cane toad for anyone willing to give it a go, whatever the risk of a freak out …
The pond had to slip in that reference to Frank because for the second course, brains might be zapped, or fried …the only scientific response available to anyone spotting nattering "Ned" blathering about finest hours...
But why "Ned" for the second course? Wasn't Dame Slap enough?
Steady, the pond was compelled, incapable of resistance, because at the very beginning, there was a meisterwerk by the cult master ...
The pond will allow time for stray readers to contemplate and cogitate on this fine conflation on this allegedly sacred day …
The pond had a particular contempt for 1917, and its tricksy use of the camera to tell an extremely conventional story … when at least Peter Jackson spent his CGI money wisely to restore actual footage of real soldiers and the real battlefield ...
Is that why the cult master blows 1917 out of the water, or out of the mud of the Somme? While admittedly defaming and defacing the poor buggers who died in the first world war by infamously pretending SloMo was in the trenches with them …
These are mysteries others can solve, but what's left after that high, is a dour slog through the SloMo trenches with nattering "Ned" ...
"Ned" has patented a style which might be dubbed oracular, portentous, ponderous, sibylline, or many other parts of the dictionary worth swallowing just to evoke what a pompous git he is… and how deluded he is, in his self-regard, about the importance of what he scribbles, laying out the economy, and the world for us, as if a humble virus hadn't already pricked his many pompous attempts at being a prophet, and turned them into deflating balloons lashed by the wind …
… which is why the pond immediately reached for an infallible Pope …
Sadly that's it for the infallible Pope… readers hoping to climb the Everest that is "Ned" must press on without cartoon, face mask or oxygen ...
Oh fucketty fuck, if "Ned" scribbles "Churchillian moment" one more time, the pond's head will explode.
Besides, it's already sorted … little Johnny has come out from hiding to offer the way forward …
Coal! Dinkum clean pure Oz coal, and did you know that diggers swear that by swallowing a lump, it will cure whatever ails ya … why, you can even pulp it into a liquid form and shoot it into the eyeball, and it will have the same potent, cleansing, cathartic effect as a disinfectant.
And now, for those who wisely ignored the pond's advice, another interminable gobbet of tedium, but remember there's always another cure …
And if your eye causes you to sin by reading "Ned", Dame Slap and other reptiles, pluck it out and cast it from you. It is better for you to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes, to be cast into hell fire.
Thanks Matthew 18:9:
Whoa, what's that? Sorry the pond nodded off there for a tic, a moe, and thought how much simpler it might have been if "Ned" could have been interrupted by cartoons every so often, as made getting through Dame Slap more of a breeze …
But no, such solutions are too hard, because the pond is running out of cartoons, and there are gobbets to go, and readers will probably miss that reference to climate science in the following blather, which, in the patented "Ned" way, mysteriously turns from actual science into opinions … as in "Recent history shows opinion on climate change fluctuates, moves in cycles and is not linear."
Indeed, indeed, it's not science, it's just bloody opinions, and what's more, if you inject the planet with a goodly dose of disinfectant or coal, everything will be fixed in a trice …
Oh enough already with scientific opinions, let's stick to "Neddy facts" ...
It's not often that the pond resorts to calling "Ned" a tedious, boring old fart, but in dire times, what else to say?
The pond draws particular attention to way "Ned" starts off the next two gobbets, sliced up into smaller chunks to save digestive systems, with "formers" … which in the old days meant someone had form ...
One "former" not enough? Here, have another ...
And what do those stats tell the pond?
Imbibing the Murdochians, especially Fox News, is dangerous to your health … and yet there are unhealthy signs that the Murdochians down under seek to emulate the US …and so for a final comment, all the pond can do is order a pell mell helter skelter retreat, aided by a few cartoons …
Is it possible that sunlight or disinfectant can eliminate pomposity?
ReplyDeleteChurchillian is indeed the new Hitler, and someone needs Godwin to polish off a new law to deal with the C word. A
Anzac Day is an odd choice of occasion to invoke Churchill. I have to assume Neddie isn't aware of Churchill's role in the whole debacle.
DeleteSome Churchillian moments are better than others - what type is this one?
Strewth, DP, what a load of Saturday wiffle piffle that was. Did they both stay up all of Friday night just to fart their raves out.
ReplyDeleteWith respect for Dame Slap and people's inalienable right to go swimming, did she consider what might happen if any one, or more, of them got into difficulties. Even if there were lifesavers on guard, would they want to, for instance, give mouth to mouth, or any other kind of close contact resuscitation to anybody whose COVID-19 state was unknown ?
Dunno about you, I know I wouldn't be too keen. Maybe that Liberal councillor's registration scheme wasn't such a bad idea after all: register, get a quick test (temperature and whatever else they can think of) and then get your entrance permit so you can actually go swimming. Not foolproof by any stretch, but maybe just fractionally better than open slather.
Then on to Nullius Neddy: and on and on and on and on with him. I do kinda wonder just how many trees he's condemned to death over the time of his career, just to carry his witless warbles out to a totally uninterested populace. Which makes me wonder, in this day and age, whether the lizards actually keep a count of how many clicks he gets per article (and not just him, of course).
Not wanting to be even marginally as verbose as Neddy, I'll go with just one pronouncement: "The latest concept from Morrison is "harvesting" -- extracting a new economic agenda from all the reports over the past decade that were largely ignored, victims of failed politics."
Wau, so ScottyfromHorizon is going to bring us salvation in the form of everything that's been ignored in the last 10 years. Everything ? So the Henry Tax Review is going to be resuscitated ? Or will SloMo be more selective than that and define his own saviorist commandments ?
I'm really just dying to find out, aren't you ?
Well GB, regarding your question "would they want to, for instance, give mouth to mouth, or any other kind of close contact resuscitation to anybody whose COVID-19 state was unknown?".
DeleteDame Slap makes it clear that she is talking about mainly older persons, so surely no resuscitation would be required under Murdoch's death cult policy? There would actually be a net benefit to letting them slip under the waves.
Oh, unless it was a class "A" citizen like Kerry Stokes.
Deletehttps://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2020/apr/23/kerry-stokes-near-aspen-colorado-quarantine-exemption-private-jet-perth
https://theshovel.com.au/2020/04/24/kerry-stokes-discovers-cure-for-coronavirus-shit-tonnes-of-money/
There ya go then, Bef. For the oldies, instead of getting tested for corona, they would instead sign a 'death certificate' stating that, if they get into trouble, no attempt should be made to rescue and/or resuscitate them. Now that we have legal voluntary euthanasia in a couple of states, that shouldn't be so hard to get off the ground.
DeleteOne of the oldies even said she was usually in the water by 4:30 am, and I don't expect there would be much of a lifesaver presence then, so she clearly wasn't going to ever call for any assistance, was she. Just sink gracefully beneath the waves.
And of course Kerry Stokes is an A-leaguer; he owns tv stations and newspapers. Can't get even remotely more important to politicians than that, can one ?
What of a life guard asked to give Dame Slap the kiss of life, GB? Talk about Sophie's choice.
DeleteAnd what of the deviant socialism that has crept into the Liberal party ranks? Why there's even talk that perhaps the young shouldn't be starved to death for their slackness. The pond suggests the IPA flood the country with Ayn Rand books as Xmas gifts, leaving out that bit about her turning to welfare too ...
So, thanks to the Dame, we are getting to the formula - how to write a column for the flagship. Now - the Chairman wants it to be about freedom. No, not just freedom - liberty (must keep up the viewing of Hannity, to know what the Chairman’s message is.)
DeleteHmm - liberty. We need a classical reference in there - that Mill chap, didn’t he write something about ‘liberty’? Was he the one with ‘give me liberty or give them death’? - no, that must have been a Republican governor.
What’s on the web? - pithy quotes from Mill - nope, nope - oh, back to the old reword what you think you read once; that makes for a better fit. OK - ‘As John Stuart Mill enunciated using only slightly different words, an early morning dip in the sea doesn’t cause anyone any harm.’
I can understand the Dame’s dilemma. Yes, J S M did write on ‘liberty’ - a whole book, in fact. With a chapter conveniently titled ‘Of the Limits to the Authority of Society over the Individual’, but straight off it raises awkward questions like ‘How much of human life should be assigned to individuality, and how much to society?’ Bit further down he barges in with ‘everyone who receives the protection of society owes a return for the benefit.’ then goes on with all sorts of socialistic guff. Note to self - must check the IPA publications. I seem to recall mention of Mill amongst the writers - but this is verging on communism.
Assuming she had a copy handy, and opened it, the Dame is unlikely to have got past J S M’s opening assertions. Certainly she would not have had to suffer a fit of conniptions when she got to Mill’s observations on laws with a religious basis. But, no doubt, to acquire her Doctorate she would have committed to memory ‘Deorum injuriae Diis curae’ - because lawyers must retain that innate superiority by tripping off explanations in Latin. My edition of Mill includes a translation, for which I was grateful, because it was not amenable to my high school Latin - ‘Offences to the gods are the concern of the gods.’
OK - might have been wiser to choose another 19th century philosopher - but they were all a bit prone to sneaking stuff into their writings that our American cousins - particularly those who were born in Australia, but chose to give allegiance to the USA for the best of commercial reasons - would find distressingly liberal. And how much time do you need to spend on one of these columns anyway?
So, sneak in a final witticism, and see if anyone notices. Let’s see - what do people do in the ocean - lets try ‘not even a piddling regulation that makes it illegal for people to be in the ocean.’
Someone might get a chortle out of that. Well, not Ned, nor Gerard, Judith - nah, um - Andrew (Bolt, of course, not that dreadful turncoat Probyn) - could be. He laughs at stuff Rowan Dean says, so . . .
OK, hit the send button, and pour another glass.
Other Anonymous.
Now, now DP, Ayn didn't turn to 'welfare', she actually rejected the payoff for an insurance that she'd legitimately paid for over much of her working lifetime. Why she did that, I know not, but I haven't ruled out stupidity.
DeleteAh, OA, your schoolboy Latin surely trumps my schoolboy French. But now as for J S Mill ... wasn't he the guy who invented the trolley problem ? Now I am a little puzzled: if a mother feeds her milk to an infant, is that a family benefit: mother to offspring; or is that a society benefit because it is the society that protects her and makes the having of children possible. I await a definitive answer.
Otherwise, it's bit early to be opening the D'Yquem already, isn't it ?
Have to pay the 'death certificate' idea GB. I would suggest any reptile backing the idea of early reopening can show their sincerity by signing up. Even younger folk like Killer Creighton can get some skin in the game.
DeleteGB - My response to your koan about those processes of motherhood is that the infant was conceived in a fit of passion, during which the participants were unlikely to be considering social benefits or opportunity costs of what they were about. So it involved heuristics rather than more formal analytics.
ReplyDeleteMight I infer from your last comment that 'something that you wanted badly enough.' could be labelled D'Yquem? And, if the Dame, having hit the 'send' button, offered you portion of one of the better years, you would endure her company for that?
Forgive the levity - I am still trying to decide if the Dame intended that use of 'piddling'.
Other Anonymous
I'm still trying to take on board DP's thought about performing 'kiss of life' on Dame Slap. Don't think heuristics or analytics would be of any help there, but the opportunity cost would be enormous. As in I'd really, really, really want to do anything else instead.
DeleteWould I associate with her in return for some D'Yquem ? Yeah, probably, wouldn't you ? The thing is that virtue truly is its own reward when there's nothing else on offer.
The Dame's piddlng ? I'd be inclined to go for subconscious 'intent' there, but it might be necessary to engage in lengthy psychoanalysis to be sure.