In which the pond cries out to the ABC to give Polonius some Lebensraum ...

Oh dear, Polonius still watches Q and A, and gets angry and shouts at the clouds or at the vulgar youffs on the lawn, or even worse, Alastair Campbell …but the really tragedy?

How is it that that bloody ABC refuses to acknowledge a legendary intellectual in their midst? Why isn't Polonius on every week? Home grown is best by far, and think of the ratings, you silly programmers …

Frankly, Campbell should go back to where he came from and the sooner the better ...

For some strange reason, the pond was immediately reminded of Polonius by this quote from the LRB that a friend sent along during the week ...

“I used to think that the interesting issue was whether we should have a monarchy or not. But now I think that question is rather like, should we have pandas or not? Our current royal family doesn’t have the difficulties in breeding that pandas do, but pandas and royal persons alike are expensive to conserve and ill-adapted to any modern environment. But aren’t they interesting? Aren’t they nice to look at? Some people find them endearing; some pity them for their precarious situation; everybody stares at them, and however airy the enclosure they inhabit, it’s still a cage.” (here, may be paywall affected).

Yes, it's hard to grasp the notion of Polonius and pandas in then one sentence, but for anyone in search of an airy mental cage …

Before moving on to Polonius however, the pond wants to congratulate the reptiles yet again for their excellent climate science work.

While others were printing stories of the 'No doubt left' about scientific consensus on global warming, say experts, and talked of the heatwave sweeping sundry parts of the world, and showed videos of wildfires in the Arctic, and though Amazon deforestation had reached a tipping point, and so on and etc, our Lloydie was on the job …

Those bloody satanic mills, how the reptiles hate them, and earlier in the week, they'd sent out Al to do his duty …

The pond was thrilled by Al's work, but deeply disturbed that the reptiles paid a nanosecond's attention to the hysteria being lathered up by BHP …

Say what?

Foolish man. Lloydie and Al and the reptiles have Oz have got it all worked out, and everything's for the best in the best of all possible climate science denialist worlds, and so the pond could turn to Polonial prattle for its undiluted pleasure and the usual history lesson …as he berated Campbell and sent him back where he came from ...

Shocking, this worship of FIFOs, given to sexting up the text. Why anybody would pay attention to some pesky furriner when we have our own most excellent commentators and intellectuals here, wrapped in cotton wall and insularity, escapes the pond.

Why on earth should we, at any point, interact with anyone from abroad? Think of the mind contamination and the mental impurities they bring! Insularity, provincialism and parochialism forever!

That's why the pond only flosses its mind with Polonial thoughts, and even then, only once a week, because too much flossing is a waste of time and energy … the brain will in time sag, and there's no point fighting it …

Let's see our homegrown lad take on the blow-in blow hard ...

He scoffed at the Caterist?  How shocking! It might even have been a sneer? Clearly that buffoon import knows nothing of the movement of flood waters in quarries!

Thank the long absent lord, this alien's arrival did give Polonius a chance to indulge in his usual history lesson, and a chance for the pond to run a few cartoons …

By golly, it's not often that Polonius gives the pond a chance to break Godwin's Law so freely and cheerfully, but the pond apologises for interrupting Polonius's history lesson, just when he was getting wound up and right into it …

You see, our Polonius is a closet Donald man, and he simply can't abide the thought of his hero being compared to other authoritarians or despots …

Actually, it would seem that there weren't free elections in 2016, and there's a goodly chance there won't be free and fair elections in 2020 …

As for all that negative coverage …

As for racist remarks …

The pond had thought at the beginning that it might have to spend time talking about Campbell, and given his role in the Bleagh era and the Iraq war, that was a chore the pond would have found tiresome and difficult.

But Polonius's closet infatuation with the Donald made it all terribly easy. Who else would manage in such an artful way to excuse the Donald's line about people going back to where they came from?

The pond was reminded of that bit of Andy Borowitz humour in The New Yorker …

(Here)

According to the sources, Trump summoned Pence to the Oval Office and commanded him to find “somewhere in the Bible” where Jesus “tells people that they don’t belong here and they should beat it.” 
 Pence, who seemed startled by the request, asked Trump if he meant the time when Jesus expelled money changers from the Temple, but Trump shook his head angrily. “No, not that. I don’t want to piss off Deutsche Bank,” he said. “I want something where Jesus tells the poor and the meek or whatever to go back to the shithole places they came from.” 
After a shaken Pence said that he would “see what I can find,” Trump reportedly demanded that the Vice-President also locate a passage where Jesus calls journalists “the lowest form of life.”

Indeed, indeed, and now to Polonius's true triumph, the reason why we don't need any uppity, pesky difficult furriners coming down under. 

You see, in an astonishing act of imagination, our Polonius can't see a jot or whit of racism in his Donald ...

The economy is doing well? The pond hopes that Polonius remembers those words a few years down the track … because speaking of history, the United States is currently in a bubble that brings back fond memories of the 1920s ...

Yes, the pond also feels biblical, and thinks there's a hard day coming, and soon enough, when the bubble bursts ...

And so pond can't thank Polonius enough for this day's work … what a splendid domestic intellectual he is, how wrong of the ABC to ignore him, when will they give him his own program?

The pond already has a good title for it, and a direct, no nonsense straight to camera form of presentation that will transform television …

 

Yes, we don't need no blow-in blow hards, not when we have Polonius to hand to assure us that the Donald isn't a racist, and all's well in the United States …