The Optus the, and after that, viens voler avec moi Malware ...

They paid $800 million for this?

The pond has a harbour bridge to sell to them ... only slightly rusty and a lifetime of maintenance required. But they knew that about the HFC cables, so why would that be a problem ...

Now before the pond was so rudely interrupted by brigands, cut purses, usurers, robbers and thieves ...

(Above: and more proper 4:3 Rowe and his colouring-in book at his Twitter account here. Colouring in gorgeous George? And you thought the pond was twisted, sick and weird?)

Only latter day members of the 300 Spartans, the toughest of the tough, are wont to visit the terrarium at the heart of the Oz reptiles empire, wherein the queen bee editorialist resides ...

But that's enough of mixed metaphors, because we also have the strange spectacle of reptiles feuding and fussing amongst themselves.

It will be recalled this very day that certain of the reptiles remain fixated on Malware and the chocolate cake man.

Which way will the queen bee swing, like an octopus in a tipping competition? Will it be towards the oscillating fan, or towards prattling Polonius?

Well it seems the reptiles are telling Polonius it's time to move on. Abbott won't cut Turnbull's lunch. And what's more, so desperate is the desire for attention to be paid, that the reptiles decided to strip the editorial of the gold bar.

Yes, this rampant, wanton abuse of prattling Polonius is available for free.

Oh wait, that was a far too hasty reading. It's all the fault of Farifax. Why didn't the pond realise?

So there Polonius, and your glib attempt to pretend that Tony has only been speaking his mind as Malware once did under the chocolate cake man. Malware was seeking to undermine his king, and there's little doubt that a delusional Abbott was sniping away to see how things might shake down.

You see, happily Malware is just like the chocolate cake man, only a better salesman:

But why are the reptiles so disdainful of Abbott's cut lunch? Why are they so on side with Malware?

Well a second reptile editorial this day - also gold bar deprived and free to peruse, so desperate are they that attention be paid - gives a clue.

As outlined above, the reptiles are insistent that, in essence, and in every good way, and especially in relation to climate science, Malware remains Tony Abbott ...

That last line is a reptile classic, up there with 'nothing is but what is not ...'

Much in climate policy is not what it seems ...

The pond had an image of a penny lizard, a skink if you will, emerging to mutter paranoid, mystical thoughts, with undertones of sinister conspiracies and esther overtones of United Nations world government ...

But yes, due credit to Annabel, who could parrot all the right lines that were fed to her, so that the reptiles could in turn editorialise on them as if everything she wrote featured sacrosanct facts, and nary a hint of old coal and such like protecting their diminishing turf ....

No doubt about it. The crow eaters are rooned, and so in time will everyone who doesn't sing the siren song of coal, coal, coal for the world.

And so to a change of pace, and a different brand of reptiles, the Optus the permitting ...

Confronted with the world's many pressing issues, the pond yesterday followed an old bookmark to Huffington Post, expecting to see what penetrating sights and news the site downunder had to offer.
Instead we went straight through to the main American site. Today the link leads to the dismal Australian front page. Why?

Forget that useless question. If ever there was a hopeless site, these two top of the page efforts over the last couple of days summarise it:

Pathetic. Just give it away, or at least give the forced re-direct away ... losers and dropkicks.

And who's to blame? Yep, it's that old Puncher still punching on, Tory Maguire ...

So that's what happens to old News Corp journos ... which leads the pond to ask ... is this a elaborate conspiracy to make News Corp and even the Daily Mail look good?

Pssst, Tory about a story you could call Cool Runnings, dudes who duel with Optus and are met with incomprehension at the digital robo-shop of life ...