In which the pond uses naughty words to berate the political correctness of little Timmie Bleah and dumb Caterists and upstart pandering James McCann ...

(Above: and if you dare visit the home of the tyrannoboltersaurus, there's more Knight at the HUN here).

Now that eyerollgate - or should it be sighgate? - is behind us, it seems we can relax, and the foreign aid budget is safe from further cuts.

It marks a new advance in democracy - policy as a kind of domestic, with a poodle chortling and yapping on the sidelines ...

But that leaves the budget in peril. What other areas might be right for cutting?

Steady, get around behind, no way, what were you thinking?

That's called droit de seigneur, whereby politicians get rorts and junkets while fucking the country, and fucking the old, the young and the helpless and the weak to pay for the pleasure ...

Of course it was the bromancer himself that created the brouhaha, and ensured that another area of the budget would experience a back flip before the original flip was ever performed in public ...

Today the bromancer has been called away on important hagiographic duties ...

Why is it that Murdoch journalists love profoundly corrupt dictators, who build a nation state into a family shop so they can pilfer at their leisure, and let anyone who lets them pilfer have a share in the pilfering, but in the same breath, brook absolutely no opposition?

Why is the pond routinely so dumb? As if 'Murdoch journalist' didn't explain everything when it comes to the love of soft and firm dictatorships ...

Why is it that alleged liberals just love government intervention, and the more burdensome and onerous the better? Yep from Stasi land to bludger card:

Now the pond grew up in a deeply alcoholic family, and is ready at any time to tell Twiggy that he doesn't have the foggiest clue about vulnerability or welfare issues. The pond's grandfather would have sold the pond's grandmother for a hit of grog, and regularly pawned the family's few treasures, and no welfare card would have stopped it.

Why is it that stupid wealthy people always think they know better for their inferiors? On and on Twiggy yammers, denying he's being paternal, while trotting out a form of paternalism that's a reminder of the 'kraft durch freude' days in other lands ... (okay that's a schilling for the Godwin's Law swear jar).

But enough, because the pond - routinely being in touch with the zeitgeist - is aware that today marks the beginning of an important cultural shift... unless it happens to be a tired repetition of old tropes and memes ...

It started in the Oz with the thoughts of a try hard wannabe comedian who had previously passed under the pond's radar but now sees career advancement in pandering to cultural warriors.

Take it away Mr McCann:

Stop right there Mr McCann. You see, you're not being funny, and what on earth do you mean scribbling "closeted attacks on Pyne"?

Where the pond comes from, closet has a particular significance, but out in the world, there's nothing closeted about opinions of the poodle.

Why even the poodle thinks the poodle is a cosmic Star Wars joke, and that was funny enough to double its viewership since the pond last looked at it here.

Do you realise you're sounding like a typical whiner and moaner and whinger? And if your idea of clever remarks is an episode of Are You Being Served?, we can end the discussion right there ...

Fulminations? Is that a funny word?

You see, Mr. McCann the problem with calling someone Dr Goebbels is that it isn't clever and it isn't funny.

It might have been funny when Basil Fawlty strutted around imitating Hitler and urging everyone not to mention the war, but lordy lordy, the episode The Germans was ep 6 of series 1 back in - be still aging heart - 1975!

In fact, if you can come up with a decent comedy riff, you can still be offensive. After all Micallef has made a career changing move with zinger Bill.

What's guaranteed to stoke the pond's ire is humourless twits railing at humourless progressives in a way that shows a lamentable lack of humour ...

Besides, we already have plenty of lower order comedians, like little Timmie Bleagh ...

Bleagh routinely fancies himself a funny man, but really you'd have to be a petrol sniffer to get off on some of his jokes (is that why he's a petrol head?)

Yesterday the Bleagh strutted and preened in the Daily Terror:

Yes, little Timmie was taking a stand against wicked women like that crabby Crabb, but here's where it got funny. Pay attention Mr McCann:

You see, it's not enough to be a fucking idiot who makes a fucking joke about fuckin dare ya, you have to somehow in the deepest recesses think it's a fucking joke. And possibly fucking funny at that, a side splitter, a rib tickler, a bone shaker ...

And then  to quote a journalist who couldn't even write arse... and that wondrous climate scientist James Delingpole  at that...

And then little Timmie has the cheek to moan about a level of hypersensitivity ...

Nope, it just wasn't fucking funny, it was juvenile, it was pathetic. It's like calling Tim Blair little Timmie Bleagh and expecting a laugh.

Adolescent, Tamworth school playground stuff ...

Now maybe if we wheeled in Tiny Tim to sing it, with banjo and daffodils ... well at least Martin Sharp would have enjoyed it if he'd still been around ...

But the reason the pond knew the game was really afoot was that today it was Caterist day, and yes, that stolid dumb Englishman was harping in the same humourless way about the same political correctness stuff ...

PC stifles vital debate? Tony Abbott sounding silly about paddies is a vital fucking debate?

Instead we just cop more of the usual stuff about earnest progressives and humourlessness from a man who strikes the pond as being a contender for a top ten position as one of the most dour, humourless, dull men on the planet ...

Why he makes a Dr Johnson joke about Scotchmen and porridge seem positively modern.

Let's see how he goes with the rest of his comedy stylings ...

Stop right there. This whole piece is just an excuse to borrow an English git blathering on about issues so he can promote his Channel 4 documentary?

And somehow racism is now not just biological racism but also cultural matters racism? Which presumably means racism now covers not just religion, but also men angry at divorce laws, feminists, gay rights activists and fundamentalist homophobics?

And what is the heart of the issue that we're prevented from reaching by the imprecise rules of political correctness?

That Caterists are dim-witted, thin-skinned Pommie gits?

Oh enough already. Is there a single intentionally funny, clever comedy line in the entire piece?

Scan away if you have the strength:

Yes, okay, the pond will cede the line that the Poms must be more ready to offend each other is a bit of a rib cracker. As if they haven't been offending themselves, the world, the Scottish and the Irish for centuries ...

Anyone who has a cricket team as bad as the English must surely be ready to be offensive, since even that came to the pond's attention, and what the pond knows or cares about cricket could be written on the head of a pin by an inattentive angel ...

But was it intentional? Or was it just more of the stuffed shirt rhetoric that thankfully gave rise to Monty Python, routinely criticised by conservatives as being offensive?

What's that you say? The Pythons first went to air in 1969? Be still aging heart and bless the cheesemakers ...

Well just for good form we should read the rest of yet another whining, whinging, moping Caterist outburst, the chief complaint of which seems to be that he wants to be funny about race but he doesn't know how:

:
Don't you just love the logic in that first par? We need a candid discussion about the problem of having all these darkies in the country, and the pesky blacks being difficult, just so we can tamp down on such candid discussions because they might lead to an insular, jingoistic political force coalescing around the reptiles in the lizard Oz ...

But the pond has to hand it to the Caterists. That last bit quoting Joseph K - as the Caterists brand of preferred government moves to implement a metadata regime which will turn the country into a Stasi land - is one of the funniest lines the pond has read in recent times.

Yes, head off to shoot Tim Soutphommasane, while the metadata laws are rammed home, with the help of zinger Bill.

But was the comedy intentional? Or did the Caterist think he was making a serious point?

Either way, he totally misses the point ... because journalists and others will soon enough be living in a real Joseph K land ...

And in that context, it would be remiss not to mention how the supine media, including the Caterists, have rolled over, while it's been left to the program they all hate, Media Watch, to point out the bleeding obvious here.

Yes, there's some wonderful Catch 22s in that piece, along with the reminder that bloggers and citizen journalists and whistleblowers will have no protection whatsoever from patrolling police ...

And all the dimwit Caterists can do is carry on about their right to abuse Islamic fundamentalism, as if there's any problem asserting that Islamic fundamentalists, along with Catholic fundies, talking in tongues Scott Morrison fundies, Scientological fundies and every other brand of Calathumpian fundie is barking mad, using talk of pie in the sky in the bye and bye to do really stupid or malicious things in the present ...

Speaking of which, and moral gnats, there's just time to wrap up with a Pope cartoon, and more Pope here.