In which the pond discovers the reptile enclosure in a groundhog day uproar ...

(Above: and more excellent Popery here. What else can be said about the absurdity of it all?)


Every day brings a fresh delight to the pond, and how nice that it's a morning delight rather than that afternoon rubbish ...

This day (no, we're not talking about the joys of fornication) it's the pleasure of all the jibber jabber about ferals and DDs and Greeks and ... well, it seems groundhog day and Cher must also get a mention.

You see when the pond went down the back to give the reptile enclosure a tap, the reptiles were already wide awake and in an uproar.

Now it's well known by readers of the Bolter that the reptiles have taken a lurch to the left so dire that they've left the ABC and Fairfax trailing in their wake, and as a result, they're now well left of Genghis Khan, and approaching the politics of Oswald Mosley.

Cop this day's offerings at the top of the digital page:

Let's ignore the Irish stew, and note how hapless mournful stuffed owl Paul Kelly has once again taken to blaming the system for being broken, as if governments have never before had to deal with being a minority in the Senate.

That's how desperate the senior lizards are getting, shouting at feral phantoms, and writhing restlessly in a sweat-inducing fever as Ross River fever sweeps down from the north into the newly tropical south ...

Of course just above the ponderous one, who seems to wear a shirt and suit so it can be said that it's stuffed, there's the answer fair and square, in the headline, Perhaps PM just isn't good at politics.

That's how bizarre it's getting in these feral DD days, the reptiles quoting Jacqui Lambie as if she's some sort of sage:

Pleasantries? 

So that's what you call a line like "I'm going to fucking bung on a fucking DD to sort you fucking ferals out".

Oh okay, perhaps he's not big on that sort of descriptor, but on and on the story went, sticking it to the rugger bugger boofhead (no hot links, they only lead to reptile begging letters):

Oh dear Tony Windsor come back from his north west slopes and plains to remind us of the style of the man who'd do anything except sell his arse to get power, though without any apparent understanding of the limits of power, or the advantages of consensus and consultation.

But do go on. Given that Abbott's a rugger bugger man, how did it go with the brick with eyes?

Sheesh, they even dragged up Meg Lees to remind us yet again that the master is gone, and he's left us with his apprentice, and what a mess he makes:

But it's not just the odd bods and the ferals.

The lizard Oz editorialist is also in a state of despair, and has resorted to that groundhog day movie to understand just how weird it's getting.

As if Tony Abbott was some sort of Bill Murray when he might get a more useful job in Ghostbusters playing a feral zapper...

Okay, the pond knows it's an indulgence to show these things at length, but how else are we going to read immortal lines like the Oz editorialist calling Pyne not merely laughable, but not within a bee's whisker of master wrangles such as little Joohnny ... and Juliar Gillard ...

Juliar Gillard!!

The pond dug out the Jaffas and started throwing them down on the stalls. On and on the reptile editorialist ranted about the failings of Abbott and Co. as politicians playing the 101 game of politics:

So here we are, still stuck in groundhog day, with the revived talk of a DD, denied by all and sundry and Barners, but somehow leaked into the ether.

It's bizarre, grotesque, and above all desperate, and a reminder, if any was needed, of the government's impotence, and inclination to finger pointing in lieu of 101 skills :

Another day, another thought bubble turning up in the Graudian here, denials all round, and to what avail? So the government can thrash about in the net rather than talk to the ferals.

But wait, there's more, you can't leave without the steak knives - handy for any leadership count - and without attending to a few of the other columnists in the lizard Oz:

It's okay to forget that pair rabbiting on about the budget - everybody knows that Abbott and jolly Joe are between a rock and a hard place in terms of bringing the budget into surplus, and Abbott would sell his skin and the surplus and quite possibly his arse to stay in power. That's why talk of the DD is in the air - they can smell the doom of the impending budget, swinging as it does between being a Greek still econopocalypse and a budget so dull and routine we'll all nod off to sleep.

Instead look at Niki Savva, who's at it again, and in such a repetitive way, it must really be groundhog day.

Savva carried on about all this with eight weeks to go to budget day, and the only discernible difference is that now the budget is seven weeks away.

Of course David Pope said it all in a single cartoon, but you simply can't imagine the pond's joy at seeing all this verbiage about the not immediately obvious.

But do go on, sock it to us with the naughty poodle, remind us how he lacked proper house training:

Well there you go, it's doom and gloom and mayhem in the reptile enclosure, and there's silly old duffer Paul Kelly trying to pretend it's a structural matter, when in reality, it's Pyne pointing the gun to his own head, freeing the hostages and paying the ransom too ... and so on and so forth ...

Of course it's unseemly for the pond to take pleasure at the sight of reptiles in a frenzy of despair ... but really does it get any better than the Oz contrasting Tony Abbott's crew with Juliar Gillard's capacity for negotiation?

But wait, there's more. Astute trackers of the reptiles would have noticed that Greg Sheridan also popped up with one of his truly bizarre readings of international politics:

Yes, it seems it's all up to the Palestinians to fold their tents and give way on everything and that'll be the only way to keep Israel happy and Netanyahu didn't mean what he said, though he was actually entirely coherent and explicit in what he said.

This is what Bradley Burston wrote under the header A Special Place in Hell:

This week, push came to shove. 
This week, we saw how things really work. How our prime minister really thinks. What he's willing to do, how far he's willing to go, how many of us he's willing to sell out, slander, abuse, for the sake of hanging on to the thing that matters to him more than anything: his job. After this week, we can never again say that we didn't quite know who Benjamin Netanyahu is. 
As an Israeli, I am ashamed that my prime minister is a racist. 
On Election Day, knowing that the whole country would see it or hear about it, he warned on a range of social media, "The rule of the Right is in danger. The Arab voters are moving in droves toward the polling places. The NGOs of the Left are bringing them in buses." How should Jews respond to the threat of Arab hordes advancing on ballot boxes? The posts were explicit: Rush to the polling places, grab your loved ones and get them there as well, to vote Likud. 
"With your help, and with God's help, we will put up a nationalist government which will safeguard the state of Israel," my prime minister wrote. 
 Lest there be any question of how we should view this, when he took the stage for his victory speech late Tuesday night, Netanyahu invited singer Amir Benayoun to come up and join him. The prime minister's message was clear: If you are religious and write a racist song ("Ahmed Loves Israel," which refers to Arabs as scum and murderers), a song so incendiary that President Reuven Rivlin feels he must revoke your invitation to the President's Residence, your place is right here, right now, by my side. 
 I am ashamed to know that the prime minister of Israel is either a racist, which is a horrible thought, or that he incites racism in others for the sake of votes - which is worse. 
I am ashamed that my prime minister is a cheat. I am angry that in order to win, on the eve of the election, his campaign defied a judge's ruling and knowingly defrauded thousands of Israelis into thinking that rival Kulanu party leader Moshe Kahlon was messaging them to switch their vote to Netanyahu...  
Now we finally know what he meant, just last October, when he told President Obama that he remained "committed to the vision of peace of two states for two peoples." He explained it all on Monday night, when, standing behind bulletproof glass in the square where Yitzhak Rabin was assassinated, he addressed a rally of thousands of right wing Jews, many of them bused in from the West Bank at the expense of the Israeli taxpayer. 
Just after telling the crowd that they should avoid incitement, that he was prime minister even of Israelis who don't agree with him, and that "We pride ourselves on upholding the unity of Israel," he made it all clear: There are already two states for two peoples. There are the People of Us - that is Zionists, which is to say Jews who are right-wing, who prize settlements above all else, and who resist all compromise, forswear any concession, oppose all negotiation, and who will vote for Benjamin Netanyahu when he declares that there will be not one settler uprooted, even from outposts which Israel itself has declared illegal. 
And then there are the People of Them. All of the rest of us. People he calls anti-Zionist. People whom he describes as haters of Israel. Dark forces, treacherous, in league with foreigners. "Yes," the uber-secular prime minister told the crowd, suddenly putting himself forward as the pious, commandment-keeping, mezuzah-kissing SuperJew, explaining who "We" are: "We keep the traditions of Israel." 
Then the man who is bought and paid for by a gambling billionaire took it up a notch. "They have V 15, but we have the People." They have the money, but we have something more important, he concluded. 
"It won't be money that decides this. Rather, it will be heart, soul, belief." 
We're all going to need it....
Most of all, I am ashamed that what my prime minister does, works. I am ashamed that racism works here, with my people. As a Jew, I believe that if all we are left with, is bigotry and fear, it will be the end of us. 
All this week, Benjamin Netanyahu made us one consistent promise: In his coming term as prime minister, there will be no hope. 
It is one promise that we have all come to believe he can keep.

There's more, but being behind the Haaretz paywall, you'll need to google it.

But it's not just Haaretz. Here in The Graudian you can find a right leaning commentator confirming what was said to the man who pays for Netanyahu:

Israel’s prime minister Binyamin Netanyahu has unequivocally ruled out the establishment of a Palestinian state as he vowed to strengthen construction of settlements in occupied east Jerusalem should he be re-elected on Tuesday.
Netanyahu’s comments reinforced his hardening message of recent days and confirmed his final abandonment of his at best tepid commitment to a two-state solution designed to see the creation of an independent Palestinian state.
His remarks were made in an interview with a website owned by US casino magnate Sheldon Adelson - Netanyahu’s biggest backer - and were being viewed by his political opponents as a last-ditch effort to sway voters away from the rival far-right Jewish Home party of Naftali Bennett.
“I think that anyone who moves to establish a Palestinian state and evacuate territory gives territory away to radical Islamist attacks against Israel,” Netanyahu said. “The left has buried its head in the sand time and after time and ignores this, but we are realistic and understand.”
When asked if that meant a Palestinian state would not be established if he is elected, Netanyahu replied: “Indeed.”...
...Netanyahu’s visit to Har Homa followed his appearance at a rally in Tel Aviv attended largely by settlers and national religious voters, in a move some commentators warned might backfire. 
Among them was usually right-leaning Ben-Dror Yemini, writing in the newspaper Yedioth Ahronoth, who noted that Netanyahu has spoken not at a Likud rally but at one representing largely settler and national religious interests. 
 “He spoke at the rightwing rally. This is a rally that projected a very clear, very nationalist, very belligerent message. No withdrawal. No compromise. No Palestinian state… From the moment he decided to hold elections, Netanyahu veered rightwards,” he added.

Now a useless tool like Sheridan - though no doubt a useful fool for some - might think that Netanyahu merely lied for immediate political convenience - but that's the sort of thinking you can expect of a useless fool.

The two state solution is dead. Netanyahu confirmed it, and no amount of Palestinian appeasement will bring it back to life, and Sheridan can usefully serve out his reptile life on a hot rock scribbling an ode to futility ...

But now to end on a happy ferret note thanks to Cathy Wilcox, more Wilcox here, and the house of mouse, blurry but free while it lasts. Thank the long absent lord for animal metaphors. How else to deal with politics and politicians?

Feel free to call that DD Mr Abbott, but watch out for that broom at the end.