Curiouser and curiouser, as the reptiles give the PM a make-over ...

Curiouser and curiouser, said Alice, as she read the Fairfax rags at night, and then re-read the Fairfax rags the next morning ...

If you google that link, you now end up at the ineffable Latika Bourke's MPs furious over Tony Abbott's charge of sexism against Peta Credlin ... where you will cop a forced video, but not a hint of Wormtongue or words about the PM poisoning his members, or even poisoning his members' members ...

It's been cleansed, scrubbed clean, eradicated, erased, wiped out, and is no more, except in the world of cache land and references, like the one at Facebook captured above ...

Why?

Well presumably the gormless MP and perhaps even the dimly lit Latika realised that starting a story about MPs being furious over Tony Abbott's charge of sexism with a classically sexist flourish was a little weird, even for Alice heading down the hole into Abbott land ...

For those who came in late, or believe, as the pond does, that Peter Jackson's doing over of Tolkien ranks as one of the great crimes against humanity, here's the filmic reference:

And so on. Wormtongue even has his own wiki entry - Greg Hunt it here, but careful of lurking stray walri - which describes the character as an archetypal sycophant, flatterer, liar and manipulator.

Yes, that's the classic way to start off a story bleating about sexism ...

Meanwhile, with the government in chaos, and even devoted followers confused, the pond turned to the Bolter for advice.

The Bolter's suggestion? Turn head-kicking macho, strutting, feral, right wing raving ratbag, just like the Boler, as you can read in No More Mr Nice Guy.

Yes, in Bolter land, the base is depressed, the warmists triumphant, Abbott confused, and sorely in need of talking points, Bolter style:

Oh the Bolter's in a massive sulk.

The pond only mentions this as a way of pointing out that the mixed messages have now spread right through Murdoch la la land, with the coaching, and the free, always conflicting advice ...

The reptiles are in a state of abject chaos and confusion, and it's all the fault of that woman, who occupies a fair amount of the front page.

There she is, 'that woman', down below the joyous news of the slash and burn.

The actual story by the bouffant one is pretty much a beat up, as it links Credlin to a new procedure. Here's how it starts, in its tenuous way:

The story goes on and on, but mostly, it recycles all the recent Peter v Peta, Julie Bishop, Kevin Andrews material, which suggests the reptiles are jumping at shadows.

A minor procedural adjustment generates gigantic fears about control freaks, and provides an ominous concluding par?

Cabinet processes faltered under Mr Rudd as prime minister, with lengthy submissions being produced just before cabinet meetings began, submissions being hundreds of pages long and the cabinet agenda being delayed or choked.

Yep, even if you try to produce some procedural smoothness, 'that woman' generates fear and confusion ...

Meanwhile, in another part of the rag, the bouffant one seems to have had a sip of kool aid and settled down a bit.

Oh no, we've still ended up back in the Rudd years.

What's worse, the bouffant one then headed back to the John Gorton years and his defence of Ainsley Gotto.

Dear sweet long absent lord, not that:

Never mind, after he's conjured up that spectre, the bouffant one blahters on endlessly about the Rudd years and quotes Greg Combet at length, and then seeks to absolve the PMO:

Ministers afraid to use their own authority singly or collectively are only blame-shifting if they say they can’t do their job because of the rules and orders from the PMO. 

Yes, fair enough, they can always sack Rabbottudster, and appoint a new fearless leader, but it's in the closer that the bouffant one goes really weird:

The second point of Abbott’s dedication to Credlin is he has convinced himself she is instrumental to his continuing success. As one of his cabinet colleagues observed to Inquirer: “It’s almost as if he is still pinching himself about being Prime Minister.” 
But he is, and he needs to disabuse himself of any view that like Walt Disney’s Dumbo he needs a magic feather to fly. Credlin will not go anywhere, just like Hockey, and the more the critics insist they go the more Abbott will hold on.

So the PM is deeply superstitious, a veritable Dumbo, and Credlin isn't Wormtongue, she's a lucky rabbit's foot, or perhaps a four leaf clover?

Strange days ...

Which brings the pond to the strangest moment of all.

Of late the reptiles have been in coaching mode, and today the anon reptile editorialist embarked on the most lengthy and astonishing bout of coaching yet seen in the Abbott years ...

Please bear with the pond as we perform an important community service:

Phew, you really have to know how to handle long haul flights to get through that one, but at the end of it, the pond didn't know where to start.

Clearly the reptiles are in a state of deep fright. The ersatz character analysis, the go Team go tone, the carrot and the stick, the invocation of Howard, and of all people Arthur Sinodinos, the proposal to let loose genuine A-grade loons like the poodle to increase the mayhem in the land ...

It's a laugh a moment, and that's why the pond is proud to have performed the community service, and you there, racing to the toilet with your sick bag, harden up ...

Conclusion? Well, it's clear as day in reptile land 'that woman' has ruined a noble, decent, honest, dinkum Australian ... and prevented Abbott from displaying his intellect and deep passions ... like knights and dames and budgie smugglers ...

He needs to do this, and to do that, add spice and show his authentic voice, and hire a media team. Strange, hasn't he already hired the entire Murdochian press? Or at least has them on sub-contract?

And if you didn't find a rich, resounding laugh in that entire editorial,  the pond despairs for your sensa huma ...

Deep down, the reptiles clearly suspect they supported a dud, and now, thrashing around in the net, they're trying to turn the dud into some re-branded super leader who will step out and open up and who knows, DYB DOB like those noble dib dobbers of yore ...

Even the Fairfaxians are trying this game.

This very morning Peter Hartcher proposes that Abbott sniffs the wind on climate change (with forced video).

Oh yes, the weather van is moving, robbing foreign aid is visionary, it might be a little bit begrudging, but things are changing, and then this:

Its climate policies are being shaped around this construct – the brainchild of the environment minister, the boyish, low-key Greg Hunt. 
Hunt is one of the lower-profile ministers of the Abbott government, but he is also emerging as one of the shrewdest and most quietly effective.

Shrewd and most quietly effective ...

Now if you can't get a laugh out of that, you don't know how to look for walri on wiki ...

There's a lot more, but it's good to remember that the same truck that delivers the kool aid to the reptiles also stops at Fairfax ...

Meanwhile, the mixed messages keep flowing, and who better to have fun with them than David Pope, and more of the invaluable, inestimable Pope here ... the best reason to give the Fairfaxians a hit, given that Hartcher is the very last, unless you like delusional click bait...

Yes, next week is budget blow out week, and won't that be a fine sight to see, the cats dancing on the hot roof tiles ...