Not only did The Chaser lads start off their new season of The Hamster Wheel with a truly dire lounge lizard song - dire beyond any satirical need or whim - they failed to deliver a single Gerard Henderson joke.
Now it's well known that the simple mention of the lads - or the age the lads are, which should stop them being called lads - is enough to send Dr. Henderson into an apocalyptic frenzy.
Come on lads, you know he's secretly, furtively watching for that joke that will send him into a frenzy. Please, oh please oblige ... you can still have your fun with bestiality and rioting Oz party goers.
Meanwhile, if the bearded one at the Oz is correct, then we should Forget the spin: the gig is in the bag. (behind the paywall, so don't forget how to google).
Greg Sheridan is somewhat downbeat in his prediction, loaded as it is with caveats:
The one consolation of winning is that we won't have to run again for another 25 years.
But the official assessment is we've already won.
If we lose from here, well, good grief.
Yes Charlie Brown, if we can't beat Luxembourg and Finland, we should give the game away, considering how we've wasted aid money and sucked up to Arab and African nations, as if building a wall right across a country is some kind of indication we might be in a Berlin situation.
Oh it's a scathing denunciation alright, of betrayal of hopes and dreams, and of distorting futility:
... the government believes it is already home on the pledges it has received.
Of course, as it's a secret ballot, it is always possible that countries have lied to us, or will simply change their minds after they have given us commitments.
This was a good year to enter this contest.
Entering late meant the process distorted our aid and diplomatic objectives for only a few years instead of a whole decade.
And it would be absolutely impossible to find weaker candidates to run against in the Western Europe and Others Group than Finland and Luxembourg.
We are 46 times as big as Luxembourg.
Yes, might is right, and size counts - oh how it counts - but how deluded and pathetic of this Labor government to pretend, to imagine, that a seat on the UN is anything but an ostentatious display of hubris and a complete waste of time.
It's quite likely that as a result of this nonsense, Australia will be involved in the black helicopter program and plans to introduce world government licketty-split to combat climate change, and there will be a nauseating display of preening self-congratulation:
You can just about write the stories now. They will go something like this . .
The vote was going down to the wire, we were still behind coming into the home stretch, but Julia Gillard's magnificent speech to the UN General Assembly, and her personal diplomacy with African leaders, just got us over the wire.
And think of the cost, when we could be bribing Iraq to take our wheat and the world to take our bank notes!
Appalling, shocking, disgusting. Trust Piers "Akker Dakker" Akerman to finger the grotesque hypocrisy surrounding this wretched display of hubris:
Though our gallant leaderette was too ill to speak to a distinguished gathering of New York financiers and economists, leaving that to Foreign Minister Bob Carr, she did manage to pull herself together sufficiently to make it to an all gals gathering promoting gender equity.
Gender equity? she flew halfway around the world to promote women in the workforce?
That’s right. That’s what she did.
The draw card? St Hillary of Clinton.
Yes, folks. Our own Julia and Hillary on the same stage. How good does it get?
Kath and Kim aren’t in it. (Gillard's UN spin puts gender first)
Naturally the man who coins terms like 'leaderette' while anointing St Hillary and evoking Kath and Kim is deeply concerned about gender equity, and the way it's suffered under Labor while we pursue chimeras and pipe dreams at the UN - you know, like Mollie the horse in Animal Farm, always chasing sugar and wearing red ribbons in her white mane.
Yes, women of Australia, if you want someone who cares about you, abandon that red-headed dragon 'leaderette' and hop into bed with Akker Dakker.
The pond calls on Tony Abbott to immediately promote the virtues of splendid isolationism, where perhaps once a year Australia might tell the Indonesians that people smugglers are their problem, and we'll be turning back the boats for them to deal with.
Perhaps a biennial meeting with New Zealand might help, and a triennial get together with the Pacific islands, and there you go, diplomacy done and dusted.
How sensible of the Howard government to fail dismally in 1996, how good of John Howard to put a sock in Alexander Downer's pipe dreams in 2004, how shocking to realise that it's only under Labor that the UN has flourished, with seats in '46, '56, '73 and '85.
Oh sure you might quibble and propose that it was Billy McMahon that set the 1973 sitting in motion and that it was Bob Menzies who got us up in '56 - the pond always suspected he was a fake Liberal, a closet internationalist of the British kind.
Surely we should remember that it was that ratbag Doc Evatt who set these ostentatious displays in motion, and even got himself the nod as President of the General Assembly back in '48. (here). And so the international conspiracy of a world government began and continues to this very day.
And what good did any of this do us? Nadir, zip, when we could have lived in splendid isolation. Fancy imagining Australia might, or could or should have anything to contribute to world affairs if it's coming from the preening coxcombs of the Labor government.
Please excuse the pond if it trots off behind the bushes to have a dry retch in sympathy with Greg Sheridan.
Ah that's better, and surely the pond is now ripe for its very own column at the Oz?
What? This outing lacked the appropriate tone of condescending indignation and dismissal, and sneering snidery and pro-Israel banter?
Never mind, perhaps there's a gig handy at the Daily Terror, reporting on riotous incidents at Ray Hadley's home.
Yep, it turns out that you can do plenty of damage without associating with a single Islamic in the streets (Police probe Ray Hadley party).
Hadders is tough on rioters and tough on the soft marshmallows that want to go soft on property damage (ah remember the good old Media Watch days of Toasting the marshmallow) so let's hope someone gets to the bottom of this and puts it on the front page of the Terror, purely in the community interest of course.
It turns out that poor old Hadders is in the wars at the moment, what with Attorney-General Greg Smith suing him for defamation in the NSW Supreme Court today (Smith takes Hadley to court for defamation).
Occasionally the pond daydreams about taking columnists and shock jocks to court on a daily basis for defaming and distorting the truth, but sadly this is only a sign of incipient senility.
Let's just settle for Chris Willis of Channel Seven having a go at Hadders:
"Being accused of bias by Ray Hadley is like being accused of being overdressed by Lady Gaga," Willis said. (
Which in a serendipitous way brings the theme of shock jocks and world government conspiracies together.
Who can forget the way that Alan Jones talked to Lord Christopher Monckton about so-called global warming, the way the Copenhagen treaty is actually about creating an unelected world government and the way the carbon tax would - despite it being quite soft bit of gesturalism with a soft-feather touch - bankrupt the nation.
And now Australia wants to join the unelected world government with a seat on the UN!
Ah those were the days, when Jonesy and the good Lord called out the internationalist conspiracists.
Listen and weep here.
Or perhaps just weep, it'll be quicker ...
(Below: click to enlarge).
Dorothy...Alan Jones did a real job on Barbara Ramjam on his radio station and he quoted Greg Sheridan as the reputable source of his information. Well blow me down, yesterday, he retracted his comments (between 7.30 & 8.30). He was informed that Barbara Ramjam isn't the nobody he described her to be, but married to a high court judge and a very well credientialled woman. Those of us who heard it, ****ed ourselves laughing! Does that mean Alan Jones only denigrates women who are not well connected within our Australian society. Sounds like very sexist behaviour to me.
ReplyDeleteDear sweet absent lord (or prophet as you will) anon, you listened to Alan Jones!?
ReplyDeleteI want you next to me in a firefight, I know you'll take the bullet, and take it in style.
And thanks for the heads up, sounds a hoot. Could the pond turn into Media Watch? Only if braver souls than the pond dare to listen to Alan Jones and report on his abundant stupidities.