Yet another pre-Xmas stocking with planet Janet, sourdough Paul, white elephant Barners and the Drum drowning out the Warnie intoxicated Punch ...

(Above: how the greenies began, what with the begatting of socialism).

Most disturbing thoughts and ideas came from reading Guy Rundle's response to Janet Albrechtsen's discovery that the biopic The Iron Lady was a lefty hatchet job.

Rundle thinks he nails Albrechtsen - Planet Janet, as he so cruelly calls her world - in Janet Albrechtsen on Margaret Thathcer and The Iron Lady, as he proposes that David Cameron ran from Thatcher's legacy like a lefty in full flight:

Perhaps Planet should write him an angry letter. Or, for her other ire — at the portrayal of Thatcher as a cold mother, ignoring her children to pursue her careers — write one to daughter Carol Thatcher, from whose memoir such details come.

This ignores completely the truth that Hollywood is run by Jews, liberals and the homosexual lobby (though not necessarily in that order), and its clammy dominance has always influenced the aspirations of British filmmakers to go Hollywood. Evidence? How else to explain the exceedingly liberal Rupert Murdoch owning Twentieth Century Fox?

Then there's the director of the film that so outraged Dame Slap, Phyllida Lloyd. If you read her wiki here, you'll discover that her debut film - following her work on it for the stage - was the ABBA musical Mamma Mia!

Swedes, lefties! And so the circle is complete. It's well known that deviant lefties deep down love revolutionary ABBA lyrics - money, money is just for starters - and Lloyd has shown her colours by accepting an appointment as Commander of the Order of the British Empire in the 2010 New Year Honours (and The Independent named her as one of the most influential gay and lesbian people in Britain in 2008 and 2010!)

Truly the business of spotting leftists is an exhausting but necessary full time occupation, which takes up much precious time that the commentariat might better spend sorting out actual problems in the world. Surely the time has come for another McCarthyist operation which can out the deviants, and return Hollywood to proper conservative ownership.

It seems the wretched Rundle refuses to understand the onerous burden placed on Albrechtsen:

Ah Planet Janet, how I will miss you when The Australian’s paywall comes down and you disappear behind it forever.

But, but, if you check the opinion pages today, of the 19 columns on view, Albrechtsen's is the one opinion piece that is free of a veritable blizzard of gold bars. They're giving her away ... and maybe they'll keep on giving her away until the cows come home or the readership comes back ...

Poor Albrechtsen. It turns out that it isn't the lefties who are responsible for everything wrong in the world. It's the Greens. This insight comes from Paul Sheehan, Fairfax's resident fear monger, as he explains how the Greens are responsible for every policy adopted by the Gillard government.

According to Labor now practises what Greens preach, these all-powerful fiends are responsible for the Labor party supporting gay marriage, never mind that Malcolm Turnbull might also support gay marriage. Everyone knows he's a closet Greenie ...

Why, the pond is waiting for startling evidence to emerge that Sheehan himself has been corrupted by Greenies, what with the lyrical and unseemly way he's been known to rhapsodise about sourdough bread:

It was immediately obvious this bread was exceptional, with a crunchy, almost caramelised crust. Tasting that loaf, especially the crust, was a spiritual experience. I resolved to do something I had never done before. I wanted to shake the hand of the person who made this possible. (A flour blooms - and a family classic is toast of the town).

Now you might propose that this aside - it might have been possible to produce a quote about magic water in its place - hardly addresses the deeper points in Sheehan's argument. But when the argument is to jump up and down, shrieking the greenies are coming, the greenies are coming, quick, run for your lives, head to the hills, it's hard to find a deeper point ... since if minority government is such a concern, when will we find a Sheehan column berating the Liberals for getting into bed with the agrarian socialists, and giving Barnaby Joyce a hand on the levers?

Other more rational folk might like to consider the intrinsic merits of various policy points, but for Sheehan it's just a blind Chicken Little panic attack ... the greenies are coming, the greenies are coming, hide under the bed. And remember to take your slice of sourdough with you so you can have a spiritual experience to share with the monster hiding there. Eek, it's green. So that's where the kids hid the Kermit the frog doll ... bloody frogs.

No, what we hunger for today is something deeper, something with more substance:

Quoth the Punch columnist: OK, so there were bigger, more important issues this year.

No, really?

So now, fleeing the greenies, lefties, sourdough, spiritual experiences and Janet Albrechtsen, where else to head but The Drum, the ABC's new refuge for ratbags wanting to bang the drum.

Yep, you can find Chris Berg getting indignant there, in 'The Right' morally culpable for Breivik's actions, really?, and you can find Barnaby Joyce, flapping his feathers in a new home and shrieking What to do with all this water?

Yep, even Barners has abandoned the frivolous Punch - how much longer can it last now that politicians are sending their copy across to the cardigan wearers - and he's in fine form.

... of course we are now suffering the affliction of a monster that is starting to commercially wander around the yard in a very similar fashion to a big white elephant.

English language? Ah I think you'll find that down the corridor on your left mate.

... instead of watering spuds and onions, they water 2,400 venues for frogs and swamps.

Those pesky bloody frogs again. Green.

.... a myriad of other incredible statements that come without a clue of how to deliver them.

Delivering an incredible statement? Is that like delivering a baby?

But wait, look, over there drumming away, it's Tom Switzer, scribbling Newt: the last best hope for conservatives, just a couple of days before Gingrich's poor excuse for a big idea, and the splendid news that 'Kids shouldn't work in coal mines', as Gingrich explains how putting students to work will cut a couple of janitor jobs per school, thereby easing the jobs crisis in the United States ...

But wait, look behind you, there's poor Kevin Donnelly, seriously concerned in Marriage equality: secrets behind a successful campaign, as he explains how radical feminists and the cultural left has ruined everything:

Even though it is increasingly common for homosexuals and lesbians to have the right to a civil union, thus, having the same rights as married people, such is not enough. By changing the definition of marriage activists not only want to radically redefine the meaning of the word so that it becomes unrecognisable - which raises the problem that if marriage is now to include gays and lesbians, what right do we have to exclude bisexual and transgender people?

Transgender people? Um Kevin, are we talking transexual here? Are you aware of the matter of Kevin in the Family Court of Australia, and the decision, upheld on appeal?

His Honour stated that it is clear from the Australian authorities that "post-operative transsexuals" will normally be members of their affirmed sex. Holding that the sex of a person for the purposes of marriage is their sex at the time of the marriage, the judgement found Kevin to be a man within the ordinary everyday meaning of the word in Australian life and declared the marriage between Kevin and Jennifer to be valid. (it even has its own wiki here).

As for bisexuals getting married, do you have the first clue what you're talking about?

Never mind, you can find the ubiquitous Guy Rundle sending up Kevin shitless here, but it's possible that Kevin is so insensate and so unware of the wicked ways of the world he wouldn't notice ...

So what's the conclusion? Well there's clear evidence that The Drum has become the new Punch, home away from home for pond devotees intent on some loon hunting as a way of getting through the day.

Will someone someday begin to wonder if this is the best way for the punter's tax dollars to be put to work? And how long can The Punch last, now that it's no longer the preferred home for Barnaby Joyce?

No wonder The Australian is giving Janet Albrechtsen away for free ... so many loons squawking away, the competition is getting fiercer and fiercer ...

(Below: eek it's a lefty plot).