The anonymous editorialist, and why we need a chocolate chaser ...

(Above: have you got what it takes to be hard core?)

It wouldn't be the weekend without a few homilies from the anonymous editorialist at The Australian, and so hey nonny no, on we go ...

The first homily comes in Philistines for Palestine:

If we were a British newspaper, we would be urging readers to patronise the Albert Hall at every opportunity. Instead, we suggest you frequent the Max Brenner chocolate shop chain and take a stand against the appalling campaign being waged against Israel.

What next? We should ruin our health by heading off to McDonalds or Hungry Jacks to show support for the United States?

Here's the thing. The anon edit rabbits on about the philistines that ruined an Israel Philharmonic Orchestra show at the Royal Albert Hall, and they truly were philistines.

And then suggests a philistine solution to the Max Brenner matter by indulging in philistine chocolate.

Let's face it. Chocolate is best left in the hands of the Belgians and the French.

Max Brenner does terrible chocolate of the most appalling populist kind, more populist even than Tony Abbott at a Lipton's tea bag rally.

Now it so happens that the pond suffers from a chocolate addiction (there was that time we ate the easter eggs destined for the children and had to rush off to do some late night shopping, but let's not re-live those sordid times).

Even so, unlike the average junkie, the pond understands that not everybody will be able to handle chocolate 90% pure. But surely no one can go below 70% cacao - perhaps 85% as a compromise - and even proposing 47% with orange or peppermint flavouring is verging on the weak-kneed and the lily-livered.

Yep, the reason to boycott Max Brenner is that it's just another wretched chain intent on lowering standards, debasing popular taste, and dealing out rubbish, but if you want to make a point about Israel, feel free to add that to the bottom part of the banner ...

Boycotting a product or a service isn't quite the same as disrupting Max Bruch's sweet violin concerto.

Meanwhile, in Lessons from a leaky internet, the anonymous editorialist makes another suggestion:

We would go further and suggest whistleblowers are better off dealing directly with experienced journalists at reputable newspapers rather than a "drop box" that so often operates in a twilight zone of digital anarchy.

But where will we find an experienced journalist at a reputable newspaper now that they've closed the News of the World?

Oh okay, I guess there's always The Sun or the New York Post.

Don't you just love it when a sanctimonious righteous anon edit blathers on about digital anarchy, having spent the week running stories from WikiLeaks (and naming names), while the world observes the festering twilight zone that constitutes news gathering techniques within the rarefied world of News Corp?

It is a good divine that follows his own instructions. ~William Shakespeare

What else? Well the anon editorialist spends the third part of his trifecta getting agitated about how former Chairman Rudd wasn't involved in the Malaysian solution, in Border policy woes show Labor's deeper problems.

The anon edit stops short of mounting a 'bring back former Chairman Rudd' proposal, but deploying sheer Alice down the rabbit hole logic, he (or could it be a she, no, please not a she) almost gets there:

... all indications are that Ms Gillard and Immigration Minister Chris Bowen have dealt with the border protection issue without close consultation with Mr Rudd. Although, it must be said, they seem to have had the benefit of advice from his department, which proved crucial in the High Court judgment. Ms Gillard and Mr Bowen now own the policy shambles.

We can all understand how a working relationship might be difficult between the Prime Minister and Mr Rudd. But, for whatever the reasons, this is not the collaborative approach to government that the Australian people expect.

Uh huh. Make sense of that if you will. No doubt it's like the working collaborative relationship we expect from Tony Abbott and big Mal.

Perhaps we might benefit from a briefing from the Foreign Affairs department first, so that we can own the shambles that would see former Chairman Rudd return to membership of the kitchen cabinet ...

Meanwhile, it's left to another to another Australian stalwart, Jennifer Hewett, to float the actual Bring back Kev balloon in MPs getting ready to think the unthinkable.

What MPs, which MPs? Never you mind, just think of them as a surprising number thinking the unthinkable, as channelled by Hewett:

Julia Gillard is telling anyone who will listen she is not going anywhere. Colleagues are publicly saying exactly the same thing. Even so, a surprising number of them are beginning to at least think the supposedly unthinkable: What about Kevin?

Indeed. Or as we say with French chocolate in our mouth, quelle surprise.

Okay, we'll bite, what about the former chairman?

Within a couple of pars, Hewett provides her very own answer:

This doesn't guarantee anything happening or make a Rudd return the likely option for a truly desperate government.

Truly, this is the art of trolling at its finest. What about Kevin? Well Kev's not likely, but in these desperate times I needed desperately to write something to fill up the newspaper.

Hewett then proceeds to spend the rest of the piece ticking off likely challengers from her list (why drink from the poison chalice Bill, Greg and Stephen), leaving Kevin Rudd the last man standing.

Amazingly, Hewett can't find a place in her heart for Simon Crean - even cruelly calls him a dead end - which means she hasn't been reading the meanderings of Ross Cameron and Christopher Pearson of late.

And strangely she wasn't having a bar of the current Joh for Canberra campaign. Damn you lax ex-Murdoch subbie, you know that should read Peter Beattie for Canberra.

Oh and as for MPs willing to go on record? As in Rudd comeback not on:

Health Minister Nicola Roxon says Kevin Rudd will never lead the Labor party again. Asked today if she could envisage the former prime minister returning to the top job, Ms Roxon told reporters: "No, I can't.''

Will that stop the Murdoch press from speculating that a Kev Komeback is now on the Kards?

Not likely, and if you try to stop them, like as not they'll rip your bloody arms off.

Ah the good old days of Kev Kavanagh the butcher from Woollongong. (more on meat guru Kev here).

Yep, see you around like a rissole, former chairman. You're back, clutched close to the bosoms of the minions of Murdoch, and likely the only salvation for the Labor party, the government, and possibly the country.

But what's the lesson to be learned from all this?

Well the next time a member of the commentariat tries to assure you that as a member of the chattering classes you're responsible for the imminent downfall of western civilisation as we know it, point out that you don't indulge in half the idle chatter you can see on a daily basis emanating from the chattering minions of Murdoch ...

They'd dearly love to see a leadership change - won't someone think of the need to sell newspapers - and never mind that changing the deck chairs on the Titanic didn't do much to avoid the ice berg ...

Which in turn leads to idle leadership speculation with as much substance as a Max Brenner double chocolate ice cream scoop with fudge walnut brownie chunks and caramelised pecans, served with pure melted chocolate and crunchy waffle balls.

Second thoughts, there's plenty of crunchy waffle balls doing the rounds.

Now after all that, the pond feels like a good chocolate drink - we prefer the Dutch brand Droste as a straight cacao powder, as recommended decades ago by our grandfather, who also helped cultivate a taste for Dutch peppermints - and a Kev Kavanaugh sausage chaser ... and don't forget the dead horse.

(Below: those Dutch nurses dressed up as nuns know a thing or two about chocolate, but did you know there's a wiki on the Droste effect, part of the pond's weekend of paradoxes, fractals and Mandelbrots?)