Tim Blair, Martin Amis, and some options for alcoholic women in the west ...

(Above: Simon of the Desert. An option).

Tim Blair is terribly distraught over Martin Amis being terribly distraught over the death of his sister ten years ago.

In a report in The Guardian of an interview with a Dubai English-language newspaper, Amis had this to say:

"To this day I have this wish – she was always religious and she converted to Catholicism. I wish she had converted to Islam. She might still be alive because of the continence of Islam, the austerity, the demands it makes on you. I just sort of helplessly think it every now and then. She would only be 56 now and she'd still be here," said Amis, who is in Dubai to take part in the Emirates Airline Festival of Literature.

Amis had previously been involved in sundry feuds about Islam, as reported in stories like Amis returns fire in Islam row.

But that was then, and this is now:

Sally Amis, whom the author has described as "pathologically promiscuous", died aged 46 after periods of depression and alcoholism. Her brother believes that the structure of Islam might have saved her life. "She was such an uncontrollable girl that there was even talk of her joining the army when she was 17 or 18 because we all sensed that she needed a really tight structure, an ésprit de corps of shared belief," he told The National. "Islam in its way gives you that, a collectivity that she could have been a part of, which incidentally forbade alcohol and premarital sex. She might have had a chance. She would have had to embrace it earlier than she embraced Catholicism."

Blair's heartfelt response to this kind of thinking as he contemplates Austerity for life?

Inasmuch as Islam would have barricaded Amis’s sister from the temptations that killed her, he’s probably right. But she’d also have been saved by being hospitalised or imprisoned, or by joining an extremely austere Christian faith. She could have lived as Western women lived in the 18th century. There are options.

Indeed. And once she was hospitalised, she could have taken a role in The Persecution and Assassination of Jean-Paul Marat As Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton Under the Direction of The Marquis de Sade. After all, there are options. Even taken roles other plays. Like The Madwoman of Chaillot. So many theatrical options.

And I'm there are many other options too if we just do some hard, sympathetic, empathetic thinking of a caring, considered kind.

Perhaps she could have lived in the manner of a Chinese princess in the Ming era. Footbinding certainly cuts down mobility. A solid option.

On the other hand, perhaps Blair is right. A long stretch behind bars, in the style of The Birdman of Alcatraz. Perhaps with bonus solitary confinement for long stretches. A tidy option.

Much better than a nunnery, of an eighteenth century kind, though we should never rule out a harsh ascetic life, even if it might occasionally lead to the devils of Loudon. A pious option but you don't get to feed your birds.

On the other hand, time spent with the Inuit eating polar bears might have helped. While you need to watch out for the vitamin A in the liver, this would kill two birds with one stone for Blair. A traditional hunting option, worthy of Nanook of the North.

Perhaps instead of that, some time in a Mongolian yurt? As evoked in Zhang Lu's Desert Dream. A somewhat remote and austere option, but perhaps that's the point of having so many sensible options. If not prison or a hospital or an extremely austere Christian faith, then why not the steppes?

But perhaps it would be better to embrace the lifestyle of the Corinthians, seeing as how Paul advised them in various letters that it was better if their women lived in silence and subjection. A considered, useful, patriarchal option.

But I do wonder why Blair missed the most obvious option, as demonstrated by Simon, the son of Simeon Stylites, who lived for 6 years, 6 weeks, and 6 weeks on an eight meter high pillar, praying for spiritual purification. What a splendid option, requiring a Bunuel to evoke the pure asceticism of the option.

Needless to say all these options are excellent, considered and caring and relevant to any western woman in the grip of alcoholism, because they conform to the key rule guiding all of the options. The fundamental 'anything but converting to Islam' option.

Perhaps that's why time as a zen Buddhist monk getting whacked over the shoulder is also an option.

Of course there's the odd catch in some of the options. With Simon not having a clue about the 666 routine, he's a little lost and doesn't quite know what to do when Satan turns up in the shape of a woman (always a woman), who tries to tempt him away from his perch. Eventually Satan succeeds and they turn up in a 1960s night club full of hipsters dancing to the sounds of "Radioactive Flesh". A happy option.

Oh yes, there are options. No end of options ...

(Below: Nanook of the North. Another option).