Janet Albrechtsen, bees in bonnets, insidious leftist progressives, and the joy of having a Senate ...

(Above: an 1867 cartoon by Cruikshank, defending the status quo of the British bee hive. He makes the obvious point that the working man would get nothing from being able to vote, a point disputed by odious progressives over the voices of caring conservatives. And the world, sadly, has never been any good ever since).

When Janet Albrechtsen gets a bee in her bonnet, there's no doubt it makes a very loud, persistent, buzzing noise.

Who can resist a beguiling teaser like "What's next from the anti-democratic left?" as a hook for the excellent buzzing contained in Proportional vote a disaster.

Part of the chagrin contained therein is that suddenly Albrechtsen, aka our very own Dame Slap, won't have a bill of rights to kick around as an issue any more. Or at least in the immediate future, as Chairman Rudd clears the decks for an election by sending it off to the mortuary with lots of other bright ideas.

Perhaps she can head off to the United States and campaign for the repeal of the bill of rights there, and good luck with that. I'd particularly like to see the right to open carry arms in urban situations given a little going over. Not that I'm against guns - I luuuve guns - but I do think urban living has moved on a little since the heyday of Tombstone.

Anyhoo, it would seem that the United States has been in the grip of progressive leftism since the founding fathers abandoned the joys of Westminister democracy and did their thing, and now the poison is being spread around the world:

Last week the Rudd government put a federal charter of rights in the reform rubbish bin. Progressives deplored the move. After all, their campaign for a charter was a first-order ideological fight. A charter would have enabled the Left to entrench an agenda of special interests that would have no chance of finding support under Australia's traditional Westminster democratic system. So that begs the question: what's next in the Left's bag of anti-democratic tricks? It's hard to imagine that the progressive disdain for Westminster democracy is suddenly at an end.

Oh dear, you can see where this is heading. Having had the bone of a charter of rights buried discreetly out in the back yard, it becomes necessary to dig up another bone, and while munching away at it, blame so-called progressives for its worm-laden state.

Here's how to do it:

Their next line of attack against democracy may come from a different angle. It's possible we may start hearing a whole lot more from progressives about the merits of proportional representation.

Huh? Well I guess they may and I guess it's possible, but heck it's a damn sight more likely that it's Dame Slap who wants to get excited about proportional representation. I mean, I guess we might hear a whole lot more from progressives about the merits of dictatorial communism, or rule by Berlusconi, or the necessity of installing Chairman Rupert as head of a world government, but last I read anything on this tedious subject, I can't remember anyone campaigning on the merits of the Tasmanian voting system.

Hmm, where to look, how to flush out these fiendish progressives, always up to their nasty anti-democratic tricks, and their concern for minorities, when it's well known that majorities take great care of minorities. Just look at the way that Australia, prodded on by the Catholic church, has taken care of gay rights.

The argument will have that same feel-good quality used to push a charter of rights. You know the schtick. Someone has to look out for the little guy (read: special interest minority groups) against the majoritarian evils of Westminster democracy. If they can't be protected by judges wielding a charter of rights, then at least let's get a similar result with a proportional system in parliament.

By golly, that sounds alarming. Special interest minority groups scheming away, and doing it in a way we're all familiar with. You know, holding out that apple and tempting you to take a bite, and the next thing you know, we've been kicked out of parliamentary Westminister Eden for eternity, and left to brood and mourn in the dustbowl of life, and while some might blame the snake, we know who's really at fault. Oh women, ye verily you heartbreaking progressives, is there anything you won't ruin?

Perhaps it's Britain's turn, seeing as how things have gone so well under Blair and Brown. Yep in doody:

You need only cast your eyes towards Britain to witness this new assault on democracy. The rise of Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg is being hailed as a progressive moment not to be squandered, a chance to repair a broken political system. Commentators in The Guardian are excited at the prospect of a "well" hung parliament with a vote for Clegg being described as the equivalent of hitting "a bloody great big reset button".

Indeed. The Guardian and "well hung" - a contradiction in terms for these mamby pamby progressives, and come to think of it, calling a party Liberal Democrat is profoundly offensive, since the last thing the world needs is a progressive liberal democracy. Who do they think they are, with their feeble attempt to keep the bastards honest.

As if the bastards are in any need of honesty, and as if the electorate needs a third party, when two cliques of baseball bat wielding thugs are entirely sufficient.

The reason is that Clegg wants to cement proportional representation into the British electoral system. Indeed, Clegg's kind of electoral reform is described as the deal breaker, the price a minority government must pay for the support of the Liberal Democrats.

The fiend. Sadly at this point, Albrechtesen has to break off from her tirade to admit that things have been pretty crook under the Labour party in Britain, and that things aren't at their best in Westminster democracy, what with tending the moats, fixing the the stable, doing time on the dole, bombing the shit out of Iraq for dubious reasons, running up an entirely gross deficit, and otherwise making a mess of things.

But a vote for Clegg is a vote for disaster, when after all you can vote for a set of progressives.

Oops, sorry, got that wrong, it's really progressive conservatism, as David Cameron ushers us into a world of euphemism (warning, link connects to that haven for progressives, eek, The Guardian). Worse still, it seems that these progressives are thinking about joining up with the other, dick dastardly, progressives - A Conservative-Lib Dem coalition is most likely, but it's not sustainable (warning, another Guardian link).

Now you might think this is all part of the by-play of a close election, and who knows what might happen until the results are in. But you clearly lack that finely honed tinge of paranoia that sees Cameron elected in cohorts with Clegg, and proportional voting instituted by the dastardly progressives by Xmas at the latest.

Here's how to lather yourself in to an indignant sweat about this heinous conspiracy that might come, though it's yet to be, with all this talk of an exciting third party which might sweep the dullard main political parties from their perch:

Exciting only if you fall for the myth that proportional representation is good for democracy. Truth is it's rotten for democracy. Proportional representation will bestow disproportionate influence on minor party leaders to become kingmakers. Forget democratic principles of voters knowing what they voted for and politicians being accountable for their promises. Post-election horse-trading between minor parties and minority governments will mean election promises count for nought.

Indeed, it's rotten for democracy, as the current denialism of the Tony Abbott led opposition in cahoots with the evil Greens, clearly proves in the Australian senate, which indeed involves a kind of state-based proportional representation, and a truly perverse above the line voting system mingled with the capacity to vote individually for hundreds of loons. Cue Steve Fielding as a fulcrum in the balance of power, when we might have been better off with Daffy Duck.

What's even worse, there's a tinge of the American Senate in the structure devised by Australia's constitutional fathers (where were the mothers? Don't ask). Yep, even then they were agitating against pure Westminster democracy, as if we couldn't have rustled up our very own House of Lords.

Perhaps we can now look forward to Albrechtsen's full throated campaign to abolish the Senate, which caters to minor states like Tasmania and Western Australia, though hopefully that state will soon cut itself adrift, and take itself and its former Treasurer and its minerals off into the Indian ocean.

It would seem our founding fathers totally stuffed up the country, as did all the other founding fathers who put in an upper house of review, with all kinds of weird voting systems, rather than do the decent thing and abolish the upper houses, so that the government of the day could get on with the business of governing.

Surely Albrechtsen can extend her campaign to remove all upper houses, clearly the work of sinister progressives who didn't trust the popular vote, beavering away in the nineteenth century to ensure the fix was in for the ruling elite, landlords, aristocrats, rent seekers, capitalists and squatters.

Sob. No, nothing like that. All you get is some half-heartred abuse of Tasmania and its hung parliament, and poor old New Zealand, with its mixed member proportional voting.

Easy targets, and easy cheap half-arsed rhetoric from Albrechtsen, and here's how she wraps it up:

The Left is canny at pushing anti-democratic agendas using slogans about improving democracy. You can see it happening in Britain now. And it will happen again in the lead-up to the NZ referendum. Perhaps it's only a matter of time until the same people who lobbied for an Australian charter of rights will start pushing for proportional representation here, too. If so, just remember that it's like getting a tattoo. Proportional representation may seem cool at the time. But what follows is a lifetime of regret.

How about this version?

The Right is canny at pushing anti-democratic agendas using slogans about improving democracy. You can see it happening in Britain now. And it will happen again in the lead-up to the Australian election as Tony Abbott berates Chairman Rudd for refusing to produce climate change legislation while rejecting it in the Senate. Just as it happened when the ruling elite devised the Senate and the upper houses throughout Australia to guard their interests and thwart the will of politicians elected by popular vote. Perhaps it's only a matter of time until the same people who lobbied for an Australian Senate will start pushing for proportional representation in the House of Repks, too. If so, just remember that it's like getting a tattoo. Proportional representation may seem cool at the time. But what follows is a lifetime of regret. Abolish the Senate and all the upper houses now!

Yep, a lifetime of regret for having the Senate and the various state upper houses. Go on Janet, get into it, do them like a dinner.

And tell them it was your rich paranoid fantasy life about leftist progressives that drove you on, as you realised the depths of the progressive leftist conspiracies at work back in the day when simple minded politicians drew up Australia's current constitution ...

Or not. Whatever. Sad to say, your piece is about as canny as a tin of sardines ... I guess that's why the canny Abbott joins forces regularly in the Senate with the Greens to defeat government legislation.

Personally I blame the blockheads who in 1919 changed from first past the post block voting to preferential block voting for the Senate, but any Senate loving blockhead will do. From Sir Henry Parkes to Sir Samuel Griffith to Alfred Deakin. Devious leftist progressives the lot of them ...

(Below: deviant leftist progressive conspirator Sir Henry Parkes. If you want to pay homage to this deviant progressive, you can still see his home Kenilworth, in Annandale - if in Sydney some time - or visit his grave at Faulconbridge in the Blue Mountains. Not that this site encourages any worship of progressives!)