Dvir Abramovich, and any fundie friend of Israel is a friend indeed in these troubled Mossad times

(Above: study the maps and charts above carefully. There will be questions asked at the end, and if you fail the exam, a lifetime in hell awaits).

If ever there was a case to be made for strident, militant atheism, the nonsense on parade in Dvir Abramovich's Israel has friends in Christian places is as good as any place to start.

It's a case of with friends like these, who needs enemies, and never mind that Abramovich is able to forget about Mossad capers for a moment by feeling the love from Christian friends.

Never mind the ongoing follies of the Netanyahu circus, the evangelicals love him and he loves the evangelicals, and feel the statistical weight of the love:

In a 2008 poll taken in the US, more than 80 per cent of Christians stated that they had a ‘‘moral and biblical’’ obligation to love, pray and support Israel, while 62 per cent of evangelicals said that Jerusalem should remain Israel’s undivided capital.

Well that settles it. No point talking about a two state solution, the evangelicals have spoken. And there's so much love:

I recall witnessing the waves of love when 400 Christians, representing more than 10 organisations, gathered two years ago in Melbourne for a Stand with Israel evening. The affection for Israel was palpable. Shorn of Christian signs such as the cross, the event featured Israeli dancing and songs, banners, waving of the Israeli flag, a pep-rally eruption of cheers and standing ovations for Israel, and speeches praising and praying for the Jewish people. Particularly striking was an apology offered by an elderly German woman to the Jewish people for the evil perpetrated by the Nazis and one by a pastor for anti-semitism.

Such words of contrition are not often heard.

Thank the lord the Christians were kind enough to take down any signs of offensive Christianity. And it's nice that the repeated apologies of the German government and German people don't match up to an apology by one elderly clap happy German woman.

But who are these Christians, and why do they have such a baffling affection for Israel?

Baffling? Only to those who don’t understand a controversial end-time theology that began in 19th century Britain and which divides history into eras (dispensations). According to this theology, Israel’s creation and the 1967 war were galvanising signs that God’s hand moves in history and the clock of prophecy had started up again. Driven by a literal interpretation that prophesies Israel’s establishment as a prelude to the second coming of Jesus, tens of millions are now convinced they are living in the final days as described in the Book of Revelation. They are often called Christian Zionists.

Where I come from they're called loons, and if that's the best set of friends Israel can muster in these Mossad-inspired times, then Israel, like Huston, has a problem.

The full extent of loonacy of British Israelism, or Anglo-Israelism, or Christian Zionists can only be marvelled at, but you can read about it at the wiki and follow it up as much as your patience or love of loons permits. In the process, you can bring yourself up to speed on the idea that western Europeans are the direct lineal descendants of the ten lost tribes of Israel (see vital map above), and that the British royal family is directly descended from King David.

Well in the way of things, I suppose we all have a few genes from biblical days washing around in the DNA, but we're also kissing cousins to apes and monkeys, and you don't see that bobbing up too much in theological thinking.

Nonetheless, I've provided a few handy charts to bring you up to speed, while Abromovich offers up a couple of compelling works (the added links are mine):

This intense passion was given a boost with the publication of Hal Lindsey’s 1970’s blockbuster book The Late Great Planet and continues today with Tim LaHaye’s prophetic Left Behind Series that has sold 70 million copies.

Yes, yes, this is all very interesting, as is the ethnographic study of loons, but isn't it about time to say that this is all nonsense of the most specious kind? Sorry, Abramovich is in his own kind of intoxicated rapture:

A review of the recently released documentary Waiting for Armageddon explains the four stages:
1) The Rapture, when, in a microsecond, all true believers, living and dead, will be transported into the clouds with Jesus.
2) The Tribulation, during which untold horrendous catastrophes, ecological and man-made, will rain down upon those haplessly left behind;
3) Armageddon, when Christ will return with a sword to judge the sinners and defeat the Antichrist, who will be placed in a bottomless pit for 1000 years.
4) The Millennium, encompassing the 1000-year reign of heaven on earth reserved for Christ and his followers (along with 144,000 converted Jews).

But does it star Arnold Schwarzenegger, and will he defeat Satan?

Sorry, still more to come:

Standing with Israel guarantees evangelicals that they will be on God’s side when the Battle of Armageddon occurs in Megiddo, Israel. This occurs after the Antichrist is released from his imprisonment, recruits the armies of Gog and Magog and attacks the New Jerusalem. In the final battle, it should be noted, most Jews are wiped out and the rest embrace Christ after he defeats the Antichrist and throws him into the Lake of Fire or Gehena. Jews who don’t accept Jesus are condemned to eternal damnation, while Christians ascend to heaven.

Gog and Magog? Aren't they the two clock watchers in the Royal Arcade in Melbourne banging the bell to usher in the rapture of shopping?

Yes, yes, it's going to be a rough time for secularists and atheists and Jews and shoppers trying to buy last minute gifts as rapture going away presents, and this kind of millenarian thinking has been around for centuries, but is it a sequel to End of Days, or is it more of a kind of an Omen piece of fiction?

And do we ever get to the point where it's explained that this is the fevered thinking of fevered brains? Sorry, there's more of a history lesson:

Gershom Goremberg, author of the book The End of Days, is unsure about the evangelicals’ affection. He explains the evangelical attitudes towards Jews as: ''We love you and want you to give up what is most basic to your identity.''

Historical examples of Christian Zionists include William Blackstone, author of Jesus is Coming, who organised a petition for restoring Palestine to the chosen people, Lord Balfour and his 1917 declaration promising a homeland for the Jewish in Palestine and President Harry S. Truman and his support for US recognition of Israel despite the objections of the American State Department.

Indeed, an increasing number emphasise that Christian Zionism is based on the biblical promise that God will bless those who bless the Jews, and curse those who curse the Jews. For many, at a time when Israel faces the threat of nuclear threat from Iran and global anti-semitism is on the rise, biblical motives count for little.

Oh right, never mind the motivation. If you're a raving ratbag of an evangelical fundamentalist kind, and you're on the side of Israel, welcome to the club. Please don't leave looniness at the door, we love loons, especially if they arrive with a handsome amount of cash:

To properly understand the level of evangelical devotion to Israel, one only has to mention the International Fellowship of Christians and Jews, which has raised $US250,000,000 ($A277,000,000) for various projects in Israel. The Joshua Fund, an evangelical organisation aims to marshal more than $100 million to fund projects for health, immigrant integration, education and victims of terrorism in Israel.

Oh well there's nothing like a little cash to wipe away the doubts, the fears or the anxieties. Strangely, there seem to be a few that experience doubt about accepting the moola:

Yet, there are those who feel a discomfort with this backing. Televangelist Pat Robertson, a leading Christian Zionist said at the time of Ariel Sharon’s stroke that Sharon was being punished for withdrawing from Gaza and ''dividing God’s land''. Jerry Falwell, regarded as the father of the movement in the US, described the Antichrist as being Jewish. John Hagee, John McCain’s pastor, who organises an annual Night to Honour Israel and heads Christians United for Israel, wrote in his 1996 book that the assassination of Yitzak Rabin ''launched biblical prophecy onto the fast track'' and has made several offensive remarks about Jews.

What, not good old Pat Robertson, the well known mad as a march hare fundie, who hates lots of folk, and who even managed to pen The New World Order, which featured a world wide Jewish conspiracy (New world order, old world anti-Semitism). Or good old Jerry Falwell, who said that Jews can make more money accidentally than you can on purpose, while also noting that the antichrist is alive today, and is likely a male Jew. As for John Hagee, he's the full kit and kaboodle. Try this bit of his wiki:

Despite Hagee's professed "Christian Zionist" beliefs and public support for the state of Israel, Hagee has made statements that some have interpreted as antisemitic, including blaming the Holocaust on Jews, stating that Adolf Hitler carried out a divine plan to lead Jews to form the modern state of Israel, calling liberal Jews "poisoned" and "spiritually blind," and stating that the preemptive nuclear attack on Iran that he favors will lead to the deaths of most Jews in Israel.

In his book Jerusalem Countdown, Hagee claims that Adolf Hitler was born from a lineage of "accursed, genocidally murderous half-breed Jews." On page 149 in a chapter with the ominous title 'Who Is a Jew?', Hagee writes:

"It was Esau's descendants who produced the half-breed Jews of history who have persecuted and murdered the Jews beyond human comprehension ... Adolf Hitler was a distant descendant of Esau."

Hagee has attributed the persecution of Jews throughout history, implicitly including the Holocaust, to disobedience, thereby attracting accusations of antisemitism:

"It was the disobedience and rebellion of the Jews, God's chosen people, to their covenantal responsibility to serve only the one true God, Jehovah, that gave rise to the opposition and persecution that they experienced beginning in Canaan and continuing to this very day... Their own rebellion had birthed the seed of antisemitism that would arise and bring destruction to them for centuries to come.... it rises from the judgment of God upon his rebellious chosen people." (go to original for footnotes).

Yep, it was the Jews that brought on the holocaust.

Never mind, don't worry about the loonacy, if fundie Christians stretch out the hand of friendship, it would be mean not to give it a hearty shake:

An Israeli journalist noted that this extending of a hand in friendship is offered in good faith and that the ''ancient tribal instinct to slap that hand away'' is an unwise one. Christians United For Israel executive director David Brog, who last year arranged for 34 Christian students to take part in March of the Living in Poland’s Nazi camps, claims that Christian Zionists are the heirs of the righteous gentiles. His book Standing with Israel: Why Christians Support the Jewish State is fascinating read.

Dearie me, what ever happened to the old saw that you're judged by the company you keep, and that if you lie down with loons, you get up with a loony flea or two in your ear?

Of course Abramovich tries a little deflection at the end of his piece ...

Jews as pawns in a Christian prophecy leading the way to the end-of-days battle? Only if you believe it.

... where a little robust denunciation would have been more to the point. Ambivalence isn't a get out of jail card when it comes to loons.

Oops, does that mean eternity in hell for me? Quick, here's a graph, study it well, in it are the seeds of your salvation. Or eternal loonacy.