Wednesday, April 01, 2020

In which the pond explains its reptile choices and ends up in modern times ...

The pond's curatorial issues grow deeper and more perplexing by the day.

Usually there are only so many reptiles that can be crammed into the space and time available, and yet all hands were on deck today.

There was nattering "Ned", there was the bromancer, there was Dame Slap, there was Dame Groan, there was the dog botherer, there was the lizard Oz editorialist, all clamouring for attention like that brat torturing the young couple in a hideous Irish housing development in Vivarium … and then there was the ongoing quest for an illustration to suit the interpretative powers of the reader of this site.

Perforce in the brutal culling the pond is forced to make, perhaps there's need for explanation and justification … and a deep peremptory apology, because the pond couldn't find an illustration.

But the pond could at least lead with the bromancer, parading his darkest fears, because that needed very little by way of justification or explanation … even as he's hemmed in and surrounded by the most dire circumstances, like debt and public servants getting a pay rise ...


Come on bromancer, justify the pond's faith, vindicate your selection as the top of the pack, the dog at the front of the sled …the mushing master …


Sheesh, what a ripper opener, though the pond had to immediately use up its infallible Pope … bruised a little in shape by the gallery format …



Ah, as it's always been done, socialise the losses, privatise the profits … but dread socialism is in the air, and the bromancer is in full panic mode ...


Yes, and what a tremendous service to the planet too …



Graudian away here, while the pond delivers the final gobbet of bromancer denialism …but denying what? Well, what have you got?


Indeed, indeed, how soon before the rich can get back to being rich, and rorting and looting the country, and the people tucked back into forelock tugging mode, and the reptiles ride on to greater delusions?

The pond's next editorial selection wasn't quite so clear cut, but the reptiles had lathered themselves into another panic … because if it's not socialism, then surely it must be the police state …


Deeply worrying? Troublesome, vexatious, disturbing? Only the dog botherer could deal with such a dire condition …


Eeek, coppers menacing the indolent rich. Why only yesterday on a bold and brave visit to the post office in Enmore road, the pond saw a copper menacing an innocent motorist, and the surly copper wasn't practising social distancing, and even worse was fining the poor bugger for breaking traffic rules … as if such rules should exist in these troubled times, when we all want to do is join Snake, and somehow escape from New York, or wherever …

And so to the dog botherer, and there will be plenty more shots of cops on parade, fuzz against junk …

Eek, a copper, and look, the deviant prevert is pretending like that there's a crisis or a virus or a something doing the rounds …

It goest without saying that the pond takes to heart the dog botherer's important message. In the name of liberty, it's important to get out and about and infect anyone, or indulge in a little brave sport, and inflict the virus on self, just to see if it's everything everyone cracks it up to be …

This is called planning, Donald style …


And so to the next gobbet … with the dog botherer naturally leading off with social media, himself having shown himself to be completely inane on it, an utter and complete twit, so useless he had to ban himself ...

Eeek, another ominous, and it goes without saying, activist cop. And just where would the dog botherer be without the word 'activist'? Activists here, activists there, and activists in what passes for hair ...

Is it wrong of the pond to hope that the dog botherer boldly and bravely decides to stand up to these draconian measures, goes out and gets himself infected, and perhaps infects others in his company? That'll teach the draconian government, that'll larn 'em, that'll teach 'em a lesson they'll never forget …

And so to the next shot of threatening cops ...


"We are apprehended by the danger"?

The pond apprehends that the delinquent dog botherer doesn't have the first clue about the larrikin spirit … and it's not just mad preachers in Florida, or spring breakers on the beaches, it's Australians, some no doubt operating on early reptile assurances there wasn't anything to see here, don't worry too much, we'll be back to work in a couple of weeks, shake hands and trot off to the footy, and if feeling stressed, party down dudes …or at least flock to the beaches …

And so to the pond's next selection, still harping away on the same theme, seemingly incapable of understanding that doing it tough for a couple of weeks might help the situation …

Sheesh, and the reptiles are always talking about the heroic generation of the war years, and they had to do it for years … and suddenly talk of a month or two, and suddenly the reptiles are acting as if they've been served a lump of lard rather than butter, and been made to live without the crispy bacon on hand before the war …

Here, have a Rowe cartoon, it might help with the digestion and ease concerns about a police state, with more digestible Rowe here


And so to the final pond selection for the day, and the pond feverishly believes that little is needed by way of justification or explanation … because the lizard Oz editorialist always speaks for himself, and the Chairman ...

Yes, there was more whining and moaning and paranoia and doubt and fear-spreading done by the lizard Oz editorialist … and yet another trotting out of Big Brother, which the pond always finds amusing when in the presence of Big Chairman and his minions ...


Yes, it's those bloody useless governments, always making things difficult … which is why the pond simply had to rule out the star-crossed nattering "Ned" this day …



United front? What delusional planet is he on? Everyone knows that we're on the verge of a police state, and socialists and activists are in pandemic proportions, the fascist fun-hating guvinments around the country are ruining everything …


Is that the liberty to salute Chairman Rupert? And send weekly stipends and tithings to his minions, and get lost in the wonders of Foxtel?

And so to the losers … because the pond will offer a few examples of why it made its curatorial choices …

First a gobbet of "Ned" …


Sorry, the pond had already nodded off, and couldn't be bothered cutting and pasting anymore.

Frankly paranoia, and fear of cops and guvinment and guvernors and socialism, is much more to the pond's taste. Reptiles scuttling about in a panic, now there's a sight to please readers, as already it seems clear that a little social isolating has sent them stir crazy.

No chance to get out and about and do their Napoleonic thing, and instead they must be locked in the attic like so many kite-flying Uncle Dicks …

Now it's true that the pond faced some difficult choices, and both Dame Groan and Dame Slap were hot contenders …

 

But care for young people? Dammit, we're in a police state and the socialists are just around the corner, Dame Groan. You don't even deserve a gobbet … and as for Dame Slap, it was just more of the same, the IPA paying off old scores, and nary a hint of a huge slab of public money going to private hospitals …


The pond didn't need to read any more, nor did it warrant full pond attention. The message was clear. Private super funds have done spiffingly well in these troubled times and all is well, at least in Dame Slap's mind …

RBA officials are believed to be concerned that smaller funds with smaller average member balances would be more likely to be forced into an asset fire-sale.

Graudian away here ...

Yes, the message was clear.

Invest your super with the IPA, or perhaps Gina. They'll see you right … and while you're at it, why not party on the beach to show your contempt for socialism and the police state and the nanny state and those bloody activists …

And so in lieu of an illustration, a final cartoon …



And that, as seems to have been happening a lot recently, reminded the pond of Charlie Chaplin's Modern Times, still to be seen on repeat in the Capitol Theatre in Tamworth in the 1950s …


Here's a clip, and please, ignore the reptiles, and stay safe …the pond is enjoying the comments, which are vastly more amusing than the reptiles, and wants everyone in good condition to continue ...





28 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. https://johnmenadue.com/greg-lockhart-quarantined-in-the-jazz-age/#more-37875

    I had no idea Scott was still writing.

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    1. Hmmm. Let me see: "Beautifully overwritten, was my first thought. Perhaps, faintly creaky." Greg Lockhart.

      Yep, that was my first thought too :-)

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  4. "the crispy bacon on hand before the war..." from the Goon Show
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KLGztZCHQ0

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    1. Haven't listened to a complete Goon Show in decades, Joe - the last time was probably back when the ABC (RN) still broadcast the 'Comedy Half Hour' at 6:00am. The ABC repeated the Goons from start to finish (several times) and then eventually moved on to other British comedy shows - eg I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again, Round the Horne, Hancock's Half Hour and a heap of others I can basically not remember now.

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  5. Just a quick question before I start thinking: why does that white car at the bottom of the Doggy B's second gobbet, which is supposedly on the NSW/Qld border, have Victorian rego plates ?

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  6. DP - you have been kind enough to write ‘the pond is enjoying the comments section these days’. To use a cliche from too many public speakers ‘I’m sure I speak for all of us here present when I say - if we are able to make even the most modest repayment for your dedication on our behalf, our day has been well spent.’

    Looking across the utter tosh displayed today, I am sure I will have ready seconders for my own comment.

    To cherry pick - Bromancer - ‘what kind of economy’ - if a succession of LNP administrations had truly acted for the public, which ultimately owns the natural resources that they are so keen to see ‘developed’ - we would have a national fund similar to that of Norway, or even Qatar, and a wage subsidy would not have had to trigger deep anxiety about printing money or firing bonds into the maw of the RBA. That would have been a good version of small government, and economic freedom. Or a strong government, building a strong nation, with nothing like socialism.

    Oh, and - ventilators - solved yesterday, old chap - don’t you read other parts of the cage liner that prints your daily waffle? Search under ‘Shoebridge’.

    Dame Slap - oh dear, those dreadful superannuation funds invested in long-term assets. Like those Canadian public service funds that have been soaking up so many of our recently privatised ports and similar infrastructure.

    But our industry funds investing long term would be fine if we had a small government, that was not inclined to fiddle with funds supposed to support people when they could no longer be employed. Any mention that the real problem lies with the decision to allow contributors to dip into their accounts? Does the term ‘compound interest’ register with the grifters (acknowledge GB).

    They have form in this. The Howard/Costello administration pretty much aborted the promise of long term farm management funds by requiring primary producers to use up those funds before they could qualify for largesse during that earlier drought. Well, back than, it was more important to fiddle the figures to show a pretend ‘surplus’.

    They just don’t recognise that long-term thinking is implicit in small, conservative, government.

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    1. But Australia does have a fund set aside for emergencies. It's called the Future Fund and it "...is an independently managed sovereign wealth fund established in 2006 to strengthen the Australian Government's long term financial position. At 30 September 2019, it was valued at A$166 billion."

      Now that would have financed Stimulus Part III (wage subsidy) with change left over. So, are we waiting for a 40 day great flood before we actually make any use of it ?

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    2. "The next time we have a big public debate about spending to alleviate poverty, make college free, provide universal healthcare, or make life easier for working parents, instead of asking “how will you pay for it?” the question should be: “why won’t you pay for it?” During the present crisis, Democrats and Republicans alike are discovering the federal government’s power to spend money to help those in need. But the pandemic hasn’t created the way, only the will." at https://theoutline.com/post/8895/how-will-we-pay-for-it-is-a-stupid-question"

      Naturally the Beetrooter in the SMH is asking the stupid question, and is giving the usual neoliberal answer: screw the poor!

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    3. GB - while comparisons may be odious - if the Future Fund were worth 9 times as much (Norwegian fund, as near as I can find, in Australian dollars, somewhere over $A 1.5 trillion) such a withdrawal would have been barely noticeable, for a population about 5 times Norway's.


      Other Anonymous.

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    4. Indeed so, OA, but then Norway has a couple of things Oz has not: government owned and part owned enterprises amount to about 13% of GDP and, being Europe's biggest oil and gas producer the proceeds of which go into the Government Pension Fund.

      Don't get to have much of either of those things in Oz, though possibly we could have done better 'investing' the government's take from our mostly foreign owned coal exports. But then, most of Australia is foreign owned these days - eg BHP is 76% and Rio Tinto is 83% foreign owned. So the foreign owners would be working every trick in the book to ensure that next to nothing ended up in Australian hands. Tax havens, anyone ?

      Though really, I'm just amused by how we never hear anything about our Future Fund, even when one might think it was about time to utilise it.

      As to "screw the poor" Joe, well the time honoured advice is that if you want to get money, then take it from the poor because their grip on it is weak.

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    5. Seconded here also OA.
      ”Dame Slap - oh dear, those dreadful superannuation funds invested in long-term assets. Like those Canadian public service funds that have been soaking up so many of our recently privatised ports and similar infrastructure.”
      It is all BAU from a literal pandemic of reptiles........no wonder Dorothy is flooded with bad choices.
      Industry Super, activists, green tape.Adani, socialists, the whole gamut. They sound like Foghorn Leghorn on crack, and Neddy with Scottyfrommarketing’s ’epoch-making response’......he sure got that bit right. Confusion and delay.
      Sheridan reckons we live under a centre right Govt......spare me please.
      The botherer endorsing madly the ‘mantra’ of the Sun King’s editorialist.
      I can see the brown nose platoon box ticking frantically.......did anyone mention activists....check, Adani .....check and on and on. The sense of frenzy is stronger every day. Thunder and political fury.
      Q. Where is the Uber Potato? Down for the count? Second isolation?
      https://www.sbs.com.au/news/australian-border-force-officers-returned-to-work-before-testing-positive-for-coronavirus

      Ditto to The Chaplin clip Dorothy.........and nice pick up on the number plate there GB.:))

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RPkJeziNyI&list=PLhDj1YKWLD2Wcrv3yPj6nMHngS-TGQhBk


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    6. Spin this one reptiles. :((

      https://twitter.com/SecularLobby/status/1245123587473731585?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Etweet
      Cheers...I think.

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    7. I guess we all knew that SloMo was a religious nutlet all along.

      But I did enjoy this comment from one of the responders: "I believe faith is a very personal thing". Well maybe it is if your faith is all and only in yourself, but if you are one of those who believe in an omniscient, omnipotent, immanent and eternal "Universe creating God" that you have learned everything you know about from some 'holy writing' composed by a plethora of others over a long period of time - you know, like just about every religion except maybe some varieties of Buddhism - then how do you equate that with it being "private" ?

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    8. Thank you Fellow Anon for the twitter link, and GB for comment. Earlier, I went to 'Wiki' to find out what qualifications the remarkably mediocre Stuart Robert might have acquired, and discovered this - "Robert has attributed his commitment to family, charity and political life to his strong Pentecostal Christian beliefs, and has modelled his morals and values around his faith" - apparently derived from his maiden speech to Parliament. If nothing else, that may help explain why he is still appointed to portfolios, despite regularly displaying minimal ability, little interest and less aptitude for any of them.

      Other Anonymous

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    9. Stuart Robert: wingnut welfare parades again.

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  7. Oh - 'Other Anonymous' takes full responsibility for the comment above.

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    1. Well then I will profoundly second OA's desire to reciprocate DP's daily gift of moderated gems.

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  8. Firstly today, it seems that Reptiles United have picked up a brand new trope: civil liberties in a time of extreme emergency. They must be returned afterwards ! Roopie orders it !

    Well, at least this is Australia, and not Hungary. I wonder if any Hungarians are feeling just a teensy tad of buyers' remorse over having elected Viktor Orban as Prime Minister. I wonder if any Brazilians are feeling buyers' remorse over Jair Bolsonaro. I wonder how many Australians are feeling anything at all about ScottyfromMarketing.

    But to pick just one key item from the Bromancer's harangue: "This [financing key infrastructure and other projects] will be even more challenging given the necessity of diversifying away from our trade, services and supply line over dependency on China."

    Ooh, now that's a beauty - "diversifying" away from China. I really can't wait to see SloMo's brilliant solution for that little problem, can you ? After all, Europe is such a puddle of Eurosclerosis these days, and the Pommies will have all sorts of trade and other problems to solve, and we already subsidise the US as much as we can, so what's left ? India ? Africa ? The Middle East ?

    And for that we've got to throw even more government money at "infrastructure such as dams, roads, resources projects and much else." Dams ? Where are we going to put any dams that will actually ever catch enough water ? Roads ? To where, for what ?

    Yes, just keep on repeating and repeating the old formula, Bromancer, and don't worry about whether it could ever work.

    A pitiful Doggy Bov effort today, though one point caught attention: "We have had an activist media, driven by the inanities of social media, pushing state and federal governments for what they like to call a full lockdown They have paid scant regard to the human toll of even more draconian measures."

    Well, "activist media" eh. Like News Limited and Fox, perhaps ? But just maybe some of the media were paying great regard to the possibility of many coronavirus deaths. Maybe ?

    As to The Editorialist, well the lede says it all: "Guard against march of Big Brother in coronavirus crisis". Yep, that's the trope of the day, all right. Wonder how long they'll keep it up.

    Last, and most decidedly least, Dame Slap and her 'industry superfund' vendetta. Yep, that's just one more item on the long IPA list of hate targets and she's onto it.

    Thanks for the movie segments, DP.

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    1. Because I'm a bit dull it took me a while to realise that the whole point of these grand visions spruiked by the likes of the Onion Muncher, Bromancer and every National party hack is that they are never likely to get up so they can be recycled endlessly.

      When they fail due to engineering or commercial considerations you just blame "green lawfare”.

      Just to pick one example - Adani never looked like viable, even using their own, optimistic figures, the project never made sense financially. I think they needed about $100/tonne to make money and the price was in the $80-90 range at the time. Prices have gotten worse.

      None of that matters of course, the target audience want to believe and will never check the detail.

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    2. Sums it up pretty well, Bef.

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  9. More infrastructure!
    How about building a very fast canal between Melbourne and Sydney so planes don't have to fly over Canberra.
    with apologies to the Goons

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    1. Gold standard infrastructure planning John C, I thrill to the notion of lugeing back and forth in a very fast canoe! Talk about nation-building :)

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  10. Bromancer way up the top "three economic support packages as the government deftly labelled them."

    Jesus H Christ, he must have the lowest bar for deftness in Australian writing ever. His love affair with the Liberal way of being is simply unquenchable innit?

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  11. Following on from the Hokusai, DP, maybe you'd like this one too:

    https://www.tnm.jp/uploads/r_collection/LL_187.jpg

    Which is Hasegawa Tohaku, and you can see more at:
    https://www.google.com/search?q=Hasegawa+Tohaku&tbm=isch&source=univ&client=firefox-b-d&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiBmIynuMboAhVe73MBHbolA4wQiR56BAgMEBA&biw=1230&bih=644

    And that just about exhausts my familiarity with Japanese art.
    GB

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  12. Good one to be familiar with, GB. Lovely piece.

    Other Anonymous

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