The bus to Melbourne airport, and Melbourne airport yesterday on a busy Friday in these end times …
On the upside, there are few planes flying overhead to land on the third runway.
On the downside, the pond misses the planes. What's the point of living in a metropolis if it's a ghost town, and more to the point, the planes have woken up the pond better than alarm clock, because most days a plane would slip into Sydney no later than two minutes after 6 am …
Never mind, it's on to weekend time with the reptiles, and naturally the pond picked the two most useless reptiles of all, because what's the point of a crisis if you can't have some entirely useless, relaxing downtime?
Inevitably top of the page was a scorpion otherwise known as Dame Slap suddenly going all gaia and touchy feely and lovey dovey and wimpy and new age, and perhaps most nauseatingly of all, talking of random acts of kindness …
It could only have been more sickening if the Donald himself had suddenly decided he'd go all Marianne Williamson and bring in a few crystals to help with the campaign, if not with Brockie's energy polarising engine …
Indeed, indeed, there's been some shocking examples of greed, and yet some astonishing acts of generosity and kindness in the matter of tips …
Oh wait, that's from a different magazine. Back to Dame Slap getting all touchy and feely …like Larry David on valium ...
She couldn't help it, could she? Just as she gets into the lovey dovey stuff, out rolls a typical Dame Slap rant about toxic media, the reptiles' pet hate, in no small part because it poses such a threat to their failing business model …
As if, over many years reading the reptiles, the pond hasn't endured endless tit-for tat exchanges, constant attempts at political point scoring, tedious talks of warmists and alarmists, and endless narcissistic look-at-me comments as I lurk in my schoolroom above the faraway tree on planet Janet, not least when I slipped on my MAGA cap and discovered a UN conspiracy leading to world government …
But never mind, the pond always turns to the best sources in a crisis …
Sorry, that loon from another magazine keeps getting in the way, back to Dame Slap lifting the spirits, useless IPA windbag machine that she is ...
No doubt there are a million different ways that Dame Slap, the lizard Oz and News Corp could be used as a force for goo, to make up for their toxic, useless past …
But still the pond finds it hard to forgive or forget that they gave unto the world a man peculiarly ill-suited for the current crisis …
Well that's enough jokes from that other magazine to leaven the gloom of a Dame Slap trying to be kind.
By the pond's reckoning, it took her at least three or four weekly columns to wake up and realise that perhaps an IPA rant about university students or other such like venomous attacks weren't what the times needed or wanted …though the pond isn't sure that any attempt at this late, hasty reform is much help ...
Yes, it gets hard for someone who routinely has railed against corporate virtue, or any other kind of virtue - what with all that endless talk of virtue signalling and its wickedness, and the evils of political correctness - to suddenly attempt to turn into a virtue signaller herself, and even attempt the odd bit of political correctness ...
Pardon the pond if it gives a cynical, hollow, empty Treasure of Sierra Madre kind of laugh … or at least an infallible Pope to chortle at, as we're speaking of peculiar acts of kindness …
Nothing like handing over squillions to produce mass sackings. What an unspeakable act of kindness … and as for the poor buggers still stuck on New Start ...
And so, judged by a survey of one, to the other most useless reptile at the lizard Oz …
Indeed, indeed …
Oh sorry, the pond has already run that celebration of democracy in action … and so we must get on with a lecture from the dog botherer ….
Say what? A point-scoring smart-arse, even as he deplores the lizard Oz's game of point-scoring and smart-arsery, can't resist a smart-arse jab at climate alarmism?
Even in this moment of crisis, the pond can't resist the urge to say, 'well fuck you buddy, and fuck your pointless political in-fighting and all the bullshit you've peddled over the years', not least being a minor Iraq war criminal and the loon responsible for Utegate and lashings, heaps of climate denialism.
And speaking of Malware, that reminds the pond of Malware and his NBN multi-platform vision. How is the NBN going to handle all this videoconferencing and streaming and game-playing as we all self-isolate and seek to do work, or indulge in amusements from home?
The pond hears not very well, and that the NBN heavies are deep in an anxiety attack about Malware's dreaming …
But back to the dog botherer … who suddenly discovers that he's not an epidemiologist, economist or politician, but strangely has never worked out that he's not a climate scientist … but yes, he is much more informed than an ABC reporter who also happens to be a doctor with actual medical training ...
As for those acts of human kindness Dame Slap was calling for? As for the dog botherer deploring cheap point-scoring smart arse scribbling?
Of course he can't resist smart arse point-scoring, and so on we go ...
The pond loves it when reptile ratbags of the odious kind suddenly start talking about political leadership, community cohesion and altruism …
Talk to the News Corp hand …
Now how about reminding everybody that it's all China's fault … and quite likely it was the middle east that produced all the wars there, and simply put, colonialism and the random drawing of lines on a map back in the twentieth century had nothing to do with it ...
Ah, the Wuhan virus. How the Donald would love the dog botherer.
It's surely a singular skill, to manage to be offensive even when pretending to be helpful ...
Well, the pond's instinct in these troubled times is to turn away from the reptile hate merchants and instead imbibe yet another infallible Pope, saturated with the irony that litters the times …
And now as the pond can't link to the paywalled Pope, at least the pond can put in a plug for his recent activities in relation to the summer fires …
And at least, sensibly, The Canberra Times has put a link to that story outside the paywall here … with all proceeds going to the bushfire recovery effort … now there's an actual act of kindness … and without a single bit of smart arse point-scoring in sight ...
Perhaps beyond irony DP......is there such a thing? Twisted? Contemptible?
ReplyDeleteI can just see the Dame sitting at home plying her delicate silk macrame nooses for those vile greenies.
The irony of a useless windbag is strong this day!
As for the dog bothered, how he loves returning to his vomit. Just can’t help himself. It’s quite the habit.
I can’t link to the Saturday Paper(used my quota) but apparently Mike Seccombe has an eviscerating piece on the Govt.’s failure to grasp the current situation....what with all their machinations of self interest democracy.
Cheers........stumbled upon Bondi irony.
It’s refusing to social distance cuz you are young, and healthy, and just want to live your life, and when all of the hospitals are full of corona virus patients, and no staff, you get into an accident and need a hospital bed but their aren’t any and the last one just went to yet another corona virus patient.... Isn’t it IRONIC #StayHome
Returning to his vomit ? Nah, I reckon good honest dog vomit is way too classy for the Doggy Bov.
DeleteHi Dorothy,
ReplyDeleteI do enjoy these rare occasions when Janet drops from her general harangue mode to attempt a personal anecdote.
Be it either an attempt to psycho-analyse the mood of a nation by interrogating the taxi driver on the journey from the airport to explaining to her daughter how the UN’s black helicopters will enforce global dictatorship by the end of the year, Albrechtsen can never fail to sound totally false.
It’s like she has only read about normal human interaction in a journal about Aspergers. She is probably one of those rare people who would fail a Turing test after only three questions.
As for her waxing lyrical about her love of a Bronte road bistro who cannot but fondly remember when she was ranting to all and sundry that Bronte was not a village.
DiddyWrote
Oh deary me, a Turing Test. I haven't heard reference to those for a few decades now.
DeleteNice one, DW.
Dame Slap.....we don’t want no stink in’ Sarajevo round
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbecQqEHJE0&list=RDfbecQqEHJE0&index=1
Duh....We don’t want no stinkin’ Sarajevo round here! Cheers.
ReplyDeleteYair, re the Dame, DP: "Just as she gets into the lovey dovey stuff, out rolls a typical Dame Slap rant about toxic media, the reptiles' pet hate..."
ReplyDeleteQuire so (have I ever mentioned psychological attribution and projection ?). But how about this from the Dame herself: "Then a fine example of leadership lifts us. On Wednesday morning, outside Parliament House, a resolute Scott Morrison stared straight down cameras and said something that should never have been necessary for him to say." "Stop hoarding".
"Resolute" ? Sheesh. ScottyfromMarketing "stare[s] straight down cameras" and bleats a platitude at the masses - those few of the masses watching tv anyway - which nobody paid the slightest attention to and that's "a fine example of leadership" ? Sure Slappy old dear, sure.
Hmmm, "feraldom" ? That's about on a par with Elon's "virality" I'd reckon. Good to see the Dame extending the realm of English, though.
Then we get to the minor war criminal; The Doggy Boverer: "We might have learned hard lessons on rationing and public behaviour in a crisis."
What "hard lessons" ? The hoarding and grifting proceeds apace, undisturbed by any "hard lessons" or even a "resolute leader [tm Dame Slap]". As for the rest of the bullshit, I too am a member of the "public" and I can assure Kenny that like the vast majority of the "public" I've done none of that. And I still can't buy a few toilet rolls or tissues. (Got a bottle of meths this morning, though; just one single lonesome bottle in a very large Coles supermarket.)
And again the DB: "To be sure, we cannot solve the problems of the world. But we can't shrink from them either."
Oh, so that's why we went to war in Korea, Vietnam, Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria etc etc etc. We did it because we couldn't shrink from not being able to solve the world's problems. So instead, we thought we'd just make a bunch more of them and make the already existing ones worse.