In which we are all socialists now ...

 

It isn't the same as a jigsaw puzzle - quick, rush out to a store now for your supplies - nor is it remotely entertaining, but reptile watching has its joys, even on a slow day when the reptiles are completely uxorious, and head over heels in love with SloMo …

Oh, they were all at it, with the bouffant one leading the way …

There was Troy, smiting the enemy and discovering rats in the ranks, with vile treason and gunpowder plots hovering in the air …

Sheesh, all that meant was that the pond had to use up its immortal Rowe cartoon early (others might rush off for more here) …

Sure, our Adam was his usual discontented self, and ready to punish filthy rich pensioners …

But it left the pond in something of a jigsaw quandary. What could possibly match the delights of a jigsaw puzzle?

Yes, the pond could have returned, like a dog to its vomit, to the dog botherer yesterday …

But once you've left the dog botherer on the bedpost overnight, it completely loses its flavour … though many will argue it always tastes of horseshit and isn't worth the saving anyway …

Besides, the pond was as wildly excited at the arrival of socialism down under as the reptiles, and so it felt the need to stay with the theme of the day …

But what exactly is the new normal?

And here an important column by contributor """, one Damian Eales set a sterling example …

It immediately reminded the pond of one of its favourite tunes …

Well there's a little newspaper company waiting at the counter of a corner shop
It’s been waiting down there, waiting half the day
They never ever see it from the top
It gets pushed around, knocked to the ground
Facebook and Google just love to pound
It gets to his feet and it says

What about me, it isn't fair
I've had enough now I want my share
Can't you see I wanna live
But you just take more than you give

And all at once the pond knew what the "new normal" meant. 

Government action, government intervention, government taking steps, government protecting Chairman Rupert, government not forgetting the reptiles, government doing their thing for the lizard Oz, and government doing all it could to help all the chairman's works and deeds …

Frankly, the pond was moved to tears. Even though it won't see a cracker from all the government largesse itself, of course the government should move to support the reptiles …

Yes, the reptiles are hurting, if you listen to Media Watch here ...

...Some of the biggest operators are also struggling with a loss of revenue:
News Corp flags redundancies, executives take pay cut due to COVID-19
… executive chairman Michael Miller said the company would look at reducing costs across the entire business by making more staff part-time, encouraging annual leave, introducing nine-day fortnights and forced leave over Easter. 
- The Sydney Morning Herald, 25 March, 2020
Meanwhile, subscribers are already fleeing Foxtel and Kayo — both owned by News Corp — as sport shuts down around the nation, and the AFL, NRL and a host of other competitions blow the final whistle.

Which is why the pond joins in the cry of "socialism for all", because we are all socialists now …

Say what? The Bolter is alarmed by all this Marxism in the air? 

We must get back to work at once, within the Donald's two weeks, and he personally has volunteered to dump his keyboard and join the garbos or perhaps become a checkout chick to deliver vital services, or a nurse to tend the sick, since what they do is vastly more important than his current job, which involves churning out endless drivel ...

No, no, no, remember the song, and sing along with Damian, a name which either invokes horror movies or millennials, because forget all that, goodbye to all that, things are looking up, things are on the up, the reptiles are doing tremendously well ...

Indeed, indeed, who will challenge Fox News on its many falsities, and who will provide a platform for climate science denialism of the dog botherer kind if the lizard Oz goes down?

Thank the long absent lord that the Bolter remains as keen as mustard to do the right thing, and show how important it is that decent journalism, full of integrity, survives  …

But enough Bolter excitement, and his desire to take a turn as a garbologist, because daily garbage in the HUN has lost its point, if it ever had any …

Instead the pond thought it might also visit the heart of lizard Oz wisdom, the font of insight …the lizard Oz editorialist ... because in its simple-minded way, the pond had thought all this talk of government intervention and government action was a classic example of FDR new dealism, of socialism with Australian characteristics (even if SloMo had copied the Poms, sort of) …

Little did the pond understand, little did the pond realise how urgently it was in need of thought correction …

Of course, of course, all that talk of government intervention to save the reptiles was capitalism at its finest …it seems we're all capitalists now, even when we wear government intervention socialist caps …

"We are fashioning an evolving strain of crisis capitalism with Australian characteristics".

And you wanted a jigsaw puzzle for entertainment! Please, do go on ...

Ah yes, it's all thanks to our effective public institutions. Government lives … which explains why many reptiles have been calling for the slashing of payment to public servants to teach them an egalitarian lesson …

Why only yesterday the selfless recovering reformed feminist the Oreo was explaining how public servants would have their front-line morale improved by slashing their pay …

By the end of it all, the pond was more confused than if it had failed, as it usually does, when attempting a jigsaw puzzle or some other tricky game…

And so to a final disappointment for the day.

The pond searched high and low - well at least six commentaries - in search of the Lobbecke of the day, because of the incessant demand for distraction, interpretation and worship, way more useful in these troubled times than a jigsaw puzzle or a return to 1851 … and could only come up with a pale imitation, at the top of a grand challenge…

With the greatest respect to Tom, he isn't the master … and the pond isn't up to a grant challenge, and decided to leave it there …

Never mind, perhaps a touch of comedy to end …

And here's one for the Bolter, bless his garbo socks …

And that of course is a grand excuse for a few Hokusai, some of which still litter the pond's walls …

In which the Major leads the parade of lizard Oz millennial heavies ...

It's the reptiles' big day, when the unholy trinity of the Major, the Oreo and the Caterist strut the stage, but the pond simply had to start with the Major, because the Major is at one with the public, the Major knows the public intimately, the Major speaks for the public, the Major understands the public is sick, the Major is the voice of the public, oh ye public, how lucky you are to have the Major understand and speak for you …

Now pedants or cynics who might wonder what this mysterious collective public might be simply don't understand the Major's transcendental relationship with, and awareness of, the Public …

Naturally the pond has no understanding of the public, no connection with it, or awareness of it, but it seems the public must at all costs avoid the ABC … and only spend their time, and it goes without saying, their money, with the Major's mob ...

No doubt the Public will love the way that, inter alia, the Major interpolates a little "None of this is to suggest" in his screed, much beloved at the pond as the "but, billy goat, butt" strategy beloved by the reptiles. 

In days of yore, it used to run "none of this is to suggest that there might be some basis for climate science, but billy goat, butt, let us not be alarmist …"

And to to the last of the Major's billy goatist buttism, in which he offers up the Bolter as an inspiration to, and aspiration for, all ...

The Bolter? He's gone from this tracking on Media Watch …

… back to his usual talk about alarmism, and his own patented brand of billy goatism ...

Follow the Bolter? Might as well get exposed to the virus, or perhaps just fuck the planet by denying climate science …

And so to the Caterist, who, as the pond notes many times, is an expert on the movement of flood waters in quarries, and so is perfectly positioned to explain everything …

Amazingly the Caterist didn't seem to be abreast of the times, and hadn't heard the news, even though it was on the front page of the lizard Oz tree killer edition, no doubt languishing in airports and losing its circulation figures at a rapid rate …

But enough of the news, back to the Caterist, though the pond will concede that in the case of the Caterist, any two - the Caterist and a reader - is more than enough of a crowd ...

Um, wasn't it SloMo who refused Albo a place in the national cabinet?

Sheesh, the pond must stop skimming the headlines, and focus on the fluid situation, which is perhaps like the movement of fluids in quarries ...

A poll? Voluntary self-isolation? What, like this?

 

No, no, no, ignore all those snaps of the crowded beaches. People over 65 are self-isolating, and they only come in to contact with beach goers at supermarkets, pharmacies and the like, so everything is totally tip top ...

Yes, Australia must find its own solution, possibly by sticking our Caterist head in beach sand, and ignore the rest of the world, and follow the Caterist, and who knows, at the least there might be a grand defamation action to follow …

And so to the recovering reformed feminist …

Apparently the Oreo has decided to give up all fees for the public service she performs by scribbling her columns for the lizard Oz …

Now the pond thought this unlikely, but decided it was enough of a motivation - finding the evidence - to scour the Oreo's latest offering …

Nope, nothing there about spurning payment, and even a hint that SloMo's mob got it wrong, and lord help us, might have been better off following Boris's model for wage subsidies … though watching the terminator dance on the head of that particular pin on The Insiders was the most excruciating moment in the pond's weekend …

But back to the recovering, reformed Oreo, and that noble gesture of self-sacrifice … as opposed to snatching the cash out of the paw of those she doesn't like ...

But, billy goat, butt, there's no point in living in the past. The times have changed, things are on the move, and perhaps it might be more to the point to wonder why the government failed, despite many warnings, to fix myGov, and so has produced a complete mess, a debacle …

Steady on, it's the Oreo, she's not too worried about the poor buggers suffering at the moment, she's still  mourning the surplus ...

How foolish of the pond, how silly, to expect that the Oreo would announce the ways she was sharing the economic pain … though last week, the infallible Pope showed us all how to share …

And so to a section dedicated to Lobbecke cultists, experts in what the pond understands should be called Lobb-eckology, or some such thing ... 

Unfortunately the master turned up on a column unrelated to the pond's favourite three lizard Oz heavies, and the pond has already done far too much reptile following this morning, so this perforce is only the first gobbet …though the message and the tone is clear enough …

A tasty Lobbecke, and well worth considering and pondering upon, and interpreting the meaning … though if the pond reads it right, it seems to undercut the Caterist a little, and so luckily wasn't placed at the head of his meandering nonsense ...

But as for the author's message, that it's the Millennials that don't get it? Yet lordy lordy, it's clear that the reptiles of the lizard Oz don't get it, and so by the pond's impeccable logic, all the reptiles are Millennials …!

And that last par seemed to confirm it, because what reptile has grown up with the need for detail, depth and analysis?

As opposed to say, the hysteria of the Bolter or the Major's search for that Order of Lenin medal, or the Oreo's trading on long-forgotten academic feminist credentials, or the Caterist getting almost everything he scribbles about wrong?

At this point, the pond became so confused, so alarmed at a News Corp packed with millennials, that it turned to help from the immortal Rowe, and lucky he was here to provide it …

And so to an apology, for those wondering about "Ned" and his brevity.

Unfortunately the pond missed the major "Ned" and Bjorn and many other examples of the reptiles being reptilian on the weekend …

 

Here, have a cartoon instead …

In which "Ned" and prattling Polonius are on hand for a Sunday meditation ...

The pond began to realise that it was a crisis of massive proportions when it clicked on nattering "Ned" …

There was the usual bombastic spacing in the lizard layout, which heralded extended portentous pronouncements by "Ned" of the usual interminable kind … and when the pond clicked on the header, it prepared itself for a rough ride through the partisan divide …

And then, what do you know, it was all over in a single gobbet ...

This was fortuitous, because before heading off to hear what prattling Polonius had to prattle, it allowed the pond time to offer up the weekend Lobbecke, skilfully formatted for mobile phone sheep …

 

Make of that what you will, decoders, decrypters, decipherers, though it had an eerie echo of the infallible Pope cartoon the pond ran yesterday … 

Unfortunately the master cult illustrator was attached to the oscillating fan, and the pond couldn't go there, but for those yearning for the rest of the fan's advice, remember there's always a handy Firefox extension to help out …

Luckily, not going there created some space for the pond before getting on to prattling Polonius and his prattle … in particular, a story in the Weekly Beast here, featuring the reptiles …

And so it came to pass …

 

There you have it …at last the ethics and standards of the lizard Oz revealed for all to see …

Well, the pond will wait on medical advice regarding the quality and worth of the snake oil … after all, the Chinese are decimating wildlife in Africa for nostrums to fix ailing men's penises ...

Meade ended the story this way …

A man in Arizona has died from drinking a small amount of a chloroquine phosphate product, after the US president, Donald Trump, touted hydroxychloroquine as possibly “one of the biggest game changers in the history of medicine”.
The Australian’s editor-in-chief, Chris Dore, has been approached for comment.

Comment? 

Why need for comment, it's cash in the paw over ethics for all snake oil salesmen and con artists. Just ask the Donald, as good a con man as the ages have ever seen …

And luckily all this proved relevant to Polonius and his prattle …

As usual, on Friday, he was having one of his eternal, monotonous, monomaniacal, obsessive compulsive, anal retentive goes at the ABC …

And then for the weekend, he doubled down with yet another of his eternal, monotonous, monomaniacal, obsessive compulsive, anal retentive goes at the ABC …

Uh huh, but has the ABC taken to publishing expensive ads from snake oil salesmen and con artists?

Of course the real ABC thought crime is to question the government, but Polonius is too clever to go the simple gushing, arse-licking route of the bromancer …

No, no, no, bromancer, in love with the woolly sheep, you miss the point … it's all the fault of ABC activists …

Oh dear, Polonius was briefly unemployed in early 1976 … never mind that those were the glory days, when you could actually get by on the dole, unlike New Start … and it was only in March 1976 that the aloof western districts'  squatter, the freezer, the head prefect and his mob really began to turn the screws …

But now, history lesson over, it's time to turn to the glories of the government and the deeds of the wicked ABC, and wonder if they were selling snake oil too?

 

Please allow the pond to pre-empt Polonius … because the ABC had the temerity to notice a little mixed messaging, as here …

Don't expect any mixed messaging from Polonius, always forthright in his desire to shake the hand of the government ...

Going slow?  Irresponsible?

Should we shake hands on that, head out to the gym, or maybe the footy?

Outrageous, shocking, shake your hands all you like, go to the gym, and maybe head off to Bondi or to St Kilda beach to share the irresponsibility, oh, and don't forget to sell the snake oil …

It's possibly apparent by now that the pond has some considerable contempt for the reptiles, and in particular for prattling Polonius ...

And where does that contempt come from? Well only Polonius, allegedly interested in history, could slide from talk of the Great Depression to the line "the recession began in the late 1920s…"

No, a recession didn't begin in the late 1920s, a Great Depression did, a depression that made your average recession look like a Donald Trump easter bunny sitting in the pews munching easter choccies …

You know, in the old days, the pond was constantly told to keep trying harder, to try to do better, to improve things as much as possible, to devise clever responses … and what do we get from Polonius instead?

Woolly cloth-eared notions that everything is going swimmingly, and the government is doing a top notch job, and never mind the odd bump along the road …

… because they're following best practice and best medical advice, and never mind the odd death or three … and instead pay attention to all the wickedness of the ABC … because that's the sort of snake oil the reptiles, and particularly the monomaniacal, anal retentive, compulsive obsessive Polonius, have always been in the business of selling …

And now, as it's a meditative Sunday, why not a bunch of cartoons to show another government following best practice …though one should never forget the entertainment value in Marina Hyde dishing it out to "I'll shake hands" Boris and his motley crew ...