Friday, March 27, 2015

In which the pond goes swimming in the pool of tears with Malcolm Turnbull, Minister for Terrorism Advice, world's leading climate scientist Maurice Newman, and the Ministers for Copper and Direct Action ...

(Above: and more Popemobile humour here. Go on, give him a click).

Dear stray passing terrorist, this important message from the Australian government:

“If you have a device, and if I call you just through the mobile phone network, then there will be a record at my carrier that I’ve called your number,” he told Sky’s David Speers. 
“If on the other hand I’ve called you by Skype, or a voice call on Viber, I send you a message on Whatsapp or Wickr or Threema or Signal, you know, Telegram, there’s a gazillion of them. 
“Or indeed, if we have a Facetime call, the telco can see that I have made a connection to a Skype server or a Whatsapp server, it doesn’t see that I’ve had any connection with you.” (here, with more handy attitudes).

Oh and stray passing terrorist, remember this handy hint:

"Your web-surfing history is a matter for you," Turnbull said. "You've all got VPNs (virtual private networks) anyway. 

"All of you appear to be somewhere in Iowa when you go online ... I know that ... anyway, I won't go on," he said with a smile. (here, with more handy attitudes and tips).

Yes, the man who's supervising the slow roll out of fraudband - slower than the original proposal, and at the same or greater expense as the original proposal - to deliver a service that will immediately need an expensive upgrade if Netflix is ever to pose a real threat - is now the Minister for Terrorist advice ... (and you don't need Clarke and Dawe to send up the blithering ponce here).

Now please, stray passing terrorist, can the pond suggest in the politest way, that you piss off and go about your business in peace and quiet, because we have some very important business to attend to, and it's all there in No limits: rights holders could potentially block hundreds of piracy websites in Australia with a single strike.

The pond no longer wonders why it's down the rabbit hole with Alice ... it just goes swimming in the pool of tears with the mouse, while listening to its harrowing tales of monumental misdeeds ...

And now maestro - since traditionalists flinch from maestra - could we have a modest drum roll, and perhaps a little organ music, building up in ever so gently for an important public announcement:

Oh okay, enough already, sheesh, talk about going over the top in a most peculiar Germanic way.

But wait, the fanfare was important, because this day the pond is inordinately pleased to present the further thoughts of arguably the world's greatest climate scientist.

Now Moorice's qualifications and extensive research and many, many publications for the reptiles at the lizard Oz are widely recognised and world renowned.

It seems incontrovertible to assert that he has made many invaluable scientific advances, and is considered by many as a notch above the invaluable scientific work performed by the likes of the Bolter and Lord Monckton.

Yet routinely Moorice hides his light behind a bushel - which incidentally is a phrase with a biblical inspiration, as can be found in Matthew 5:15:

Neither do men light a lamp, and put it under a bushel, but on a lamp stand; and it gives light unto all that are in the house.

Indeed, indeed, and it therefore seems shocking, outrageous that the reptiles at the lizard Oz persist in refusing to make the lamp available to all, so that all might see and understand, and instead put Moorice's scientific papers behind a paywall.

This is scientific sacrilege, so it's the pond's sacred duty to help out. Let her rip Moorice:

Now that's the sort of seminal scientific advice that the pond loves.

Where else would you get a better description of CO2?

Following Mr Newman's advice, the pond is going to fill a room with the lovely gas and sit in it for a couple of hours, before dissolving an extreme amount in water, and then having a bath.

You know that old chestnut, the surest way of spotting a denialist, that carbon dioxide is a lovely gas. The next thing you know you'll be swilling down coca cola like a Dennis Jensen because coke is really good for your teeth ...

As for all those other impeccable bits of cherry picked hand me downs ... why the pond was gobsmacked with awe and admiration ...

Talk about science ...

Now let's not hear any dribble from NASA, like Research Links Extreme Summer Heat Events to Global Warming.

Why that's old 2012 news, and everyone knows that NASA is really a bunch of pinko commie perverts out to help the UN establish a world government.

So do go on Moorice: 

And there you have it. Better to help fuck the world than do anything in our own nest.

And of course the views herein expressed are not just those of Maurice Newman. They are the views of Tony Abbott, and they are the views of many in the federal government, and they are the views of the editorial team at The Australian which routinely prints denialist tracts, and they are the views of chairman Rupert, himself a wondrous expert on climate science:

Oh yes, there's some knockdown science for you ...

Is it any wonder this is doing the twitterverse rounds?

And finally the pond is in despair.

What sort of reader would blithely suggest that the pond head off to Auspol on Twitter to keep in touch with the loons?

Why the next thing you know, the pond might have given up science class with Moorice and returned to brooding about broadband in big Mal's technology class, which favours exactly the same sort of technology as was deployed in the great overland telegraph.

Telegraphs were cheap to install, the main cost being the copper wires. No heavy engineering was involved, and the telegraph machines themselves were cheap and easy to manufacture. By 1858, Sydney, Melbourne and Adelaide were connected. Tasmania, not far behind, was connected in 1859. The telegraph provided a means of exchanging messages between the distant cities and towns of Australia, thousands of miles away in the mere space of minutes. The reality of connecting people so immediately enhanced the desire to connect Australia in a similar way with the world. News from afar came on the Royal Mail Ships, but it typically took sixty to eighty days to reach Australia from Europe in the 1850s, reduced to about forty days in the 1870s. (here).

You see? It's all in the magic of copper, and by golly what was good enough for our Victorian ancestors is damn well good enough for today's mob of peasants. Oh sure the uppity Chinese might be doing it differently, but what would they know?

All you get with Auspol is restlessness ...

And there's a lot more of that subversive, some would say treasonous rubbish on that hashtag.

Why you can even cop a link to this sort of treacherous greenie nonsense:

And so on. Of course, you can read Lenore Taylor here if you like, but enough of this twitter nonsense, the pond is off to have a kool aid sherbert with the reptile lizards of Oz.

Om, om, Moorice good, Chairman Rupert great ...

And so to a cartoon from David Rowe, more Rowe here, and for a little background reading, why not disinter the Warburton report, available here?

Au contraire ... everything's fine in the pool of tears.

Waiter, another kool aid kocktail if you will, and make it a double ... and then we'll be off for a swim in carbonated water ...


  1. I hope Mr Newman caught the science segment on RN Breakfast today which reported two studies showing association between air pollution and a) increases in mortality and b) incidence of mood disorders. Whether or not one is concerned about anthropogenic climate change, there are good reasons to move to cleaner sources of energy.

  2. But no matter how many times Newman recites his political mantra, carbon dioxide will remain colourless, odourless but unfortunately very polluting.

    1. Furthermore, it appears Moorice is starting a new religious movement: carbon dioxide worship.

      Just think of the possibilities!

    2. Hi Mercurial,

      Maybe we are wrong to label Moorice and his ilk, as Climate Change denialists. Instead maybe they merely wish to practise the love that dare not speak its name - Carbonophilia!


    3. Diddy,
      that would be dioxycarbophilia, I believe. To distinguish it from monoxycarbophilia, which is fatal, as we all know.

    4. Aren't all philias fatal one way or the other ? As for dioxycarbo, just ask any submariner how good that is, especially to breathe.

    5. Hi Mercurial,

      Dioxycarbophilia is a much more precise nomenclature than my clumsy attempt and GrueBleen is certainly correct that anything (even what we love) can be bad for us when taken in excess. Check out the side-effects for Hypercapnia in this Ghunt;


  3. NSW election betting at odds with the polls.

    At the start of the week, the Coalition was $1.05 to win the election, according to the numbers-makers at sportsbet.

    But the Coalition is now down to $1.01 to win. Meaning you'd need to put $100 on them to win $1 profit.

    And Labor was at $10 to win. But the ALP's now blown out to $17.

    Who to trust, Waterhouse or Murdoch?

  4. Good, please let me be the first cu .. I mean, "grub" .. to ask re Mr Lubitz "Was the pilot a Muslim?". There, that's better. Folks were wondering, after all. There is a benchmark for this idle chatter, too. Top Ten differences between White Terrorists and Others.
    Juan Cole reckons Maybe I need to add some more principles to my Top Ten differences between White Terrorists and Others, like “terrorism is only ruled out when the whiteness of the perp can be firmly established.”

  5. Some recent approved comments posted on Bolt's blog.


    99% of feminists are homosexual and have nothing to do with normal hetro sexual women

    Get a life feminists

    The Muslim Population has exploded since Abbott Got in

    the west is most probably backing these terrorists through the Halal Certification program that we all have to pay when buying our groceries

    how come all members of ISIS are Muslims?

    Islam just doesn’t fit in.

    Labor and the Greens want us to be walking apologies to Muslims.

    There is no such thing as “modserate islam,”

    The teachings of Islam have no place in a civilized country.

    I don’t see how an Islamic school has a place in Australia. We are a western democracy.

    1. I agree! There's no such thing as "modserate Islam."

      It's "moderate Islam!"

    2. I think the Blot poster meant "mods, serrate Islam".

    3. There is a proven connection between limited literacy and racism on the internet.


      I can prove that trawling astonishingly sad comments threads has not been a waste of time - I have a theorem out of it!

    4. At another of those places on the internet where people on the right go and freely share their strange and anti-social peccadilloes – it is amazing to me how much they are prepared to reveal about their ignorance and their truly dysfunctional personalities - one of the posters wrote, in among a general whinge about Abbott and how badly he has let the side down:

      “so we’re all still prohibited from offending or insulting anyone on the basis of race (and) in his recent National Security statement he (Abbott) talked about introducing ‘stronger prohibitions on vilifying, intimidating or inciting hatred’.”

      Seriously, why would anyone be annoyed that they “still” don’t have the ‘freedom’ to insult people on the basis of their race – and as if there were different races any way. Do they wake up every morning with a need to go out and call someone a racist name to relieve their frustration .. or something?

      Why would one want to vilify intimidate or incite hatred? FFS It is a strange freedom that these people desire so strongly. What rational reason could there be for behaving so boorishly and actually plotting to take other people’s freedom to live without being abused?

      But about the comments, it is a waste of time but it is strangely fascinating and also sobering to realize that these people apparently regard themselves as ‘normal’ and have no idea that they suffering from any number of psychological ‘disorders’.

      And the childish nastiness is for no reason except it seems to be the thing to do – it’s their culture and earns brownie points - especially making fun of ‘funny’ foreign names and ‘mussies’ and other cultural practices that appear strange to narrow and shallow people ..... who desperately need some therapy or better friends.

  6. " I don’t see how an Islamic school has a place in Australia. We are a western democracy."...Now, you'd think a degree of!..a HALF a degree!..would bring the writer to the conclusion that they had erred on the side of "contradictory absurdity".

    1. Classic. Almost as good as "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here, this is the War Room!"

      Says a lot about the IQ of the average Bolt commentator, and the man himself.

  7. One has to give credit to Mr. Newman for perfecting the pubic-hair comb-over.

  8. I think I've discovered what fuels AGW denialists. The Arctic ice must have moved to Oz.

    A landmark report on the scale of Australia's ice epidemic has prompted federal justice minister, Michael Keenan, to warn that "our nation's addiction to this mind-eating, personality-distorting, life-ending drug" is undermining the social fabric of communities.

  9. Watching David Attenborough last night on the tv was oddly reassuring - there are a lot of smart people doing real science to determine the likely affects of global warming. Fools like Mr Newman will be undone by reality in the end and progress will be made, not by the Australian government, but by the economics of fuel poverty in the developing world driving the use and development of renewables. Coal seam gas, brown coal etc are all in terminal decline.
    There is hope for us all yet!


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