What's the pond to do, in these troubled times, as the sand runs through the hour glass, and we go about our troubled lives?
The reptiles at the lizard Oz are so desperate to get their version of the story noticed that they've put Tony Abbott, Liberal Party, urged to act on Peta Credlin outside the paywall.
But then it's not an EXCLUSIVE - everyone and his dog seemed to cop the leak - and since the story features that grey paranoid ABC basher, Richard Alston, it seems only fair to link to the ABC's Leaked emails from Liberal Party federal treasurer Philip Higginson address 'conflict of interest' posed by Loughnane and Credlin marriage.
Phew, that's a whopper of a headline, which sort of tells the whole story but for a little Days of our Lives filigree:
"How this party ever let a husband and wife team into those two key roles where collegiate competitive tension is mandatory and private consultations between colleagues to see that each side is served well is a complete mystery," the letter said.
"The persons in our party's history that allowed it to occur should hang their heads in collective shame.
"The federal director has a fiduciary duty to act in the best interests of the organisation at all times, repeat, at all times.
"How can this possibly happen when the COS [chief of staff] to the PM is his wife?
"It immediately brings about the cessation of open communication to the federal director, contributes to wooden and unreliable communication, and a reluctance towards open and trusting lines of communication and, dare I say it, retribution.
"In corporate Australia the chairman of the board would never allow his EA [executive assistant] to be wife of the managing director, or the managing director would never allow his EA to be the wife of the chairman."
And so on. With the scribbler then immediately fleeing the country to avoid any questions, while resigning.
Such are the marital days of our lives.
What a storm in a tea cup ...
How can this be, with all the good work and the hard yards done?
Yes, there you go. Once again Tamworth wisdom comes to the surface.
Shove a stick into an ants' nest, and you're sure to get a lot of agitation and unhappiness, and our fearless leader has managed to alienate the very community he most needs help from, at least if you read the Graudian's Muslim leaders outraged by Tony Abbott's chiding over extremism.
So unfair. All this talk of living in a cocoon, and scapegoating, and promoting hatred and inflaming racism, and dog-whistling and not being helpful but being divisive.
I mean that's the Bolter's and Tony's entire point. It's all their fault.
And then a woman has to be sent in to tidy up the kitchen:
The foreign minister, Julie Bishop, stepped back from Abbott’s statements in question time on Monday.
“I want to applaud members of our Muslim community here in Australia who are taking a stand against extremism and working with the government, with mosques and community groups to keep our people safe,” Bishop said.
Oh Magoo, you've done it again.
Why even the cartoonists are full of jibes (and more Pope here):
Thank the long absent lord there are still a few who can maintain the faith.
Come on down Daily Terror, give us all hope:
Oh yes, he's still a contender, he's still in the ring. Zinger Bill is down on the canvas. Come on reptiles, give us a 'sock it to me' lizard Oz front page:
But hang on, hang on, is that the bromancer featured on the front page?
Thank the long absent lord, there's a guaranteed bit of servile lick-spittling for all the initiatives designed to promote an alienated, embittered Muslim community.
Come on down bromancer, confirm the glory and the secureness of the security:
Oh dear, that didn't go quite as the pond expected.
A big mistake? Messy in practice?
But wasn't the entire point just to lather up paranoid hysteria in a fine frothing and foaming? Is there any point actually looking at the details?
Oh dear, and Terror Tsar sounded so good, so fine, such a lovely sound bite.
Never mind, what news from the Fairfaxians?
rats in the ranks!
Two backbench MPs who supported the spill said that while the first challenge had come from backbenchers who were now largely silent, disquiet had now moved to the ministry.
"This has moved above my pay grade," one said.
Of course the pond is aware where all this mischief-making is coming from.
Sure, you might think it springs from the reptiles of Oz as much as the Fairfaxians, at least in recent weeks, but thanks to the Caterists, the pond understands that the thinking of Victorians runs deep.
It's genetic, it's in the DNA, it's here and now.
So if it please the chair, can we now move to the comedy item for the day? It's lengthy and tedious, and coming right after people got poisoned by food all around Australia, it's emphasis on the benefits of de-regulation might seem bizarre - like a bubble headed booby in a self-congratulatory echo chamber - but dedicated observers of bears with little brains will find it delicious. A bit like a mix of frozen berries from China.
At last, thanks to the lizards of Oz, and the Caterists, the pond can proudly present the source of the culture wars:
Yes, keep on shipping those berries. What need of regulation?
As everybody knows, it's the responsibility of businesses not to poison their customers. What's the point of labelling to describe accurately the contents of bags of food? Who cares where they come from? After all, Chinese hygiene standards are good enough for them, so they're good enough for here.
As for finance, who cares about a few victims of banks? What's the point of regulation if it's designed to prevent banks from making out like bandits? All you get then is a tedious blame game and epic kinds of cover ups. How does that help business or customers?
All this recent talk of the NBA and the CBA? Is it really necessary? Is it useful? Can't we just have cheaper choice and reduced costs, so that the banks can quietly go about the business of plucking the chooks quietly and in private?
Outrageous stuff. Just look at Fairfax, doing a David Syme in Calls for wider inquiry into financial planning industry (with forced video).
What this country needs to get back into shape is a decent Enron or two, ripping off pensioners and helping out the rich!
Why the pond is immediately proposing to dismantle the entire police and security forces at work in this country! There's simply too much regulation, and it restricts the pond's personal choice to buy explosives ...
Do go on, Caterists, do go on. And remember it's not just the Fairfaxians, it's those filthy perverted types at the ABC:
Now is there any irony in all this? Apart from a minister in the federal government explaining how he wants to do less, at a time when the government is cranking up to do much more ...
Yes, the blather comes at the time the fearless leader is proposing a new age of paternalism in relationship to security, with all sorts of regulations and state interference, and circumvention of freedoms and the right to free speech.
Even the Bolter - busy as usual with his work as the world's best climate scientist, and hard pressed daily denouncing the rat fink media for its undermining of Tony Abbott - paused to observe a few problems:
Oh yes, what fun to be reporting the Bolter yet again for being a preacher of hate, or if you will, a hate preacher.
But back to the Caterists, because the whole point of this tedious recycling of half-baked Tea Party ideas at last becomes clear:
Yes, there you go, it's the Caterists giving a harmless back rub, a tummy scratch to that eternal doofus Greg Melleuish, so that a line can be drawn from David Syme to Jon Faine, and never mind that the pond knows for an historical fact that a direct line can be drawn from Genghis Khan to Nick Cater and Greg Mellleuish ...
Now is there any other irony to be found?
Well the pond is sure there are squillions, not the least that Menzies himself was a devoted nation builder, dedicated to such socialistic enterprises as the Snowy Mountains scheme.
But in the process of googling the Caterist piece, which came with the header, No end to the age of paternalism, the pond came across this clarion call:
Eek, a new paternalism! And it worked out so well too ...
And there you have it.
A direct line from David Syme to Tony Abbott.
Well worth another tome from a historian, except if it comes from that tedious cultural warrior, Greg Melleuish. There's only so much nonsense to be endured during the days of our lives ...
Well if you've made it this far, give yourself a matehood, or appoint yourself a Sir Duke. Such things take a lot of hard work and hard planning and doing the hard yards:
But enough of the Graudian and Erica, here, it's time for a cartoon, but there needs to be a little spadework first.
You see the wags have been having great fun with the fearless leader's six flag salute, sure in the knowledge that this kind of half-baked, half-arsed flag waving is deeply American, and that patriotism is the first refuge of the scoundrel, as recorded in Prime Minister announces changes to terror laws, brings six flags to press conference:
Okay that's an enhanced photo, but it reminded the pond that back in the old days, flag waving was regarded with deep suspicion, as the behaviour of wankers and poseurs.
Naturally all the joking about the flag strutter sent the Bolter into a frenzy:
But once upon a time, neither side of the house indulged in this sort of Cronulla beach riot flag waving nonsense. Perhaps it was being made to salute the flag and honour the school and all that sort of carry on first thing in the morning that led to a healthy cynicism and disrespect.
And now David Rowe has revealed the true point of the flags.
They weren't there for faux, cynical patriotic jingoist purposes, they were there to hide all sorts of rats and mice, lurking as if they're hiding behind the arras in Hamlet, waiting to be stabbed, or to do a little stabbing...
Such is the days of our lives ... and as usual more Rowe here.