Sunday, December 21, 2014

And so to Xmas and the New Year, and sailing with Team Titanic and the reptiles in 2015 ...

If the pond had its way, every Seth Rogen film would be pulled from the shelves and stored in bunkers ...

That might sound a bit harsh, it'd mean trouble for Kung Fu Panda, and This is the End wasn't that bad, mainly lame, and there must be other ways of keeping Neighbors off suburban streets, but the biggest problem is that it puts the pond in company with the North Koreans ...

Now having fun with Sony executives' emails is one thing, but caving into the sensibilities of North Korea is entirely another ...

It's not as if Rogen is as culpable as Seth MacFarlane. Just sharing that first name "Seth" isn't enough, and it has to be remembered that Seth MacFarlane was responsible for A Million Ways to Die in the West (except by having a decent laugh) and an obnoxious bear, as funny as a fart in a room full of nuns ...

Don't ask the pond what that last line means. Just sing along:

John, Ted: [singing] When you hear the sound of thunder, 
Don't you get too scared. 
Just grab your thunder buddy 
And say these magic words: 
"Fuck you, thunder! 
You can suck my dick! 
You can't get me thunder 
'Cause you're just God's farts!"

And Hollywood wonders why piracy is on the rise. You can type and sing that sort of shit Seth, but do you expect the punters to pay for it?

And Rogen can't really be compared to the diabolical Trey Parker (is there something going on with first names?), another animated sitcom player who stepped up to the mark with Team America, which mocked and made fun of the North Koreans, since let's face it, you either have to laugh or cry when confronted with fascist states ...

And then Tony Abbott decided he'd borrow Trey's Team America and turn it into Team Australia.

So there's your real problem, North Koreans ... Tony Abbott.

Now leave Seth and his film alone, you pathetic people (you can keep giving Sony a hard time if you like - the cowards folded, and then the custards cravenly pretended they hadn't).

Yes, it's been a long year for the pond, and today clearly the incipient hysteria has finally settled in.

And today's the day the pond retreats to contemplate and consider and lick wounds.

After all, if it's good enough for the world's most eminent and scientific climate scientist, the eminent Bolter, to retreat from the world, with an "I'll be baaack", it's good enough for the pond.

Meanwhile, the real comedy, much better than what Hollywood can muster, continues.

Rumours swirl about the cabinet reshuffle which will shortly be announced:

Senator Johnston, the man who complained he would not trust the government’s shipbuilder ASC to construct “a canoe’’, was expected to fall on his sword yesterday ahead of the Prime Minister announcing his new team today. 
But there was anger in Abbott Government ranks that Senator Johnston should not be forced to stand aside, most likely for Immigration Minister Scott Morrison, on the basis of his canoe remarks. Senior government sources cautioned yesterday that the decision to move Senator Johnston was not a done deal. 
Critics of Treasurer Joe Hockey suggested it was unfair to dump Senator Johnston for defence over some silly “canoe’’ remarks, when Mr Hockey was not being asked to lose his portfolio over suggesting poor people did not drive very far. 
Senator Johnston has been involved in a string of gaffes including revealing he didn’t turn up to national security committee meetings on a day when he didn’t have much to contribute. (no need to read the Sunday Terror now).

Well indeed, and this is why Abbott will catch it coming or going. If Johnston is forced to the back bench for making a silly remark, he will turn into an exceptionally grumpy dissident force for mischief-making that will make Warren Enstch seem like a harmless Queensland eccentric.

And he will have reason, because if making silly remarks was a reason for a dumping, why the entire Cabinet, from Abbott down, would have to be dumped, because this government has spent the entire year establishing a solid reputation as the government for silly sayings ... forsooth ...

It will however be a relief to say farewell to the harbingers of hate, who know no limits or shame in their hatred of Julia Gillard and their persistence in the pursuit.

It turns out that there was no basis for an action against Gillard, but she was verballed by Dyson Heydon, in lieu of any actionable findings, and so the verballing by the rat pack, the Bolters and the Akker Dakkers, has continued apace ...

Akker Dakker, himself with a shady past when it comes to the consumption of drugs and living on the wild side - let he or she who is innocent cast the first stone on that one - is at it again today:

Denied a court action, all that's left to the contemptibly righteous and smug is a kangaroo court, and so the kangaroos are bounding about ...

This will never stop in some quarters. Deprived of the satisfaction of a public hanging by legal means, the Murdochians will conduct their own hanging over and over and over and over ...

That it becomes as tedious as a sex, piss or fart joke in a Seth MacFarlane movie will escape their attention, because for all the tomfoolery with drugs, the commentariat left their sense of humour in the change shed, when they donned the garments of ideological rage and hate ...

Yes, it'll be good to step out of the snake pit and the hissing, slithering reptiles. Every so often, the pond feels like Karen Allen:

But the snakes are part of the fun, and it's a dead cert - oh yes the pond knows the argot - that the fun will continue.

(found amongst fevered Fairfax reshuffle speculation here).

You see, North Koreans? It's such a simple step from Team Australia to Team Titanic ...

And Team Titanic are already at work making feverish promises for the future ...

(and the rest at Fairfax here).

Fairer for all Australians?

An intergenerational report, which if it fails to note the increase in HECS debt and the shifting of the cost of education to future generations, will become a joke?

The pond has long said it wouldn't buy a used car from Jolly Joe, so it's hardly likely to swallow this sort of humbug:

The families package would be "focused on facilitating growth and helping people to cope with the pressures of work whilst at the same time raising a family. More flexible and affordable childcare, a fairer paid parental leave scheme, these things are going to help to drive greater workforce participation, which is absolutely essential given we have such an ageing demographic."

A fairer paid parental leave scheme? It's you, you goose, you and your party and your fearless leader that devised and paraded the current proposed paid parental leave scheme ...

Greater workforce participation, when the young are suffering acutely and being punished for daring to want to afford an education?

Fairness from a flock of self-indulged, self-absorbed representatives of the big end of town>

Never mind, it's going to be a good year, and in the meantime, may the pond, in the spirit of Xmas, wish readers happy holidays, a good New Year, and much fun in 2015 with humbugs and snakes ...

Oh and if you insist, Joyeux Noël,  Frohe Weihnachten, Glædelig Jul, Prettig Kerstfeest, Chag Molad Sameach, and so on and so forth, and gelukkig nieuwjaar, bonne année, Frohes neues Jahr, and  felix sit annus novus ...

And oh no, the dread crime of multi-culturalism ... and we all know where that leads ...

Bitter fruits indeed.

Enjoy the Xmas cake and the fireworks, have a good one, and then buckle up for the ride, because there's more bitter lemons ahead in 2015 ...


  1. Wishing you and yours all the very best for the holiday season, DP. And much thanks for the most excellent reads.

  2. Seasons Greetings and Happy Holidays all, and if that is all too PC and Multicultural for anyone I wish them a miserable bloody Christmas instead!

  3. Hi Dorothy,

    The Sethians were a Gnostic sect during the Roman era circa the 2nd and 3rd centuries. They viewed Seth the third son of Adam and Eve (born after Cain had killed Abel) as the founder of the gnostic race (immovable race, Seed of Seth). They also considered Jesus to be the reincarnation of Seth.

    There was also a 19th century British-German group called the Knights of Seth (Ordo Equester Sethani) that attracted wealthy young men and attempted to resurrect medieval gnostic and dualistic Christian ideas. Although it appears to be have been considered more of a gentleman club than a serious religious movement.

    The Sethians make an appearance in Patrick O’Brian’s Aubery/Maturin books as part of the crew of The Surprise who are adherents but are more like Methodists than Gnostics.
    "They believe Cain and Abel were brought into being by angels, whereas Seth, was the Almighty’s direct pure creation, and not only the ancestor of Abraham and all men now living but the prototype of our Lord”.
    These English Sethians however are probably a fabrication by O’Brian.

    Enjoy you’re well earned break Dorothy and recharge your batteries for 2015 which is set to be a year of even greater loonacy than this one.


  4. Thank you Dorothy Parker for a totally delicious feast of Loon calls. Your writing is a gem and an invaluable service to all who wish to start their day with humor and insight into the machinations of the creatures living at the bottom of the pond. Have a refreshing and happy break over the silly season,eat and drink to your hearts content and fortify yourself for what is shaping up as an even bigger year than the last.All the best from the fool at No.15.
    P.S. I highly recommend Pond dwellers to read the final link in yesterday's post. Most informative read indeed.
    The call of the Common Loon;

  5. So grateful to have the chance to read your posts this year. Come back in 2015 after a good holiday with more humor and extra pungent criticism.

  6. DP,
    Get super-pissed, eat lots of unhealthy food and give us another good laugh next year (if you don't kark it)

    I will be with you in all your indulgences over the festive season.

    Geez, I feel a bit crook already and we haven't started yet.

  7. Ditto re everyone above, DP - with the exception of the fascinating information about Sethians, because I knew nothing about them before now (thanks, Diddy Wrote - you're one of the reasons why the comments on this blog are almost as good as the posts themselves).
    Enjoy your time off, and I'm looking forward to reading you again in 2015.
    Mish xx

  8. My thanks DP, for the sanity life ring you provide as Team Titanic work their magic. My respect for loon watchers grows, too.

  9. Cheers Dot, Thanks for your tireless efforts monitoring and reporting the weirdness of life among the mentally ill inhabitants of the pond. Your services to public health and better grammar are greatly appreciated.

    Cheers, Mark W


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