Tuesday, April 01, 2014

Bigots finding it hard to rate, okay?

(Above: more Moir here)

It's unseemly to gloat or crow. You never know when you'll meet up with the humble pie lurking around the corner.

But right now, it's the Ten network that's eating humble pie, and it's a double win for the pond, what with Lachlan Murdoch about to transport his Ten skills across to News Corp, and the Bolter as the single most obvious reason why the entire nation has turned away from Ten.

Oh of course that's silly, but it's just the pond trying to sound like an hysterical Bolter.

No matter how you cut it, the weekend was a bad time for Ten:

The worst since OzTAM started!

Beaten by the ABC ... again!

You can find that story in full at TV tonight here,  and you can find the site's full report on Sunday's ratings here.

Over at Crikey, Glenn Dyer was telling the same sorry story in A new low for Ten (behind the paywall), with this delicious bonus:

In the morning, Insiders at 9am was the most watched morning chat show in the metros with 314,000 viewers on ABC1 and News24, and 490,000 nationally. That might be enough to get the Murdoch papers baying for Barrie Cassidy’s blood, again. Landline from noon on ABC1 continued to improve with 467,000 viewers nationally. The Bolt Report averaged 116,000 at 10am. And Bolt’s hour long program has ended Meet The Press, with the Oz’s Media section this morning telling us what we all have known for months, that it understands the program won’t be coming back. That’s another good TV idea ruined by the ‘experts’ at News. Bolt’s repeat averaged 129,000 at 4pm on Ten.

Is there a cry throughout the land to bring back Video Hits?

Is there a capper to that story?

Take it away TV tonight:

Hey, that's not such a bad idea. That might just work. After all, the Bolter is such a convivial chap, a dose of the Bolter in the morning would have remotes clicking on Ten in the same way they click on to the Bolter report:

The surprise move is designed to make the show more ‘watercooler’ and help lift TEN’s primetime ratings share, and follows Bolt’s Sunday morning show being quietly extended from 30 to 60 minutes this year. 
Charlie Pickering announced his departure earlier this month but while no permanent replacement was announced, TV Tonight understands testing has been underway at TEN’s Como building in South Yarra. 
A TEN insider said, “Love him or loathe him, Andrew Bolt gets people talking and right now TEN realises that’s just what they need. Steve Price has worked well for the show so Bolter is the next logical step. It will all make sense after the Murdoch camp buys the network for a song.” 
Roving Productions is understood to have agreed to more coverage of the Abbott government policies and less talk on climate change, while asylum seeker issues are off the table unless the story can elicit some tears from Carrie Bickmore - considered by producers to be ‘ratings gold.’

You can read the rest of the "exclusive" here, and don't you go worry about what day it is ...

The pond just loves the smell of laughter and Ten and Bolter napalm in the morning ...


  1. Ah, another Lefty with Bolt Derangement Syndrome. Bolt, Bolt, Bolt - the beginning and ending of all that you stand for. Poor pathetic chap.

    1. You do realise how humourless you sound, you poor trolling sod? As for Lefty (wtf with the cap?), still wearing the old bi-focals? If you must know, the pond is actually a proud anarcho-synicalist libertarian anarchist with Python splitter tendencies. The pond once served with the Tamworth Liberation Front, and when we weren't deporting Dutch people with a tendency to eat peppermints and drink hot chocolate, we dined at nine on witchetty grubs.

      Now here's your reading for the week, and yes questions will be asked:

      Tony: How do you do, good lady. I am Tony, King of the Dinkums.
      Who's castle is that?
      WOMAN: King of the who?
      Tony: The Dinkums.
      WOMAN: Who are the Dinkums?
      Tony: Well, we all are. We're all Dinkums and I am your king.
      WOMAN: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous
      DENNIS: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship.
      A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--
      WOMAN: Oh there you go, bringing class into it again.
      DENNIS: That's what it's all about if only people would--
      Tony: Please, please good people. I am in haste to knight the Bolter. Who lives
      in that castle?
      WOMAN: No one lives there.
      Tony Then who is your lord?
      WOMAN: We don't have a lord.
      Tony: What?
      DENNIS: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take
      it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.
      Tony: Yes.
      DENNIS: But all the decision of that officer have to be ratified
      at a special biweekly meeting.
      Tony: Yes, I see.
      DENNIS: By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,--
      Tony: Be quiet!
      DENNIS: --but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more--
      Tony: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
      WOMAN: Order, eh -- who does he think he is?
      Tony: I am your king!
      WOMAN: Well, I didn't vote for you.
      Tony: You don't vote for kings.
      WOMAN: Well, 'ow did you become king then?
      Tony: The Lady of the Lake,
      [angels sing]
      her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur
      from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I,
      Tony, was to carry Excalibur.
      [singing stops]
      That is why I am your king! And now I must knight the Bolter ...

      And by the way, it seems strange to speak of a Dorothy as a chap. Are you a cross-dresser perchance? Could we share a frock or three?

      Haven't you mastered the conservative argot yet? You know, like, let's string the provocative bitch up from the nearest tree ...

    2. Now you've had plenty of time to read, so to the questions:

      Do you have to be a "Lefty" to think of Andrew Bolt as a twit?
      Do you have to be a "Lefty" to think drinking the Murdoch kool aid is unwise?
      Do you have to be a "Righty" to think with the Chairman that the Malaysian flight was stolen and effectively hidden in northern Pakistan, like Bin Laden?
      Do you have to be a "Lefty" to think the return to knights and dames is a nonsense which reveals the deeper nonsense and mindset that is Tony Abbott?
      Do you have to be a "Lefty" to think gays and women should have equal rights?
      Do you prefer to be a "Righty" and take the side of Vald the impaler on gay rights and Ukraine?
      Do you have to be a "Lefty" to think it wise to look after that environment?
      Does that mean that farmers looking after their land are a bunch of "Leftys"?

      And there are a lot more questions, but the pond's guessing you're a kool aid drinker from way back, and that you pissed your sense of humour away with the effluvium ...

      But do troll again. We love people who think the world is divided, by caps, into the strict binary of Left, and Right ...

      Just remember when trolling that the pond won a magpie with bar for serving in the Tamworth Liberation Front ...

  2. The Blot is the symbol of all that is wrong with the right actually. Hence the fascination with this extraordinary example of how badly a human being can turn out, and underlying my fascination is the prospect of some sort of therapy that would re-construct the poor petal - with all his Freudian neuroses - into a decent human being and provide him with some happiness in life. He does seem to be missing out on a lot of the joy that is to be had in this world of diversity and opportunity for those who allow themselves to actually like and enjoy the fact that human beings are not all the same and who realise that skin colour is no indication of character.

  3. I cannot believe that all New York nursing homes have no vacancies. What about mental asylums?


    1. One of the pond's favourite moments of modern tweeting loonacy by the Chairman

  4. Lachie Murdoch has done his job well at 10. He gutted the sports channel in the first month, contracted his sister Elizabeth to provide a raft of failed programming and has driven the network's ratings to the lowest point in its history. Rupert is ready to buy the whole thing for chump change once Abbott changes the media ownership laws. Only problem they have (now) is relying on Clive Palmer to pass the legislation.


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