Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Looking for the Lara Bingle bump and not finding it with Kathy Jackson ...

(Above: a shameless pond seeks to exploit Lara Bingle).

In the last little while, the pond has looked at, recorded and treasured the thoughts of the greatest minds of a commentariat generation.

Christopher Pearson, Janet Albrechtsen, Dennis and Angela Shanahan, the Pellists and the Jensenist nepotics, Greg Sheridan, Piers "Akker Dakker" Akerman, Barney and partner Morag Zwartz, Miranda the Devine, Paul Sheehan, Gerard Henderson and Andrew Bolt (Well there's also Tim Blair, but we can't let one mindless gnat stand in the way of this magnificent assembly of minds).

And yet according to the data compiled not just by Google but by proprietary software the most popular and most accessed page ever on the pond features Lara Bingle. And not just by a small margin. The page is four times ahead of the next page in terms of "most viewed".

Amazing, incredible, almost unbelievable.

Once again the astute collective consciousness, the wisdom of the cloud and the crowds, gets it right. Who wouldn't be more interested in Brand Bingle than in Brand Bolt and its uncomfortable association with dolt?

Naturally the pond was drawn to Being Lara Bingle to see why it was that Bingle dingled the greatest minds that newspapers have to offer.

It turns out she misses her father, doesn't mind a fuck, but thinks men are hopeless, and she's persecuted by minions of society.

There's the Bondi police, fiends who insist she drive with a licence and presumably valid insurance, and paparazzi that like to snap her in the nude, thereby drawing attention to a shy, shrinking violet who values her privacy, and never draws attention to herself, except in her business as a model and in her very own reality on network television Australia-wide.

Forget the Colbert bump, the pond has now done its very best to get on board with the Brand Bingle bump.

But it wasn't just the pond. The chattering classes were agog, and serious metaphysical questions were asked, as you can read in Did Lara Bingle's TV reality show Being Lara Bingle portray her as simple surfie chick or femme fatale?

Wow, deep, Adelaide Advertiser/Daily Terror/Murdoch tabloid empire, and naturally Miranda the Devine also went in search of the Bingle bump by scribbling From Clarkey to Nan, it's tough being Lara.

Is the Devine at all agitated by a member of the inner city eastern suburbs elite driving without a license or insurance? Of course not, how could anyone be so cruel. The sweet moppet clearly has a sunny nature and it melts the hardened Devine heart like sago snow on a barbeque:

... at a time of economic rainclouds in the Emerald City, that kind of optimistic outlook is as welcome a diversion as a Bondi sunrise.

And then barely pausing for breath, the Devine went back to banging on about how hard it is for motorists in the Emerald city in A fine mess gets worse.

The NSW government is upping fines on motorists, and what would that do for a Bingle in search of a dingle?

Speaking of blondes in search of publicity, the world has also been blessed by the sight of Kathy Jackson heading off to the H.R. Nicholls Society to bash unions, Fair Work Australia, Bill Shorten, and anyone else who's crossed her in the past.

She's also been spotted out and about with Peter "release the hounds" Reith ... and thinks working with Tony Abbott might just be the way to fix the union movement. No, the pond doesn't think she means 'fix' in the sense of neutering and lopping off the balls, though that might well be a side-benefit ...

What do the long-suffering members of her union make of it all?

Jackson has been hauling down some $270k a year as a salary, which even she admits is obscene and over-the-top, and which she claims to have tried, tried, triantiwontigongoloped to reduce by a humble 100k, though strangely only after the heat turned on her and the union, and not the time it was first offered to her.

As expected, the Jackson performance turned into a nice example of lick spittle fellow travelling:

Jackson's appearance at the H.R. Nicholls Society was surely the most unusual pairing in recent industrial history, and it wasn't lost on the society's leaders.
''From the bottom of my heart,'' said society board member James W. Patterson, ''thank you for all the ammunition you have provided us with tonight.''
Jackson was under no illusions about the contempt from fellow unionists she would earn for agreeing to speak to the society: she'd already copped it. (here)

Members of the HR Nicholls Society would cheerfully get rid of all unions, bust the Labor party, and make sure workers are law-abiding obedient sheep.

Given the chance, they'd also do it to Jackson and the HSU, and it's a measure of Jackson's delusions of grandeur that she even dragged Joan of Arc into her speechifying. This story was somehow dressed up under the header Union secretary takes fight into heartland of the old foe, but if you thought that implied she was taking the fight up to the Society, what it really meant was that she was washing her dirty laundry in front of union hate merchants for their benefit. Was she attempting to show Benedict Arnold how it should be done?

There's something extraordinarily bizarre about Jackson's behaviour, most recently in relation to a court action to place the east branch of the federal HSU into administration:

In two hours, Ms Jackson sacked her lawyers, appointed a new one who then said he was unavailable, and made a string of adverse allegations about the conduct of the case so far, including the rejection of any need for an administrator until she had been heard in full. (Kathy Jackson sacks lawyers, asks judge to quit).

That followed Jackson's attempt to contact the judge's chambers earlier in the week.

She later requested that the judge be excluded from the case because she'd been denied procedural fairness.

Talk about a circus. And then there are the rumours circulating that bold and brassy intertube site Vexnews (Gotcha: another whistleblower comes forward against HSU crook Kathy Jackson), and at Independent Australia, which has got up to number 11 in its series of allegations against her, as seen in Jacksonville 11: The forgotten Jackson and the comeback kid .

The upside? Yesterday at 4pm Justice Geoff Flick of the Federal Court had decided he'd had enough of the circus:

At 4pm yesterday the mobile phones of Health Services Union executives, including embattled boss Michael Williamson and his rival Kathy Jackson, were disconnected.
The pair, along with six other HSU East branch officials, were suspended by the interim administrator, who has given them until 4pm today to return any other union property, including credit cards and computers.
(Suspended health union executives cut off).

Which is what should have happened months ago, so now an administrator can trawl through the grubby mess in detail, and happily the interim administrator is retired Federal Court Judge Michael Moore, and not the person recommended by Barry O'Farrell's government:

It’s one thing for the enthusiasts of the HR Nicholls Society and mostly red of neck Sydney shock jocks to salivate over Jackson on the basis of her service to the cause of unseating the federal government, it’s another thing entirely for the Premier of New South Wales to so closely associate with her. It was a risk not worth taking and we suspect it will be rejected by the Court, saving the government from a potential stink-bomb of epic proportions. (here)

One stink-bomb might have been averted, but the stink will go on, and one of the stinks will be the way Jackson decided to consort with assorted feral Liberals, Reith and the H. R. Nicholls society ...

It makes the pond yearn for the simple honest pieties of Lara Bingle ...

What, me officer, drive without a license? I don't think so ...

Perhaps Ms Jackson could try the same line.

What me, administrator and judge, up to my neck in the mess with the rest of them. I don't think so ...

(Below: and all you wanted was Lara Bingle rather than a sordid, unsavoury union mess. Well the pond cares, here, bingle on a little more, and let's hope for a bump or two).


  1. Abbott and Jackson ------ In your guts you know their nuts.Both delusional,both unhinged. Dumb and dumber, maybe their mate Alan Jones could invest in one of his chaff bags for them.

  2. But, DP, you didn't tell us whether Jackson "misses her father". We know about the rest.

  3. Poor women doesn't know if its a day at the beach or the cricket.

  4. Also, DP, please watch the docudrama on Myf and tell us which way the ABC is headed. My guess is somewhere that rhymes with 'titter'. Which begs the question of how a red-blooded hero like Reith is able to withstand the wiles & the pheromoans. In fact, how about Reith for Chair of the ABC Board? We'd be blessed with surfeits of d├ęcolletage & sniggers, and endless Randling.

  5. Nothing to say.... just thought I'd bump the comments to (im)prove your Dingling :)


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