Thursday, December 22, 2011

And so to a happy holyday and re-education for all ...


The pond is off to a family re-education camp located somewhere near Melbourne.

Key points: Melbourne is the real jewel city - forget emeralds, the Yarra gleams like agate - Ted Ballieu is a treasured fearless dear leader advancing the state towards paradise faster than Kim Jong-un and Barry O'Farrell, and without the contribution of Victorians to potato-growing, the Irish in Australia would have starved.

No further questions please, the pond must away and pack some basic black, finessed with some exotic black, and decoratively finished with a range of accessories ... in black.

Summer is no excuse for an absence of style ...

From now until the new year postings might be intermittent or non-existent on the pond. It depends whether the gulag has broadband, the inmates are allowed access, and the brain is clear enough after repeated mind-numbing recitations of Xmas carols and football club songs ...

And remember the DLP might yet save the Australian political system ...

In the meantime please play safe. At every corner there lurks the potential for disaster. Last night for example, my partner suggested that we watch Oliver Stone's second go at Wall Street. Exhausted after a solid year of vetoes, and in a moment of carefree holyday tipsiness, I agreed.

What a disaster. A terrible script, so bad it's just bad, pretentious cameos, including a couple by Stone, meaningless flashy CGIs, pointless digressions, including a fancy do at the Met, a total lack of chemistry between the leads, Michael Douglas swayed by a sentimental desire to be a granddad, everybody happily corrupt as an illegally hundred mill is flung at a fusion pipe dream, and all's well that ends well. It's a long, long way from It's A Wonderful Life.

What's worse, some noble hams were made to suffer so that we could suffer, including Frank Langella throwing himself under a train, and good old Eli Wallach still going around in his nineties, each moment spent wondering if this would be his last, beady-eyed, Ancient Mariner- fingered turn to camera ... and the only other thing of dramatic interest the nicely done second unit shots of New York.

It's the worst film made since Alexander, and that was the worst sword and sandals show ever made (and since it has Troy as a competitor that's saying something).

So please, play it safe, and enjoy the holydays ... (and avoiding Oliver Stone movies is a very good starting point).

Who knows, we might return in the new year with a bi-partisan set of humanitarian policies in relation to refugees.

Ah, so like the pond, you do believe in Santa and the tooth fairy, and think Dr. No will become Dr. Yes, and the federal government will stop pandering to nattering negativity when not peddling its very own brand.

If that's the case, please take extra care ... the police set road traps for people like you.

As Dave Allen used to say, may your god, your santa, your dreams and desires, your real and imagined family and friends, and a very nice Clare riesling and fruit cake go with you in these troubled times, and if you happen to be stuck at work over the holyday period, just remember it could be worse, you could have been shipped off to re-education camp ...

(Below: found at Pharyngula, most recently noted reporting on the perils of ark-building).

3 comments:

  1. Congrats on consistently witty and incisive posts, twice a day no less.

    Just a minor quibble re your assessment of Troy: it's not a masterpiece but it's still pretty good. Hope you're not subscribing to a zeitgeist that is compelled to lambast certain films. The Tony Richardson 1970 Ned Kelly suffers similarly, I would contend.

    All the best for the New Year and beyond.

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  2. Oh Lad Litter by coincidence I've just taken another look at the old Ned, and unless you cheat by comparing it to the later truly dire Jordan circus Ned or the truly awful Forsythe comedy Ned, there's no way Mick can be redeemed, much as I'd like to. Better a mess like Mad Dog Morgan for fun ...

    Let's just agree to disagree - you can stick with Troy and I'll stick with Ray Harryahusen - and have a great new year ...

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  3. Have a good time in Melbourne, which last week was still demonstrating that it is a pleasant place to be in.

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