Saturday, December 03, 2011

And now to the Sunday Terror, and its agenda-setting ways ...

You could have knocked the pond down with a feather. Not a big turkey feather. An ordinary sparrow feather would have done the trick.

One of the standard tricks in the land of Murdoch is to decry the agenda-setting ways of the inner urban elites, or the greenies, or the hippies. Only the other day, for the nth time, David Penberthy was banging on about a Greens agenda.

Strike the pond pink or lucky, it turns out that the minions of Murdoch have their own agenda, and daily and weekly go about their agenda-setting ways:

So what's the agenda setting for today?

Well first up of course the Sunday Terror is determined to bring back former Chairman Rudd. This is a top agenda item. The Terror has been banging on about it for months, even when there's been no takers. But the more you bang on relentlessly about something, the more the agenda-setting works:

There, that's a nice splash. There is of course not a shred or whit or jot of evidence within Samantha Maiden's astonishingly empty story, except anonymous Labor MPs bearing their soul to the Murdoch hack in a most unseemly way, but when has an expectation of solid sources ever stopped a Sunday Terror hack in full flight?

Never mind, the yarn does allow worshipful photos of the former chairman deep in meaningful conversation, and - gasp - sitting next to Chris Bowen, helping himself to a lolly, clear evidence that the Ruddster is plotting sweet-toothed revenge.

Since when did silly puns become part of the agenda-setting? Is there a cavity at the heart of News Ltd?

But wait, there's clear incontrovertible evidence the Ruddster is concocting a sweet, glucose-laden sticky coup. Let's remind you once more:

That's how it's done, Terror style. Incessant repetition! And never mind the smiling faces, focus on the sweets, as sinister as the wicked witch plotting away in Snow White.

The pond would love to sit in on editorial in the Terror.

How would the conversation go? Would someone say it's the ALP conference, so get some snaps of the Ruddster, and we'll the kick the leadership coup can down the road a little more for Xmas?

And when they scored the lollies snap, it was like sweet holy popcorn at the bottom of the Xmas stocking hallelujah ...?

So what else is agenda-setting? Well let's not forget the Daily Terror's top award for negative climate change stories:

Well done Terror. As good old Jimmy Cagney once said, "made it ma, top of the world!"

And don't forget the line that Edmond O'Brien followed with:

"Rupert Murdoch, he finally got to the top of the world. And it blew right up in his face."

Uh huh. Right on cue, there's Miranda the Devine, leading the way yet again with - bear with the pond, this is a long header - Other nations, including big greenhouse gas emitters, have no intention of following our kamikaze carbon tax lead.

Of course the good thing about a header like that is you have absolutely no need to read the column, but for the record it's another rant in praise of climate denialism. Make that 90% negative on climate change.

So what else is agenda-setting this day? Well there's good old Akker Dakker of course, with his monotonous cracked record, 78 rpm shellacked shellacking of the Labor party, with another extremely verbose header If Julia Gillard's speech to the party faithful was meant to be a rallying cry, they were in for a disappointment.

That's what happens when you let the subbies go, but the upside is you don't have to read that column either.

For the record however, let's do a sampling of Akker Dakker's words as he discovers long after the event that Gough Whitlam and Paul Keating made conservative voters sit up and listen (and then they kicked the crap out of them, Akker Dakker style).

Here we go: terminal, dwindling, doorstop, clunker, chloroform, unfortunate, Mogadon, tedious, deathly delivery, beyond boring, absolute nonsense, asinine, kindergarten focus group, shrill homosexual protestors, cop-out, the fix is in, not bloody necessary fiasco, cost blow outs, biggest howler, worse than useless, ridiculous number-shuffling, fiscal jiggery-pokery, riding instructions from Bob Brown and jackass turncoat opportunist independents, snouts in the trough, cost blow outs, lunatic agenda, and so on and so forth, until we reach the Godwin's Law demolition darby:

... threateningly, she referred to "silencing the many voices who say it (Labor's lunatic agenda) cannot be done". Silencing voices, a policy the Greens are also enthusiastic about was a huge favourite with Mussolini, Hitler, Stalin and Mao.

Why that's a Godwin's Law quadrella.

You couldn't do any better unless you added in Genghis Khan and Attila the Hun! Or maybe Rupert Murdoch ... speaking of silencing alternative voices, as we are ...

Akker Dakker's adjectival excess is a perfect example of the devious, deviant Murdoch Terror's very explicit agenda, as set out by its most feral and rabid attack dog.

There are of course many other wondrous examples of the Terror's agenda-setting ways, but can we just mention Miranda the Devine in top offensive form as she kicks the Bali can:

With such a lethal side to Bali, along with the threat of terrorist bombs, rabies and jail, it is time Australians started treating the island with more caution. For too long we have treated Third World holiday destinations around us as extensions of our own backyard. (here)

The pond thought we might try the same trick:

With such a lethal side to Australia, along with the threat of Sydney motorists and bus drivers, red back and funnel-web spiders, poisonous snakes, enraged wombats and feral, frenzied foaming and frothing members of the Murdoch Telegraph commentariat loose on the streets, it is time Americans started treating the island continent down under with more caution.

For too long Americans have treated Australia as a holiday destination, a kind of beer and barbecue extension of their own backyards, but with the dollar in decline and people killed while they tried to cross the road, and people driven insane by reading the thoughts of Miranda the Devine and Akker Dakker, perhaps it's time to sit at home in a paranoid funk, wrapped in cotton wool, instead of waking in fright ...

Just another friendly, helpful pond service for Tourism Australia. Only fair when you consider what the Devine does for Tourism Bali.

Now take it away Jimmy, remind us what it's like to be top of the world:


  1. Dorothy, because it's Sunday, I feel obliged to notify you of an up and coming event, that will aid in your spiritual development. Be sure to pencil this event into your diary because it's sure to be aimed at saving you from the evils of atheism and same-sex attraction!

  2. So compelling I took it as the verse for the day!


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