Sunday, February 14, 2010

Piers Akerman, Chairman Rudd, senior Labor figures, Julia Gillard and time for a compulsory ironing camp?

(Above: Picasso with a portrait of a woman doing what a woman's gotta do, and let's face it, what's right and just and true and fair).


Piers Akerman in Fatwa by any other name is still murder celebrating the benefits of western thought for women:

Those who pursue Islamic fanaticism, or even shariah law as practised in many Muslim countries around the world, will probably be pleased the Australian government is entering a new phase of political correctness in the hope some Muslims will be less offended by Western thought.
Even Afghans, who we are sending our young men to die for, would be disgusted if their women were permitted the equalities and liberties we take for granted.

Oh yes, the equalities and liberties we take for granted. Women's right to iron for example.


Piers Akerman in A Playground for the vile and dangerous, celebrating the way forward with Benjamin Netanyahu, as opposed to those evil Iranians:

Netanyahu said the current Iranian regime was fueled by an extreme fundamentalism that had in the past 30 years swept the globe with a murderous violence and cold-blooded impartiality in its choice of victims.

“It has callously slaughtered Muslims and Christians, Jews and Hindus and many others. Though it is comprised of different offshoots, the adherents of this unforgiving creed seek to return humanity to medieval times,” he said.

“Wherever they can, they impose a backward society where women, minorities, gays or anyone not deemed a true believer is brutally subjugated.”

Oh yes, the brutal subjugation of women. Unlike ironing, which is exceptional fun if approached in the right spirit. Especially if done for a hapless, helpless mere male, whose mother spent her lifetime ironing for him. With any luck in turn a daughter can be trained to iron for the man in her life. Why, it's a domestic science, and so much easier to understand than the intricate science involved in Piers Akerman explaining why global warming is a myth.

Completely unlike the Muslim attitude to women. Why that reminds me of the old days of the Roman Catholic church, and its brutal barbaric subjugation of women and gays. A modern advanced technologically high powered iron would fix what ails the modern woman:

The struggle against this fanaticism does not pit faith against faith nor civilization against civilization. It pits civilization against barbarism, the 21st century against the 9th century, those who sanctify life against those who glorify death.

The primitivism of the 9th century ought to be no match for the progress and strengths of the 21st century.

The allure of freedom, power of technology, reach of communications should surely win the day.

Ah yes, the power of a technologically advanced iron. This one's so modern that after you've finished the ironing, you can fly to the moon in it. And it has a pink tinge!
Surely this kind of advanced thinking, this kind of defiant stand against the Taliban and the Iranians must make Piers Akerman, aka Akker Dakker, one of the most revered feminists and gay radical activists in the land.

Which is why he and a well known senior Labor figure - who for various reasons must remain anonymous - like to take a firm stand on the matter of women ironing:

“Kevin insists on running the show himself but he has shown he has no feel for the people. He’s an elitist and he’s isolated himself,” a senior Labor figure said. “Look at the attacks on Abbott for some remark he made about ironing.

“Really, who cares about what a few feminists in Newtown or at the UTS think about women who iron their husbands’ shirts? Yet, Rudd and his people believe this is the sort of issue that gets up people’s noses. Prices of bread and butter get the electorate going, not ironing, but, of course, Kevin will never be wrong.”

Indeed. Right on.

Who cares what a few feminists think about women as serfs? Why if they were in Afghanistan or Iran they'd be bloody grateful to iron a few shirts for their Labor party masters, or certainly for Akker Dakker. Just to celebrate and thank their masters and better halfs for their keen understanding of modern day advances in the understanding of equality for women. Along with giving them top notch technologically superior irons for Mother's Day.

By now you've probably deduced that Akker Dakker, in Winds of change blow on Kevin Rudd, is in advanced Chairman Rudd bashing mode, aided by said senior Labor party figures, who sound so much like Akker Dakker himself that it's eerie, uncanny, that such like minds could stretch across the conservative-leftist divide to achieve a perfect symmetry of thought:

Prime Minister Kevin Rudd is becoming increasingly rattled, say his Labor colleagues, who point to his uncharacteristic attempts to be nice to MPs during the past two meetings of the parliamentary Caucus as evidence of his shaken confidence.

“It is very unlike him,” one senior ALP senator told me. Another Labor MP more bluntly said of the prime ministerial charm offensive: “It’s unbelievable.”

Oh yes, unbelievable, and isn't it wonderful the way these senior anonymous Labor figures pour out their bleeding hearts to their natural ally and sympathiser Akker Dakker.

Well it seems, according to Akker Dakker this week, which sounds, it has to be acknowledged, much like last week, Chairman Rudd's serial failures are building to a perfect storm.

There's Christmas Island, which worked so well under the Howard government, and a grassroots resurgence, and a petty and weak Rudd, and Labor MP's clamouring to diss carbon pricing and Copenhagen, and Rudd going into hiding, and Rudd's apocalyptic vision of global warming, and green policies which are hurting, and his cockiness when he should be cowering, and Peter Garrett and the insulation issue, and then perhaps above all his outrageous attack on Tony Abbott for a few comments suggesting women just shut their mouths and get on with the ironing. Or some such. You can write this kind of stuff in an oneiric dream, or nightmare, or as a kind of automatic writing which can produce gibberish or foresee the future.

Do we dare to dream? Do we dare to hope?

Mr Abbott this week will be in every State and Territory, building on the emerging support, letting potential voters see their new champion and emphasising the differences between Opposition and Government policies.

Labor strategists will be trying to counter his message that the government is all spin and no action. Though it is still too early to talk of a swing to the Coalition, Labor stalwarts are reading the winds and sense an unwelcome change - Mr Rudd, they say is no longer the electoral asset he once was.

Oh no, it's still too early to talk of a swing to the Coalition.

But let's dream all the same. Especially as Chairman Rudd is no longer an asset, or even useful, like a well kitted out iron.

Let's say at the next election Chairman Rudd wins, but with a reduced majority. Bruised, damaged, aware if Akker Dakker's awesome insight into Chairman Rudd's many failings, the party looks around for a new leader, someone who's shown the right stuff, someone who's ravaged the education unions with the My School website, and managed to reform Work Choices in a way that only upsets Gerard Henderson (and he can get upset if the tea is too strong).

Julia Gillard for PM!


I think that local earthquake was the sound of Piers Akerman collapsing to the floor in a dead faint of fear and pique.

Not the redhead, not that barren socialist redhead leftie. No, not that, please, we'll do anything, even the ironing.

Now here's a suggestion for Gillard as PM, for her first policy initiative.

Ferret out the senior Labor party spokesmen who spoke so boldly to Akker Dakker - if they can be found, oh I'm sure they can be found - and send them off to an ironing camp for a month. Wherein they can learn the useful benefits of ironing in the context of domestic science for men, while also studying the price of bread and butter. Perhaps a few feminists from Newtown or the UTS can be put in charge of the camp.

I think a month should do it. Because after that, once the Labor party is educated, or re-educated as the case may be, we expect, nay demand, that Gillard then send all the commentariat columnists off to an ironing camp, so that they too can learn to iron. In no time at all they could become experts in irony.

Oh and as an end piece, one reader got up Piers' nose by wondering if senior Labor MPs would have spoken to Akker Dakker, thereby outraging the fat owl of the remove:

You would be surprised because you are a halfwit. I can easily believe that you live in a state of constant surprise. As for your attempt to denigrate me, I suggest you try and speak to a few Labor MPs yourself. You will find that Rudd has no friends in the parliamentary party, that most Labor MPs think he’s a jerk. The Howard government is hardly discredited - it has set a new benchmark globally for fiscal management. You obviously missed Wayne Swan’s tribute to the Howard reforms which he delivered to an audience of central bank chiefs in Sydney this past week. So, you are ill-informed, you don’t know what people in the party you support think of the leader you promote, and your understanding of events is minimal. Why do you bother?

Shocking. Why it's almost like he touched a sore point in the fat owl's elbow, perhaps induced by too much ironing.

Send that reader to ironing camp!

In the land of the halfwit the one eyed jerk is king!

And bring on Julia Gillard as PM! If only to see Akker Dakker writhe in agony as he irons ...

(Below: Tom Ford in an advertising coup showing Akker Dakker showing a path forward for Newtown and UTS feminists afraid that the Taliban might ruin western civilisation and its make work glorious benefits for women).

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