Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Macquarie Bank, filth on the intertubes, and the job to hand for Senator Conroy ...

(Above: no reason and no connection to the story. Hey, does everything have to make sense?)

Here at loon pond, we were thinking of doing something about Tony Abbott's advanced proposals in relation to climate change.

After all, the lead and mercury and other heavy metals to be found in the water have already addled the brains of a lot of the pond's most advanced thinkers, so we worry about the environment.

But there's already been such a tremendous bout of seal-like erf erfing that it would be redundant. Instead why not head off to Crikey for Ripping the guts out of Abbott's climate change policy, and follow the links until tedium and despair lead to a massive fit of depressive ennui.

Meanwhile, after you've splashed in the shallow end of the pond, safe in the knowledge that climate change can be tackled without cost, and certainly without a great big tax (wait, did I mention great big tax, four legs good, two legs bad, polly wants a cracker), we want to draw attention to yet another cogent reason for Senator Stephen Conroy's grand plans for an internet filter.

Here's the snap:

And here's the story:

The nation's mortgage holders might have been holding their breath for the Reserve Bank's announcement on interest rates yesterday, but one operative at Macquarie Bank apparently had better things to do. During Channel Seven's live cross to the bank's Shelley Street headquarters for its analysis of the decision, viewers' attention was drawn away from the banker doing the talking, Martin Lakos to his colleague in the background ogling at pictures of a naked woman on his computer screen ...

This surely brings together two elements designed to make a perfect storm ... filthy pictures on a screen at the billionaires' factory, and yet another example of the way the filth of satanic capitalism worships at the feet of entrepreneurial pornographers.

Who can stem the tide as those satanic patriarchal demons at Macquarie bank objectify women with their grimy dollar laden eyes?

Oh sure the bank has assured Network Seven it's taking appropriate action, and is dealing with the matter internally, but really the only way to end this kind of distraction is to reduce the intertubes to a level where ten year olds can graze safely.

Enter the heroic Stephen Conroy, who will save the bankers, who clearly can't save themselves from their filthy vices.

Nor of course can the media. Here's the Daily Terror splash:

And because the Terror has much more advanced expertise in this area, they boldly identify the figure in question as model Miranda Kerr, in a series of near-nude snaps. Not naked, as per the SMH. You can read their brilliant expose here. Complete with a handy link to Miranda Kerr's amazing life. But a little underdone, and lightweight. Only 13 snaps.

The Terror is so heavily into investigative journalism that they're urging the public to come forward and name the busted banker, providing a phone number and an email address so he can be named and shamed.

Oh dear lord, might the hapless banker have just been looking at the perth now site, and its wonderful aggregation of hundreds of Miranda Kerr snaps, available for your delectation here? Well done Rupert's far flung minions.

Could the tumescent banker have just been checking out some Victoria's Secret hints and tips for presents for his girlfriend? Whose catalogue seems to send my partner into a quietly contemplative frenzy. Or been geeking at a Miranda Kerr site?

Next time the wretched banker shouldn't stray, but instead should stick to the Daily Terror galleries on its Sydney Confidential pages here, which currently deal with such key issues of our time as celebrity tattoos, the Q awards, and kooky Katy Perry:

Sure the splash on Perry is sixty four snaps of visual tedium, but it clarifies the task confronting Stephen Conroy, who must first of all filter the Daily Terror and all the other Chairman Rupert tabloid rags, so the world can be made safe for Macquarie bankers.

Then he can get around to filtering sites which run this kind of NSFW filth:

Oops, that's this site.

I know, I know, where would we be without hypocrisy and titillation. And yes it's a tragedy Macquarie bankers might be banned from reading the Daily Terror. And yes when confronted with the burning issues of the day, this is as frivolous as the media which latched on to the story as a jolly jape amongst banker chums.

But at least loon pond can venture forth into this difficult world, happy in the knowledge that Tony Abbott is making Australia safe from climate change, without any great big tax, and Senator Conroy is surely on the right path to keeping the banking perves under control.

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