Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Barnaby Joyce, a colossal national debt, a tremendous national fear of loss, and our very own colossus of rhodes ...

(Above: the colossus of rhodes, nude! Could we ever see the likes of this kind of giant once again bestriding the Australian political stage?)

As a faithful fan of Barnaby Joyce, it surely wasn't asking too much to expect a bit of decent coverage of his latest brain snap.

But all that could be heard was the sound of a few barking mad dogs in the distance, and the odd mousy squeak from Michelle Grattan.

Of course there was this outrageous example of ABC bias last night, as it peddles its distorted socialist wares, which you can examine in detail at Barnaby Joyce's debt default warnings dismissed. Here's Barnaby's warning:

BARNABY JOYCE: We're going into hock to our eyeballs to people overseas. And you've got to ask the question how far in debt do you want to go? We are getting to a point where we can't repay it.

And here's the ABC's so-called analysis:

STEPHEN LONG: Forget the finances of the so-called Club Med economies. If you believe Barnaby Joyce, Australia is the Greece of the Pacific; the Argentina of the Antipodes; the Iceland of the south - a country with a Government so profligate and a public debt so huge it's in imminent of danger of default...

STEPHEN LONG: The polite way to describe that comment - nonsense. It's not true, plain and simple.

Nonsense? The boy from Danglemah spouting nonsense? Like a drainpipe in a Queensland cyclone? By golly, I thought the ABC, and PM just reported the news, but somehow these chappies think they can do analysis.

And then there's this alarmist drumming from the socialists as they search out a Citigroup 'expert' to do old Barnaby down. Oh yes the night they drove old Barnaby down the experts were singing, they went la, la, la:

STEPHEN LONG: Josh Williamson, an economist at Citigroup, rates Barnaby Joyce's comments as irresponsible, wrong and very poorly timed.

JOSHUA WILLIAMSON: They're incredibly remarkable given that the Australian Government and the states are highly unlikely to default on their debt positions

Australia's economic performance throughout the crisis has been really the envy of the industrialised world. We have an excellent debt to GDP position which is also the envy of the industrialised world. And we are being distinguished by international investors as an excellent credit risk.

So it's very, very surprising to hear a federal politician make these comments.

STEPHEN LONG: So what's your view on Barnaby Joyce making these comments? What could the possible consequences be?

JOSHUA WILLIAMSON: Well I think in the long term I don't think there is a lot of consequences apart from the fact that they'll be ignored.

You see, all that chit chat, and then the truth!

No one's paying attention to Barners, and his comments will sensibly be ignored, so where's the harm? Let him rant and wail and splash ash on his face. Where's the harm?

Just exactly what kind of socialist mission is the ABC on with its bile and its bigotry? But wait, there's more:

... in the short term if there are international investors out there who do not know about the history of Barnaby Joyce they may actually get a little bit concerned, particularly given that he is the Opposition finance spokesman.

We've also got the situation as everyone I'm sure is well aware of certain European states that are having legitimate difficulties with the ability to rein in their deficits and their debts. So the market is very sensitive to negative information at the moment. That has to do with credit availability whether it be at a corporate or a sovereign level.

STEPHEN LONG: Would you then consider it irresponsible for a senior politician to be making these comments?


They even have to drag in the Reserve Bank:

STEPHEN LONG: The Reserve Bank has also indirectly poured scorn on Barnaby Joyce's claims.

Indirectly? They couldn't even get a direct quote? And then there's this shameless piece of cross-promotion - The Drum still not working as an online brand yet, hey?

STEPHEN LONG: Writing on the ABC website The Drum, Peter Costello's former press secretary Nikki Savva had some advice to the Opposition leader about Mr Joyce.

She reckons Tony Abbott should slip Barnaby Joyce a couple of Ritalin to bring him down a notch or two or sack him as finance spokesman.

Tony Abbott admitted that Barnaby Joyce would need correcting from time to time. He can add his claims that Australia is at risk of defaulting on its national debt to the list.

Outrageous. Such bias and such prejudice, when all that Barners did was announce that the sky might be falling in. Well you know what they said about Chicken Little, and you know that aliens did land, at least in the movie version, making very picturesque shapes in the cornfield of the mind.

Naturally I couldn't resist the cross-promotion, so I rushed off to read Niki Savva's If he can't back him, he has to sack him, and she did indeed treat poor hapless Barners as some kind of cosmic joke:

... if Tony wants to be PM what he should do tomorrow as he runs past Aussies coffee shop in his shorts and t-shirt on his way to the gym, is detour slightly and have a quiet word to the owner Dom Calabria. All the insiders get their regular caffeine hits from Aussies, including Barnaby Joyce.

Tony should plead with Dom to slip a few Ritalin tablets into Barnaby's coffee to get him to take it down a notch or two.

If that fails to work, Abbott will have to sack Joyce as Finance spokesman.

Joyce's latest contribution, suggesting Australia cannot repay its debt is loopy. And it borders on dangerously loopy. Australians are rightly worried about rising debt levels, but to suggest the Government could default will make people worry more about having Barnaby in charge of the finances than having Lindsay Tanner in charge.

There's a fine line between being affectionately wacky and being a whack job and Barnaby looks like he's crossed it. Like I keep saying: a politician has to be interesting enough to attract attention, but not so much that it eventually kills him - or her.

Whacky, loopy!? And yet barely a day had passed since Marieke Hardy had scribbled unadulterated poison in The thing about Barnaby Joyce as she gets upset about Barners' firm stand about men eying off small breasted young women, and getting turned into pedophiles:

Whether we should be making fun of something that clearly took Mr Joyce months and months of painstaking research and repeated viewings of glossies such as Sperms of Endearment and Six Degrees Of Penetration is a matter for debate. The man is obviously a diligent gatekeeper of moral stability and I very much look forward to his racing up and down the catwalks of Milan throwing towels over lanky, flat-chested models whilst screaming at the audience: "For the love of all that is good and holy would you please stop thinking about having sex with children".

But that was a year ago. Barnaby has moved on!

Breasts came under the spotlight a year ago, as Senators Barnaby Joyce and Guy Barnett commenced a campaign against publicly available porn. Rounding up magazines from corner shops and filling stations, Senator Joyce claimed that publications featuring small-breasted women were encouraging paedophilia. (Aussie censor balks at bijou boobs, Gets confused about other female bits also)

All he really said was this:

Nutter senator Barnaby Joyce has tabled a collection of hardcore pornography to illustrate how easy it is to pick it up from petrol stations and corner shops.

Senator Joyce ludicrously said the pornography was encouraging pedophilia.

"These have received classification, it pertains to an insinuation that these girls are actually underage", he said. (Softcore Liberals).

The truth is, if this debt crisis persists, every small breasted young woman in the land won't be able to afford to buy clothes, and the entire nation will turn paedophilic.

Not that anyone listens to Chicken Little any more: Hockey, ALP turn on Joyce over debt claim, trumpets Michelle Grattan in today's Age.

And if that wasn't enough, Grattan has a second bite of the cherry in an opinion piece, in Loose cannon needs firing:

If Tony Abbott were applying the ''three strikes and you're out'' rule, Barnaby Joyce would be well and truly gone from the shadow finance job.

From the time he joined the frontbench, Joyce has made a string of comments that tear shreds from the opposition's economic credibility. It cannot go on if Abbott wants to be taken seriously on economics, in the end the key political battleground.

Joyce's comment yesterday, suggesting Australia might not be able to repay its debt, is both crazy and dangerous.

Crazy and dangerous! Like he's some barking mad blue heeler frothing and foaming at the mouth. Oh come on, he doesn't have rabies, and he knows how to round up the sheep. Get around behind Barners.

Yes, once again, the socialist conspiracy that is Fairfax and the ABC stands revealed. Gerard Henderson, where are you on this urgent matter? Janet Albrechtsen is away with the pixies, writing about the dark spectre of illiberalism in Menace in mad march of the thought police, just at the moment that Barnaby is being threatened by a plague, a pox of liberals.

The centre will not hold, mere anarchy is loosed upon the world. At peril are young women with small breasts, the Australian economy, and the entertainment of innocent bystanders who love the squawking on loon pond, and watch this lumbering giant stride the land like the colossus of rhodes.

With fear and wonder and agitation and trepidation. You see, they tore down the colossus of rhodes. Oh okay maybe it was an earthquake, but you catch the drift, it was either wanton destruction, or a sad immolation, with only rubble and ruins left behind, and now you know why we're in a panic at loon pond.

Could Tony Abbott be about to snatch away Barnaby? Do this colossus down? Just because he's a bit of a bumblebee, and he got Joe Hockey upset and agitated?

At least the wretched Hardy gets one thing right:

(Abbott) may well be attempting to steer Joyce's careening madness into something that appears palatable to the Australian public, but the truth is it would be far more profitable - and inherently amusing for the rest of us - to simply let B-Jo spout idiotic twaddle 'til he tires himself out and eventually retires to spend his days punching roaming cameramen in the face like Mark Latham. Federal politics needs raving lunatics occasionally ... there's room for a little wild-eyed razzamatazz in Canberra, and right now Barnaby Joyce is the man we should turn to.

Yes! At a time when the United States is enjoying the palm reading skills of Sarah Palin, who have we got down under? Bill 'the udder is barren' Heffernan? Wilson 'here's an ironbar to caress your skull with' Tuckey?

No, sadly they're both too old. And after them, who? That lycra clad lout Tony Abbott? Not really. He's just at the head of a batch of colourless apparatchiks and power mongers in suits, with a riff that's as old as the Roman Catholic church. And that's old.

Barners was born in 1967 (wiki him now), and is in his prime, and is incredibly spritely. Or even sprightly.

That's why loon pond is launching a "Save Barnaby from the twin axis of socialist weevils, ABC and Fairfax" campaign, so that their inept moralising and editorialising can't stand in the way of the entertainment of all Australians ... and after the Australian economy collapses in a morass of debt, due next week at noon on Friday, the world.

Don't believe me? Clearly you haven't been reading the Citizens Electoral Council and Australia's debt crisis.

Yep, the loons at Lyndon LaRouche and Barnaby Joyce are as one when it comes to debt. And there's plenty of other talking points that Barners can pick up on, if he only has the eyes to look, and the ears to hear, and the mind to comprehend.

Okay, not to worry, let's just settle for the eyes and the ears.

Our slogan as we fight to save the colossus: Barnaby ... today is a new day!

(Below: an example of a small breasted woman from the classical period, notoriously on display in the Louvre. Historians and scientists have now determined that because small breasts were common in classical statuary, it is likely that this was the predominant cause of pedophilia and homosexuality in ancient Greece and Rome - yes, scientists and historians conflate these in much the same way as right wing conservative loons who think small breasts turn people on to children.

Naturally there are many inhabitants of loon pond who think that these unsightly statue breasts should be removed, in the same way that the statue's arms have been excised. Come to think of it, any images of this pedophilia causing statue found on the web should immediately be filtered by Senator Conroy. Please, if you find any, let him and Barnaby know at once).

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