In which the pond does the hard mutton Dutton yards with the dog botherer, Dame Slap and the Everest known as "Ned" ...

 

 

The reptiles now seem to have adjusted to their fate, gone through some kind of catharsis and now yearn for a new transcendence ... and can't shut up about it. 

As a result, the pond today is a lengthy and tedious affair, but then the pond has always thought this is about the reptiles rather than stray readers. There they lie on the couch of life,  pouring out their hearts, what's left of them, and it's the pond's duty to listen.

That's why the pond could cheerfully return the dog botherer to the morning slot, listening to his tale of woe, while muttering occasionally in best Sybil Fawlty style, "oh, I know, I know .... it must be terrible..."

 

Oh I know, I know, it must be terrible ... but please note that snap of the mutton Dutton at the start of the doggie boy's rant. It's become the new reptile treasure, and we will see its like again before this day is out ...

Meanwhile, hearken to the dog botherer's desire to maintain his climate science denialism as the way forward for party, country and planet ...

 

 

Oh I know, I know, it must be terrible, having to come up with such a tortured metaphor of the netball turning into basketball kind. Couldn't you have come up with a more manly image? Perhaps thugby union, turned into thugby league, and full of vulgar boofheads?

Oh wait, sorry, it's okay for people talking in tongues to imaginary friends to be vulgar boofheads ... sorry, do go on ... get stuck into the moderates, because your extremism has been such an astonishing electoral success ...

 

Dear sweet long absent lord, still blathering on about Malware? But weren't you one of the gang? Didn't you have something to do with utegate? Never mind, the irony is so rich and delicious the pond is strangely content ... n

Now let's have a snap of the real problem. Bloody women ...

 

Ah it's the new reptile theme song. If we must do zero, we must nuke the planet ... and so to stick up for the Canavan caravan in the Sky after dark way ... perhaps even a snap of the brave lad looking weirdly scientific and blessed with ultra high tech gear?

 

Oh I know, I know, it must be terrible, fancy, being a climate science denialist, and then called a climate science denialist and then dressing up the science as a form of theology so that you can bray like a donkey about heresy, where will it all end?

Well it could end by having a read of the venerable Meade's richly amusing Toto Albanese steals the post-election show as News Corp front pages do an about-face, but there's no about face for the dog botherer, just a short final gobbet ...

Speaking of the hard man talking the hard talk, and making the doggie boy very, very hard, Dame Slap was also out and about, and by golly, she's found a new Christ to worship ... water into wine, bread into fish, the whole damn thing ...

 

Oh wait, what was that the pond said about that snap turning up again? 

So soon? It's never too soon for the reptiles, because indoctrination must start at an early age ...

Sure, it's going to be a tough makeover, but by golly, Dame Slap is just the right person to do it ...

 

 

 

Oh, I know, I know, and it's not for the pond to wonder why the liar from the Shire's children were dressed like refugees from an Amish colony on the big night, it's on with more of the make-over ...

 

Oh I know, I know, it's terrible, fancy giving potato head plod a hard time ...it's a sure sign he's the new messiah and will give those sandgropers a terrible what for ...

 

 

Truly he's a veritable genius this new Messiah, unlike the old Messiah, who is now so yesterday ... and luckily Cathy Wilcox generously suggested ways to help with the makeover ...

 Be pictured with your family? We can tick that one off, because the reptiles have already done the family snap twice, and surely that's more than enough?

Oh and Wilcox forget the other tip: get Dame Slap to write glowing things about you and denounce pussies, wet lettuce leafs, wimps, crybabies, sooks, whiners, moaners, squawkers, headless chooks, bawlers, bellyachers and snivellers ...

 

Still haunted by Malware, both Dame Slap and the dog botherer, and yet such is the ongoing confusion in the reptile ranks, they don't know what to say about the shameless self-serving Sharma ... is he capable of open and honest debate, per the dog botherer, or is he just a sniveling crybaby sook, dribbling snot all over the place?

There came no answer in the final gobbet, just more patented Dame Slap rage ...

 

 

Oh I know, I know, it's terrible, but thank the long absent lord that blather about open and honest debate gave way to an incandescent rage, and a desire to own the libs and send the left apoplectic. May the reptile wars continue until the planet is completely destroyed, and then we will have saved the village ...

And so to the most onerous pond duty of them all, the scaling of the nattering "Ned" Everest. 

The pond never shirks from its duty, its wild ambition, but will understand if even the thought of an infallible Pope or an immortal Rowe is enough to stay reading. Why not just skip to the illustrations? No need to read the article, that's the way it was done in the 1950s ... a cartoon-led recovery ...

Alright the pond has given everyone the chance to just look at the cartoons, now it's on with the Everest ...

 

It's going to be a long one, but might the pond pause to welcome back one of the old cult masters and that keen portrait of a robotic Albo, though it doesn't quite suit the tone the reptiles struck, per the venerable Meade at the link above ...

 

Perhaps next time Tom ditch the sunnies and go the rumpled, crumpled PJs?

Sorry, sorry, it's going to be a long one, and the Ancient Mariner has the floor ...

 

Dear sweet long absent lord, the greenies marching together like the mutton Dutton and his family? What form of cruel mockery or infinite jest is this? Quick, we need a snap of some bloody woman as a distraction from "Ned's" blather ...

 

You see? The pictures can help, and perhaps that's why the reptiles stuck in a click bait video, and the pond naturally defanged it ...

 

 

 

Some might be wondering why there's that neutered click bait video, instead of a player with "Ned" reading his own words in a sonorous tone, but the pond likes to think everyone can imagine a quavering
"Ned" delivering his hellfire and damnation words, praising the righteous and the just, and smoting the wicked and the ungodly ...

 

Fuck it, I know, I know, it's terrible, cast into the wilderness and everything broken, and is there another click bait video in the house? You know, given that "Ned" is in the job of prediction, but is strangely unable to predict, exactly or otherwise ..

 

 

Yes, the reptiles will still have China ...

Sorry, but the pond did promise the odd cartoon as a distraction ...

 

"Ned" never gets tired of teh doom and the gloom and the deadly, but lo, there came again the Messiah, and for the third time this very day, the reptiles ran that snap of the Messiah ...

 

Three times in one pond outing the new Messiah strutted with his family, and the reptiles were mightily pleased ...he's not just a naughty boy ...

Meanwhile, speaking of naughty boys and derelict ruins  ...

 

Oh that, the shameful, appalling ploy by the liar from the Shire? 

Please, infallible Pope,  that's definitely not reptile business, and that is only right and fair, because whatever it takes is the reptile mantra ...send folks apoplectic and you can do what you like ...

And now how time flies when you're not having fun, and here's the last "Ned" gobbet and mercifully it's a short one ...

So much blather, so little time, but at least time for a final immortal Rowe, with more Rowe here ...

 

 

 

 

Ah a flying bull ...

 

 

 

 

That reminds the pond of its unfinished thesis, the flying cow in cinema ...

 

 

 

 

... to be followed by the flying cow in art ...

 

 

 

In which the pond has a Killer time with our Henry and a bubble-headed nuking booby ...

 

 

Was there an election? It seems so long ago, so distant, but it turns out that our Henry is still shedding tears into his holey bucket ...

Never mind, as a deeply conservative blog, the pond must follow traditional paths, even if it means beginning with yet another shot of a sobbing liar from the Shire ... because at least it will be followed by a splendid reference to ancient Rome ... Saturnalia, wot wot ...

 

 

 

Hmm, what a pity that Roman reference was followed by the usual twaddle, and the pond had to send off to Crikey for an interstitial ...

 

 

 

 

Great stuff, but sorry you'd need to get past the paywall for the hot links ... now back to our Henry still sobbing in his empty bucket ... but with a snap of the man who always has the reptiles meeting him more than halfway ...

 

 

 

Oh yes, there's hope, there's always hope, and the chance to blame past events on present governments, and we're not even done with the count, and yet the reptiles are already at it ...

 

 

 

 

Sheesh, barely a week in, and it's all their fault.

Meanwhile, our Henry is really just a soft core version of the shock troops already deploying ...and for that pardon another Crikey interstitial though the outing grows as long and as slow as Turtle Mitch taking action on guns ...

 

 

 

 

 

Jesus Christ indeed, but is it any different from our Henry, already planning his own insurgency?

 

 

Muh'lud, the pond humbly apologises for the way the reptiles manage to leak a Leak into the day's offering and seeks to offer compensation by way of a Rowe ...

 

 

 

 

 

And now may the gods forgive the pond for offering a final gobbet of our Henry referencing Robert Graves ...

 

 

Indeed, indeed, prayers to an imaginary friend, because the rapture is certainly just around the corner, and meanwhile, we have a new rapture ...

 

And so to a genuine, certified comedy item from a guaranteed half-witted booby ...

 

She's only trying to help, so naturally that plug for the benefits of fossil fuels had to go in, but here's where the bubble-headed booby gets really helpful. The solution? Nuke the country to save the planet ...

 

 

Ah, the bloody sun, the useless wind, always the reptile enemy ... and now to dispose of a little uranium in a thoughtful way, perhaps in a bubble-headed booby litter bin ...

 

Um, assuming of course that nuking the country is some sort of half life of a quarter million years clean energy future ...

And with that the pond would usually end, because there's nothing more entertaining than a bubble-headed booby trying to be helpful, but this day the Killer went there, and so perforce the pond had to go with him ...

 

 

 

 

Of course Killer is just the latest in a long line of helpful News Corp loons, and the pond is indebted to Vanity Fair for summarising some of the moments that have turned up on MSNBC this week ...

During Fox News’s coverage Tuesday night of America’s most recent mass shooting, in which an 18-year-old gunman slaughtered 19 elementary school students and two teachers in Uvalde, Texas, it was apparently too soon to discuss gun reform—but the right time to propose that schools be equipped with booby traps, armed military contractors, and bulletproof blankets.
After Joe Biden demanded that Congress “stand up to the gun lobby” in a Tuesday night address, Fox News host Laura Ingraham condemned the president for attempting to use the dead bodies of Robb Elementary students to boost his favorability numbers, suggesting he spoke for “selfish” reasons. She also claimed that Biden had no intention of comforting the families of victims or uniting America. “He spoke tonight because…in today’s twisted world, it’s considered perfectly appropriate to exploit the massacre of innocent little kids in order to try to turn around your own sagging poll members,” she said. “Biden [is] at the lowest approval of his presidency, 36%, so this attempt at political resuscitation on Biden’s part, it’s despicable.”
Likewise, Fox News guest Buck Sexton told Tucker Carlson that those who criticize politicians for failing to pass any legislation that could prevent future shootings are only “hurting the situation” by opportunistically using the Uvalde shooting “to bludgeon the other side with platitudes about ‘we must do something.’”
On Hannity, Pat Brosnan, one of the host’s guests, called for the government to “utilize smart technology” to curb school shootings while dismissing renewed calls for stricter firearm regulations. “We need to install man traps…a series of interlocking doors at the school entrance that are triggered by a trip wire…and it traps the shooter like a rat,” he added, seemingly describing the kinds of armored doors used in banks and prisons. “When he’s trapped like a rat, we’re buying time, the most precious commodity these children can ever get is time to run, time to hide, time to get away from this madman and his bullets. It’s trip wires. It’s man traps. It’s not labor. It’s not gun control.”
Also during the program, Sean Hannity urged the U.S. government to hire military and police contractors to patrol schools. “[Place] retired military, retired law enforcement outside the perimeter of every school in the country, they can donate their time, we can offer them tax breaks, no income tax in the state, no income tax federally, 10 hours a week, and we can have every school in America covered,” the host said, suggesting that it would cut down on “police response times.”
But in this case, police were initially unable to stop the shooter, who was wearing body armor, from entering the school after he crashed nearby. “That’s when he attempted to enter the school where he was engaged by law enforcement,” Texas Department of Public Safety Sgt. Erick Estrada told CNN, adding that the gunman “was able to enter the premises and then from there that’s when he entered several classrooms and started shooting his firearm.”
Another solution pitched on the network came via Maureen O’Connell, a former FBI agent, who suggested that the onus is on parents to invest in bulletproof armor for their children and “threat assessment[s]” on school grounds. “Instead of parents buying their kids all these tools and toys and games, invest in the classroom to make it safer,” she told host Bret Baier. “They have blankets that you can put up on the wall that are colorful and beautiful, but they’re ballistic blankets.”
O’Connell also partially blamed the “anti-police narrative” for mass shootings, claiming––without evidence––that such sentiments force “people not to call police when they have these type of concerns.”
Colion Noir, a gun-culture social media influencer, said on Fox News that American schools should be “so hardened”––i.e., heavily defended and inaccessible to the public in the same way that “closed” military towns are––that it is impossible for shooters to penetrate them. “I can only imagine if Joe Biden had younger kids and they went to a certain school, do you know how hard it would be to attack that school?” Noir said. “These kids are the most precious things we have, so not putting them in the position where they are the most protected as well is kind of odd to me.”
Mark Levin, a talk radio personality who hosts a weekend Fox News program, suggested on Tuesday that bringing “Judeo-Christian principles” and prayer into schools could help stop future mass shootings. “This is not so easily addressed by politics…. These lunatics don’t really care what laws you passed,” he said. “I think a little bit more faith would help in the schools and in the public square. It’s not such a terrible thing, and yet, we have secularized everything.”

They're all Killer's kissing cousins - surely the man trap routine is the very best of Faux Noise thinking, right out of Straw Dogs - and yet the pond has a spare dollar to bet that Killer will ignore all those splendid Faux Noise contributions to the ether and blame social media ...

 

 

Meanwhile, there's an elephant in Killer's room, summarised by the infallible Pope ...

 

 

 

By golly that image reminds the pond of another dire threat to the planet ...

 

 

 

 

Now back to Killer so the pond can collect its bet ...

 

 

 

Oh not with the masks already, and yet the pond can now collect its dollar bet, because forget the Senate, forget Cancun Ted, forget Turtle Mitch, forget the GOP, forget the NRA, forget the gun madness that sees the likes of Abbott allow permits and handguns for all ... indeed forget Faux Noise and News Corp. Anything but them ...

Frankly the pond is happy it's done its US travels at a time when you'd only spot the odd loon carrying a weapon, and then usually in the company of a dead deer (fact: if you're a hunter, using a military weapon to spray off a hundred rounds isn't hunting in any traditional, conservative sense of the word; if you've got a military weapon, you're after human game) ...

 

 

 

 

Well the pond has made eye contact with Killer, and is glad it's reached the final Killer gobbet ... but if he mentions freedumb, likely the pond will scream ...

 

 

 

Ah, so the mask thing = guns =  freedumb ... the pond has a cartoon for that ...

 

And here's a few more cartoons as a wrap ...