In which the pond joins the murmuration of reptiles in calling for tar, cement, and coal, coal, coal for the woorrrld ...

It's been going on for a huugely long time ... the vicious sabotage of humble Australian governments struggling valiantly to give coal, coal, coal to the world ...

The pond noted the obstructionist tactics way back in August 2015, with due thanks to the fearless reptiles, alway vigilant and on the job ...

Now the alert reptiles are sounding the alarum again, and the pond mourns that we are unable to do the presentation in Seth Meyer style, with introductory music and graphics ... you know, this sort of thing ...

Well not exactly that sort of thing ... here no climate alarmism, no climate alarmism here ...

Yes, it's time of an in-depth, detailed closer look at all the reptiles have uncovered ...which naturally isn't alarm about the climate or extreme weather or the melting or any of that sort of nonsense debunked long ago by Moorice and the Bolter and the many other top-notch scientists in the News Corp bunker ...

The key issue is how we might go on fucking the climate and the planet by exporting dinkum Oz coal, coal, coooalll to the wooorrrlld ... without difficult, devious greenies getting in the way ...

First there was the conventional report ...

This is truly terrifying stuff, though the pond is comforted and reassured that Malware cares about as much for climate science as he does about good broadband, and he's certain to put a stop to this wanton interference in another country's affairs. It's not like invading Iraq, and it's certainly not the same as hosting spy bases.

These people are deluded zealots who actually listen to climate scientists, and we can't have any of that.

These are the very same zealots who might well have penned Who the hell does Alan Oxley think he is? :

That’s what a group of scientists asked in an open letter earlier this week. Except that being scientists, they called it “An Open Letter about Scientific Credibility and the Conservation of Tropical Forests.” The letter accuses Alan Oxley and his organisations of “significant distortions, misrepresentations, or misinterpretations of fact.” 
So who is Alan Oxley? He used to be a diplomat with the Australian Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade. Now his is a supporter of the palm oil and logging industry. For the right price, that is. Two of world’s the most notorious forest destroyers, Rimbunan Hijau and Sinar Mas have hired his consulting firm International Trade Strategies Global (ITS Global) to greenwash their operations. Oxley’s other organisation, World Growth, runs a campaign in favour of the oil palm industry, claiming that it is “alleviating poverty through wealth creation”. (follow the link for the actual letter).

Oh come on, the pond knows who the hell he is, he's a very good reptile adviser:

Now the point about the reptiles is that there's always a murmuration of starlings when the reptiles get on a favourite theme.

So next came the bouffant one, a top-notch starling always good at rooting out worms and secretive cabals ...

By golly, he's just the person to expose an international conspiracy ...

Indeed, indeed, but the pond realises that this trek through the conspiracy might be long and tedious, so how about in the Seth Meyers style, we stop for a reptile cartoon, with an explanation of what it means ...

Naturally the IPA, which accepts climate science as much as Malware accepts the need for good broadband, needs to be wheeled in, because a secretive group of domestic lobbyists funded by who knows what, who knows where, is infinitely preferable to a foreign cabal:

Good old IPA. It's now easy to see exactly why David Pope misinterpreted that witty reptile cartoon.

Now some patient readers who've made it this far in the epic read might be expecting at this point a devastating reptile exposé of the secretive, furtive, world of hidden IPA funding, together with a stern denunciation of the cabal.

They'd be new to the pond and the reptile world ... 

But wait, right at the very end, there's a delicious closing sentence sure to delight ...

... without throwing itself open to the charge of climate change denialism.

You see, the pond promised it would be a delight. 

After all, quoting climate change denialists - such as the IPA and Oxley - is all in a day's work for the reptiles, and the way they look at you and smile sweetly, and say "Moi? Un denialist climatique?", why they look so cute and loveable, the pond just melts and goes all gooey, in much the same way as ice caps and glaciers might do ...

But wait this is a blokk buster mega posting, an in-depth examination of the reptiles at play, and today's Miranda the Devine brought even more astonishing revelations.

It's two damned hussies, witches of the first water, scheming to ruin the country, and with only Miranda the Devine and her fellow reptiles up to the job of stopping them ...

Now the pond knows there's probably some deviant radicals out there wondering about the damage a changing climate might do to the economy should dire predictions come to pass, but that's to entirely miss the point.

Nonetheless, the pond is sympathetic to the plight of these deviants, and understands it's always a long haul doing an in-depth study of the Devine - the acid is inclined to dissolve the skin and ruin eyesight - so perhaps a few Pope cartoons, as deployed at Environmental Law here, will provide a few breaks and a nostalgic trip down memory lane ...

Damn you Cecil, but at least we can go back to the Devine refreshed at the sight of the walri hunter  in his natural pose in the wild... as the Devine rolls out the cruellest word of all ... the "l" word. These are no ladies ...

Oh it's shocking, the shameless hussies, look at how they smile and laugh and dance with glee, and the onion muncher pandered to them.

Phew, how is Cecil going?

Now back to the ever-vigilant Devine as she goes over the same ground as the bouffant one:

It's just too intense ... how are things going in the cartoon world with Cecil the skink?

Oh it's appalling stuff, so appalling that the Devine has to wheel in Keith Windschuttle, who amazingly claims the title of historian, when surely he should carry the title of Honourable Companion in the Reptile Order of Black Bashing:

Oh you appalling crusties, you tree huggers, you anarcho-punk vandals, have you no shame? Look at what you have wrought ...

Sorry First Dog, the last word belongs to the Devine and the devine Keith ...

Economically defunct!

The pesky blacks won't even allow the damn land to be concreted and tarred over, and turned into a decently large car park and mall ...

Yeah, thanks for bloody nothing, Hillary and Julia, you twin witches from hell ...

Now if we can all just sing along ...what we want is tar and cement, and to hell with Cecil, though the pond thanks the Pope for his papal wisdom and reminds anyone who hasn't caught up that there's fresher papal follies here ...

Oh you foolish, sentimental, nostalgic crusties.

Consider yourselves splashed with a goodly dose of Essence of Devine ... and you too Cecil, you dumb skink. The sooner you and your kind are run off the planet, and we cover it in tar and cement, the better everything will be ...

And now anyone who has made it here will be able to tell their children that they saw a murmuration of reptiles, and were mightily impressed by what they saw ... especially as the reptiles joined the dinosaurs somewhere around 2030 ...

Now let's hear it for Malware, the reptiles, and coal, coal, coal for the wooorrld ... and a dash of petroleum to give the right pungent odour to the vitriole ...

In which the pond enjoys the season of the witch ...

The pond mainly celebrates Halloween as the day when, if any young men or women dare to have sex, they'll be slashed to death, in the American way ...

Straight to Hell, for you, you damned, and even worse, young and attractive fornicators ...

But these days, Sydney's inner west has gone full gothic lolly-extorting and gorging ritual, and it took the pond back to the golden days, when the angry Sydney Anglicans and other fundamentalists were agitated about the pagan festival.

The pond dates the peak fear and loathing to around 2009.

Back then a blog posting by the immortal Michael Jensen - how the official website has declined since the angry Jensenists went into exile - attracted a flurry of comments, including one Philip Griffin, reporting with shock, horror and fear ...

You raise a good point Michael. There are other signs people are just not interested in Anglicanism as such. Very few people are interested in discussing liturgical reform and church practice- even though our archbishop highlighted the need for us to debate and discuss this in his presedential address. Many just don't see the need to worry about this. Being distinctively Anglican is not seen as important anymore. 
There may be a second reason as to why there is little interest in all this. Even within our own diocese there are some sometimes bizzare church activities that do not seem to be condemned. Only last Sunday a worried parishioner gave me a flyer from a church in Sydney advertising a halloween Gothic Mass, involving corpse candles, and where in the flyer one reads 'all human beings dead or alive are encouraged to express themselves creatively and joyfully.' This parishioner could not believe denominational authorities would not stop this. 

Indeed, indeed. It's shocking and horrifying to think of anyone expressing themselves creatively and joyfully, and whenever it's spotted, it certainly should be stopped.

The Anglicans and their complimentary women have done an enormous amount of quash any signs of creativity and joy:

 I know I've used an extreme case, but when people observe the distinctives of Anglicanism, even within our own diocese, being flouted to the point that what is being done is blatantly heretical, and nothing is done about it, they are even less likely to be concerned about holding onto our valuable heritage.

Indeed, indeed, and a second commenter dragged the full, horrifying details from a Facebook page, to expose the shocking horror ...

RECLAIMING HALLOWEEN WITH THE GOTH n ROLL RECTOR AND THE FESTIVAL OF ALL THINGS DARKLY BEAUTIFUL 
As Halloween takes hold in Australia as a commercial celebration, there is one suburb where the authentic experience will take over the streets. Meet Gwilym, the renegade Rector of St Lukes, Enmore who brought the first ever Gothic Mass to Australia for last year's Under the Blue Moon Festival. 
This year Gwilym takes us back to the controversial tradition of All Hallows Eve, where the souls of those in limbo are said to be released through the prayers of their loved ones. Gwilym reignites this tradition, reclaiming Halloween as directly related to Christ's passion, death and resurrection bringing light to darkness and new life for the dead.
This will be a most unusual event with a gothic dj on decks playing Dead Can Dance, Sisters of Mercy and Nick Cave tracks, as well as the historic and one of a kind 1883 Wordsworth and Maskell organ getting a work out with gothic and dramatic pieces. The atmosphere will be gothick ambience with candlelit procession and service, and Soul Cakes. Soul Cakes hark back to medieval times and are the origin of the modern "Trick or Treat". 
Corpse Candles will be given out for the finale candlelit procession as the 1883 organ heralds us out with soul stirring music.
Like last year's Gothic Mass, The All Hallows Eve Mass will be intensely visual and evocative, the right kind of spooky with reverance. Fittingly it is in Enmore, the suburb of Sydney where all human beings dead or alive are encouraged to express themselves creatively and joyfully.

Sadly the link to the renegade radical rector's post no longer works, and his heresy has turned to dust, in the way rust never sleeps and time works its magic.

It was also in 2009 that the Fairfaxians ran a fairly standard beat-up, Hell of a row as kids buy into imported Halloween rituals ...

It kicked all the usual cans a little further down the road.

The Vatican issuing a warning about Halloween as a great Satanic ritual, occult and anti-Christian, local Anglicans ducked the bullet and noted it was something a bit American - easier to blame the Yanks than carry on like a fundamentalist - dear old Nathan Rees (briefly impersonating a NSW Labor premier) thought it great for community-building, and Tanya Plibersek was boycotting it because of lollies and junk food ...

Well Puritanism takes many forms - now child eat your greens, and greenies too, if you like - and as we all know, any form of pleasure-taking will lead to a damned good slashing and straight to Hell ...

But these days, at least in certain areas of Sydney, the battle has been lost.

The pond was pleased to see that the Anglican League blog did its bit by recycling the Presbyterians ...

Indeed, indeed, damned Yanks with their imported darkness.

Society is the worst for it, all the more so that for some reason, the main celebrations seem to have taken place yesterday, or at a pinch today, making it a long weekend of satanic rituals, as opposed to the tradition of it taking place on October 31st.

This is a bit like making Christmas day start early in the week just to suit a holiday weekend - hey pagan Santa can you come on the 23rd with the pressies - or demand that the pagan bunny deliver the chocolates on Friday night for a weekend of binge eating ...

Well anyone interested can get the PMG's John Wilson's message here, which poignantly ends ...

Celebrate the light, live in the light, stay focused on the light. 

That sent the pond off into a kind of Star Wars reverie. Feel the light Luke, stay focussed on the light:

Luther’s pastoral warning for the church at Wittenberg, is our warning: “We here in Wittenberg have acquired the form of a Christian church … the Word is taught purely, the sacraments are used properly, there are exhortations and prayers … everything is moving along well. But some fanatic could stop this blessed progress of the gospel in a hurry, and in one moment could overturn everything that we have built up.”

Indeed, indeed, fanatics are everywhere - damn you complimentary women and your wicked Eve-ish ways - but these days, the radical rector in Enmore seems to have moved on...

However, the pond was delighted to see that cannibalism remains a feature of the local Anglican church just up the road from the pond, almost within lolly-throwing distance ...

We worship in the style which is sometimes called Anglo-Catholic or High Church. This means we use symbol and ceremony, candles, holy water, incense and colourful vestments. We love processions and singing and as many people as possible taking leadership roles in the worship. Above all, we delight to gather in a circle around the altar to bless the bread and wine which is for us the body and blood of Christ, and to share it together. (here).

Munching on actual human flesh and actual human blood!

Why even Tanya Plibersek would have to acknowledge that this isn't junk food, it's healthy, body-building stuff ...

Sadly, not everyone is in to cannibalism, and some of the activities scheduled by deviant Anglicans sounded quite tame ...

Sadly the pond missed the festivities this year - after all, what sort of heretic would schedule Halloween for 29th October? - but thanks Phil, because if rotating ghost robots and open heart lolly surgery is all the go (please Tanya, don't reel back in horror), can full-on cannibalism be far behind? 

Then every Anglican Sunday can be Halloween ...

In which the dog botherer fails anthropology 101 ...

The pond is always befuddled for choice on a weekend. 

But the dog botherer outraged is always a splendid sight to see, though it's odd that on the front digital splash the outrage should be about "maligning," and the header for the story should turn to "racist attacks" ...

Now a little background reading is always wise before talking about Nauru, though it involves wandering back a couple of years:

Victoria's most senior judge has called on the Abbott government to do ''all in its power'' to support Nauru's Chief Justice, who has been forced into exile. Supreme Court Chief Justice Marilyn Warren compared the cancellation of Chief Justice Geoffrey Eames' visa to re-enter Nauru with recent attempts to fire senior judges in Zimbabwe and Sri Lanka when they have reminded their respective governments they must obey the law. (more here at Fairfax February 2014)

In the end Eames resigned - Graudian here - but that's not an end to the reading, as here at the ABC:

A former Nauru solicitor-general says a police investigation into alleged kickbacks from an Australian phosphate company to Nauru's president and justice minister was well advanced at the time of police commissioner Richard Britten's sacking in July 2013. Steven Bliim, an Australian barrister, served as Nauru's solicitor-general from December 2012 until his resignation in January 2014.

And without brooding too long on that matter, there were other matters, as per Fairfax here ...

Nauru's justification for sacking and deporting its resident magistrate of three years has been branded ''ridiculous, false and defamatory'' by the tiny country's exiled Chief Justice and ''outrageous'' by the man himself. Two days after arresting Peter Law and putting him on a plane to Australia under police guard, the Nauru government justified its actions by accusing him of misdemeanours ranging from being ''drunk and disorderly'' and derelict in his duty to improper conduct towards staff and cases. Declaring it important that justice not only be done but ''be seen to be done'', the government said it had chosen to banish Mr Law ''before any more damage is done to the reputation and good standing of the Nauru judiciary''.

Now there's a reliable laugh ... the reputation and good standing of the Nauru judiciary.

Sadly for the dog botherer, none of this has to do with race ... cronyism and corruption are inclined to be colour-blind.

And in recent years, Australia has poured an enormous amount of money - call it rewards, call it loot, call it whatever you like, call it make out like a bandit while you can - into the country, plenty of tasty bundles of loose slippery cash ready to be pocketed ...

Another sure sign of corrupt and despotic behaviour is the banishing or exclusion of the media. Or rather letting in to the country only a few servile, lickspittle types guaranteed to put the right sort of spin on their reporting ...

Well we all know how that worked out, and who was the first amongst the few willing or able to do the right thing... (Media Watch here)

So be it ...

Such a self-satisfied, complacent air of smug self-congratulation.

Well there's plenty more unseemly material available on the full to overflowing intertubes about Nauru, none of it racist, much of it about the behaviour of the government, to loose the term loosely, and much of it ranging from the problematic to the nauseating, but the pond must, as always, get around to the latest dog botherer outrage ... so here we go ...

 

Now for starters, the pond would love to know how Nauruans constitute a race, as opposed to say, an ethnic or a national grouping ...

If the pond does a Greg Hunt, having stepped around the walri frolicking in the Pacific ocean, it's possible to come up with this here:

The indigenous peoples of Nauru are an ethnicity, which inhabit the Pacific island of Nauru. They are most likely a blend of other Pacific peoples.

It is typical, the pond regrets to say, in these free-wheeling libertarian days, where idle abuse is seen as freedom of speech, that the pond must observe that the dog botherer routinely talks through his arse ...

The flatulent fool makes the mistake of confusing race with country ...

But what really had the pond rolling Jaffas down the aisle was the way that the dog botherer shed crocodile tears about Nauru being a disadvantaged post-colonial country, when Australia has spent a shit load of money making it a craven client state willing to do the bidding and the work of its masters, and paid handsomely for the pleasure, with the main fuss in country seemingly arising over the division of the spoils ...

But observing this, or noting the conditions of the gulag doesn't have anything to do with race.

That line "Bongiorno maligns a race" is about as silly as the pond being charged with a thought crime for saying that "Chris Kenny represents all that's profoundly stupid about the croweater race."

As usual, the reptiles are generous - perhaps too generous - and so there's another gobbet from a man who wouldn't have passed the social anthropology course at UNE way back when ...

What's the bet that the main bee in the bonnet of the dog botherer will be the usual suspects? The ABC, the Graudian, Amnesty, Waleed Aly, the greenies, the leftist greenie ABC, and anyone else appalled at the way Australia persists in maintaining a gulag when the time is long past for resolving the situation ...

There's only one certainty arising from this. Those locked away in this island paradise will continue to be locked away for the foreseeable, interminable future, and Australia will continue to pour shitloads of money into a country riven by corruption and cronyism, and the country's government will continue to maintain a media boycott, selecting a few servile cronies to turn up every so often.

The resulting silence will continue to be a boon, and allow the dog botherer to strut around with the peculiar, vain boast that only he and A Current Affair have been allowed in country...

Of course you might read through all this dog botherer pandering guff, and come away thinking that all is for the best in Nauru. That would rely on trusting the word and insights of a man who would fail anthropology 101 ...

Those who think it's past time for a change might wonder what the dog botherer sees as a solution to a situation which has produced negative headlines around the world for years...

Sorry.

He didn't say ...

And now for those who go in search of the fair go, they can join First Dog in the hunt here for the full cartoon ...

In which the pond is befuddled by mixed messages from prattling Polonius and Our Gracie and her invitation to do a naughty Leyonhjelm ...

The pond is routinely confused by the reptiles. The pond seems to serenely float on the water but is always paddling hard just below the surface in a bid to keep up ...

There's the mixed messages, what with free speech being a human right and prattling Polonius patiently explaining that free speech is completely unacceptable in some ...

And then there's the placements. These days the pond has to dig hard to find the golden gems of the ancient mariner, still prattling, but often buried deep in the digital archives ... while the mixed messages run rampant on the front digital commentary page ...

Now the best the pond can work out, and bearing in mind free speech is ostensibly a human right, it seems that pesky feminists should shut up about their myths, and the wretches at the ABC should shut up about Nauru, which has a perfectly fine paranoid government in keeping with the dog botherer's boofhead boot 'em in the balls spirit, and anyone who compares the onion muncher with the Donald should shut the fuck up ... while Our Gracie, as the pond likes to think of her, mourns the way everyone is telling everyone to shut the fuck up, and they should be free to tell them to shut the fuck up about shutting the fuck up ...

The pond reeled away from this tower of Babel, and tentatively began to construct a reptile law, along the lines All free speech is equal, but some free speech is more equal than other free speech...

And, inter alia, an important coda, explaining what this means ... free speech is the right of all reptiles, and reptile lovers and supporters throughout the land, but free speech for pesky feminists, difficult blacks, tricky gays, cardigan-wearing public servants, especially the ones at SBS and the maligning ABC is just too much for a reptile to bear, and they should just shut the fuck up ...

It seemed to the pond to be a good and worthy law, a just and so and entirely proper law, and one that put the pond in the mood to go off to prattling Polonius for a wise word on keeping speech polite and discreet and conservative ...

Indeed, indeed, and the pond deplores royalty and royalty's representatives speaking out on anything. In fact, the pond generally is inclined to deplore royalty in general.

But anxious governors might now be worried about speaking out on any subject, and concerned that their right to free speech is limited.

Do not be alarmed. Inter alia, governors and gg's may speak out about the joyous wonders of the monarchy itself, the excellence of Australia and its tremendous government, and all its glorious initiatives - you can always mention broadband and climate science with absolute safety - and then there's the importance of the RSL, the benefits of warfare, and taking pride in Australia's killing machine wherever and for whatever reason it might be sent to kill ...

Remember all war is good and glorious and honour the flag and God - She will be ever so pleased - and if you chant the right words, you will get a year's supply of milk warmed in the early morning Tamworth sun ...

I love God and my country, I honour the flag, I will serve the Queen, and cheerfully obey my parents, teachers and the law

Now please understand, every word in this chat is strictly apolitical ... and please, do remember to be cheerful while saying it.

Talk of mateship and a fair go is also encouraged - please, avoid anxiety about comparisons with reality - and when in doubt, remember there's always beer ...

Now that's sorted - the pond understands it's your shout - please allow the pond to get back to Polonius for a final word ...

And there you go. As always, the impeccable Polonius is right on the spot with wise advice. It is entirely proper to make speeches in favour of the military and the war machine and its glorious achievements, but any hint of peacenik talk or leftism is to be strictly abhorred. And now feel free to consider yourselves lectured-to by prattling Polonius ...

And now because the pond can never get enough of reptile lectures, the pond turned to Our Gracie in a special weekend double bunger edition ...

Our Gracie, as the pond thinks of her, follows in the tradition of another "Our Gracie" ...

If only the new Our Gracie was the Surprise Party's dark horse, but the pond suspects that Our Gracie will be drearily predictable in a thoroughly reptile way ...

Okay, okay, but before we get to that, our Gracie, might we just consider where that old routine about taking offence, or even the gate, gets us ...

Now right there, the reptiles have censored the good Senator just as he embarked on twittering about significant policy issues, choosing exactly the right sort of words to explain his policies ...

Remember we're deep in Our Gracie and Leyonhjelm's notion that offence is chosen, so let the abuse run wild and free and where it will. As a result, the HUNsters should have run him uncensored, and allowed anyone who wanted to take the gate to do so ...

And so on ... and on and tediously on ...

Now no doubt Our Gracie is keen to establish that the good Senator is just a yoga pants man, long suffering and hounded by barking mad lefties ... and so we must return for the rest of our Gracie's lecture on proper speech ... but not before remembering that when campaigning our Gracie favours a kangaroo motif ...

Down with common sense!

Down with politeness and gentility!

Time now for a final service of Our Gracie, and a vote for "down with common sense". Let anyone who wants to insult anyone roam wild and free ...

Yes, we must push back.

Everyone should have the right to call everyone else stupid cunts. In public, in the parliament and all around this wide brown land. 

Forget all the tosh conservatives peddle about being polite and gracious and genteel.

Swearing like a trooper, causing offence to anyone who gets in your way, why it's the bikie way.

As Marlon himself once answered to the question, "Hey Johnny, who are you insulting today with vile language?" ..."Who the fucking hell have you bloody well got?"

It's also the reptile way, heck it's the Australian way, and once again, we owe it all to Our Gracie, freedom fighter and defiant opponent of those wretches who always want to take a fence and a gate ...

Provided of course the coda to the law is observed ... free speech for pesky feminists, difficult blacks, tricky gays, cardigan-wearing public servants, especially the ones at SBS and the maligning ABC is just too much for a reptile to bear, and they should just shut the fuck up, the stupid cunts ...

And that's where we have reached in public discourse, and so the world of the reptiles has made ready the world of the Donald, and lo, it might yet come to pass ...

And after this descent into the reptile sewer world, the pond always enjoys a cleansing sorbet, a cartoon by Rowe where innocents will have an extremely hard time guessing the word being looked up by the diligent gorgeous George, after he got down the dictionary from his modest shelving ... (and more excellent Rowe here).

In which the pond subjects Paul Monk to some mockery and caricature ...

Four Lions is a 2010 British black comedy, which makes a joke of radicalised Pom Muslim men aspiring to be suicide bombers ...

It's edgy enough, some liked it, some didn't, and according to Box Office Mojo, it did a grand $304,616 in business down under ...

Possibly Paul Monk was amongst the many who didn't bother to head along to a nearby theatre during its short run ...

Of course it's easy enough to find films where the villains are middle eastern and in terminal fanatical shape, from the Palestinian terrorists in the 1977 Black Sunday, the Crimson Jihad in the 1994 True Lies, through many others to the sort of routine nonsense on view in the 2016 London Has Fallen, via Olympus Has Fallen, with the wicked Aamir Barkawi taking over from the North Koreans ...

As usual, there's a wiki listicle of films featuring terrorism to help out the Greg Hunts of the world (watch out for crazed walri wanting to take down the White House).

Of course in most of these films, the villains are subject to mockery, caricature, stereotypes and are blessed with the usual verbosity of delusional fanatics who just want to shout "look, ma, top of the world" endlessly before the delay in doing their villainy results in them getting blown up or taken out ...

Hollywood has always needed villains, and while Islamics are only one rich strand, still the action films of the world have made a speciality of demonising the fundies.

Now the pond has always thought there was a great comedy action picture to be made down under and thought of pitching it as Tropic Thunder...

Unfortunately, the title has been taken, and the HUNsters showed a lamentable lack of satirical skill with their splash...

The Cape Crusaders?

Crusaders? Does anyone remember the actual Crusaders?

Oh come on, surely the Cape Jihadist Wombats would be a better starting point. Maybe we should kick it around a little more, The Five Jihadist Jumbucks, or Jihadists Travelling North with Rumpole?

None of this is original. Stand-up comics and Jihad! The Musical and such like have contributed to a wiki on Jihad Satire ...

The reason that the pond never worries too much about the Islamics is because they only make up a couple of per cent of the population, and after a few jokes about men scoring virgins in heaven, the well runs dry.

But it pays to be aware of the sort of comedy that does the rounds, Hussain Rahman being a local example ...a man who offers jihadists grooming tips for their facial hair can't be all bad ...

Hussain can spear his own Muslim identity and the brutal stereotypes that form around it all in one breath. Take this bit from the 2015 Sydney Comedy festival: “Just because I’m Muslim doesn’t mean I support Isis, you idiot ... some of us like al-Qaida”. (from a Graudian profile here).

All of which makes the pond wonder which planet Paul Monk is on, and whether it's the same one as the pond's ...

Well for a start, you don't seek permission to josh Muslims. This can be tricky, given the way certain barking mad Islamic fundamentalists can be prickly and inclined to massacre cartoonists - fuck 'em - but dragging 18C into this brew, citing the Islamics as the trickiest part of the exercise, entirely misses the point.

What about the Jews and their running of international banks and the entire monetary system and their determination to bring down the Donald so Hillary can rule for them?

Yes, you have to step lightly when making jokes about the Jews, and let's not get on to the spoons and the forks buried in the back yard.

Worse, it seems clear enough that Monk hasn't actually seen The Book of Mormon, which in its own way, is very affectionate towards the crazy, wacky objects of its very mild satire.

The pond emerged (yes, yes, we saw it on Broadway, don'tchaknow) quite fond of anyone barking mad enough to believe the nonsense of the gold tablets and all that jazz, and wiser elders realise it's a great marketing job ...

So generally it’s a good thing for Mormons? 
Yes. People will become more aware that we’re a Christian church, that we’re not a cult and that we don’t force our views on anyone, but that we’re happy to share them with those who are interested. (VICE here).

More to the point, the pond was wondering why Monk hadn't mentioned Four Lions and suggested that a few more films along this line might be a good thing.

Heck he might fund the pond's We are the five jihadist 'roos travelling north ...

Never mind, Monk likes to describe himself as a "public intellectual" who has been praised by Bob Carr, and the pond can't match that sort of satirical comedy styling ... and as usual, because this is the lizard Oz, the rest of his piece is just a standard bit of Muslim bashing ... full of the usual 'clash of civilisations' fear and loathing ...

You'd think that a public intellectual would understand that dignity and good humour don't go together.

Pratfalls and indignities are the grist to the comedy mill. It can take many forms and be violent. Charlie was an expert jihadist against the big boys:

Or this from the aforementioned Hussain:

Recently a Twitter user accused him of being a terrorist and following “the religion of Pisslam”. Hussain says such interactions rapidly devolve into flame wars, in which the winner is “the person who gets blocked first”. He decided to try something new, replying: “I love you, bro.” “No you don’t,” the guy wrote back. Hussain insisted he did and found a photo of the guy and his wife and photoshopped his own face on to the wife’s. He was blocked straight away. 

He used this tactic again with another internet hater – photoshopping his face on to that of the man’s wife – however this time found he was not immediately blocked. “I said, shit! That’s my A game. I’ve got nowhere to go.” 

The man, who appeared to belong to the far-right movement United Patriots Front, accused Hussain of trying to convert him to Islam and being an “extremist Muslim masquerading as a moderate Muslim”. Hussain denied this and wrote: “You’re an extremist Australian masquerading as my future husband.” He reposted the photoshopped photo of the troll and Hussain in matrimonial bliss.

Yes, that's how to deal with prejudice and intimidation.

And now since we're talking of black humour, it's time for the pond to catch up with the students ... the pond can testify for a fact that the latest edition has gone off like a rocket and is hard to find on campus ...

Oh isn't that Devine appearance just too cute ...

They've been on fire of late ... and the pond loves to check their twitter feed, if only because their twittering irritates the reptiles so ...

And you can use twitter for fact-checking too ...