Devastating news for the reptiles this day. After all their efforts, after all their raging at the dying of the white light, came an unexpected EXCLUSIVE ...
Say what? Is this quiet majority anything like the reptiles' much loved silent majority?
If so, what devious treachery is this? Should the reptiles go with the quiet majority?
Of course not, they must double down, get even more hysterical, there is much more work to be done, send news to Dame Slap and get her on the case ... or this sort of cartoon from the immortal Rowe might begin to feel like unseemly gloating ...
Yes, it's a bit early in the morning for a Rowe and that threatening balloon hovering over the nation, but there was even more bad news in another EXCLUSIVE ... and it came in the triptych of terror ...
The quiet majority is backing Labor, and simpleton "here no conflict of interest" Simon is made to report the news? Why that's inviting the cartoonists to have a field day ...
The shame, the ignominy, but at least there's the bloody ABC up to its usual monkey business - expect them in a Colbert segment some day soon - and there's always the Major ...
Oh no, did the pond just look forward to another outburst by the famous parrot, and what's more about EVs, the latest in a long line of reptile bĂȘte noires?
Well the pond has already been down this road many times, so it may as well charge up and give itself a a Major Monday shock to the system ...
Suddenly the Major is deeply worried about soaring fossil fuel use? Since when has dinkum, pure, innocent Oz coal ruffled the parrot's feathers?
But spoiler alert, the pond has already read ahead, and at the very end this climate science denialist Major Mitchell delivers a splendid punchline ...
But for the moment on with why EVs terrify the parrot ...
You'd think the Major would be jumping for joy at American initiatives but no, when you're a parrot, you always suspect there are mouldy crackers in the bowl ...
Yes, there's the Major worrying about the benefits for the planet, as if the planet needed any kind of benefits, what with it doing ever so well thanks to the coal-loving reptiles, but then the Major delivered his splendid punchline at the very end of his final gobbet. What a tease...
"There remains a slim hope ..."
We're now down to a "slim hope" that the Major is right and the prophets of climate doom will be finally shown for the frauds they are?
A "slim hope" is the best the Major has got?
But global temperatures have been behaving splendidly of late ... there's nothing like a record here, and a record there and a record atop a mountain that'd freeze the balls off a brass monkey or even ruffle a Major's feathers ...
Records tumbling and the Major offering us a dose of Slim Shady from his nursing home ...
It's funny 'cause at the rate I'm goin' when I'm the Major's age and hurting
I'll be the only person in the nursin' home flirting
Pinchin' nurses asses while I'm jackin' off with Jergens
And I'm jerkin' but this whole bag of Viagra isn't workin'
In every single person there's a Slim Shady lurkin'
He could be workin' at Burger King, spittin' on your onion rings
Or in the parkin' lot circling, screamin' I don't give a fuck
With his windows down and his system up
The pond is sorry, it has absolutely no idea where that came from, it's a jump from "slim hope" to Slim Shady, and so the pond turned away to look for other reptile thoughts and opinions...
Sheesh, more simplistic Simon, and the Major making another appearance, and some Paddy having yet another ago at Jimbo, and Jason still brooding about Afghanistan ... there was nothing for it but a war of words ...
Splendid stuff, but apparently our Luke is unaware that he's kissing corporate cousin with the likes of Tuckyo Rose.
The pond will go anywhere for a gobbet, even the National Review, even to an appalled Boris ...
Indeed, indeed, winning warrior words, but Luke doesn't seem to realise he's working on the same team as wordsmith Tuckyo ...
The problem with Luke's brand of specious bullshit is that he doesn't seem to have the first clue what's going down at Faux Noise and in the GOP, no thanks in large part to the work of the Chairman and his missionaries, because if you can make a quick buck by white anting, why not white ant away?
That's how to white ant, and imagine the pond's shock and surprise to find itself in the tank with Boris.
Meanwhile, Luke is up to the ears in his own verbiage and bullshit ...
Oh FFS, not Plato and all that hole in the bucket man's jazz.
When it comes to Ukraine, fuck the heavy weaponry of argument and the ammunition of logical reasoning, because then you wouldn't be scribbling for News Corp and find yourself playing the role of kissing cousin to Chairman Rupert's quisling minions.
Just cut the Platonic bullshit, and send in the heavy arguments and the ammunition of logically reasoning tanks ... and the more bloody tanks the better, whatever the bromancer might think of tanks.
Strange at this point in the pond's career that the reptiles should have made it a tank lover, but wait there's a final blast, as the pond discovers just how weird can it get in News Corp la la land ...
The pond has run out of space for a full Killer burst, but at the very end of his piece, did Killer scribble that he hoped the Chinese get better at espionage?
He did, he did. The way to improve bilateral relations is for China to do a better job with espionage.
Perhaps he was just jerking his chain, perhaps he was being whimsical in a wanky way - the Killer is great at that - but still, how soon before Killer is hoping that China does a better job on Taiwan than Vlad the Terrible has done with Ukraine?
Just send in the fucking tanks, and if they make a detour via Surry Hills, see if the pond cares ...
It's a funny old world, and after all the Major's EV shocks to the system and Luke's verbiage - where's the Oreo when she's needed, why did the Caterist abandon Monday to floodwaters in quarry? - to lift flagging spirits - already flagging on a Monday! - the pond went back to an old infallible Pope, because let's face it, a King Chuck cartoon never dates ...