In which the pond features the comedy stylings of the bromancer and nattering "Ned" ...

 

The pond realises that everybody will already have visited the venerable Meade to get their herpetological studies fix, this week headed Why a cosmetic nurse became a media magnet over the Alice Springs unrest, and down the page there was an item that added to the pond's confusion, namely, what's happening at Crikey?

The keen Keane hasn't been sighted since before Christmas and the other day a coalition apparatchik, one Charlotte Mortlock was invited to explain why she was voting for the Dominator, despite the Liberals having a woman problem. (paywall)

Gven that the pond still can't remember the name of the opposition leader - Opus Dei sticks in the mind better - the pond had a read, but then at the very end the pond came across this.

Disclosure: Charlotte Mortlock is an adviser on pacific and international development for Michael McCormack, member for Riverina.

WTF? The pond realised it should have been headed Here's why I'm voting for the Dominator. If I scribbled anything else, I'd be out of a job.

You might as well be reading the lizard Oz, though last time the pond checked Crikey was supposed to be in mortal combat with the Chairman's spawn, and in urgent need of donations and funds.

And then there are the Putin-loving trolls that stalk the comments section, still hung over from their festival days, swigging down  down huge bottles of RT, and you really have to search for a sensible read, though Charlie Lewis can be relied on, as in  Tony Abbott’s eulogy for George Pell is a masterclass in sycophancy. (paywall)

It meant that the pond could safely ignore a correspondent's advice that the rant had been posted in its entirety at Quad-rant:

...This trait was in full flow when recently Abbott saw off one of his heroes — “In short, he’s the greatest Catholic Australia has produced and one of our country’s greatest sons … That’s the heroic virtue that makes him, to my mind, a saint for our times”. He continued, via Kipling:
If character means to trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too; if it means bearing to hear the truth you’ve spoken, twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, George Pell was the greatest man I’ve ever known.
There was also his strange, joyless sense of humour:
And as I heard the chant [from protesters outside the church], ‘Cardinal Pell should go to hell’, I thought, ‘Aha! At least they now believe in the afterlife.’
Perhaps this is St George Pell’s first miracle.
On a day for reflection, Abbott could summon no thoughts as to why survivors of abuse at the hands of the Catholic Church might not want to send their well-wishes to the departed cardinal — who a royal commission in 2017 found was “conscious of child sexual abuse by clergy” as early as 1973 and had failed to act on complaints about priests.
Abbott’s gag at their expense called to mind his wink to ABC presenter Jon Faine when talking to a pensioner who identified herself as a sex worker, or his wish that Julia Gillard would “make an honest woman of herself”.
Most directly, it brought back the joke Abbott made about former NSW Liberal leader John Brogden, who had resigned in 2005 after being found in his office with self-inflicted wounds: Abbott quipped that if the Liberal Party made a certain policy switch, “we would be as dead as the former Liberal leader’s political prospects”.
And so, to great applause, Abbott saw off his spiritual guide with a mixture of sycophancy and strange, cruel humour, leaving one to wonder, yet again, if he’s not reading the wider mood of the country — or if he simply doesn’t care.

Well yes, and so the pond felt justified and righteous and not having to deal with a man who is vile in thought and deed ... not to mention that smug face routinely twisted into a self-satisfied smirk. 

He shutteth his eyes to devise froward things: Moving his lips he bringeth evil to pass. Proverbs 16:30

Enough with the distractions, the pond has been avoiding its studies and with good reason ...

Oh Jimbo, Jimbo, you've set off both the dog botherer and Killer Creighton, and frankly the pond has had it up to the back teeth. 

And this is the second week in a row the reptiles have dredged the tiresome Adams from the swamp of self-regard, and flung him into the mix, and still the advertising industry mourns its loss ... while the pond reaches for its vomit bucket ...

There was nothing for it but to settle in for some climate science from the bromancer, and welcome the apocalypse ...

Warning. This is a long outing, and at the end of it, some readers might feel fatigued and with a desire to do absolutely nothing, except perhaps hope for the completion of the Death Star and the destruction of the planet ...

It's easy to see where we're heading. The coal loving Canavan caravan as the first line, and the reptiles' graphic department thinking the way to introduce a piece of climate science denialism is by way of a Star Trek style graphic, though to be fair, it's funnier than an array of ominous Satanic solar panels, or swishing killer windmills ...

So it's on with the cosmic despair, but the pond promises one hearty laugh at the very end ...

Yes, the bromancer is full of astonishing insights, and the pond was startled to learn that dragons don't exist. 

What other childhood dreams might the bromancer shatter in the read - the fairies at the bottom of the pond's garden, Santa Claus? Oh no, not the Easter Bunny, the pond was looking forward to its choccies ... meanwhile, it must make do with the bromancer celebrating the coal-loving Canavan caravan, doing the work of an epic climate science denialist, because that's what reptiles do ...

It's always funny when a fundamentalist Xian introduces religion into the mix and blathers about miracles, and heaven and such like, while cheerfully consigning large portions of the planet to hell, but that's what reptiles do, and with great fervour and frock-loving conviction ...

Ah coal, of course the bromancer would have some kind words about coal, because how else could he stay on the Canavan caravan?

Meanwhile, how he's enjoying his role as dragon slayer and apocalyptic doom merchant ... and if China isn't enough, there's always India ...

Is there any sign of hope? Does the bromancer have the first clue or the slightest care as to what will happen to the planet? Nope, it's time for Uncle Elon to enter stage from the far right ...

Yes, there's absolutely no hope, the ancient bromancer mariner has stoppeth one of three, and explained how everything is completely useless and utterly pointless and so why do anything about anything, why not just lie back and enjoy it ...

But the pond promised a laugh, and it's coming, but first we must continue on the apocalyptic doom ride aboard the bromancer's Canavan caravan ...

Strange, once upon a time, the pond can remember when the climate science denialists at the lizard Oz were really  big for carbon capture, and persuaded Liberal governments to piss millions against the wall to make it so ...

Here's a blast ... have a read of Greg Hunt in pdf form back in July 2013, when he was the shadow minister for climate action, environment and heritage ...

Meanwhile the pond must get on to the penultimate gobbet of despair ...

Yes, there's the laugh, a rich and a good one, though tinged in the pond with a mix of hysteria and apocalyptic despair ...

None of this is to say do nothing about climate change, don’t reduce emissions substantially.

He's pulling the pond's leg isn't he? He's poking the pond in the ribs, isn't he?

He's jerking the pond's chain, isn't he? Or is he jerking himself off to produce a happy ending and a planet fucked? But what a punchline, and the pond couldn't stop repeating it, it was so rich and good and funny, deeply funny ...

None of this is to say do nothing about climate change, don’t reduce emissions substantially.

What's the point, you useless dickhead gherkin? You stupid, foolish fundamentalist tyke futtock of the first water ...

You've just spent an entire column explaining how pointless, impossible and futile it all is, and then just like dragons and fairies at the bottom of the garden, you can wish it all away with a "None of is is to say ..."

Then came a final thrust, in a snappy little final gobbet ...

And that's almost as good. Just the facts ma'am, says Sergeant Joe "Bromancer" Friday, just the facts, we're all doomed, and doing anything about it is completely pointless, and a waste of time, and nothing is to be done, nothing at all, because that will only amount to a hill of beans in this troubled world, though none of this is to say that you have just wasted precious time reading a fundamentalist tyke praying he'll get to heaven before the world turns to hell in a bromancer handbasket...

The bromancer is here to help? The pond has got a bridge to sell you, or perhaps a lot of onions, so you can munch along with the onion muncher while enjoying the ride on the Canavan caravan ...

And so to the bonus, and here the pond decided it best employ a surrogate for Killer and the dog botherer's rage at Jimbo, and who better than nattering "Ned", because - deep sigh - he too was in a state of rage ...

Instead of a laugh, this time the pond is promising a typographical novelty. It's probably not enough to induce those who've run screaming from the room back in to spend time with the natterer, but it's the best the pond has got ... and yes, it is interminable, perhaps not as interminable as some, but more than interminable for most ...

Sure, there was the beginning of a snicker with "Ned's" line, "nobody thinks capitalism is perfect", because if nobody thinks that, why isn't Nobody working on it?

“Who did you pass on the road?" the King went on, holding out his hand to the Messenger for some more hay.

"Nobody," said the Messenger.

"Quite right," said the King; "this young lady saw him too. So of course Nobody walks slower than you."

"I do my best," the Messenger said in a sullen tone. "I'm sure nobody walks much faster than I do!"

"He can't do that," said the King, "or else he'd have been here first.”

Oh dear, that suggests that the pond and Nobody aren't taking the nattering seriously, but there's a lot more walking to be done ... and of course a snap of the deviant trouble maker, the cause of all the reptile fuss, looking grim and glum ...

The pond realises that some might wonder where that "Ned" link landed, but not to worry, it's just another part of the reptile empire, Tom Dusevic back on Jan 27th, scribbling under the header I will remake capitalism, says Jim Chalmers ...

There's no way on earth that the reptiles would provide a link to The Monthly, wherein Jimbo can be found scribbling Capitalism after the crises ...

More to the point, perhaps, is Katharine Murphy in The Graudian, with Fury over Chalmers’ essay is a reminder to Labor: change won’t get an easy ride.

One of the more comical subplots of the political week has been the fury belching from the opinion pages of the Australian and the Australian Financial Review in response to Jim Chalmers suggesting in conciliatory terms that capitalism should (brace yourselves readers) be tethered by values.

You might have missed this because the tantrum was contained largely within those enclaves. If you missed the provocation that triggered the response, the treasurer penned a 6,000-word essay for the Monthly during his summer break. The Chalmers thesis was capital could be harnessed both for private profit and public good. He also posited (wait for it readers) that better informed markets make better decisions.

There are plenty of links in those opening lines, but the pond has linked to the piece, and that's enough, though it does help explain that use of the word "enclave" because the reptiles never want their readers to stray outside the tent ...

Now triggered triggering, back to the fury belching, though such is the sedentary nature of a stroll with "Ned's" natter, that it's more of an old hack's fart or burp ...

And that reminds the pond of another Murphy line ...

The mainly ridiculous reaction to the Monthly essay will have reminded the Albanese government – which has enjoyed a wellbeing fillip associated with a six-month political honeymoon – that there is no loyal cheer squad waiting to fawn and flatter. If you want to make change, there is no easy ride.

There never is with furious reptiles belching and nattering "Ned" burping ...

And there was also this ...

The government has an enormous amount of work to do over the coming 12 months, much of it difficult. The whole apparatus will be hyperextended and hurtling.

But I hope somebody has the bandwidth to be paying close attention to the royal commission into the robodebt fiasco – the royal commission investigating why and how an unlawful Centrelink debt recovery scheme was established in 2015 and ran until November 2019.

Watching events closely in Canberra means I can only tune in and out of this process periodically. But what I’ve seen is truly mind-blowing.

Will "Ned" be the reptile to tune in and have his mind blown?

Of course not ... he's still back at "the mainly ridiculous reaction" stage ...

And so quickly on to the next gobbet and the typographical curiosity the pond had promised....

Why the bold print?

Did the sight of Swannie set "Ned" right off? Did the one sub-editor the reptiles employ get so excited they hit the wrong button?

Who can say, and the pond discreetly passes over "Ned" blathering about "coming to grips" because the thought of "Ned" coming to grips with anything is vaguely disturbing ...

Now on to another snap of Swannie, erupting from the reptile graveyard of horrors ...

Say what? We're still in the land of the bold?

Over the Mountains

   Of the Moon,

Down the Valley of the Shadow,   

   Blather, boldly blather’

   The shade replied,—

‘If you seek for Jimbo's Eldorado!’

Of course the pond could have tried for cartoon relief ...

But the reptiles getting so riled that the sight of the blathered, boldly blathering, was more than enough of a distraction for the pond, and still there was more blather, by the monumental blatherer, as he went on boldly blathering in the final gobbet ...

Yes, there's always a punchline and surely it comes with "Ned's" effort, "ideas matter", when the mainly ridiculous reptile reaction to Jimbo clearly shows that ideas don't matter and certainly rational discussion isn't the point, not when an hysterical over-reaction within the enclaves is the entire point of the proceedings...

Meanwhile the infallible Pope has returned and served up a splendid reminder of something the reptiles have spent endless time and energy avoiding ... the most shameless and shocking example of a reprehensible government in action, as opposed to scribbling an essay, and what's worse, a bunch of reptiles overlooking the neoliberal wasteland, though it does provide convincing evidence that "Ned" has absolutely no interest in recent history, or the damage done, or the lives lost ...

In which the pond desperately tries to avoid an enraged hole in the bucket man, but as a result steps into a deep pile of cackling Claire and the lizard Oz editorialist ...

 

The pond is grateful that there are others out there dealing with loons of the zonked out Jordan Peterson kind, as in Jordan Peterson’s ‘zombie’ climate contrarianism follows a well-worn path.

It means the pond doesn't have to bother, in much the same way that the pond doesn't have to dive off the deep end with loons of the Alex Jones kind, Texts Reveal Miserable Alex Jones Spying on Wife: ‘I Am in Hell’.

All the pond needs is a comedy highlight ...

...Jones, who has long decried pornography to his viewers as a plot to “end the family” and “reproduction,” also regularly texted links to hardcore films to his associates. (Jones also sent a “naked” picture of his wife to political trickster and Trump ally Roger Stone.)
“It’s meant to destroy families, destroy relationships. It destroys the pleasure of real sex. It destroys families,” Jones said during a March 2020 broadcast of Infowars.
That same day, he texted a PornHub link to a contact.

... and then the pond can move on.

The trouble comes when the question is asked, move on from what? 

Well, the pond announced a little time ago that it was well over the frock lover, so it has absolutely no time for zealots of the onion muncher kind, nor even Tess, out and about and dribbling over their hero, but even so things came to a pretty pass at the top of the lizard Oz digital page today ...

Ignore Dame Slap doing what she does, ignore the lizard Oz editorialist, look at the feeble excuse offered below that notorious, shameful and shockingly indefensible photograph.

"He was just following orders." 

Ignoring World of Warcraft and associated follies, the "just following orders" routine even has its own wiki. Inter alia ...

One of the most noted uses of this plea, or defense, was by the accused in the 1945–1946 Nuremberg trials, such that it is also called the "Nuremberg defense". The Nuremberg trials were a series of military tribunals, held by the main victorious Allies after World War II, most notable for the prosecution of prominent members of the political, military, and economic leadership of the defeated Nazi Germany. These trials, under the London Charter of the International Military Tribunal that established them, determined that the defense of superior orders was no longer enough to escape punishment, but merely enough to lessen punishment.

So now we must accept the frock lover as a lower order Nazi, just following orders and thereby up for a lesser punishment?

Note that the pond didn't break Godwin's Law, it was that just following orders routine, and the suggestion that the frock lover was just a hapless minion, a pawn, a minor Nazi ...

As for the rest, the pond read the onion muncher and read Tess, away from the d'Urbervilles, rabbiting on about how the Dominator avoided the service, and a single sample will serve to explain why the pond ignored these reptile offerings ...

Oh FFS, spare the bullshit about the humble lad from Ballarat resorting to native argot and just following orders, though Wilcox had a thoughtful comment, which saved the pond the bother of saying anything more ...

And so to the rest of the day's offerings ...

It will be noted that the pond did read the onion muncher, but after the nausea subsided, decided to pass, just as the pond decided to ignore the roving Rove... 

Sure, it's as funny as Alex Jones, but it's been going on a long time, which can be checked by heading back to Vanity Fair in March 2021 and The Girls Are Fighting: Donald Trump and Karl Rove Edition:

The feud is something of an about-face for Rove, who, as Business Insider reported, was assisting with the 2020 Trump campaign’s voter-outreach and swing state tactics less than a year ago, working directly with Jared Kushner and Brad Parscale in an informal, behind-the-scenes role.

That link to Business Insider will take you to a story in May 2020 The mastermind of George W. Bush's White House victories is advising Trump's 2020 campaign, focusing on swing-state battlegrounds and Republican voter outreach.

So the girls are still fighting, and delicious ironies abound, but after the moment of comedy,  the pond can move on. 

But to what? Why save all this time, and then settle on a serve of climate science from cackling Claire? Well, it's what the pond does ...

... and right away the pond struck reptile gold.

How many conflating and confusing climate change stories have the reptiles run, featuring either (a) a terrifying graphic of a vast array of threatening solar panels, or (b) a vast array of terrifying windmills, enough to drive a beefy boofhead with an office in Goulburn into a frenzied fit of despair?

You might as well ask how many angels on the head of pin, or how many slavering bits of worshipful hagiography about the frock lover the reptiles have run ... speaking of which ...

But enough already, on with Claire, and yes, the pond has already guessed where this is heading, but there's no need for a spoiler alert, we'll get there soon enough ...

Yes, yes, it's astonishing how climate science denialists suddenly care deeply about the environment, and the planet, so long as it doesn't involve renewables, and we'll understand why when there's a solution soon at hand ...

The solution? You guessed it. Nuke the country, and never mind all that recent fuss about an escapee which titillated the media endlessly, with the news even reaching late night hosts in the US ...

Strangely Claire seems to have missed out on that attempt to nuke the country with a wayward capsule, and so we get this for her closer ...

Meanwhile, on another AFR planet ... Nuclear energy too expensive to replace fossil fuels: CSIRO.  For those that care, those GenCost reports can be found here, but don't expect cackling Claire to be among the readers ...

Then, because the pond likes a side of salad after the mains, there was the lizard Oz editorialist bleating away ...

The only notable feature? Instead of the usual blather about "virtue signalling", we were served up "a proxy for virtue".

Have even the reptiles become wearied and stale by constant blather about "virtue signalling" and are virtuously searching for a new proxy for the old short hand?

Who can say for sure, but the FUD and fear mongering is a never ending journey, up there with ways to explain how the frock lover was just following orders, as indeed, the lizard Oz editorialist might plead at future climate change trials ...

On the upside? The reptiles seem to have forgotten about cackling Claire's call to nuke the country, but the pond assumes it was just a temporary blip ... and now the pond can't avoid the inevitable, though it did deploy many stalling tactics ... because the hole in the bucket man has been patiently waiting in the wings, chomping at the bit to fix the bucket and Jimbo ...

Oh Jimbo, Jimbo, why did you do it? The pond has had to put up with agitated reptiles for days on end, and while the hole in the bucket man is late on the scene, and just repeating what has already been said endlessly in the lizard Oz, the pond must pay attention, and work out the deeply Freudian reason for the agitation ... and in this case it's extremely personal ...

First the usual gobbets of rage ...

Ah the outrage of yoga mats and chai lattes - the pond hastens to reassure readers that you won't find a chai latte within miles of the reptiles HQ in leet Surry Hills - and there's no need to joke that the pond would rather Qantas delivered its ethics on time than rely on the Catholic church delivery service ...

The pond will rely on others to celebrate the hole in the bucket man's celebration of the marketplace ...  if only they'd done a transcript of that podcast noted by a reader ...

I listened to a podcast by the LRB on Hayek https://www.lrb.co.uk/podcasts-and-videos/podcasts/the-lrb-podcast/the-hayek-puzzle. He was a really weird person (well, Austria in 1899 was a really, really weird society - does anyone remember the BBC TV series about the Austrian aristocracy pre-1914?). He was in favour of the minimum wage, von Mises called him a socialiist, Ayn Rand hated him, he believed Pinochet was doing a good job - no wonder the reptiles love him. General Motors put out a cartoon version of his Road to Serfdom https://fee.org/articles/the-essence-of-the-road-to-serfdom-in-cartoons/ and of course there was a Readers Digest version. The greatest moment of his life was when he met the Queen.

Dammit, the pond knew it would come in handy, what with our Henry being somewhat of a local weird Hayek type, but never mind, the reason for his deeply Freudian resentment of Jimbo will soon be revealed ...

Well that ranting and railing is all as expected, but now for the big reveal. 

Oh Jimbo, Jimbo, why did you have to do it? You knew it would get the hole in the bucket man right in the clenched sphincter muscle, you knew that only our Henry was the guardian of ancient texts and none may quote them but him and his appointed ones, and the only relief for the pond is that you didn't mention Thucydides ... because let's face it, Hercalitus and his dictum was bad enough, and sure to send the hole in the bucket man off into a foaming, frothing frenzy ...

Please Jimbo, leave the treasures of ancient Greece and Rome to pompous asses in the lizard Oz. It's their right and their privilege, and to hell with talk of free markets ... and next time, why not use someone like Sun Tzu? He's a deviant oriental and surely only the bromancer, as treasurer of The Art of War, would be offended ...

And so to what the pond hopes will be a final "final" mention of the frock lover, courtesy the immortal Rowe ...

And now because the pond is reluctant to give up running the odd audio visual moment, another thought from James O'Brien on our Henry's free markets...

In which the pond almost clags up the works, but settles for a nauseating bromancer ...

 

The pond had made elaborate preparations for dealing with petulant Peta day ... beginning wth a visit to Crikey yesterday. 

Those who can't get past Crikey's paywall might have missed this splendid note in John Buckley's piece headed Tudge’s office used News Corp to ‘shut down’ robodebt media crisis, royal commission hears, including but not limited to ...

...Under questioning, Miller said she devised a media strategy to counter the negative coverage in “left-wing” media that involved placing stories with more sympathetic outlets across the News Corp stable about how the Coalition was “catching people who were cheating the welfare system”. 

“The media strategy we developed was to run a counter-narrative in the more friendly media such as The Australian and the tabloids, which we knew were interested in running stories about welfare system integrity and the supposed ‘dole-bludgers’,” she wrote in her statement. 

That figures, where else for lies and distortions than the reptiles of the lizard Oz, and naturally the ABC, the Graudian and Nine's SMH were construed as lefty, but this was the note that caught the pond's eye ...

...The bolstered media strategy included “correcting the record” in instances where victims had gone to media with their stories and made claims the department and the minister’s office deemed incorrect.

She was asked about the process that led to the release of victims’ personal details. The commission heard that Miller discussed the partial release of information against the recipient with Bevan Hannan, her media counterpart at the department, and chief counsel Annette Musolino, who cleared the release, which only drew more criticism. 

One example of the office using right-wing media to combat criticism was a story written on January 26 2017 by Simon Benson in The Australian, headlined: “Centrelink debt scare backfires on Labor”. 

The story said the department “confirmed” that a number of victims who said they were wrongly targeted had “in fact” accepted that the debt averaged by the scheme was owed. 

“That was an article we liked,” Miller said. 

Simpleton Simon shoots and scores ...

Another story that caught the pond's eye was Cathy Young's Covidiocy Marches On, a handy read because at some point in the lizard Oz, Covidiot Killer Creighton will turn up, and no matter what he's scribbling about, his covidiocy should be celebrated ...

The pond also indulged in a stiff drink of Martin Kettle's celebration of strikebound little England, Truss and Brexit have sunk Britain’s economy – and the right is in deep denial about both, , wherein he berated other forms of useless reptiles:

...to read some of Britain’s rightwing newspapers this week, it is as if the events of last autumn never happened at all. Papers such as the Daily Telegraph and the Daily Mail are not merely in denial about the economic harm caused by Brexit, they also continued to claim this week that the answer to everything is tax cuts. If the economy is failing, there should be tax cuts. If it is booming, it’s time for tax cuts too. This is as daft and meaningless as Douglas Adams’s claim that the answer to everything is 42.

In this, though, these papers speak to and for a significant strand in the Conservative party that is extremely difficult for Sunak to manage, including at Westminster. It’s the strand that sees government as a problem and taxes as bad, that thinks both should be slashed to let growth loose, that backed Truss last summer and that would back Boris Johnson – and maybe even Suella Braverman – if either makes a bid to topple Sunak this year.

Throw in Marina Hyde's Is there a comeback more unwelcome and doomed than Prince Andrew’s? and the pond felt well prepared for anything the reptiles might throw at the pond ... the land of the lizard Oz where the answer to everything remains stuck at 42...

Oh dear, no matter how the pond prepares, it always manages to seem worse by the day. Note the valiant editorialist stepping into the breach to fill the void? Has the chairman cut the commentary section to the bone, and made the hacks devise assorted forms of filler?

There was petulant Peta as expected, droning on about Jimbo, but the pond had already had the best of that, if you can call the likes of nattering "Ned" and Dame Groan the best, and had no time to waste on a third rate dominant top for a submissive onion muncher ...

As for that Clegg, clogging up the works with blather about the voice, one of an endless stream of ratbags dragged in by the reptiles, her attempt at reeling, writhing and distraction could be settled by cutting to the chase at the end ...

A cunning move by the reptiles, but what's this? No mention of attachments and affiliations? 

Business wasn’t enough for the quietly ambitious Taylor. According to a 2014 profile in the Australian Financial Review, Taylor was already friends with MPs Malcolm Turnbull and Bill Heffernan, and they introduced him to former prime minister John Howard, who was impressed by Taylor’s business credentials. Howard helped smooth the way for Taylor’s preselection in Hume.

Taylor moved his family to a farm near Goulburn in 2011, and his wife, barrister Louise Clegg, stepped back from her career to run his campaign – with military precision and solid financial support. Electoral records show Taylor was a major donor to the Liberals in 2012-13, forking out $150,000 to support the party that was supporting him.

The Coalition swept into power in 2013 and Tony Abbott was installed as prime minister. Taylor was among a raft of new MPs to come to Canberra as a result. (Graudian)

Is this the very same Clegg that is the power behind the beefy boofhead's throne? Is this the same Clegg now clogging up the reptile works, sounding a bit like the Clag glue the pond reluctantly used for its schoolwork?

It made the pond wonder if that other attempt at distraction had fallen into a hole ... you know this one, as reported in the Graudian, Voice to parliament: migrant and refugee groups reject ‘divisive’ no campaign proposal for constitutional recognition, with this sub-header noting the brand of Clag gumming up the works ... Chair of body representing culturally diverse communities says Warren Mundine’s push for ‘symbolic’ recognition is a ‘red herring’.

That red herring also turned up at SBS in The Voice to Parliament 'no' camp is targeting migrant votes, but community groups say it’s a ‘distraction’.

If you can't get migrants to indulge in black bashing with the reptiles, there's always a Constitutional Convention ...

While admiring the Clegg's attempt to clag up the works with ambition, distraction, uglification and derision, the pond decided to move on, only to see Dame Slap was up to her old game ...

By golly they do know the right sort of person to leak to for an EXCLUSIVE but all that did was remind the pond of an encounter with Dame Slap in a Crikey story, Charlie Lewis's Nelson Mandela’s granddaughter and other people News Corp may have misquoted ... (sorry, paywall)

The pond presumes people have already caught up with Ndileka Mandela berating of the reptiles at The Independent ... and that misquotation led Charlie to produce a few other examples of the devious reptiles at work, including Dame Slap ...

The Dame Slap link led to another Charlie piece in November 2022, (sorry, paywall), in part ...

Eek, more panto dames, and the link to an indignant Tim Flannery was a doozy ...

...My action against the Australian resulted in the withdrawal of the article and the publication on the following Saturday of a page-three apology, as well as payment of all legal expenses, amounting to $5000.
The experience has taught me several things about the hate media in Australia. First, as they seek to slur those they hate, they do not hesitate to manufacture a story if one does not exist. Second, as the story is picked up by other opinionists, they are prone to weave ever more scandalous fictional tidbits from the blogosphere into the story. Third, in their efforts to obtain an interview some journalists will lie and ignore the truth when it’s inconvenient to them. 
Perhaps most dismayingly, the Australian has chosen, to its eternal discredit, to publish such detritus. If even our national newspaper can’t keep its nose clean, strict rules around media misconduct can’t come soon enough.

Dear sweet long absent lord, he expects the snot-laden reptiles at the lizard Oz to keep their noses clean? What an optimist ...

At this point, the pond can hear some murmurings in the ranks. 

All this way, and not a single gobbet featuring a great reptile mind, with Clegg imitating Clag, and not really a reptile work, and anyway Clag never tasted as good as good old Perkins' paste ...

Mmm, Perkins' ... right up there with Peck's pastes to ruin your health...

Okay, okay, the pond will turn to the bromancer yet again - there was some admiration expressed for his work and even though this came out yesterday, it was still hanging in today, and it featured the bromancer's love of aspirational authoritarian autocrats eager to play their 'get out of jail free' card ...

Actually this sort of cock-sucking, bum sniffing style of hagiography is nauseating, not that the pond would usually be dismissive of the pleasures of cock-sucking or bum sniffing, but still, even for a fundamentalist tyke accustomed to authoritarian role models, it's pretty weird and fully sick, and it went on and on ...

At this point, the pond simply had to take a break. 

The pond despises the theocratic Iranian despots (and notes The Bulwark petition for Global Solidarity, which won't change much), but the pond also despises the attempts to re-shape Israel into a dictatorial theocracy, and whenever the reptiles serve up this sort of guff, the pond always heads off to Haaretz for an alternative ... for example, this one, which began with a splendid illustration ...

The text, by Mika Almog, (paywall), was a healthy corrective to the bromancer's simpering hero worship ...

Last November, after a motorcyclist stabbed a pedestrian to death after the latter chided him for almost hitting himself and his spouse as they crossed on a green light, and another struck a driver with his helmet for allegedly hitting his scooter, a discussion arose at our Friday morning café gathering. Topic: “Have you given your kids ‘the talk’ yet?” Several of the parents in the group already had. The said ‘talk’ boils down to this: “Don’t say anything to anyone.”

Meaning, if a driver behind you honks like crazy because you’re not going 30KPH over the speed limit, don’t say a word; if someone steals your parking spot while you’re waiting with the blinker on, bite your tongue. Keep your head down. Say nothing. Not “say nothing rude.” Just ”Say nothing.”

Why? Because someone might stab you, and your life is precious to me.

And I asked myself whether I too should have this talk with my two daughters and my son. Whether, for their personal safety, it’s my duty as a parent to instruct them to “be careful” – when the meaning of “be careful” is “surrender.”

After all, I don’t want my child getting a screwdriver to the gut because they told someone that running a red light isn’t cool. Our children’s physical existence is the foundation for everything else, that’s obvious. But let’s say I teach them to say nothing to drivers who endanger their lives. And then there’ll be a news story about a pedestrian who was cut off by a motorist and said nothing, just gave him an angry look, and he returned to the intersection and stabbed her. What will I say at the next ‘talk’? Say nothing, and avoid eye contact?

No law prohibiting the chastising of delinquent drivers has been passed in Israel. But social norms change faster than laws.

A week ago, an acquaintance told me that the rep of the building’s homeowners’ committee knocked on her door and asked her spouse to remove the pride flag that has been hanging from their window for years, “because it bothers some of the neighbors.” It bothered some of the neighbors before, too, but there was no social legitimacy to say so out loud. Now there is. The law hasn’t changed (yet), the norms (already) have.

The spouse said that not only would he not remove the flag, but that any future request of the sort would lead him to fly a much larger one.

But the norms will continue to change, and soon there will be legitimacy to tear the flag down. Then it’ll be socially legitimate to refuse to rent to a gay couple. Outright, not beating around the bush. Because it offends some of the neighbors. No legislation required. What will the gay couple do, appeal to the High Court of Justice? Hasn’t it been shut down yet?

The nurse in Eilat who refused to treat a transgender person falls under the same category. Norms change faster than laws, but the norms are guided by the winds blowing from the government.

Now let’s assume that soon a bill will surface requiring women to dress according to certain modesty laws. Hang on a second, it’s not such an absurd leap. Because at first they’ll speak only about areas with an overwhelming religious majority – you know, like they close streets on Shabbat. And it’ll be clear that the chances of the bill passing are close to nil, it’ll be “just” talk. An idea. And then the news will run a story about a young woman who got stuck in a traffic jam in Bnei Brak and Haredi thugs assaulted her with vile language because she was wearing a tank top.

And then your daughter will have to take her car to a mechanic in Bnei Brak. By the logic of “the talk,” at this point you’ll tell her, “Listen, when you take the car to get fixed, wear long sleeves and a skirt. What’s the big deal, is it worth it getting cursed and spat on? Didn’t you see on the news, what happened to the woman in the tank top? You know what? Maybe your brother can take your car in for you?”

Social norms change faster than laws.

What we may be missing is that we didn’t invent “the talk.” Motivated purely by the desire to protect our children׳s lives, we pour into their ears the very messages that have been systematically pumped into us. In preparation for what’s now happening in Israel, we’ve been given “the talk” for 15 years. The nascent tyrannical regime, with the generous aid of its mouthpieces, the so-called “newsrooms” of channels 12 and 13, echoes one message: “Say nothing”. Say nothing, disturb no one. Not delinquent drivers, nor delinquent elected officials.

It was an effective process, and the messages were well internalized. There is no more effective tool to a despotic regime than internal tyranny. It isn’t hard to suppress protests if we stay at home. There’s no need for censorship if we dare not voice criticism....

(For those who can get past the Haaretz paywall, there were headlines interspersed that offered further reading, with the tone clear enough:

60,000 rally against ‘government of tyranny’ for fourth week

Why religious Israelis are finally joining the anti-Netanyahu protests

Terror and violence are testing Israel’s protesters. It’s not the time to be silent)

But back to the text, hinting at a world way beyond the bromancer, clueless as to the change in norms ...)

...But internal tyranny serves external tyranny. So while we say nothing, here’s what has happened here: All of us – LGBTQ, secular, conservatives, leftists, liberals, all women (including supporters of the current regime) – all of us are the new Israeli Arabs. Protected and equal by law, fair game to all by social norms.

“What do the Arabs have to do with anything? Next you’ll say ‘occupation’ and lose us entirely. It’s almost the end of the column, isn’t it a shame?” It’s not a shame, and they have a lot to do with is. Legislation is the codification of social norms. It is the last stage in a long process. A society whose norms allow for discrimination and violence against one minority will eventually allow discrimination and violence against anyone who isn’t part of the “majority.” And the laws of the majority will be set, by definition, by the most extreme and ruthless, because when social norms are based on brute force, the most violent and most brutal reach the top.

So what do Arabs and the occupation have to do with you, sister? You live in a society where Jews are stronger than Arabs, Israelis are stronger than Palestinians, and men are stronger than women. That’s what it has to do with you.

“I know that there is rabid incitement – verbal violence, violence on the Israeli street,” Yitzhak Rabin said. “If there is violence in the Knesset, there is violence on the road. Violence, like military discipline, is indivisible.”

The minister of “National Security” in the current regime is the man who held up the stolen hood ornament from Yitzhak Rabin’s car and said explicitly: “Just as we reached this, we can reach Rabin.” A promise made and kept.

The criminal government he is part of is the motorcyclist cutting us off at the pedestrian crossing, counting on us not to dare say anything.

Well it’s time to say something - with our ranks tight and our heads held high, in a clear and loud voice, knowing that the battle is over laws but the war is over norms. It’s time to tell them: “You’re not allowed to run a red light, and we won’t let you run us over.”

After all, they can’t stab us all .

Take to the streets.

Mika Almog is a writer, activist and the Granddaughter of the late President Shimon Peres.

And with that under its belt, the pond could return to a last gobbet of nausea-inducing bromancer ... beginning with a pathetic attempt at tokenism and purported balance...

Judicial activism has become extreme? Says Benji, the man desperate to avoid the clink?

That's surely the key priority in office, that and fucking over minorities and trying to match Iran in the theocracy stakes, but you won't hear any of that from an implausible bromancer celebrating an implausible authoritarian autocrat willing to walk the path of extremism and theocracy to save his own hide...

And that's about it for the pond, and with both the infallible Pope and the immortal Rowe still in hiding, here's another Wilcox ... which sums up many situations, not least the reptiles thinking that they're safe in their Surry Hills bunker ...

In which the bromancer offers his kingdom for some kit or at least the horse's mouth, while nattering "Ned" and Dimitri deal with the Satanic Jimbo ...

 

It was a long time ago that the pond drove through an ice storm in the south of the USA. George W. Bush was about to be inaugurated, and Americans, deluded by the size of their vehicles, drove like mad things, with patches of black ice sending them spinning and into rollovers and crashes and chaos. The pond remembers one loon spinning out, and then a little while later, overtaking the pond at the same mad speed that led to the original spin out ...

The highway was eventually closed, and the pond retired to a motel, apologising to the makers of the film for thinking it exaggerated, with director Ang Lee for once being understated. Talk about a boat ride with a tiger ...

Yet even today, as the pond shudders and notes another event, and sympathises with those caught up in it, the experience steeled the pond for each day's encounters with the reptiles ... as the usual crew return in force at the start of a new month...

Okay, there's a red card right away. The pond simply isn't going to put up with Dame Slap offering a lecture on womyn's rights, and doing a J. K. Rowling style of tranny bashing ... shouldn't she be scribbling furiously about that recently announced inquiry on that other matter? She stuck her oar in that one often enough ...

But what else then? Well there's simplistic 'here no conflict of interest' Simon, but the pond has already had a reptile lecture about the voice, and he's simply echoing the top of the digital page ...

Ah yes, the details, the details ...

Meanwhile, the reptiles have just discovered that big tobacco is behind vaping, and it's worth an EXCLUSIVE? Only in reptile la la land, where no one gets out behind the paywall ...Really?

There was nothing for it but to start with the bromancer moaning about his lack of kit. How's a Generalfeldmarschall going to start a war with China by Xmas without decent kit?

Yes, yes, the pond has heard it all before, and yet there's a comfort in constant, incessant repetition ... and the lost, forlorn feeling that perhaps there won't be a war with Xmas, what with the sociopathic Vlad the Terrible showing what fun it is, and how productive and useful ... (post modern irony overload).

Well it wouldn't be a bromancer piece without him scribbling "that's nuts", so the pond was on the look out ...

Colour the pond shocked, startled and surprised ... no "that's nuts" and instead "that's ridiculous", and it just goes to show that the bromancer is capable of an infinite variety of thoughts and an abundant exploitation of the richness of the English language ...

Moving right along,  the other pieces this day featured nattering "Ned" and a certain Dimitri, and the object of their fixation was Jimbo and his essay ... it's likely to become as familiar as climate science denialism ...

For no particular reason, the pond decided to let Dimitri go first ...

Hang on a second, hang on a tic and a mo, the pond has a complaint. In its recent wanderings, the pond was struck by the standard of graphics at the NY Times, The New Yorker, WaPo, even The Graudian ...

Yet routinely whatever is left of the reptiles' shattered graphics department is limited to snaps of the scowling Satanic figure that's the subject of idle abuse? It's just not right, it gets the pond off on the wrong foot, and then the pond is likely to stay there ...

A classic reptile feint, that reference to 1776 and a history lesson, and yet if you've been through an ice storm, as Dustin Hoffman would say, that's nothing ...

The pond decided to check out Dimitri, just to see where he was coming from ...

Well that left the pond none the wiser, much as reading Dimitri did ...

But what of Eminence Advisory, you ask? And if you didn't, rest assured the pond did, and knew at once that Dimitri wasn't on the team here, with the likes of Kazi Azmain Akkhar and MD. Rahad Hossain Bhuyan ...

The pond did find a splash page for Eminence offering "Innovative Solutions", but eventually resorted to a hunt for an ABN, and found this ...

Excellent stuff, and henceforth as an individual/sole trader, let the pond be known throughout the world as "Preeminent Innovative Solutions to Your Reptile Needs" ...

And so to a last gobbet ...

Good old Milton, but after that effort by Dimitri, principal at Eminence Advisory, and former government policy analyst, the pond knew it had to turn to a heavyweight of the nattering "Ned" kind for the good oil, the drum, on Jimbo and his wayward journey to fiscal doom ...

It actually turned out to be a pretty subdued and restrained effort, just four gobbets long, and yet again the reptiles showed off their graphics department by offering a simple snap of the Satanic figure, designed to conjure up fear and loathing in the readership ...

No need to do any research on "Ned" ... just look up portentous, pompous bloviator, and with that kind of form, he'd obviously strenuously object to any politician offering a philosophical treatise, what with that sort of turf strictly being reserved for "Ned" and the reptiles ... (how they hated former Chairman Rudd being able to speak Mandarin) ...

There you go, Dimitri, that's how to ask penetrating questions ... you should pay attention to your betters and your elders, and in time, you might even begin to learn how to ask pivotal questions.

What's that you say? You thought that "pivot" had been a joke and a meme, ever since Silicon Valley made it so way back when? Watch and learn from the master of bloviation ...

He shoots, he scores. There's the pivotal question, and it takes decades of pompous, portentous bloviating to arrive at such a penetrating, pivotal question Dimitri, and now, hopefully having learned your lesson, we can proceed to the final instructive gobbet ...

Yes, Jimbo, better get a lawyer, better get a real good one. Fast. The reptiles now have their new bête noire and they'll be returning to this well as often as they can ...

What an excuse to talk of the zeitgeist as only "Ned" can do ...

And with both the immortal Rowe and the infallible Pope seemingly on a break - at least they were early in the day - the pond turned to Wilcox to sort out the economy and the real problems of the day ...