A specialist late arvo entry for expert herpetologists unafraid of Dame Slap snakes and other bromancer reptiles in the grass ...

 

 

The pond had reptile overflow this weekend, and decided it would be best to tuck Dame Slap and the bromancer into a specialist late Sunday arvo slot where only expert herpetologists might notice ... especially as the bromancer went a little mad. 

We all go a little mad sometimes, even Tony Perkins, but this was as long a rant as the pond can remember in quite some time ...

Logistics suggest placing the bromancer rant is at the end, so that readers can drop like flies as they feel the mood, and that means Dame Slap goes first ...

 

 

 

The pond should have noted that Dame Slap seems to have retreated from world affairs, climate science denialism and such like, and now scribbles in support of the likes of the trudging Tudge. 

She's such a tolerant sort when it comes to her own sort of chap, and the notion of Tudge behaving improperly, or even trying to secure his squeeze a promotion, is passed over with just a passing glance, in preference for a good dumping on the other party ...

It should go without saying that the pond is an admirer of the trudging Tudge and his many successes ...

 

 

Who else could keep cartoonists in such regular, gainful employment? And so on to a dose of far too much fucking information, thanks to Dame Slap ...

 

 

The pond joins with deploring Slomo for his shameful treatment of the truding Tudge, who was a wondrous minister ...

 

 

Further evidence, should Dame Slap require it, of the vital role the trudging Tudge played in offering meaningful employment to cartoonists ...

And so again to TMI ...

 

A cosy conversation around a dinner table with like-minded people? That sounds terribly like a meeting of the IPA, or perhaps a reptile dinner party ...but still, the pond takes the major point, the man was a cheenius, and has been unfairly treated ...

 

 

 

And now all that's left is that Terminator moment when he turns to camera and says he'll be back ...

 

 

Ah at last we come to the standard disclaimer. 

You know, talk of predators, and abominable behaviour and such like, but just as surely, in the Dame Slap manner, that will be followed by a 'butt billy goat but' moment, and here it is ...

 

What did the pond take from this? Dame Slap hates Slomo as much as she hates other women ... and the truding Tudge was apparently a good minister, a singular fact that completely escaped the pond's attention ...

And so to the Everest, to climb, which saw the bromancer out and about yesterday in a fit of paranoid hysteria which was huge even for the bromancer ...

The pond only presents it because there's a big bromancer fan club out there, hanging off every word of the master strategist.

Sadly the reptiles seemed to lack a little confidence in their scribbler, so they seized every chance to slip in a click bait video or a snap, and so added to the length ...

 

Yes, it's another clarion call, and it's quite possible that Xi will be in Darwin by Easter.  

What's that, they're already in Darwin and despite much muttering, Slomo still hasn't got around to cancelling the deal?

Never mind, here's the first of the reptile distractions, carefully neutered so it won't distract from the bromancer's ranting ...

Duly noted, terrified by the deeds of the sociopath, and now on with the rant ...

The pond has called for the bromancer to be installed as head of strategic defence many times. He's wasted on the reptiles, and is a bold visionary, always poised to strike, to action, to pound the keyboard ...

 

 

 

Gad sir, the pond knows this has nothing to do with the bromancer, but the pond needs the odd bit of visual distraction ... and the reptiles know this because the next gobbet features a snap ...

Indeed, indeed, and thanks to News Corp, the US took a splendid turn a few years ago ...

 

 

 

But back to the increasingly hysterical bromancer ...

 

At this point the reptiles decided to interrupt the bromancer's planning with a snap designed to send survivalists immediately to their bug out ...

 

It certainly didn't help the mood of the bromancer ...

 

Indeed, indeed, why not cancel everything? Without the bromancer's proper and expert guidance, defence has failed to do a single thing right ...and at that point the reptiles decided to throw in a shot of the bromancer's bête noire ...

 

 

Well it's almost a tank, and probably just as useless and it certainly needed to be cancelled, because it looks far too woke, and yet when it comes to a good cancelling, the bromancer then seems to get just as unhappy as when ordering up a defence banquet ...

 

 

Not to worry, no reason to dwell in the past, or worry about all the cancellations and the manic depressive fits, on with the next gobbet ... and with bonus neutered video to help with the distraction from those damned subs and useless tanks...

 

 

 

Dear sweet long absent lord, Hezbollah as the bromancer's inspiration? 

But most of their missiles are about as smart and accurate as the pond's ancient wind-up clock, currently getting the time right twice a day. 

It's not the number of missiles or feeling thire width, it's the ability to hit a target with accuracy. 

Sure they're trying to upgrade with their "precision project", but having missiles that act like skyrockets isn't much of a gain on not having subs, not unless you want to feature them in an Oscar Wilde fairy tale ...

...In August 2019, a mysterious, sophisticated drone attack on a Beirut precision missile site was attributed to Israel. The attack, which demonstrated surgical ability and precise intelligence, reportedly destroyed a vital technical component of the kits used to upgrade Hezbollah’s rockets. Since then, however, the precision technology has become easier to assemble and deploy even as the ability to forestall its use is becoming increasingly complicated.

Never mind the blunt force trauma, feel the surgeon's knife ... but dammit, then you have to keep on sharpening the knife ...

It is of course wrong for the pond to argue strategy and tactics with the bromancer, because he's likely to change his mind as the manic depressive mood strikes him ... and in any case we've now reached the last gobbet of doom, wherein the bromancer seems to be arguing against himself  ...

 

 

Yes, but if you fire off thousands and most of them miss or don't do the necessary damage and it only takes a day or two to recover, what's the point?

Not to worry, the pond should offer a little context for the bromancer's vision ... and he does get around to noting that perhaps a little smart weaponry wouldn't go astray ...

 

The countless billions flushed down the drain during Covid? But isn't the entire point to stay alive so we can all die fighting a war?

 

 

Indeed, indeed, and yet molotov cocktails also have their limitations, as noted by Rowson here ...

 

In which the pond settles for a quiet Sunday with Polonius, while indulging in a couple of word salads ...

 

 

The pond realises that its Sunday meditations has fallen into the rut of Polonial predictability, but how comforting is that in these troubled times.

Each weekend something sets Polonius off and he prattles, and the pond is strangely soothed by the sounds of the ranting, a bit like the way that rain falls on a galvanised iron roof and soon turns into a form of white noise or even ASMR ...

So each Sunday the pond still indulges its favourite ancient mariner ...

 

 

The pond is saddened in a way that Polonius has found a new mortal enemy, a bearded hipster with a cap and squillions in loot ...

The ABC has been forced to take a back seat these past few weeks, though everybody knows they're responsible for everything wrong with the world.

The pond mourns the ABC's absence, especially as the pond had lined up a tidy moment from a Miriam Hyde piece, which  had evoked sweet nostalgic memories of Polonius's usual attacks on the ABC ...

Titled Just when No 10 wants to be taken seriously, it creates Sir Gavin Williamson, it ended this way ...

... It’s hard to believe a government that knows all this and still honours Williamson will do the right thing in other areas. Will they clean up the oligarchs to whom they have hitherto shown such sublime indifference or active encouragement, or will they just say that’s what they’re going to do?
They do, after all, say a lot of things. Take the culture secretary. The last time I saw Nadine Dorries cry at work she was sobbing because Boris Johnson had pulled out of his post-referendum leadership bid. Yet here she was on Thursday, turning on the waterworks at the dispatch box, offering the BBC “heartfelt thanks and admiration” for its reporting. Oh Nadine. NOW you’re a fan, is it? Because just weeks ago you were issuing tinpot threats on your Twitter about the BBC as we’ve known it being over. Weirdly, I don’t see Nadine’s precious Netflix dodging the bombs in a Kyiv basement in order to bring the world the news. (I should say that the Beeb is in Kyiv alongside many exceptional journalists from other UK broadcasters – a reminder that the BBC’s unique funding model has always elevated our whole market. Rivals cannot compete for funding, so have traditionally competed on quality. And if you don’t believe it, go and watch a range of American broadcast news for an evening.)
Anyway, amazing that it’s taken actual war in Europe to make the actual culture secretary realise that maybe – just maybe! – the enemy is a station like Russia Today and not the BBC. Like I said, maybe Nadine has realised that. Notwithstanding her tears, I don’t buy it myself. The one thing you can be absolutely sure of is that this government will be trying to cripple the BBC again in a few months, because at that point that particular position will suit them better once again. The Johnson administration doesn’t do immutable principles. They only do expedience. In fact, it’s occasionally hard not to see in Dorries a watered-down version of higher skilled monsters such as Russia’s foreign ministry spokeswoman Maria Zakharova, who yesterday claimed the BBC was being used to undermine Russia’s internal politics and security. She should speak to Nadine. I keep hearing from her and half the rest of the cabinet that the BBC undermines the UK’s internal politics. I can never remember exactly why – I think it’s something to do with talent salaries or running stories about the government that they don’t like.
Either way, the government now seems to be engaged in a number of hasty pivots. If these are genuine, then good. The time for a “let’s not, and say we did” approach has passed. But on the form book, promises to make the British political family completely legitimate are unconvincing. This week the prime minister has managed to knight one of his cronies and not do very much about any of Putin’s.

Where's the harm, the pond thought, in bunging it in anyway, before getting back to Polonius prattling about his new mortal enemy ...

 

 

 

Now it's time for the usual Polonial history lesson, and he's still frothing at the mouth so much he still seems to have entirely forgotten about the ABC, and their perfidious ways ...

 

 

And so to the last gobbet, and the pond couldn't help but notice that in it Polonius referred to the Jewish Zelensky.

The pond isn't sure why. Unless pointedly contrasting his situation to the neo-Nazis that are everywhere, including the GOP, Zelensky has pointedly made a point about not dragging his religious affiliations into the fray. 

The Times of Israel became so vexed by this, they went on a hunt back in 2091 asking Is Ukraine's top presidential candidate Jewish? (paywall affected)

...Boleslav Kapulkin, the spokesman for Chabad Lubavitch in Odessa, said that he is under the impression that Zelensky converted to Christianity.
“I don’t know for sure if he converted, but I heard that he mentioned that he is the godfather of his friends’ children, or that they are the godparents of his children, something like that,” Kapulkin said.
Indeed, five years ago, numerous Ukrainian news outlets reported that Zelensky christened his son Kirill in one of the oldest churches in the Ukrainian capital. As gifts, the baby received a Christian Bible and a cross on a chain. The reports never mentioned that Zelensky was Jewish, but one article noted that “his parents did not attend the christening ceremony.”
On the third hand, there are also photos on the internet of Zelensky attending a Holocaust memorial ceremony in a synagogue in 2010 and visiting a synagogue in his hometown of Kryvyi Rih in 2011.
Regardless of whether he converted to Christianity or not, Vyacheslav Likhachev, the spokesman for the Association of Jewish Organizations and Communities of Ukraine, claimed that Zelensky’s electoral campaign is being financed by Jewish-Ukrainian oligarch Igor Kolomoisky.

Ah, so there's a third hand angle that keeps him in the fold ...

And so to that Polonial Jewish mention ...

 

 

Actually Zelensky can chew gum and fight at the same time, which is more than can be said for the sociopath sending out hit squads to nail him ...

Sure, he's got a lot on his plate now, as happens when sociopaths are on the loose, but back in the day he knew that there were many wars to fight ...

And that's a heap more than you'll get out of sociopathic Vlad the impaler, cheerfully fucking Ukraine and the planet ...

Oh Zelensky, it never ends, another useless accepter of climate science for Polonius to rant about it ...

And now, it being the weekend, the pond sometimes likes a little light relief in the form of a bubbleheaded bimbo, keenly aware that an election is pending, and with the same keen mind as Polonius when it comes to greenies and indies and such like ...

But why does the pond use such offensive labels when confronted by just another rant about indies and such like, it being a staple for the reptiles of the lizard Oz?

Well it's when a bubbleheaded booby talks of word salads, and then proceeds to set a splendid word salad at table ...

The challenge is to count the number of words deployed in the word salad ...

 

This is of course just a shameless borrowing from the mango Mussolini ... 

Others have written at length about alternative facts, as at the Graudian here ...

Some even managed a quiz comparing the mango Mussolini to George here ...

...Many of Trump’s denials, evasions, and obfuscations seem to come right out of the Costanza handbook. Both men are self-centered, prone to angry outbursts, and deeply obsessed with the state of their hairlines. In most situations, Trump appears to adhere to George’s philosophy that one should always do the opposite of your instincts. (How else to explain suggesting the women who’d accused him of sexual assault were too ugly for their allegations to be true?) I’ve never heard him exclaim “Trump is getting upset!” But at the rate he’s going, it’s only a matter of days.
With that in mind, we put together a little quiz to test your knowledge. Who said it: Costanza or Trump? Above you’ll find a dozen quotes that came from either the Donald or the George. It’s up to you to decide who said it, and to see if you truly are the master of your domain (and whether that domain is Trump Tower). Good luck.

 Good luck? The pond will settle for a relevant cartoon ...

 

The real game of course is to diss indies so that Slomo might not get a fright ... and now on with the word salad ...

 

As a an aside, Freedom Boy of the IPA blathering about strong links is a hoot, but we're still getting to the word salad, and it isn't fairy floss, though the point is to downplay the bloody bad movie that Slomo and his merry gang staged... 

 

 

 

 

And so to the word salad in full flight...

 

You know, nitty gritty, ugly, un-sexy, something of substance to say, internal oversight, vetting processes, the popular over what is required, the courage to refocus on matters of substance ... and then to top it off, a dressing of "Now is the time ..."

 

 

And that's why the pond thinks it's just kept the company of a bubbleheaded booby doing her best for Slomo, and in the process not offering a single suggestion regarding policies or government actions ... except the courage to refocus on matters of substance, and "now is the time"...

Even your average politician trying out for a role in Yes Minister could do better ...

And so to finish with our Gracie, and the pond realises this means dropping Dame Slap and the bromancer into a late arvo slot, but such was the bromancer's passion that he went on for yonks ... and presented an Everest to climb that's higher than Everest. It was so challenging, it was best left to expert herpetologists, away from the maddened throng ...

The good thing about our Gracie is that the pond can slip in a few infallible Popes to break things up a little ...

 Of course they would have worked just as well intercut with the bubbleheaded booby, but it's been a long haul ...

 

And if nothing else, our Gracie is inclined to be short ...

 

Splendid stuff, a striking blow, Vlad the impaler banned from enjoying a surf at Bondi ... and so to another infallible Pope ...

The real question, the matter of substance, is where our Gracie is going with all this ...

 

Ah, the old much has been done, but much remains to be done, and what remains to be done and the job ahead can't be understated, and even though the pond was already as full as a goog thanks to the previous word salad, we're back with another word salad ... and talk of leadership and confidence and constructive manners and all that jazz ...

Well having run a few infallible Popes, why not end with one ... as we're dwelling on intractable issues that won't go away anytime soon ...

 Now that'll get Polonius spluttering all over again ...

In which the pond does climate science denialism with the doggy, pauses to insult the craven Craven, and then climbs "Ned's" Everest of Slomo says ...

 

 

The news of Warnie's death came as a profound shock to the digital reptiles, and pretty much everything else was swept from the digital front page ...

 

 

 

 

Inevitably the pond went looking for that quote There is double the pathos for us in the death of one little New York waif from hunger than there is a million deaths from famine in China, and found it here ... together with many, many other variations ...

No doubt there might be some who recall the Ukraine ... but it helps explain why the pond was eager for any kind of distraction, so why not a decent bout of climate science denialism from the doggy bothering denialist ...

 

 

Last weekend, tired and well over the dog botherer, the pond kicked the dog botherer to a slot where no one would care, but how else could the pond slip in a reference to the most excellent example of blaming the victim seen in recent times, and noted in the Graudian here ...

 

 

 

Living in Brisbane is living among the gum trees? Who knew, but surely a most useful response, of the sort celebrated by the dog botherer, help and heroism of a practical kind, and now on with the climate science denialism ...

Yes, there's nothing new to see here in the wondrous world of doggy bothering denialism, which is why the pond pressed on for the next dose ...

Surely the dog botherer is back in top form, and the pond regrets that the reptiles interrupted his rant with a snap that reminded the pond that we've been subjected to an unseemly amount of rain and flooding and such like and perhaps the increasing severity of these events had alarmed some ...

 

Perhaps a better snap might have featured the absolute lack of alarm amongst insurers, as noted here ...

 

 

 

But don't worry about any of that, the dog botherer is on hand to settle jangled nerves ...

 

That last par is surely a classic, pure emotive drivel offered up by a doggy botherer in overdrive, but at least it reminded the pond that cartoonists have been out and about, such as Kudelka, always to be found here ...

 

And so to some unpleasant business involving an armchair warrior, and is there a better example doing the rounds than the craven Craven?

 

 

It's impossible to imagine the contempt that the pond holds for the craven Craven, but please, do your best ...

Oh fuck, not the old rice growing and send your food to Asia routine, and fucking Sister fucking Marie Therese, as if the pond hadn't already endured enough from Dominican nuns ...

And that blather about a health dictatorship? Fuck him, and fuck the Catholic ponzi scheme he rode in on ... 

You see, the entire point of a democracy is not to be stifled as in Putin's Russia, or be forced to dim the lights on a TV station ...

 

 

Google as you will, while the pond enjoys the opportunity, the freedumb, to call a fuckwit a right proper royal fuckwit ...

 

Didn't this goose just spend his time sneering at all the alleged shortcomings? 

Like the freedumb to call a fuckwit like him a royal fuckwit and not end up in a gulag? You know, be gay, and not have a fuckwit sneer about virtue signalling ... 

Thank the long absent lord there's only a short gobbet of this deadshit bullshit to go ...

You'd hire mercenaries with your cash in the paw, you fuckwitted old dotard? Why don't you just fuck off, and leave the country to the young, and let them carry on regardless of your infinite stupidity?

And after letting off that steam, the only thing the craven Craven is good for, it was time for the pond to settle down with nattering "Ned" ... and do the hard yards, the long haul, the endless climbing of "Ned's" latest Everest ...

 

 

 

 

Perhaps the pond should have provided a warning at the start, but surely everyone knows that an election is coming on, and it's every reptile hand to the bilge pump, and so poor "Ned" has been reduced to a tattered coat upon a stick, and the game at hand isn't Simon says, but Slomo says, and oh there's an eternity of Slomo saying, while "Ned" grovels and writes it all down, and so this is perhaps the biggest Everest "Ned" has ever offered ...

 

 

 

 

No wonder the reptiles felt the need to slip in a click bait video as some sort of distraction from the game of Slomo says, but the pond must neuter such cheap tricks and press on ... because if anyone wants irrefutable proof that we're as game as Ned Kelly, see how the strong manage to stick to the grovelling "Ned" and marvel at his humiliation ...

 

 

 

Now some might think we've already had more than enough of Slomo says, but there's an election coming up and the idea is to evoke a visionary, and if the evocation doesn't work, then to bore the readership into a Caligari trance, whereby they just cast their vote to the wind ...

 

 

 

Naturally the reptiles couldn't resist, and nor could the pond ...

 

 

 

 

Blessed is "Ned" by Slomo's bounty ...

And so to another gobbet, broken up by yet another click bait video ...

 

 

The pond will admit to fatigue setting in, but did dimly realise that Ukraine was deeply fucked, and all that piety counted for nothing, except perhaps a dose of the Catholic guilts ...

 

 

It came as an enormous relief, together with a sense of triumph, that the pond had made it to the end of Slomo says ... and as a reward, the final gobbet was a short one ...

 

 

Such a smothering of chocolate syrup, and as for the Quad not a hint of India's recent actions, or more to the point inactions, and yet there's an election coming on, and "Ned" would surely win a job at Pravda hands down, but then, why bother, when he's doing exactly the same unchallenging work for News Corp ...

Just endless doses of Slomo says and Slomo believes, and in the end, the pond triumphed by quelling the nausea, and avoiding a rush to the toilet to throw up ...

And so to take the stench out of nostrils and the bitter taste from the back palate, a honied Rowe, with more Rowe honey here ...