In which only the WSJ and Dame Slap provide some cold reptile comfort ...

The pond woke up this day to the dismal scene of the reptiles in mid-winter, and experienced a fit of ennui and existential boredom.

Was this all there was? Dame Groan blathering on about spending, and Killer Creighton turning his sights on super and the oscillating fan targeting Labor, apparently because the government has a splendid record when it comes to women in parliament (go on, do the 2019 numbers here).

On the upside, the cult master returned with a spiffing effort ...

On the downside, the notion of entering into an arms race with Xi is risible, and his takeover of Hong Kong has passed barely noticed, with the Donald doing absolutely nothing, zero, nada, zilch, and others of the Boris kind offering some ineffectual huffing and puffing …

That made the cult master's effort even more heroically stupid than usual - SloMo shoving it to Xi - but then, isn't that what is so precious about the cult master? Isn't that what makes him great, and a cut above the usual reptile illustrator?

Speaking of the Donald, there was at least one reptile attempt at comedy. Thank the long absent lord that the flailing, failing local reptile business model means there are imports from other parts of the Chairman's empire, and they don't get much better than this …

Traditional American principles? Surely that means allowing the Ruskis to put a price on a US soldier's head (better still, a back), and then doing absolutely nothing about it, and better still, calling it a hoax?

Yes, the pond's already run that one, and there's a tidy assembly of Donald Ruski cartoons here, but still, what a chance to run a few Donald toons and lighten the spirit …

Already the pond could feel the gloom lifting, the sun beginning to rise on rampant delusion and American exceptionalism ...

Darn tootin', the Confederacy and all its values still live, and what was wrong with a little slavery? Secure job, and sexual benefits for all … and dammit, the cancel culture trying to remove precious memories of heroic traitors and treasonous acts by folks wanting to end the union, and Gone with the Wind, and where would it all end? Who are these wretched sheep blindly on the wrong side of history and the Donald and the WSJ and the chairman?

How deeply in debt the pond is to the WSJ for lifting the pond's fog of ennui...

Yep, the United States is comprehensively fucked, but wait, it just got even better, even richer, even more surreal and absurd …

What chance have local players against the American experiment in surreal comedy?

Oh sure, Strewth! did its best by bringing back good old Cory, but they had to spoil it by running the famous snap of Cory, much loved by the pond, up against some useless bit of promotional work by the poodle …

The pond surfed waves of nostalgia …

 

Manly men doing manly things. Where had it all gone wrong?

Sadly, the pond knew that there had to be a limit to nostalgia, there was still work to be done, and reptiles to be studied, and the cryptic, hidden meanings teased out, and at least Dame Slap was still on the job …

Now right from the get go, the pond knew it had a problem, but it wasn't the usual one. What was wrong with spaghetti westerns? They promised entertainment, and they sometimes delivered, and they even gave Clint a new profile, and what's wrong with Sergio Leone? And all this as news lands of the death of musical genius Ennio Morricone? Is there nothing sacred, nothing of value in the reptile world?

Just as problematic, what's wrong with Udon noodle westerns?

Was Dame Slap aware that a western had been shot just outside Tamworth, around the hamlet of Nundle?

 

The pond's parents had even attended the premiere …

As for the rest, the pond knew it was going to be bored to tears by Dame Slap rabbiting on about some AMP business, as if anyone still gave a toss about that bunch of tossers ...

There are alternatives to reading Dame Slap, as a google will show …

All the pond remembers about AMP is that its parents put in a shilling a week for years when they could least afford it, and the pond eventually ended up with twenty quid, which by the time it came due was worth three fifths of fuck all …

But that's how the leeches worked back in the day, and they still know how to suck blood, and surely the IPA doctors will always recommend a cure by applying leeches ...

Say what? Is Dame Slap now acknowledging that Roger was a naughty boy, and noble Dyson might have to be thrown under the bus, despite the valiant work of the meretricious Merritt?

Back in the day, Dame Slap would have been with the malign Merritt, launching a vigorous defence of Dyson, and so it seems that dreadful movement has brought her to a low point, joining in a squabble at AMP, but leaving the bigger fish to fry …

What next? Will she be recommending a viewing of Bombshell as being better than a spaghetti western? (It wasn't).

Never mind, there's one word that the pond always looks forward to when it comes to a Dame Slap rant …"finally", and "finally" thar she blows, and the pond can end its sense of tedium and ennui, and look forward to the day ...

Of course it would be absolutely wrong and incorrect of the pond to note that it's frequently observed that photos of Dame Slap are terrifying … because of course her terrifying photos have absolutely nothing to do with her terrifying opinions, which are generally terrifying all on their own, whether talking of climate science with "Lord" Monckton - something of an irrelevant Cory these days - or donning a MAGA cap to welcome the arrival of the MAGA man …

Usually that would be a cue for a final orgy of MAGA "grab 'em by the pussy" man cartoons …

… but this day the infallible Pope and the immortal Rowe have other things on their minds, and attention should be paid, with more Rowe always to be found here …

In which Monday, and possibly the planet, is saved by the return of Moorice, with the Caterist and the Major reduced to supporting roles ...

When Moorice speaks, the pond drops everything to listen. Sadly this font of infinite wisdom has been too silent too often of late, and the lizard Oz the worse for it, so whenever he returns, the pond sweeps aside the reptile rabble to sit at the feet of the master, and imbibe his deep understanding of the human condition ...

Indeed, indeed, and whoever tweeted that Xi was being transparent should be shot on sight.

Oops, in its defence, the pond didn't realise it was proposing assassination.

What's that you say? He's still blathering on?

US President Donald Trump says that 99 per cent of his nation's coronavirus cases are "totally harmless" and that China must be "held accountable" for the pandemic's spread.
In a speech at the White House to mark Independence Day celebrations across the US, Mr Trump also predicted that the US would have a vaccine or therapeutic solution to the virus "long before" the end of 2020.
"We've learned how to put out the flame [of coronavirus]," Mr Trump said, even though new US cases are setting new daily records, with more than 130,000 deaths.
"China's secrecy, deceptions and cover-up allowed it to spread all over the world [in] 189 countries and China must be held fully accountable."
In the state of Texas, there were 238 new admissions to hospitals over the past 24 hours, bringing the total number of patients to 7,890. (here)

But if it's 99% harmless, why blame the Chinese and hold them fully accountable for such a harmless bug?

Sssh, when in the presence of esteemed Moorice, please don't mention the "D" word. The master never speaks of his best disciple, so don't expect to find the Donald cited ...

Hmm, the pond isn't sure how all this fits together. It's a serious epidemic, but there's alarmism in the ether. A mention of protest rallies but no mention of gathering for fireworks on Indian land free of masks and social distancing?

Surely someone must be denounced?

Comrade Dan! Of course the bromancer is on the job, even if 99% of cases are entirely harmless, and Moorice was also on the move ...

Well played Moorice. Isn't the man a genius? All that and no mention of the Donald, or any analysis of how things are going in the world-beating US … though stories abound elsewhere…

Just one more cartoon, and then the pond must move on from Moorice's infinite wisdom to domestic matters …

As expected, there's been some savage fall-out from Eden-Monaro …with the reptiles desperate to blame someone, anyone ...

Was it GetUp, was it the bloody ABC, was it that wretched bastard Barilaro?

As always, instead of simplistic Simon, the pond prefers the glass half full the Caterist offered this day, and why wouldn't you think the glass is half full if, every time you put out your paw, it's filled with a government grant? Cash in the paw really does help power positive thinking ...

See! There's none of those bloody no-hopers calling Scottie from marketing a bastard or refusing to shake his hand. It's elbow-bumping joyous intimacy all the way … and it all gets better from there ...

Reading all this, you might actually forget it was those bastards at GetUp and that bastard Barra that destroyed the dream ...

Indeed, indeed, let us have no talk of climate science. Everyone knows it's a delusion and a hoax, except, it goes without saying, those bloody cardigan wearers at theABC ...

See how neatly the Caterist managed to slip in some climate science denialism. Is he not worthy of ongoing cash in the paw by way of government grants?

And so to the bonus, and here the pond was in a quandary. The pond has refused to let the reptiles current rapture enter the pond's gates, but when both the dog botherer and the Major were at it, what to do?

 

The pond had already ignored the Bjorn bait, though the reptiles gave it a good pounding over the weekend…

And early research into the reptiles new object of love had raised a few questions, here…

Well yes, credit where credit is due, it is quite funny, though it seems Shellenberger doesn't have much of a sensa huma … here ...

In the end, the pond decided to let the Major have the floor …

… though the pond immediately felt the need to interrupt. What is it with the reptiles and their illustrations? Where has the cult master gone? Why is this the new standard?

Sorry Major, please do go on …

You see, the Major is always a hoot. Whenever he scribbles about accurate and sceptical reporting, the pond loves to roll the Jaffas down the aisle …

You can find the Order of Lenin medal saga in Humphrey McQueen's Suspect History, but a quick google will also take you to David Marr in the Graudian…

You write: “Many falsehoods have been published about what the Courier-Mail actually printed that day. We did not allege that Clark was a spy … ”
But, Chris, you did.
On 24 August 1996 you published in the Courier-Mail one of the greatest axe-jobs in the history of Australian journalism. Spread over five pages of the Saturday paper were claims that Clark was secretly rewarded with the Order of Lenin for his work as a Soviet agent of influence or, indeed, a spy.
Remember me ringing you that morning? At first you stoutly maintained that the paper said nothing about spying. But I had a copy in front of me with a former KGB agent, Mikhail Lyubimov, quoted saying: “If it is kept secret, then it’s got nothing to do with agent of influence; it’s got to do with a spy.”
That, you explained, only appeared in the first edition. “I pulled it because I wanted to be careful about not making an allegation of spying.”
“Why weren’t you careful before the first edition,” I asked.
“I was.”

And so on … the pond can never get enough of it …

And the pond also always remembers it when the latest hustler hovers into view, and the Major invariably falls for the routine, hook, line and Donald sinker ...

Ah nuclear energy, which somehow leads back to that bit in the Graudian that Shellenberger didn't care to answer, but which is a handy excuse for the Major's triumphalism, as if somehow climate science denialism never existed in the pages of the lizard Oz.

How dare they try to erase, to cancel, the culture. How dare they try to eradicate the noble work of clean dinkum pure Oz coal loving Moorice! How dare they try to downplay the dog botherer's incessant screeching, day in, day out, worse than a bloody parrot!

Funny the Major should mention Malthus … as this just popped up in the NY Times ...

But then, if you're a bloated, complacent, well-fed reptile, you might blather how everything is for the best in the best of all possible worlds …

The coronavirus has sometimes been called an equalizer because it has sickened both rich and poor, but when it comes to food, the commonality ends. It is poor people, including large segments of poorer nations, who are now going hungry and facing the prospect of starving.

“The coronavirus has been anything but a great equalizer,” said Asha Jaffar, a volunteer who brought food to families in the Nairobi slum of Kibera after the fatal stampede. “It’s been the great revealer, pulling the curtain back on the class divide and exposing how deeply unequal this country is.”

Already, 135 million people had been facing acute food shortages, but now with the pandemic, 130 million more could go hungry in 2020, said Arif Husain, chief economist at the World Food Program, a United Nations agency. Altogether, an estimated 265 million people could be pushed to the brink of starvation by year’s end.

“We’ve never seen anything like this before,” Mr. Husain said. “It wasn’t a pretty picture to begin with, but this makes it truly unprecedented and uncharted territory.”

And so on … and as for the actual climate science, well it's just a con, and part of a clever shell game, and the reptiles are born suckers …

What makes The Australian’s publishing of the article all the more risible is that in reality, it is a puff piece for Shellenberger’s new book, ‘Apocalypse Never’ and is more or less identical with what he had published on his website on 29 June.

Forbes, which has carried Shellenberger’s articles in the past, withdrew the puff piece.

National Post asked Forbes why this had happened and was told:

‘Forbes requires its contributors to adhere to strict editorial guidelines. This story did not follow those guidelines and was removed.’ 

A lot more useful stuff here, including this:

Shellenberger makes his agenda clear on various websites and elsewhere: the present approach to dealing with climate change is not working, renewable power sources won’t solve the problem and, therefore, the entire world needs to be nuclear powered.
He told the Sydney Morning Herald in 2017 that the widespread adoption of nuclear power across the world would solve the climate change problem:
“…because it basically reduces your carbon emissions to near zero in the power sector.”
The Herald described him not as an environmentalist but as a ‘nuclear power advocate’.

Never mind, the pond, like the Caterist, always likes to end with a smile, and what better way than with the immortal Rowe, as always with more Rowe here ...