In which Polonius's prattle has a soothing, numbing effect ...

The pond felt preternaturally calm in the presence of prattling Polonius, whose soothing, dulcet sounds can send the pond off to sleep in a nanosecond … but earlier in the week, the pond had been alarmed to discover that the Bolter was finally revealing himself to be a Kommissar of the Soviets in the very old style …

Yes, because the pond no longer goes anywhere near Bolter la la land, for fear of 250,000 years of mental contamination, the pond began its week discovering that the Bolter and the reptiles were infatuated with nuclear energy, and that the Bolter had it in for the mini-series Chernobyl, dubbing it eco-porn … all courtesy of a Media Watch story …

The pond had been mixing episodes of Fleabag with Chernobyl, and realised that the most interesting angle was the sublime lack of empathy emitted by the Bolter, down there with the empathy quotient of your average apparatchik …

Now the pond realises that "empathy" is considered a naughty word by many, when callousness, indifference and cruelty is much to be preferred in a realist world, but even then, it takes considerable skill to reduce the Chernobyl disaster to a body count, as if that were the only meaningful measure of the cost. That's a very unique* form of being empathy-free … (*ABC 24 licensed)

But it was ever thus - from the empathy exhibited by the Inquisition to the empathy of an ISIS fundamentalist, the Bolter's capacity for empathy is roughly zero, but his capacity for ideological cruelty verges on the infinite … (or as ABC 24 might put it, the very infinite) …

Well two things: the pond didn't trouble Foxtel for its viewing pleasure, but instead honoured the noble work of VPNs - cable-cutting needn't deprive viewers of the pleasure of enforced graphite shovelling - and how wise of the Bolter not to mention the cost of maintaining the security of storage for 250k years, because that's what governments are for … but who will pay for the contamination costs of a Bolter?

Luckily, the half-life of News Corp might be relatively short, but even so, the damage will linger on the earth for generations to come …

Of course the answer to all those future problems is the Rapture, helped along by speaking in tongues to imaginary friends, and so the reptiles have this week been obsessed with the Folau matter, and the rights of fundamentalist bigots to dress up their bigotry as a form of religion… and David Marr became agitated about that in the Graudian in With Israel Folau the church demands the kind of free speech that keeps gays in the firing line …

Marr seemed agitated about what might happen if a chemistry teacher stood up in a Catholic school and explained that 'God' was a concept as meaningful and as useful as the tooth fairy (donations might fall from the sky to support your delusions), but the pond had a deeper worry.

What would happen to a reptile who tweeted that they were working for a criminal organisation run by a wizened lizard overlord, legally entitled to do dreadful things to Jerry Hall? Would the Murdochian code of conduct kick in? What could a reptile scribbler do then? Abandon the sinking Strewth ship and head off to work for Albo?

That's the trouble with freedom of speech. Perhaps it's best if it's only allowed to empathy-free fundamentalists and bigots ...

No wonder the pond was relieved to reach the safe harbour of a complacent, smug Polonius, blathering on in the usual way … and providing the usual history lesson ...

It's for astonishing insights like "their political careers were threatened by political defeat" that keeps the pond enraptured by Polonius … but has it been a season of calm?

The reptiles have been making out like bandits denouncing the perfidious Malware as they dig over the entrails like animal hunters at Chernobyl …

 

If this sort of forensic re-opening of only recently healed scars is a season of calm, why then it seems being a Liberal politician is akin to a worker at Chernobyl the days after the explosion … and just remember you can get an episode closer out of a pregnant woman …

But enough of such distractions, because Polonius had much more by way of reassurance to offer, pouring oil on troubled waters like the original Polonius reassuring Hamlet all would be well behind the arras …

Indeed, indeed, but before the pond moves on to Polonius's ritual denunciation of the Nine papers and the ABC, perhaps it's worth noting that the reptiles have been celebrating the savvy Savva's work. Look, top of the page, ma …

Spoiler alert … here's how that yarn ended ...

The mutton Dutton is not the evangelical here?

Why the reptiles could spend the next week scribbling furiously at this implied defaming of the evangelical mindset, and implied sneering at the simplistic stupidities of the likes of the Bolter and Folau …

Never mind, the pond was reminded that the despicable cardigan wearers were at it again, defaming the notoriously 'not evangelical' liberal progressive, once again being astonishingly liberal this week …

… so what better way to introduce Polonius's final, tediously long gobbet, in which he lists assorted thought crimes that had offended him, and explains that there would be a new thousand year reign of peace, joy and harmony, if not in the world, then certainly in SloMo's government …

Yes, there's been no signs of bitterness or tension through the week. Take it from Polonius and his prattle. All is quiet on the western front, and the peace will endure forever, and everything is for the best in the best of all possible worlds ...

But could the pond raise a technical point, with Polonius suggesting that the incumbent PM "cannot be challenged during their term"? 

Mr Morrison last night said that for the new rule to be changed, “it would require a two-thirds ­majority of the parliamentary party” but noted that “such a majority is rarely if ever achieved”. (An actual reptile story, but why bother linking to a paywall? Here, have a Graudian story instead.)

Ah, so there is still some room for a little mischief. So he could be challenged if the numbers were there …

But the pond takes Polonius's point. Think of the wonders that six years of an unchallenged Comrade Bill achieved for the Labor party, and now imagine the joys of SloMo on the throne for ever and ever, a new Ming the Merciless, speaking in tongues each Sunday to his imaginary friend about his good fortune.

How good is that? And there he was, already establishing his presence on the world stage, and helping with the new world order, as celebrated by Rowe, with more celebratory Rowe here …

Oh dear, of course that means the pond must also run the original Gillray …

And then why not round out the meal with another serving of Rowe?

Oh yes, everything is for the best in the best of all possible worlds. Trust Polonius and his prattle …