Cue the Bolter, cue the wrecking ball, cue the crotch-shot, ready when you are Mr de Mille ...

(Above: the reptiles at the Daily Terror in a state of chaos, confusion, crisis and incoherent panic)

And now, with panic, confusion and chaos spreading around the land and Tony Abbott leading an untenable government and hapless reptiles and the entire country into a desert wilderness, please allow the pond to pivot.

What's the point of a public apology unless it's circulated as widely as possible. So here it is again:

On 19 May, I made some statements on air concerning an incident involving the prime minister which took place at the University of Sydney approximately 30 years ago. I have been told by Barbara Ramjan that my statements might have been understood to suggest that her evidence of the incident was not truthful. I have never accused Ms Ramjan of lying in giving her evidence of that incident. In referring to the incident I did not intend to suggest that she was a liar or that she had acted dishonestly and if anyone understood my statements to suggest that, then I apologise to her unreservedly.

Oh yes, humble pie, and what a generous serve.

For more, head off to Richard Ackland's Andrew Bolt the latest to apologise over Tony Abbott's wall punch.

Say what Fairfax, another link to Ackland at the Graudian? Isn't he prolific? And on such fun topics?

Ah well, them's the breaks, that's the way it goes.

It seems that Tony Abbott might well have displayed a violent, aggressive streak in the past. Why the crawling, craven Bolter as much as admits it ...

Well it helps explain Abbott's and the Bolter's love of war mongers past.

The pond continues to remain astonished that in a bid to pander to his guest, Abbott said this:

“We admired the skill and the sense of honour that they brought to their task although we disagreed with what they did. Perhaps we grasped, even then, that with a change of heart the fiercest of opponents could be the best of friends.”

This from an ostensibly, allegedly conservative leader. It was so bizarre even the rest of the world paid attention.

Imagine if Angela Merkel had landed in Australia and was greeted by Abbott remarking, Say what you will about those Nazis, they made damn good fighters, and brought a great sense of honour to the battle in Stalingrad.

You can read about it at The Independent, though the header says everything: Tony Abbott embarrasses Australia by praising Japanese WWII military, 'getting on the sake' and posing for 'crotch-shot' photo opportunity.

Here's the 'crotch-shot':

But it wasn't just a bunch of tweeters mocking a twit doing a funny LOLcat pose (yes the Indie assembles them for your pleasure).

There were others who found the remarks offensive:

...a veteran of the Kokoda Track (Trail) campaign, 92-year-old former Sergeant Len ‘Griffo’ Griffiths, said he didn’t witness much honour during his battles against a brutal enemy on the track. 
“They were good soldiers, but they were also bloody cannibals and I saw dead Australian troops whose arm muscles had been cut out for food,” Mr Griffiths, of Canberra, said. 
“Japan is trying to forget the past, but for those who were there we can’t forget,” he said.

Of course many of the old diggers are dead, the few who can remember World War II from direct experience are part of a fading, almost lost country, and the deeds of the knights of Bushido are forgotten, or erased or glossed over - and Abe has been at the head of efforts to do it in Japana - but Abbott even managed to alienate the RSL:

“The RSL is disappointed with his speech as well,’ Mr Rowe said. 
“Japanese forces were certainly skilled, but they had no honour in the way they treated our POWs and civilians. 
“Torture, starvation, murder and forced labour are not honourable.” 
He said “honourable” was definitely the wrong word. Disappointed by speech ... NSW RSL President Don Rowe. 
RSL National President Ken Doolan said much of what was done by Japan in China before the war, such as the rape of Nanjing where 300,000 Chinese civilians were slaughtered in six weeks in 1937, and to Australian forces during the war was not honourable at all. “The historical facts are there,” he said. (Tony Abbott accused of going too far over Japan's war record)

And so on and so forth. The one thing that is guaranteed is that there would have been howls of outrage by the reptiles in lizard Oz la la land if any other politician of any other stripe had committed a faux pas of this strength and at this level of international relations.

Instead, let's remember what we did get:

Now the bully panderer and war crimes apologist is a midwife? Oi vey, where do the midwives of Australia go to launch a defamation action ...

Meanwhile, the forelock tugging, uxorious Sheridan is busy toeing the line today. What an industrious knob polisher he is:

Yes, because locking children behind bars is such an honourable thing to do.

Right up there with the treatment of Australian prisoners at Changi in the second world war ...

What? Don't argue with the pond about that line. Take it up with Tony Abbott ...

Meanwhile, we have a minority government that's out of control and doing sordid, wretched deals to stay afloat, while the business of government is reduced to chaos and confusion.

Sound familiar? Remember the hagiographic effort of that prime knob polisher Dennis "the coiffed one" Shanahan scribbling assurances everything was under control in Tony Abbott: model of a cool, calm and collected PM? (inside the paywall because you need to pay to read about the very model of a modern politician)

Remember this opening to to a PM story back in July 2012?

MARK COLVIN: The Opposition says it's chaos and confusion. The Government says it's situation normal. And so another day of carbon tax debate unfolded along the usual lines. Just five days since its introduction, the Government's in fresh negotiations over the carbon floor price. 

TONY ABBOTT: Now what we've seen today is complete chaos and confusion from the Government.
(here)

The irony is too rich, but the pond is determined to relish it. Go on waiter, we'll have the triple strength 90% chocolate sauce ...

It's even richer in that the bully panderer is pandering to a man whom the lizards at the Oz, and Hedley Thomas in particular, routinely assure us is a dodgy billionaire, that's if he is a billionaire at all, and is entirely suspect, though Hedders has found it a bit of a struggle nailing the buffoon, and so on and so forth.

So now we have a minority government in the grip of a man routinely demonised by the reptiles.

Oh yes, it's wonderfully rich and tasty. Another serve, please waiter. What's that? Clive's cleaned out the kitchen?

Speaking of Hedders, blink and you might have missed the reptiles running the bizarre tale of Hedders' war with Mark Latham, as written up in Mark Latham: You're bonkers (you'd have to be bonkers to pay to get around the paywall)

The reptiles must have thought it was a good idea, but you'd have to be bonkers to imagine Hedders could get down in the gutter with the biffo boy and not cop a few bruises. Here's your text for googling:

In a war of email exchanges this week, insults have flown. For Latham, the whole thing is loopy allegations. Thomas is “bonkers” and a “smear merchant, someone who lives in a malicious fantasy world”. Latham claims he has better credentials than any journalist to examine the AWU-Gillard allegations because of his “deeper background”. 
Not so, says Thomas, who hits back at the former ALP leader for misleading rants, dishonesty, living in “la-la land” and running a “bogus argument”.

Yes, it's boofhead bovver boys sinking the boot, and it's supposed to pass for journalism in these troubled times.

Poor old Hedders emerges looking a little worse the wear, and just a little crazy.

The pond's explanation for these very strange times, where reptiles tear at each other, and eye gouge and hurl abuse?

Well think about Tony Abbott, a notoriously violent and aggressive man in his student days (or so the Bolter seems to accept), and now only too willing to celebrate the honourable behaviour of Japanese soldiers in World War II (somebody must have told him the Japanese had a thing about honour), and yet at the same time, a man who as opposition leader and now leader, has reduced federal Australian politics to its lowest ebb of eye-gouging, shoulder charging, coat hangering bully boy tactics in living memory - or at least since the dying days of the Whitlam government...

There's a solution of course. A double dissolution.

Isn't it funny how none of the commentariat, or the government, are talking about heading off to the electorate to sort things out?

There we are, with a dysfunctional, failed government, completely unable to carry out its budget and legislative agenda, at the whim of a wrecking ball - oh yes, Terror remind us of the wrecking ball - and yet Abbott is so successful and so loved and admired and his government full of such sound, fearless leaders that they'd romp it in at a double dissolution.

Oh okay, the pond will take its ponderous irony to the corner reserved for satirical dunces and sulk. Now there's an Abbott thing to do ...

Let's wrap things up by reverting to the Bolter, who these days is sounding supremely hysterical as the dream collapses before his eyes, and all around are far leftists at The Age, and sssh, whatever you do, don't propose some of it might arise from the actual ineptness and incompetence of the Abbott government, and their "technical difficulties".

Amazingly, the pandering Bolter mounted a defence of the pandering, dog-whistling Abbott, as you can read ... Abbott in strife - and verballed by China (Verballed by China? Does that include verballed by the RSL?)

Why have almost all the media commentators I’ve heard on the topic taken China’s side - or simply assumed Abbott indeed was praising even Japanese war criminals?
He’s referring just to Japanese submariners who attacked in Sydney Harbor. And he’s making a sensitive and important point about forgiveness and the best interests of nations: Even at the height of World War II, Australia gave the Japanese submariners killed in the attack on Sydney full military honours. Admiral Muirhead-Gould said of them: “theirs was a courage which is not the property or the tradition or the heritage of any one nation… but was patriotism of a very high order”. 
We admired the skill and the sense of honour that they brought to their task although we disagreed with what they did. Perhaps we grasped, even then, that with a change of heart the fiercest of opponents could be the best of friends. 
But such is the hate-Abbott reflex…

Such is the gag-reflex of the Abbott lovers ...

We disagreed with what they did?

Would that be sneaking into Sydney harbour and killing 21 sailors? The deaths were covered up at the time by wartime government censorship, and the submarines succeeded in their killing only by ineptly failing at their real task, but try telling Australians at the time that the sneak attack was ridgy didge and honourable - eastern suburbs real estate prices dropped as brave Aussies took to the Blue Mountains ... (Greg Hunt it all here)

But okay, the pond will bite. Sheesh Angela Merkel, those German U-boats in the Kreigsmarine wolfpacks did fantastic work during the war. So many ships sunk, so many killed ... how honourable and patriotic. Sort of brings a tear to the eye of the pond and the Bolter ...

Actually the pond would prefer tears of a different kind, the David Pope and David Rowe kind, more Pope here, and more David Rowe here.

And this is just the beginning!

There's a lot more coming, as the PUPs are already crying "bring me the head of Eric Abetz"! On a plate with chocolate sauce.

Quick, a double dissolution, now!

Or is everyone just happy to make the life of cartoonists terribly easy? Oh dear, it seems Mr Rowe has put someone else on the wrecking ball ... such is life.