Australia Day, and shelter from the storm ...

(Above: this flag, weather proof, machine washable, iron safe, polyester, weather proof, fade and mildew resistant, permanently dyed, fine art flag, manufactured with vivid colour process to strict military flag standards available here for a measly ten smackeroos US).

Naturally the pond has already devised its own flag proposal for Australia Day, seeing as how all the alternatives floated in Eminent Australians rally around as call goes out for a new flag have fallen on stony ground.

We see it as a way of celebrating the new reich - scheduled to last a thousand years - of calm, conservative, considered citizens, at peace with themselves and the world, and ruled by a gaggle of conservative commentariat commentators who make sure no unruly liberal or unseemly provocative socialistic pinko pervert thinking disturbs the peace of the land. Love it or leave it liberals, and take your flag ideas to Antarctica, and your new republic of folly ...

Yes, there'll be peace for David Flint and his comrades, recently tortured and taunted by of all people Sir Michael Parkinson.

Naturally Andrew Bolt was profoundly indignant in This whingeing tells us it's Australia Day:

Speaking to reporters in Sydney after becoming the first foreigner to deliver the annual Australia Day address in its 15-year history, Parky said ... the period after Queen Elizabeth II either dies or abdicates would be an “acceptable’’ time for the nation to formally sever ties with the British royal family.

“Why should Australia not be a republic? It’s its own country, its own man,’’ Parkinson said.

Dear lord, a whingeing Pom whingeing away in Sir Michael Parkinson says it's time for Australia to become a republic. The cheek of the man ...

Yes, it's the classic rebuttal. Disagree with someone and you can always label them a whinger. Got an alternative idea? What are ya, a bloody whinger? Ya moping sook ... ya bloody dingbat. You whine louder than a dingo hunting for a baby ..

Of course Andrew the Dolt makes a professional career out of whingeing, whining, moping, getting shocked, appalled and outraged (not necessarily in that order), but Parkie proposes a republic and he's a whinger ..

Naturally the monarchists were furious at the ramblings of a foreigner - a benighted one at that - and instead promoted the views and teachings of a true blue Aussie of Eurasian origins, as you can find here in Sir Michael Parkinson CBE denounces the Australian Crown if you haven't already downed your third bottle of chardonnay ...

You see, instead of idle chatter after the Queen's death, and the end of the second Elizabethan age, there'll be much to excite, because after the funeral what happens?

This will be followed by fascination and interest in the Coronation, the next Prince and Princess of Wales, and no doubt their children.

During these times, first sad, then moving and then exciting, talk of some vague undefined politicians’ republic replacing our old and successful crowned republic will be completely out of place.

Yes, yes, yes, who's fucking who, who's divorcing whom, who's marrying, who's breeding, who's wearing a Nazi uniform to a party, who's gone mad greenie, who's shooting down the Islamic hordes in the next crusade, who's helping sell the most copies of The Australian Women's Weekly, and it's all so dinki di and true blue and Aussie ...

Because we're a successful crowned republic!

Oh fuck me dead, the spirit of Alice down the rabbit hole and Magritte and Bunuel and the surrealists live on in this wide brown land, where white is black, and the crown is the head of a republic, and fuck me dead how can people be so dumb and so wayward and abusive of language, semantics and the actual constitution. It's like that sign in, of or inspired by Dr. Strangelove:

That's why we barely have time to note some of the splendid contributions on the meaning of Australia and Australia Day, but surely we must pause to welcome former chairman Rudd's return to theoretical discourse in The Punch with I believe Gen Y are the future.

Strange, I thought that the baby boomers were the future. Oh wait, they're dying off? How about Gen X? They're too old already, and anyway they blew it, and soon they'll be hanging around waiting to die off?

Well there you go, I guess that means that Gen Y, aka the Millenial generation, generation next, the net generation, or the echo boomers are indeed the future ...

And for the next meaningless truism and fatuous insight, before we all die off and those who remain alive will plod on into the future of a glorious crowned republic?

Well you can read Natasha Stott Despoja, daughter of Shirley the destroyer, joining the monarchists and Andrew Bolt, and getting tremendously upset with Parkie in The day for us to celebrate our own, and proving simple minded provincialism and patriotism and nationalism takes many kinds of hues in many kinds of scoundrels:

Michael Parkinson is the first non-Australian to have been invited to give the Australia Day address and, while his unique perspective on our identity and character is worth having, he should have said no ...

... Henry Lawson would be rolling in his grave, not to mention Mary Gilmore.

Actually it's the monarchists and Andrew Bolt rolling in their graves, but never mind, as you'd expect the pinko pervert cardigan wearers have given you the chance to download Parkinson's speech in mp3 form here.

Or you might just go quaff that fourth bottle of chardonnay to keep the party lively.

Make sure to drink a toast for the coming republic ... without a crown and without surrealist logic to keep it company ...

And when you're drunk enough you can join former chairman Rudd in a few verses of Whitney Houston's immortal Greatest Love of All:

I believe the children are our are future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
Everybody searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone to fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be
So I learned to depend on me

But don't overdo it. There's nothing like the sickly nausea you get when you wake the next day with a hangover, and realise that if you haven't woken in fright, then you've certainly woken in a crowned republic ...

(Below: a few cartoons to celebrate).