Terry Savage, and the savage truth that lemonade dealing children should not be suffered ...

(Above: and let's not forget he invented the concept of a free lunch!)

We rarely take a look here at the pond at the United States: too many loons and too little time.

But sometimes the temptation is irresistible, and what better way to wrap up the week than a with a little light reading. They simply do a better class of loon in America, way above what the generally tragic thunderers down under can manage.

Come on down Terry Savage, and help us understand the concept of political correctness, usually applied to left wingers and progressives, but applied in There is no 'free' lemonade with savage relish to three kids doing the unforgivable.

But how to begin this epic tale? Why not this way:

This column is a true story -- every word of it. And I think it very appropriate to consider around the Fourth of July, Independence Day spirit.

Uh huh. Sounds incredibly patriotic. Sticking it to the British, tackling deep constitutional matters, delivering profound economic insights? How did you guess?

Last week, I was in a car with my brother and his fiancee, driving through their upscale neighborhood on a hot summer day. At the corner, we all noticed three little girls sitting at a homemade lemonade stand.

Uh huh, driving around with your brother. A kind of freeloading Driving Ms Terry kind of riff, princess style in the back seat, but we get it, no need to make too much of a little bludging. After all, a free ride's a free ride. Sure, it sounds like idle time, when noses should be to the grindstone, work being done, but hey everybody needs downtime in plush neighbourhoods.

Pray tell, what exactly were the three little demons - perhaps the three witches from Macbeth, dressed in little girls' clothes - up to?

We follow the same rules in our family, and one of them is: Always stop to buy lemonade from kids who are entrepreneurial enough to open up a little business.

My brother immediately pulled over to the side of the road and asked about the choices.

The three young girls -- under the watchful eye of a nanny, sitting on the grass with them -- explained that they had regular lemonade, raspberry lemonade, and small chocolate candy bars.

Then my brother asked how much each item cost.

"Oh, no," they replied in unison, "they're all free!"

My god, knock me down with a feather or a socialist communist conspiracy theory. And speaking in unison, like parrots reared on Chairman Mao's little red book. Or perhaps Das Kapital?

Or could it be that the sweet little Christians were intent on sharing, perhaps having read the bible?

Who knows, but naturally Savage was outraged, perhaps even shocked, forced to wake up from her back seat Driving Ms Terry slumbers:

I sat in the back seat in shock. Free? My brother questioned them again: "But you have to charge something? What should I pay for a lemonade? I'm really thirsty!"

His fiancee smiled and commented, "Isn't that cute. They have the spirit of giving."

That really set me off, as my regular readers can imagine.

Yes, because it seems her regular readers must be great white sharks, always on the quest for a deal, always swimming because to rest without doing a deal is to die.

How better to make the sweet young things understand than to harass, hector and harangue them, like some mad free market demagogue from the back seat of the car:

"No!" I exclaimed from the back seat. "That's not the spirit of giving. You can only really give when you give something you own. They're giving away their parents' things -- the lemonade, cups, candy. It's not theirs to give."

But what if their parents gave it to them to give it away, to maintain that continuity of Christian giving? No, no, let's not get too deeply into complex thought, when the best thing that could happen to these wretched children is to give them a damn good savaging:

I pushed the button to roll down the window and stuck my head out to set them straight.

What? She uses a push button to roll down the window? In my day I was up at four a.m. in morning to go down ta mill to begin cleaning floor with toothbrush, and then eat the wooden shavings we found, pulped into porridge and washed down with a cleansing dose of carbolic acid. Push button? We had to wind down windows with toothpick! These young 'uns have no idea.

But I digress. Let's continue with the savaging:

"You must charge something for the lemonade," I explained. "That's the whole point of a lemonade stand. You figure out your costs -- how much the lemonade costs, and the cups -- and then you charge a little more than what it costs you, so you can make money. Then you can buy more stuff, and make more lemonade, and sell it and make more money."

Yes, but it would be so much better if you contracted a Chinese factory to make the lemonade, preferably using child labour, or at least labour that you paid 1o cents an hour for, for a fifteen hour day, noting that any workers that committed suicide must have been let go by the Apple plant. And then sell the brew they make for a two dollars fifty in a two dollar store, skimming $2.30, allowing of course ten cents for packaging and handling to add to labour costs (unless you've bought the store with a loan, in which case send the profits direct to your bank).

That's the American way. Get into debt with China and a bank up to your neck!

I was confident I had explained it clearly. Until my brother, breaking the tension, ordered a raspberry lemonade. As they handed it to him, he again asked: "So how much is it?"

Tension? Why on earth would there be tension, when these children were being redeemed, saved, turned away from Jesus' freeloading ways and turned on to capitalism.

And the girls once again replied: "It's free!" And the nanny looked on contentedly.

Uh huh. The nanny. A contented socialist. Oh the infidel, oh the poor children, oh the suffering, and with a contented nanny!

By this time in this harrowing tale, I can sense that you're shocked, as senseless with rage as Savage:

No wonder America is getting it all wrong when it comes to government, and taxes, and policy. We all act as if the "lemonade" or benefits we're "giving away" is free.

And so the voters demand more -- more subsidies for mortgages, more bailouts, more loan modification and longer periods of unemployment benefits.

They're all very nice. But these things aren't free.

Yep, from three little girls giving away lemonade, suddenly we're bang smack in the middle of a tirade about unemployment benefits, mortgages and bailouts. By golly, those big banks and their free ways with lemonade.

Dear lord, what did the poor sweet little things make of this screeching, savaging harridan, suddenly come upon them from out of the ether, and dishing out bile for bringing the entire economic system and the future of America into question ... by handing out a little free lemonade?

But wait there's more, because we like our customers to go away satisfied, and have a good day now, y'all hear:

The government only gets the money to pay these benefits by raising taxes, meaning taxpayers pay for the "free lemonade." Or by printing money -- which is essentially a tax on savings, since printing more money devalues the wealth we hold in dollars.

If we can't teach our kids the basics of running a lemonade stand, how can we ever teach Congress the basics of economics?

Thank the lord the children clearly didn't understand why Christ handed out the loaves and fishes, and turned water into wine for a wedding feast. As a way of explaining there's no such thing as a free lunch, unless you've got heavenly connections!

As evening approached, the disciples came to him and said, “This is a remote place, and it’s already getting late. Send the crowds away, so they can go to the villages and buy themselves some food.”

Jesus replied, “They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat.”

“We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish,” they answered.

“Bring them here to me,” he said. And he directed the people to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the people. They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over. The number of those who ate was about five thousand men, besides women and children. -- Matthew 14:15-21

Five thousand men, not counting women and children, and let's face it, why should we count women and children, even in the census. Here it is at last: clear incontrovertible proof that Christ is a communist socialist stooge and the ruination of America, with no clear understanding of economics! If only he'd sat down and down a decent business plan. With that kind of productivity, he could have made a motza. Five loaves at two bucks a go, and let's say two fish at ten bucks, and five thousand men at ten bucks a meal. Why lordy that's twenty bucks plays fifty thousand smackeroos. Scrooge McDuck, here we come.

He told the crowd to sit down on the ground. Then he took the seven loaves and the fish, and when he had given thanks, he broke them and gave them to the disciples, and they in turn to the people. They all ate and were satisfied. Afterward the disciples picked up seven basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over. The number of those who ate was four thousand, besides women and children. -- Matthew 15:29-38

Four thousand free loaders and bludgers getting trained in how to get things for free! Free lunches everywhere! What were they thinking? Where's Walmart when you need it?

Thank the lord that Savage was there to give those lemonade do gooders a good savaging:

Or maybe it's the other way around: The kids are learning from the society around them. No one has ever taught them there's no free lunch -- and all they see is "free," not the result of hard work, and saving, and scrimping.

If that's what America's children think -- that there's a free lunch waiting -- then our country has larger problems ahead. The Declaration of Independence promised "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." It didn't promise anything free. Something to think about this July 4th holiday weekend.

And that's the Savage Truth!

Or maybe it's just the savage loonacy. Whatever, I'm just anxious that Savage now stick it to Jesus. Sheesh, there he is turning water into wine at a wedding feast, and ever since Christians have never had a decent understanding of free market economic theory.

When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was: (but the servants which drew the water knew;) the governor of the feast called the bridegroom,

And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: but thou hast kept the good wine until now.

Hang on, there you go, it was that commie Jesus again, handing over top dollar grog for free at the end of the show when any governor with a canny sense of bunging on a do knows that you can get away with chateau cardboard. And still charge the drunken sods three bucks a glass (and make sure you don't fill that glass all the way up to the plimsoll line!)

It's as clear as mustard gas that Jesus is directly responsible for teaching little girls to hand out a little lemonade for free. Most likely they were expecting a wedding feast or a crowd of somewhere between four and five thousand to mount a rush on their lemons.

Naturally the savage rant got noticed.

Conservative sickness: Terry Savage attacks little girls for giving away 'free'lemonade, and Terry Savage, Sun-Times Columnist, Yells at Little Girls At Lemonade Stand are just a couple of the reminders that there are sane people in America. And I thank them for drawing my attention to the savage truth.

Even so, it's tempting to think 'only in a savage America and thank the absent socialist lord for that'.

Then were there brought unto him little children, that he should put his hands on them, and pray: and the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven. And he laid his hands on them, and departed thence ...

... Then said Jesus unto his disciples, Verily I say unto you, That a rich man shall hardly enter into the kingdom of heaven. And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. When his disciples heard it, they were exceedingly amazed, saying, Who then can be saved? But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.

Pinko commie pervert!

(Below: happily you can go here for more savagery and savaging of wretched commie Christians, and little lemonade supplying girls. Can someone please explain to them supply and demand, and get them into supplying crack cocaine? For a decent price of course)

Now this is more like it: