It is a truth universally acknowledged that a Liberal parliamentarian can pay attention to no more than one issue at a time - checking that the opposable thumb works is sufficiently demanding of the skill set that nothing else should be attempted while giving the thumb its work out.
It is also a truth universally acknowledged that a treasurer, reminding the public that they have a man for a PM who did all he could to tear down a republic and break a nation's heart, and trying to make up for it by inviting universal ridicule by knighting the Queen's consort, will find no good fortune amongst the reptile observers of life.
These universal truths have now provoked such consternation, such a crisis - far bigger than any mere petty budget emergency - that it has forced Chris Kenny to forsake his usual column about the ABC and deal with the upstart.
This is how serious the crisis has become!
Jolly Joe should know that more than one message is simply too much for the average antediluvian reptile brain to handle.
It simply fried the dog botherer's brain and so he was mightily indignant.
Yep, the trap of attempting to talk about more than one thing at once...
It's shocking, disturbing and outrageous ... especially when Jolly Joe's doing such a fine job dealing with the batters that count:
Bigger issues on their minds?
Well there's a classic assumption about the meaning of minds. It's well known that Tony Abbott simply can't handle more than issue at a time, and after putting together his next suggestions about whom he'll knight - hmm, could Prince Chuck do with another gong, or perhaps his consort, she's suffered so much? - he can't be expected to waste quality time on trivial issues like a republic.
But back to the outraged dog botherer getting seriously upset by bandanna wearers:
And there we have it straight from the dog botherer's keyboard.
It's simply too much to bear. What we need is a government which will tackle one issue boldly and bravely one step at a time, because that's all the reptiles can cope with!
You know, like talking tax cuts for the rich and an increase in regressive tax for everyone as a way to sort out that budget emergency ...
Now that your average reptile can understand, though it took long hours of kool aid drinking to get there.
Of course you could look at it another way and cite the dog botherer in your footnotes as your source:
But there's hope - this image reminds us of what's afoot:
And the pond is also indebted to the twitterati for this reminder of the substantial ethical and moral attitudes of the tabloid Terrorists, who set the recent gay hate shock horror bandwagon rolling, before, apparently, a single parental protest reaching the school involved:
Yes, everything is proceeding as it should in reptile la la land ...