Monday, August 17, 2015

In which the pond floats the notion and pitches the possibility of a kool aid hotline ...

Reluctantly, the pond has decided that the time is right to float the notion of a kool aid hotline.

The amount of scribbling under the influence of kool aid has become a national emergency, a genuine crisis, and the only way forward is to call on dobbers to step forward and name the names of the miscreants. In time, with decent dobbing, the nation might be able to rid itself of this blight.

Now grumble bums might claim that this creates just another number to remember in a jumble of numbers, and they have trouble remembering the emergency number which calls out the coppers, the alleged fuzz already to hand to wage war against junk, and it seems to be just another pond bureaucratic flourish, but the pond is aware for a fact that the amount of kool aid in the Surry Street bunker is to about to be doubled.

There's a kool aid crisis, so please, let the pond prove the point by doing some dobbing.

First let's look at the problem, and what a problem it is, and why some in Surry street need the double hit. The wicked Fairfaxians, with a cooked poll, are rampant and setting the cat amongst the hapless pigeons:

Oh you wicked, vexatious Fairfaxians, creating all this turmoil and trouble.

Now a few valiant, parochial, state-level Murdochians show that the current level of kool aid is working for them. When in trouble, revert to local issues, or declare a war on sharks:

Well played, gutter tabloid Murdochians. Why shark-hunting might yet turn the Terrorists into the southern equivalent of the croc hunting NT News. They already have an in-house commentariat with the requisite mind set ...

But it's when we turn to the reptiles of Oz that doubts begin to emerge. You see, the hapless lizards have had to acknowledge, however vaguely, that there might be trouble on horizon, trouble in kitchen, trouble in polls, trouble at mill:

What to do, what to do? Which bright, kool-aid free, reptile spark imagined getting an exclusive from Jolly Joe on reform would do the trick, as opposed to producing hollow, Treasure of Sierra Madre style laughter of the deeply ironic kind?

But that's what they did:

The pond immediately felt the urge to burst into song. Oh oh, yes, I'm the great reformer, reforming so much that I'm going well, My need is such that I reform too much, so I'm lonely but no one can tell, Oh-oh yes I'm the great reformer ...

And so on until nausea sets in, or you decide to listen to AM faithfully picking up on the reptile line, and inviting on Jolly Joe to reciting his great pretender's lines this very morning ...

Is anyone listening Joe, is anyone listening? Apart from the reptiles and their ABC news clone?

The reptiles realised it was a long shot, and so by early morning, there were new items at the top of the digital page.

Good, good, the kool aid is still doing its job. And sssh, never mind the question of a referendum v. plebiscite, or the wording of the proposal or any of the other trivia, or a government at war with itself because of grotesque mismanagement.

Naturally on the matter of vigilantes, a faithful little Sir Echo chipped in ...

A lesser acolyte, but a faithful one ...

And elsewhere, business was proceeding as usual, with a new broadcaster added to the hate list.

Hmm, there'll be years in this shameless beat up.

Must send that proposal in to the reptiles to make Australia a theocracy with Chairman Rupert as its fearless leader, with his own reality TV show on all five main FTA channels. Just a postmark on the envelope should be sufficient evidence they're seriously considering the pitch ...

But it was about this point that the pond noticed a serious discrepancy in the force, an aberrant variation which suggested kool aid was needed urgently:

Hmm, he's always been a bit wobbly, and now it seems he's had a real fit of the collywobbles:

Oh dear, the Menzies gambit! So that's why extra trucks have been spotted hauling double dose kool aid towards the Surry Hills bunker!

Bereft of principle and public support!

The pond can only hope that a decent dose of kool aid will restore equilibrium and placidity to the reptiles, so that they can return to the sort of hagiographical, excessive, adoring guff much admired when the dog botherer was in his glory days:

Sob. That brought a genuine tear to the eye of the pond, so far beyond the valley of irony was it ...

So young and innocent and pure, and so laden to the gills with kool aid ...

And there are others who could do with a decent dose. Like that wicked Laura Tingle, who just never leaves things alone: 

It's the pond's nightmare too. Certain members of the extended family, Billistas the lot of them, would become even more deeply odious.

And a few wicked cartoonists could do with a double dose, and more Rowe here:

And that's why the pond is torn. Dob in a kool aid supplier, or double down on the dosage?

The pond can only ask the question. Hit the keyboard and you can dob them in ...

Questions, schmestions, it's a grand time to be alive. Waiter, some more of your excellent vintage kool aid, please ...


  1. Fox News fooled by fake DPRK news service.

  2. Annastacia destroying Campbell's legacy? Isn't that what people elected her for? It's so nice seeing the Courier Mail saying something positive about her for a change.

    1. Cripes, the CM has credibility? EVER? Never. Whether daddy's girl AP nepotism or CN despotism, it's cronyism, same law 'n order apart from some unions breathing a little easier (see cronyism), with everything else pretty much to remain the same, and it's coal, coal, coal all the way - so what's the diff?

  3. O yes, YES, DP, dob them in!
    Now, I heard that voice on AM, attributed to JoeH. Yes, it parroted its points and lines faithfully, but .. Was it Joe, really? Could have been a bot like those outfits that phone here in the arvo. I imagined it was ScoMo and the effect was the same. Pure tripe. Batting away at Labor, as if the Libs are still the Oppo.
    Funny thing, though, Faine on 774 had Josh Fry'g on soon after that, and the Asst seemed to struggle with his task. Are we waiting for The Man, currently dismissed as a "stripling on a small and weedy beast"?

  4. Fry'g seemed a tad put out at having to answer actual questions about actual facts that had been tabled by the actual interviewer.

    'Why Josh Frydenberg, why is the government not taking action against corporate bludgers?"
    "We are, Joe Hockey is."
    "You've introduced self-auditing for companies that ship profits off-shore!"
    "Joe Hockey is tackling this. He outlined a plan at G20"
    "Which hasn't been carried out. At all"
    "There's a tax on Netflix"

    Not the actual text, but close enough for jazz.

    1. Nice. I believe Josh is consulting with his bookmaker and/or numerologist, and considering his alignment with Matthew Guy.

  5. The x-party SSM bill has been introduced into parliament.

  6. Do you suppose Chris Kenny ever looks back at articles like that and feels a little taller? I mean, the notion of Abbott quietening the orchestra is priceless.

    Perhaps you could courier a copy of the dog botherer's prescient piece to Rupert? I know he's in town, because Sharri has told us what he ate while dining with sycophants last week (EXCLUSIVE!) in today's chip wrapper.

    1. Tell me, it was the souls of small children and the blood of virgins he dined on,wasn't it? Or was it McDonald's to show how he (and his papers) are the true voice of Australia...


Comments older than two days are moderated and there will be a delay in publishing them.