Saturday, August 08, 2015

An important message from prattling Polonius ...

In case you missed the headline, the pond is proud to present an important message from prattling Polonius:

The enduring reptile fascination with the ABC continues. But will there be a mention of climate science?

Oh dear, before proceeding, can we have a re-cap?

Gerard Henderson has made a career out of criticising the ABC. His tedious Media Watch Dog blog, now republished by the Australian every Friday, is packed with gripes about Aunty, which he says is bloated, left wing and hopelessly out of touch with real Australians. Hendo listens to and watches everything he can, searching for ways in which to lambast the ABC’s presenters as biased. So where does the grumpy ABC critic go when he has a book to sell? Why the ABC, of course. The Weekly Beast heard Hendo talking about Santamaria: A Most Unusual Man on Sydney’s 702 Drive with Richard Glover, Late Night Live with Phillip Adams and Saturday Extra with Geraldine Doogue all in one week. So we investigated a little further and discovered Hendo had been everywhere. He had also been flogging his book on Adelaide’s 891 Mornings, Brisbane’s 612 Mornings and Melbourne’s 774 Drive. Oh, and Lateline did a story last week, too. Let us know if you have spotted him anywhere else on that dreadful public broadcaster. (here)

Miss, miss, oh please miss, the pond has spotted him scribbling for the Oz about how wicked the ABC is. Does that count?

Sorry child, that's like counting the farts of a sparrow.

Fart on, tedious sparrow:

Still no mention of climate science. The tension mounts, apparently a similar experience to wondering if an Australian batsman can hit a ball.

Sheesh, this is as dull as ditchwater and as predictable as a climate denialist column in the lizard Oz, and as interminable as watching a frog in slowly warming water. Can we have a reptile joke as a breather?

So glad you asked:

“It would be interesting to compare the revenue from sites focusing on subs [subscriptions] to those driven by lowbrow clickbait,” the Australian’s Media Diary said. 
So this week Mitchell got his revenge. 
The Oz took the Nielsen data and rearranged it into three categories: comprehensive paywall, moderate paywalls and free sites. 
It was brilliant. The Australian came up trumps in the comprehensive paywall column, moving into first place, up from 15th spot in the original analysis. 
“The Australian has applied its own analysis to official Nielsen online ratings audience data to reflect the newspaper industry’s turn towards ‘paywalls’, that is, charging for online access,” Darren Davidson reported without irony. 
“Each month the Australian will publish Nielsen figures under three segments: free websites, moderate paywall websites, and comprehensive paywall websites. 
“At present, Nielsen ranks Australia’s news websites based on unique visitors alone, which fails to address the dominant trend among newspapers’ owners, which have eschewed free models in favour of paywalls to generate subscription revenue.” (here)

Okay, that's rich beyond rich. Little Chris gets to number one because he says so.

Hey ho, nonny no, on we go with prattling Polonius. Watch out for stacks of falling lefties rolling down the hills and threatening passing vehicles, but will there be a mention of climate science!?

There is a third explanation: that prattling Polonius is barking mad, and with many noisy bees buzzing in his nogging, because preaching to the converted is all the converted ever want ...

Diversity? When you can cop Polonius's grey-faced meandering thoughts each week?

But the pond senses a certain restlessness, a need for a spell and a bit of spiritual and physical reinforcement. Can First Dog help?

That'll do Dawgie, that'll do, and more Dawgie, including the full cartoon, here.

Okay, you've had the choc top, now it's back to the porridge of that interminable bore. We must all wade through the misguided, error-prone pedantry and the verbal sludge - though actually porridge has a great deal of pleasure to offer if you use a nice dark brown sugar or a treacle ...

The pond naturally understands that there's a mounting anxiety at Polonius's failure to mention climate change, gay marriage and the ABC in one sentence. Let us hope beyond hope:

Good old Polonius, as reliable as ever, but did you spot the phrase that showed you that you were in the company of an interminable bore with a long elephantine memory of bitterness and regret?

Promise of a decade ago ...

They want to stop teaching history in schools, but never mind, you can get interminable lectures on the stuff, distorted, and silly, and supportive of the barking mad commentariat, along with gamed figures, faux statistics and climate denialism, all on a daily basis in the lizard Oz.

And as for Fox News and MediaBuzz and Howard Kurtz as fit objects for emulation?

Polonius wants the ABC to become Fox so the only choice is Fox ... or Fox?

Barking, howling mad ...

There was one man to emulate, but now he's gone ...

And the world is poorer for it ...

On the other hand, the pond doesn't miss Prattling Polonius at all. The tedious bore and his tedious brethren and IPA cousins and their religious odes to biliousness are so all over the ABC that it's like watching a network infested by a plague of cockroaches or locusts ...


  1. "The Oz took the Nielsen data and rearranged it into three categories: comprehensive paywall, moderate paywalls and free sites.
    It was brilliant. The Australian came up trumps in the comprehensive paywall column, moving into first place, up from 15th spot in the original analysis.'

    BA HA HA!!!! Sweet jesus, that's the way to jiggedy jig.

    Watch out, Abbott and Hunt will now apply a similar template to the High Court, and make it's decisions go from what they don't want to what they do want.


  2. I'm excayted by the prospect of a unified national curriculum for primary schools, DP. Even more excayted that the resplendent Mr Payne is leading the reforms. (But, mostly overjayed that we are well past sending kids to school.) Consensus! At last.


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