In a way, the pond was grateful for the break.
There were so many loons on parade, all dressed in their finery, up to the hilt, and as bold as brass, and as many other mixed metaphors as you like, strutting and cawing in inimitable loon style, that the pond would likely have had a meltdown worse than the assorted technical malfunctions it faced.
Of all the mirthful explosions, surely the humour arising from the Faux Noise Birminglamb scandal (like another wag, the pond fears using the word 'ham' for fear of offending) was amongst the best.
The Daily "we loved Hitler" Quail gathered quite a collection here, though a kindly pond reader also provided a link to FoxnewsFacts where the Oswald Mosley-loving Flail found much of its copy.
It seems the prime Fox loon who featured in the Birminglamb scandal has decided to donate five hundred quid to the local Birminglamb kids' hospital as a way of getting out of jail, not understanding that the real prison he's in is his mind.
A prison he decided to expose on Faux Noise, like so many other Fox blondes ... yes, the pond also missed the chance to note the brain dead blonde Fox Supreme Court news reporter Shannon Bream coming out with ....
“If we know they were speaking unaccented French and they had ski masks on, do we even know what colour they were or what the tone of their skin was?" (here, and in many other locations near you).
And then there was that twittering twit, Chairman Rupert, deciding that collective guilt was the best way forward (as did Paul 'magic water man' Sheehan), seemingly unaware that collective guilt was a favourite trick of Hitler's mob (oh okay, while offline the Godwin's Law swear jar has been languishing).
That led to any number of tweets pointing out, in an economical number of characters, the absurdity in Murdoch's logic, led by J. K. Rowling and others.
Yes, only now is the pond catching up on the fun:
(Adam Hills here, ABC report here).
You see, the pond hung tough during the great outage of 2015. The idea of buying a tree killer actual hard copy newspaper was simply too preposterous, and instead the pond discovered/was reminded that free to air television actually existed.
As a result, the pond discovered that Mr T is still alive and will turn up on a multi-channel this very year, proving that when Marx allegedly scribbled religion was the opiate of the people, he didn't know free to air television was coming.
During the pond's sojourn amongst the blondes (hey, don't blame the pond, blame the executives who do the casting), the pond caught up with a reporter on ABC News 24 discussing recent 'random 'terrorist activities, while discussing a carefully targeted attack on a bunch of French cartoonists and an assault on people in a Jewish supermarket. It brought a whole new meaning to, and understanding of the word 'random' ...
Like many other of the pond's random encounters with loonish people ...
As when the pond caught up with Clint Eastwood's version of American Sniper.
The pond suspected the film was deeply dishonest, a classic and careful fudge designed not to alienate, so that gormless folk like The New Yorker's David Denby could write a balanced review of the "it's a war movie that's anti-war" kind (as you can discover here).
You know, really deep questions. Like the sniper carries a copy of the Bible acquired in his youth, but does he ever read it?
The film fudges many things, including sniper Kyle's death scene, and his relationship to God and the Bible, and to conducting crusades, and it was only when the pond was back on the intertubes that reports like Laura Miller's pre-film look at Kyle in Death of an American sniper could be accessed.
In Kyle’s version of the Iraq War, the parties consisted of Americans, who are good by virtue of being American, and fanatic Muslims whose “savage, despicable evil” led them to want to kill Americans simply because they are Christians. (Later in his service, Kyle had a blood-red “crusader cross” tattooed on his arm.) While he describes patriotism as the guiding force in his life, Kyle’s patriotism is of the visceral, Toby Keith variety. It consists of loving America — specifically, being overwhelmed emotionally by the National Anthem and flag, and filled with a desire to dedicate one’s life to such symbols — rather than a commitment to tangible democratic principles, such as civilian oversight of the military. That Iraqis, too, might have been patriotically motivated to defend their own country against foreign invaders like himself does not appear to have ever crossed Kyle’s mind.
And so on, but the chances of cinemas being picketed for showing a film celebrating legal killing in service of war criminals Bush and Cheny is remote. (Lindy West tried to grapple with the film in The Graudian here).
But it did remind the pond that, just as the Americans excel at world championships for baseball, and football, and other sports like hot dog eating, when seen in a world context, their heroes can seem like just fair average killing machines, and it was Simo Häyhä, a Finnish soldier up against the Russians, who showed how to snipe (Greg Hunt him here).
And the movie also added a piquant sort of sauce to this sort of tripe, as featured in today's Oz:
M2010 ESR, and drones that can drop in on a wedding party from a distance, and any refuse can then be swept up and locked in a prison and given a decent going over with procedures once judged as torture in long forgotten days when it might have been possible to talk of the forces of civilisation ... before conservatives forgot what it meant to be conservative, and what it means to be civilised ... and whether the new Roman imperium conducting colonial adventures is the way to civilisation ... and whether shooting the shit and bombing the shit out of countries can lead them to civilisation ...
Phew, time for a catch-up on a Pope cartoon:
Yes, that'll do nicely for American sniper Daniel Pipes.
And then there were all the domestic stories that passed the pond by.
The Abbott government has begun its successful long march to the dismantling of bulk billing and Medicare and free health care, at the moment aided and abetted by the Labor party, which has refused to even manage to squeak like a mouse.
And in New South Wales, Labor's Luke Foley's first major policy announcement was to make a bold move for his gambling mates and the racehorse industry, as if the legal killing of horses deserved even more help (Foley downplays tax proposal criticism).
If the anti-gay marriage Foley keeps going, it's likely that the Labor party will lose in the new seat of Newtown, but never mind, whatever happens, Foley and his Labor gang long ago lost the pond ...
A tax break for the racing industry as your first bold, brave policy initiative? Why even Rambling Oldman isn't that dumb ...
Even more amazing, on return, the pond couldn't begin to count the number of people complaining, at inordinate length and in remarkable detail, how their right to abuse Islamics and sundry other sects had been limited and hamstrung and hampered, while at the same time explaining at inordinate length and in remarkable detail how Islamic fundamentalists were fucked, while failing to note that sundry other fundamentalists, like Chairman Rupert, angry Sydney Anglicans, stupid Scientologists, fundie Catholics and Hindus and Jews, were also fucked in the head ...
Yes, you had to read Ultra-Orthodox Jewish Newspaper Edits Female World Leaders Out of Charlie Hebdo March to believe it ...
It seems Dame Slap in the lizard Oz today is just the latest in this conga line of whining clowns:
Uh huh. Yes, except if's Chris Kenny doing over the ABC, or any of the other conservative commentariat getting on their high horses and exuding outrage at being insulted and offended ...
What twaddle. Dame Slap is only interested in certain sorts of rights to insult and offend, much like that prize twat David Brooks, who truly excelled himself, early in the saga, with an epic bout of pompous portentousness:
Healthy societies, in other words, don’t suppress speech, but they do grant different standing to different sorts of people. Wise and considerate scholars are heard with high respect. Satirists are heard with bemused semirespect. Racists and anti-Semites are heard through a filter of opprobrium and disrespect. People who want to be heard attentively have to earn it through their conduct.
The massacre at Charlie Hebdo should be an occasion to end speech codes. And it should remind us to be legally tolerant toward offensive voices, even as we are socially discriminating. (I Am Not Charlie Hebdo).
Oh just fuck off, or at least go away ... and take your socially discriminating cheese and cucumber sandwich with you ...
But of course the reward for twaddle is getting the hits, and Brooks did well over a thousand, so making sense is a secondary matter. Just score those outraged hits, and remember lard on the smarmy condescension like peanut butter and you're on your way ...
Yes, as a result of the great pond brown out of 2015, the pond missed all sorts of oddities and peculiarities, some of the most nauseating and hypocritical kind, like Vlad 'the impaler' Putin sending the Russian foreign minister to march in Paris.
Thank the long absent lord someone paused to note that Russia places 148 out of 180 in its PFI rating (Marching in Paris, yet blocking freedom of speech at home).
Vlad and his gang of gay-bashing thugs sent a tremor though the pond's TG friends by banning transgender people from getting a driver's licence in Russia (here and elsewhere). As a result, one of them thoughtfully sent the pond a link to that useful fool and facilitator and lickspittle forelock tugger Tom Switzer urging Appease Putin and avert a second Cold War (forced video at end of link).
Presumably Tom can keep his driver's license, so everything's hunky dory in the world ...
What else? Well naturally the pond was also given a link to Cardinal Raymond Burke blames 'radical feminists' for paedophile priests.
Is there nothing that radical feminists can't manage? No doubt radical feminists can also be blamed for Vlad the impaler and Chairman Rupert ...
Yes, all this and more, as the Rambling Oldman's campaign rolled out in the deep north, and the Currish Snail swung into action.
Of course the Currish Snail would like the election to be about nothing, and to blame Labor and to warn of assorted eccentrics, seeming incapable of realising that warning against eccentrics is a warning to take care when approaching the entire population of Queensland. Oh they'll get the government they deserve, no doubt about it.
But at least it allows the pond to conclude with the latest Pope cartoon, and as always, more Pope here. What an uncanny resemblance: