Saturday, January 18, 2014

Inadvertently, the pond gets lost with the RAN, welchers, gamblers and garbage men ...

(Above: more excellent Rowe here).

Sorry, today the pond is running inadvertently late.

The car's satnav system (known to the pond's partner as Eva, don't ask why a Merc car's nav system should be so maligned) inadvertently suggested that we inadvertently do a huge loop which took us into Indonesia's territorial waters.

Now you might suggest either that we inadvertently don't know what we're doing, which puts us in the territory of the RAN, or we inadvertently didn't realise the actual meaning of the word 'inadvertent", and so are inadvertently lying, which might well also put us in the territory of the RAN.

We'd like to explain all this in more detail, but you will understand that the resulting prang was strictly an operational matter.

Instead, as always these days, the pond reverted to The Jakarta Post for the story, Australia apologizes for boats entering Indonesia, and there it was again:

Morrison described the breaches which he became aware of on Wednesday as "a very serious matter," which he said was "extremely regrettable." 
"We will ensure that the issues that led to these inadvertent breaches of Indonesian territorial sovereignty are rectified and do not re-occur," Morrison said. 

Being a pedant, the pond immediately rushed off to the dictionary:

1. Not duly attentive.
2. Marked by unintentional lack of care.

Of course it's an attempt by Morrison to say it was accidental, unintentional, but what he's really saying is that it was heedless, and inattentive, which is to say careless, negligent, thoughtless and unthinking.

In a word, incompetent.

In the old days, these treasonous remarks about the RAN would have seen the blighter given a decent dose of rum, sodomy and the lash. And then we'd get on to the punishments ...


Yes, you can read about it Jakarta demands: stop your boats, and once again that naughty word "inadvertently" got a real work out:

"That's probably the only really plausible thing I can see happening ... If they'd inadvertently gone over the line, it would be because they've stopped, put their seaboats in the water and made sure these vessels are being pointed in the right direction and maybe the tide or the current has taken them over the line inadvertently."

You see, just hapless helpless corks bobbing on the great ocean of life.

What with the craven apologies and the jibber jabber, it's a long way from the inspirational leadership once promised:

There you go, that's how it's done. 

The pond proposes that Scott Morrison immediately informs the Indonesians that the Timor and Afafura seas are Australia's playground. He should carry a big stick, point big guns if necessary, and he should remind the wretched Islamics that Australia is adept at gunboat diplomacy, except on the odd occasions when it's inadvertently totally fucked ...

The last thing he should do is read quislings like Lenore Tyalor casting doubts on the waters, as in Coalition's 'stopping the boats' strategy taking on water, which has an added sub-header, In an information blackout, it's hard to see exactly where Operation Sovereign Borders is going.

Sheesh, as our fearless leader himself has advised, we're at war, it's a war operation, and wartime strategies are required.

What's needed is for useless cardigan wearers to get off their collective bums and saturate the country with wise advice:

Meanwhile, the humble representatives of the banana constitutional monarchy republic - the pond of course conforms to the Flintian definition of a crowned republic, because hey if you're going to be delusional, always be fully delusional - face ongoing warfare on another front:

In the usual course of events, this linking of Abbott to the personal opinions - fervent religious, faith-based, true believer delusions if you will - of his business adviser might seem a tad unfair.

But the goose Newman has in fact signed off on both his most recent pieces as coming from Tony Abbott's business advisor, tarring and feathering Abbott with the same brush - not that Tony "climate change is crap" Abbott needs much in the way of tar or feathers. And so, as you can read in CSIRO scientists say warmer world wager with Maurice Newman a safe bet, all kinds of takers clamoured like diggers at two up to lay the odds:

Newman’s article, published in the Australian, quoted contrarian US physicist Richard Lindzen who said he would be willing to take bets that the average global temperature would be lower than today in 20 years’ time. Newman added “Any takers?”
 The challenge has already been taken up by Nobel prize-winning physicist Brian Schmidt, who said he would be willing to bet $10,000 that average temperatures would be higher in 20 years’ time, consistent with the predictions of mainstream science.
 “So Mr Newman – I am prepared to put $10,000 on the line that the average Earth surface air temperature in a three-year average (2013-2015 compared to 2033-2035) will be warmer 20 years from now,” Schmidt wrote in a blog, also published by the Australian. “Ten thousand dollars is a lot of money to me, but since I am about 99% sure that the Earth is warming due to anthropogenic causes, it seems a deal too good to pass up.”

Oh dear. Could it get any worse?

Schmidt has been joined by eight other scientists, including from the government’s own science agency, the CSIRO, who confirmed to Guardian Australia they would be prepared to bet Newman money that temperatures would be higher in 20 years’ time, based on a three-year average.

So there, the cash is on the table, and the bet is ready to be set, and if the pond learned anything at all from a dissolute father inclined to gamble on cards, there can be no backing down.

Newman set the challenge, the challenge has been taken up, and if he doesn't respond, he's a welcher.


Is there anything lower?

Of course we could argue about the spelling and propose welsher, but however you cut it, someone who doesn't take up a fair debt, or dodges repayment of a wager, is likely to get tagged a chiseler, a gouger, a scammer, a grifter, a sharper, or just plain dodgy.

Now the pond would never use such language to describe Maurice Newman, provided he turns up in The Australian taking on the willing takers, and putting the cash on the table in a ceremonial ritual that should add handsomely to the Murdochian hits ...

Yep, it's turned into Murdoch click bait, which is why you'll find no links to the Murdochians about this matter. They might think it's an easy way to bail themselves and their failing business model out, but why should the pond help them out?

A few have raised petty technical objections:

Ian Lowe, emeritus professor of science, technology and society at Griffith University, said only a “catastrophic meteorite impact” could avoid the “inevitability” of higher temperatures in 20 years’ time. Lowe said he would be willing to join Schmidt but questioned the viability of the wager. He said: “He [Newman] was born in April 1938, so he is nearly 76. 
 “That means he will almost certainly not be around in 20 years time to acknowledge he is totally wrong and pay out on his ill-considered wager. For that matter, as I am now 71, I am equally unlikely to be here to collect.”

Lordy, lordy, Prof Lowe, haven't you heard of escrows and estates? Let Newman's heirs and dependents pay out if he's not around, or let the money sit in escrow until the fatal day.

Let there be no excuse, let the bet be laid, or let the welchers creep silently into the darkness ...

Now you might ask whether it's wise to construct policies out of gunboats and gamblers, with advice from possible welchers as a basis for moving forward, but all the pond can say is welcome to Tony Abbott's Australia ...

Meanwhile, the greatest minds of a generation, the collective intelligenceof the elite media, has focussed on singularly crucial issues, as shown by Chris Kenny in Abbott will be rightly judged on how many laws he can repeal (behind the paywall, as if you give a flying fuck):

Much of the space in my small backyard is taken up by the four rubbish bins that our local council allocates. Just the four - red for household garbage, green for garden waste, blue takes paper recycling and yellow handles glass and plastic. You purchase replacements not from your hardware store, but from the council; ring to have a form sent out or pop up to the office and take a number.

Breathtaking! Right up there with Confucius and Aristotle!

Bugger the war with Indonesia and the matter of climate change. Chris Kenny has a pressing problem with garbage ...

Who knows where Kenny lives, though it sounds as if he's a member of the inner urban elite, like most of the reptiles at the lizard Oz, who work in the inner elite suburb of Surry Hills in Sydney ...

Actually in the Marrickville council area, the silly geese have stepped up to the intertubes. Yes, they have:

Go online? Send an email?

What are these strange modern rituals whereof the council speaks?

Then it dawned on the pond.

Chris Kenny is most likely wired by Malcolm Turnbull copper, or carrier pigeons, or tin cans and string which he foolishly acquired at his local hardware store, where the proprietor told him he should speak to the federal government to fix his issues with his local council ...

No doubt there are some people who plunged on to read the rest of Kenny, but all the pond could think was "Kenny + garbage = garbage" , which as always can be reduced to the simpler formula of garbage in, garbage out ...

Now usually the pond of late would stick a David Pope cartoon at the end, and truly he has - available only today a very nice cartoon on Scott Morrison and his hapless rubber duck - but to play fair, you have to go off to Pope's gallery here to get the full effect:

Instead, in honour of Kenny moaning and whining about garbage - are all neocons such pathetic moaners and whiners and whingers and ne'er do wells? don't answer that, the pond suspects it knows the answer - we'd just present a series of garbage cartoons from The New Yorker.

You know the drill, head off to The New Yorker Cartoon section, and dial up garbage. Hey, it's Saturday, and we're knee deep in Morrison and Abbott and Newman and Kenny garbage so why not add to the heap?


  1. “our fearless leader himself has advised, we're at war, it's a war operation, and wartime strategies are required”

    After decades of bootlicking by Australia I expect the United States Pacific Fleet will arrive within days.

    1. If Morrison / Abbot call for help against Indonesia, I have a vision of the US collectively tugging it's collar and saying: "..ahem..well, this is awkward.."

  2. Oh dear, you mean there are so few people on board our warships that no-one can be left to watch that we don't inadvertently drift a few metres into someone else's waters? I have an old GPS system which detects red light cameras and things, I was thinking perhaps I could donate it to the Navy so they could avoid this sort of thing. I know Australia is a bit hard up at the moment ....

  3. You don't see or hear many women these days apart from J Bishop sent in to clean up little messes.

    It is all about men taking their tops off and being belligerent.

    I have stuffed my ears with cotton wool and old shoe laces.

  4. So how does the federal government repeal Mr Kenny's local government garbage ordinances?


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