Mirror, mirror on the wall, what's the difference between the Russian FSB and China's MSS and the United States' NSA?
Why the NSA is the ugliest, and does it best of all ...
You see the others don't bother to yabber on about hypocrisy, they just do it. With the NSA you get hypocrisy along with the digital intrusions ...
Boom tish, or tish boom if you will, and before heading off to collect a patty cake from the school - probably gone by the time the pond numbers the hundredth box on the Senate form - the pond felt the need to contemplate the awesome news emerging from the United States.
No need to read the local rags - head off to The New York Times to read N.S.A. Is Able to Foil Basic Safeguards of Privacy on Web.
It's off the top of the digital page now but the pond fancied taking a souvenir:
The opening par's enough:
The National Security Agency is winning its long-running secret war on encryption, using supercomputers, technical trickery, court orders and behind-the-scenes persuasion to undermine the major tools protecting the privacy of everyday communications in the Internet age, according to newly disclosed documents.
It's also all through The Guardian, which has again shown how the lickspittle, Abbott-worshipping world of the Sydney Fairfaxians is just a provincial circus not worth a red cent.
The Guardian headed their piece Revealed: US and UK spy agencies unlock privacy and security on the internet. Ah yes, the Brits up there with the Yanks.
Again it's now off the top of the digital page, but again the pond took a digital souvenir:
Naturally the stout-hearted lads gave the Brits a place in their leading par. They can be as deviant and devious at spying on the citizenry as any damned Yankee:
US and British intelligence agencies have successfully cracked much of the online encryption relied upon by hundreds of millions of people to protect the privacy of their personal data, online transactions and emails, according to top-secret documents revealed by former contractor Edward Snowden.
And so the real - and for once genuinely Orwellian reason - for the pursuit and persecution of Snowden comes tumbling out into the world.
The extent of the lies, deception, corruption and tyranny alleged is right up there with the best the Chinese could imagine in their wildest dreams of citizen control.
This is going to run for a long time, and it's going to help destroy Obama's reputation, and the outrage is already palpable, from people much better placed than the pond to know, as you can read in Bruce Schneier's The US government has betrayed the internet. We need to take it back.
The pond has a soft spot for Schneier because he's one of the few scribblers who knows a lot about what he scribbles about.
If Obama's not arranging to bomb or drone the shit out of people, then he's condoning the betrayal of their privacy, such that no one can be assured of the safety of anything they do on the intertubes.
Already the denials and the denialism has started, with the standard line about revealing the truth being a way to aid the enemy, or if you will, bureaucratic gobbledegook double speak, a way of "providing a roadmap to adversaries" - as you can read in NSA decryption revelations 'provide roadmap' to adversaries, US warns.
It used to be a regular joke around the pond about Skynet - it still pops up every so often when the conversation turns to Alien and sci fi:
Following its initial attack, Skynet used its remaining resources to gather a slave labor force from surviving humans. These slaves constructed the first of its automated factories, which formed a basis for its agenda. Within decades, Skynet had established a global presence and used its mechanized units to track down, collect, and dispose of human survivors.
It turns out that the movie got its facts and its timeline wrong.
They had Skynet going active and sentient in August 1997.
Who'd have thought that all you needed to get things going was a Democrat President and a bunch of spooks? Because when you're a spook, spooking is what you do ... (no hammer and nail jokes please!)
Enjoy your patty cake while you vote, but make sure to check it for bugs ...
"Don't you see that the whole aim of Newspeak is to narrow the range of thought?... Has it ever occurred to your, Winston, that by the year 2050, at the very latest, not a single human being will be alive who could understand such a conversation as we are having now?... The whole climate of thought will be different. In fact, there will be no thought, as we understand it now. Orthodoxy means not thinking-not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness."
And now in honour of the day, and the long night to follow, please allow the pond to endorse Guy Rundle's election-night drinking one (may be paywall affected).
It includes some obvious ones:
Every time Michael Kroger appears, have a Cocksucking Cowboy. Not sure what you drink, that’s just a comment on him.
But who can argue the truth of it, not that there's anything wrong with cocksucking cowboys, as Brokeback Mountain showed, and as you can sometimes find thereabouts up Tamworth way.
Rundle is equal opportunity:
Every time Graham Richardson appears to cheerfully trash the Labor Party on behalf of Murdoch, vomit in your mouth a little and swallow it back again — prediction, not instruction.
Actually you can get started early on this part of the game by reading yesterday's piece by Gra Gra 'Swiss Bank accounts" Richardson for the reptiles in the lizard Oz, where his digital splash proposes that maybe after all, Labor would have been better off sticking with Julia Gillard.
Yes, he did, he really did. After months of denouncing her and white-anting her and pleading for the Ruddster to return.
But we'd rather link to a zombie takeover of the civilised world than link to Richo and give the lizards a hit.
Sorry, just swallowing a little bit.
Rundle has plenty more, and we've omitted his dashes and asterisks:
Desperate attempt at unconsciousness to deal with a decade of Tony Abbott — Clusterfuck clusterfuck clusterfuck.
Appearance by Fiona Scott or Jackie Kelly — one Sex On the Beach.
Tony Abbott claims victory, announces clerico-fascist agenda — one Blue Heaven.
Kevin Rudd gives concession speech, goes 20 minutes too long, meanders hopelessly lost, there’s anxiety about whether intervention will be required, serves out on colleagues — one Red Sunset.
And Rundle provides cocktail recipes too, and a last sign of hope:
Bob Ellis appearance — Go To Bed.
Now all the pond needs is for someone, anyone to persuade Bob Ellis to make an appearance by 7pm. How about 6 pm?
And remember to check if your cocktails are bugged.
(Below: some XKCD jokes to help you enjoy your privacy and your cocktails. More XKCD here. The last one is titled "More Accurate" and you might like to dedicate it to Obama).