This message brought to you by a sweaty Joe Hockey:
Fuck you Jack and Jackie, we're alright, and don't even think about coming here.
Ah the humanity, ah the compassion.
The funny thing, of course, is when Labor tried the same wretched trick, the opposition, and in particular Julie Bishop were preening and expostulating with righteous indignation.
And it was only in May!
Has it come to this? Has the intertubes led politicians to think short term memory has been reduced to a nanosecond?
Have a read of Opposition dubs foreign aid raid 'outrageous' and 'inappropriate':
Where does it stop, she shrieked, and now we know the answer. With a sweaty Joe Hockey ...
By golly, this expostulation business is a tricky ...
Meanwhile, the comedy went into a final higher gear with Coalition rows back from internet porn filter plan.
Now the pond waged a long and bitter campaign against Stephen Conroy, and his giant Chinese filter, and big Mal wooed many people by presenting himself as a libertarian giant fighting the minions of oppression.
What's the best you can say about a policy document released in the 11th hour of the campaign, snuck out and then amazingly reversed by big Mal within a couple of hours?
Well it's shameless dog whistling and pandering, it's amazingly incompetent, and it's a David Cameron sign of things to come.
Big Mal went into a twittering frenzy:
But the lasting impression was of a twittering twit and a party which didn't have the first clue what it thought or believed.
The pond believes that when David Cameron gets going in the UK, big Mal will be rolled, and next thing you know the policy that disappeared will mysteriously reappear.
If anyone in the Labor party had tried this 'reverse the policy in two hours' trick, the howls of indignation from the Murdochians would have been amazing to behold.
The funniest headline which makes an ironical juxtaposition with this folly?
He couldn't even hold on to his policy announcement, let alone his word, for two hours.
But perhaps the most wondrous moment came with this headline:
The rest of the story is here, under the header Climate change: Tony Abbott says Direct Action needs no modelling, and what the pond finds most marvellous about it is the way that the pond has endured some three years of NBN bashing from the Murdochians, and always the chanting and the mantra that the thing never had a business plan or proper rigorous financial modelling before it began to roll out ...
And yet here's Tony Abbott blithely proposing to piss billions against the wall, and don't you worry about no fancy modelling stuff ...
And the Murdochians, rather than bleating, lie down like lambs ...
Well for all that the loonacy of the right wing commentariat is its beat, the pond is proudly independent, and all it asks for are sensible policies, mounted with coherence and consistency, and truly every day there's amazed astonishment that Abbott and Co's follies have escaped rigorous assessment ...
It means that it will be a fine time for the pond should Abbott score his precioussss.
Yes, fuck you Jack and Jacki, the pond will have fun, even as the follies fuck over Australia ...
Enough already, amongst today's blitzkreig of front pages supporting Abbott, came Tony Abbott blatantly sucking up to Rupert Murdoch - an American citizen - as a "hometown hero", and a wave of nausea swept over the pond.
Giving up your citizenship for the sake of a fast buck makes you a hometown hero?
Enough already, our beat is right wing loonacy, which is why we want to make an honourable mention of yesterday's effort by Paul Sheehan, titled Roger Corbett pulls no cords in the Fairfax newsrooms.
It seems the Fairfaxians copped a bit of a pounding, what with their Chairman mounting a partisan political assault at the last moment, and the assault being something of an ironical contrast to their new pathetic, deeply bullshit slogan, "Independent. Always".
Anyway, Sheehan's piece is a pathetic attempt to stick a finger in the dyke and heal the breach, and he spends an inordinate amount of verbiage defending Fairfax against its readers' fury, while asserting the right of Corbett to make his "robust" comments.
The funniest thing?
Well it was the rousing conclusion:
As for politics, Corbett is entitled to express a view, as entitled as any reader. He crossed no line. At Fairfax, we do not await his instructions. In stating the obvious about the Prime Minister's biggest problem, he also stated the obvious about Rudd's greatest critic, News Corp: "To be as strongly biased, as News have been in the last few months ... does great damage to the credibility of the press at just the time when the press needs to be highly respected as we go through this digital transition."
This from a man who has spent all his column space for years celebrating climate denialism and Lord Monckton and Bob Carter, abusing the NBN, abusing unions for merely existing, abusing lazy Celts and Greeks for bludging, and otherwise finding many other novel ways to abuse the government while pausing every so often to worship at the feet of Tony Abbott?
Let's give it a pond tweak:
As for politics, Corbett is entitled to express a view, as entitled as any reader. He crossed no line. At Fairfax, I do not await his instructions. In stating the obvious about the Prime Minister's biggest problem, he also stated the obvious about Rudd's greatest Fairfax critic, Paul Sheenan: "To be as strongly biased, as Paul Sheehan has been in the last few months ... the past few years ... the past few decades... does great damage to the credibility of the press at just the time when the press needs to be highly respected as we go through this digital transition."
There, that reads better.
... you might walk in (respect, just a little bit)
And find out I'm gone (just a little bit)
I got to have (just a little bit)
A little respect (just a little bit).
As for that rich "independent, always" tosh, it's pleasing, as you will note above, that the Sydney Fairfaxians have fallen into line with their Murdochian pals, and if you look and try to discern a difference between the pigs and the humans, you'll surely fail.
And the biggest joke of all? Well right next to the Herald's editorial explaining why Tony Abbott deserves your vote - because apparently we're all crying out for a government that can be trusted to deliver on its promises - there comes a reminder that Abbott and Co can't even be trusted to deliver a believable policy without turning it around in a couple of hours:
Talk about the irony of juxtaposition. And sharp-eyed readers will note the story at the bottom, Is this a joke, Joe Hockey?
But really you might as well ask, is this a joke, editor of the Fairfaxians, Roger Corbett, and Paul Sheehan?
Of course it is ... and the pond notes the great damage you do to the credibility of the press and to the Fairfaxian bullshit slogan, independent always.
Have you thought about an alternative? Forelock tugging, always ... or perhaps Cheerleading, always ...
Even their stablemate understands that to sell Tony 'flip flop' Abbott as a "trust" politician is a step too far ...
Well at least it means there's less irony on view, in the gap between "trust me" and "coalition's web filter backflip".
Meanwhile, as the reptiles at the lizard Oz once again top the digital page by banging on about the NBN, came this astonishing comment from Judith Sloan, the Dame Slap you have when the real Dame Slap isn't available:
Yep, the country's in crisis, there's a budget emergency, we're on the brink of a precipice, facing imminent doom, looking at a total fiscal collapse?
Pig's arse, all that bullshit rhetoric, faithfully reproduced by Paul Sheehan, Roger Corbett and the Sydney Fairfaxians ... when even Judith Sloan knows jolly Joe deserves a good slapping ...
Independent? Always? Why they're as big a suck as Tony Abbott.
...Mr Abbott on Friday said Mr Murdoch, who is now a US citizen, should be supported for his achievements.
"I've got a lot of time for Rupert Murdoch because whether you like his papers or don't like his papers he's one of the most influential Australians of all time," he told Triple M radio in Melbourne.
"Aussies should support our hometown heroes, that's what I think in his own way Rupert Murdoch is." (I've got a lot of time for Rupert: Abbott)
In his own way ... becoming a US citizen for a quick buck, while building a media empire that celebrates all that's regressive in the world ...
You see, Fairfaxians, that's how it's done. Oh you're learning, but not quickly enough ...
How about a new slogan? Craven, always ...
Now kneel down Tony Abbott, and arise with the blessing of the Don, Il Padrino, and why not do it while at the IPA, home of climate science denialism ...
Ah well, that just leaves time for a picture of the IPA chorus, found here:
As we always said in Tamworth, vote early, vote often - make sure the parrot goes into fits over fraudulent voting - and however you decide to vote, make sure your vote in the Senate can be counted ... and that it counts ...