Muh lud, the pond would just like to put on the record how a grave, tragic national emergency became just a passing irritant in just a few weeks, which is either a linguistic or a policy miracle.
It seems Scott "speaking in tongues" Morrison has a direct line to the divine after all ...
The pond would also like to put on record a profound debt to jolly Joe Hockey, who gravely explained that the national budget emergency remained a grave national crisis, but required no further immediate action, and certainly no recall of parliament, a mini-budget and the slashing to the bone of everything in sight - that massacre could take place in an orderly way, and middle class welfarism and income re-distribution could proceed in an equally seemly manner.
Yes the grave national emergency has made way for the baby breeding bonus for lawyers and bankers.
A debt of gratitude should also be recorded and noted for the media's exemplary conduct in these matters, since drawing attention to the state of the new emperor's clothes would have been in extremely poor taste.
Well it turns out that "Poodle" Pyne is a hot shot curriculum developer, and so Pyne is ready to reshape curriculum with a paws-on approach.
Is the poodle worried about schools that teach young earth policies, creationism, speaking in tongues, the imminent arrival of the rapture, scientological insights or the fundamentals of Islamic fundamentalism on the taxpayer's guinea?
Of course not.
''People need to understand that the government has changed in Canberra, that we're not simply administering the previous government's policies or views,'' Mr Pyne said.
"I know that the left will find that rather galling and, while we govern for everyone, there is a new management in town.''
Time to roll up the sleeves and do the hard yards:
Federal Education Minister Christopher Pyne has warned he will take a much more hands-on approach to what is taught in the nation's schools, as he prepares to overhaul the government body in charge of the curriculum and NAPLAN tests.
Can a poodle also be a bear with very little brain?
But oh doesn't he look so masterful and in control in the accompanying illustration, armed with a glass, a cuppa and a phone, and the ever present poodle smirk:
Oh the pond felt a surge of ministerial lust ...
Meanwhile, the pond is vastly relieved to discover that pressing educational issues can be resolved because the curriculum favours "progressive causes" - when there the pond was, foolishly thinking it favoured previous Labor "short memory" policy had favoured an expanded chaplaincy program and the right of religious schools to teach whatever they felt like ...
So what a relief to learn that, thanks to the poodle, creationism is safe and progressives will be given their needful comeuppance...
Which is just as well, because already those UN plotters, the IPCC, have released their next blueprint for taking over the world via a world government, which incidentally happens to be based in New York, but never mind, New York should be the home of the new world government ...
Already studious, sharp-edged scientific brains - of the order of the Bolter and the Pellists - are devouring the document, ready to refute the findings in a single blog posting (leaping over tall buildings and outdoing a speeding bullet by special request only).
Right at the moment the Bolter is keeping his powder dry - he's busy recycling Gillard's secret women's strategy, a sinister document documented by valiant Chris Kenny for the reptiles in the lizard Oz about Julia Gillard's shocking and divisive appeal to women's voters, which is so much more important than drawing attention to the way a national emergency became a passing irritant.
But give it time. After all, the Bolter likes to recycle everything in his blog, and not being able to afford first division scientific research, he'll have to wait a few moments for others to do the digging, and then in due course he can reveal that the IPCC is indeed a sinister, divisive body intent on alarming the world about climate science, when the official advice is to ignore it and it will go away ...
Happily, for the moment, he's just outraged and shocked that his name has been used in vain:
In their more reflective moments, mainstream climate scientists will tell you they wish they were wrong and that the Andrew Bolts of the world were right. That global warming was not occurring. That it was not that dangerous. That it was all due to natural variation. That it was one big global conspiracy.
I have never said global warming was “all due to natural variation” and “was one big global conspiracy”. I have instead questioned warmist hyperbole and inaccuracies of the kind Arup has yet again demonstrated.
What makes The Age so incapable of reporting sceptical arguments correctly? (here)
Yes damn you Tom Arup, get your facts right, dammit.
What you need is a refresher course in the Bolter's 10 Warming Myths:
Yes, the world may resume warming in one year or 100. But it hasn’t been warming as the alarmists said it must if man were to blame, and certainly not as the media breathlessly keeps claiming.
Best we all just settle down, then, and wait for the proof—the real proof. After all, panicking over invisible things is so undignified, don’t you think?
You see, carbon dioxide is just an invisible substance you find in Coca Cola except when it's a visible substance and then you find it in dry ice ...
Damn you alarmists and your alarming ways. Why the Bolter is as concerned as Greg Hunt, who noted on radio this morning that action will need to be taken over a hundred years, in a studied, measured way ...
And now as a study in contrasts this Saturday, please allow the pond to place on record the initial coverage of the IPCC report, which some deviant people (possibly alien, having been occupied by the lizards) think might have some bearing on the planet.
Oh sure, the forelock-tugging, nervous nellie Fairfaxians put it on the front page:
Alarm? World on path to disaster?
The sooner the poodle devises a curriculum that puts an end to all this alarmist nonsense the better.
Why don't they take a leaf out of the Daily Terror's book?
There you go.
Sunny days on the beach for thugby league boofheads and a boom time in super Saturday real estate, and all's well and right with the world ...
I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought I’d be reading about the thugby leaguers in the Terror ...
But, but you say, surely we should enjoy the sunny days?
Indeed, because as we know, thanks to the poodle and talking in tongues Scott Morrison, the rapture is just around the corner and is certain to save us.
It's only if you trot off to the progressives wringing their hands and carrying on that you get the remotest hint something might be going on in the world of science. Like those wretches at The Guardian. Look at this for a splash and alarmist headlines like Australia can expect 6C rise on hottest days.
Sheesh, you useless pommy bastards, it's boom time. Don't rain on the boom time parade, just settle back and enjoy the sunshine and never mind the skin cancer.
Sheesh, it's only a passing irritant. You see, science is just a damned bit of progressive thinking ...
Time for the denialists to roll up their sleeves and get stuck into the hard work.
Wait, surely it's better just to do nothing and say nothing and it will all go away. Show us how, NT News:
Oh yes, it's been an interesting week, and thanks to Dear Leader and his valiant pack of hounds, it's likely to be an interesting week next week.
Take it away, David Rowe, and more Rowe here: