Monday, August 12, 2013

Blogging about nothing ...

Of course not ...

Why do you ask?

Spend needless time with two politicians who induce a vague feeling of nausea in the pond?

One who spends time attending church on a Sunday morning; the other who spends time on useless jogging on a Sunday morning.

Praying to an invisible god or going in quest of endorphins knowing that the invisible god approves of junkies?

Listen to the predictable braying?

One so gormless he assured the pond it was all about you and me rather than Abbott and Rudd?

Actually it's not about me, so it must be about you ...

Platitudes, evasions, meaningless speechifying and empty promises, rhetoric so bland it's like eating ten patti cakes in a row?

No, the only interest is how the reptiles in Murdoch la la land can spin the result in their usual supine lickspittle lackey way. Come on down DailyTerror:

Say what? Et tu Terror?

Quick, quick, not Baz Lurhmann, say Australia three times, and click heels, the pond is feeling vaguely faint:

Phew, that's much, much better. A sinister, glowering, demonic, wild-eyed Tony Abbott gesticulating and pointing, with a header shouting "Trust Me".

Or put it another way:

Yes, you've guessed it, the pond is ducking and weaving and extemporising, dodging and deviating, but there's no way out, no exit, no hope.

Naturally the chattering classes, the wretched 'leets, the chardonnay swillers and ponce beer drinkers, the magic water and sourdough lovers, which is to say the commentariat, and the journalist hangers on, are full of it today.

But happily when the pond trotted off to generally grumpy Paul "magic water" Sheehan, it copped this:

It was like being let out of school an hour early.

Banished, sent into the wilderness, and oh what joy the wilderness offers up against the generally grumpy Sheehan advising that voters weren't buying the bogeyman fantasy.

What's more interesting is the way that the Herald has joined the Murdochian stampede:

Et tu, Peter Hartcher?

Yes the man who spent years channeling Rudd, who recycled every fragrant whisper dropped in his ear, who campaigned and lobbied, often in the most unseemly way, for the return of Rudd, while pretending to be a columnist with some objectivity, headed the digital Herald with Abbott stands firm, Rudd runs scared.

What's that you say? Didn't the paywall get in the way?

Oh just use your iPad or a different browser if you must, or clear your cookies, or use your reliable VPN.

Trust the pond, if Sheehan had anything remotely interesting to say, we would have treated him as more than a paywall joke.

No, what's interesting is the way Hartcher has turned, and the nature of his turning:

As an example of inspirational national vision-building, it was a failure on both sides. 

But Abbott was clear and calm and projected the essential confidence that the people need to see in their leaders. He stuck to his well-rehearsed themes and his three-word slogans. Simplistic, absolutely, even simple-minded, but against the contrast of Labor's chaos, it's a deliberate effort to convey stability and predictability. 

And there you have it.

The alleged SMH's political and international editor endorsing simplistic and even simple-minded slogans as the way forward.

What next? Four legs good, two legs baaad?

Sorry Mr Orwell, that's a six word slogan. Please try to do better.

And the simplistic, even simple-minded editor made it their pick of the day:

Why it made the pond ever so confident in its witty turn of phrase, like Pay for drivel? Or I Hate Mondays ...

You'll also notice that Baz Lurhmann is keeping Fairfax afloat with advertising. Stop it Baz, stop it you naughty boy ...

As for the reptiles at the lizard Oz, it's hard to cultivate a moment's silence, what with the yammering and flapping from the usual suspects, including Dennis 'the tie' Shanahan, and Greg 'Dumbo' Sheridan.

Never mind, the pond would like to conclude with a special mention of Henry "desiccated coconut" Ergas, who starts off his piece, Will we get a credible forecast? (behind the paywall so you never have to know) with a joke:

Kevin Rudd has at last stopped the boats: the boats that export coal from Australia. 
His decision to yet again postpone deciding on a vitally needed expansion of Queensland's Abbot Point coal port says it all about his political courage; and on top of deferring environmental approval for a major coalmine in the Galilee Basin, it is a further blow to plummeting business confidence.

Will you ever read dull as ditchwater Henry ever making a joke about the way climate science might be a further blow to plummeting business confidence?

In your dreams.

Of course the coal joke is just a way into Henry's exceptionally dull treatment of government numbers, and he indulges in a fine old bout of number crunching, which really does suggest that Tony Abbott's first move should be to appoint him head of Treasury.

Just as inevitable as his love of coal - ship it here, ship it there, ship it everywhere, the world can't have enough of coal - the anti-coal NBN was in Henry's sights.

Yes. a simple-minded dedication to coal is so much easier than brooding about ways we could all interact without coal ...

It was so predictable that once again the pond was reminded of Macbeth:

It will have coal; they say, coal will have coal.  
Stones have been known to move and trees to speak; 
Augurs and understood relations have
By maggot-pies and choughs and rooks brought forth 
The secret'st man of coal ... 

But perhaps more to the point:

And betimes I will, to the weird double act, TweedleAbbott and TweedleRudd
More shall they speak; for now I am bent to know, 
By the worst means, the worst. For mine own good, 
All causes shall give way: I am in coal and rhetorical emptiness 
Stepp'd in so far that, should I wade no more, 
Returning were as tedious as go o'er. 
Strange things I have in head, that will to hand; 
Which must be acted ere they may be scann'd.

Or some such thing.

And what a pity Henry missed out on the best joke of all. The attitude of everyone to figures, including the need for hapless punters to do their own. Which reminded the pond, as usual, of a Pope joke:

(More Popery here)

As for those who've staggered and lurched this far, a profound apology. The pond is getting closer and closer to its ultimate aim, which is to be about nothing. And now the commentariat has begun to focus on the election campaign, the pond is getting closer and closer to its ultimate dream.

As for the next double head debate?

Be assured - the pond is confident in its predictions - it too will be about nothing ... and so will much of the yammering that follows ...


  1. DP - check out Xenophanes of Colophon (yes there was such a place). He's a laugh!

    "But if cattle and horses and lions had hands
    or could paint with their hands and create works such as men do,
    horses like horses and cattle like cattle
    also would depict the gods' shapes and make their bodies of such a sort as the form they themselves have."

  2. I haven't laughed so much at Shakespeare.

    With the Opposition Leader telling us glowingly how great we are, the Coalition and the media focussing upon Rudd having notes and then Abbott calling the Prime Minister a "suppository", it's more like a comedy show than an election. I'm starting to enjoy it all.

  3. Yes Anon!

    No human being will ever know the Truth, for even if they happen to say it by chance, they would not even known they had done so.

    The pond follows this rule every day ...


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