Thursday, May 10, 2012

Put on those knuckle-dusters and get those knuckles low to the ground, it's class warfare time ...

(Above: click to enlarge, more astonishingly vulgar artworks here).

Nǐ hǎo, Ohaiyou Gozaimasu, An nyoung ha se yo, and Apa kabar? chattering classes.

Consider yourself exposed to an Asian language.

Further lessons will continue once funding dropped by the Howard government is fully restored by worshippers of the Howard government.

Moving right along, Stephen Colbert delivered a great smack-down of alleged artist and conservative favourite Jon McNaughton last night - you can see it here if you haven't spoofed the Comedy Central site - and that led to the pond enjoying a few even funnier moments on McNaughton's site - before it crashed, perhaps under the weight of a Colbert bump.

So long as the United States lives, ineffable vulgarity and the chocolate box will also live, with handy explanations:

I would like to take a minute to explain some of the points of confusion for those who wish to interpret my picture.
1. Each figure including Christ represents a symbol. Everything about the painting is symbolic.

Wow. Symbolic. Do go on:

I don't pretend to know what Christ looks like. As I stated in my interview, I wanted to create an image that would instantly be recognizable as Jesus. I am not painting an anthropological Jesus. Nobody would recognize him if I painted him that way.

Indeed. Turns out Jesus looks like he was born, bred and lives in Hermann, Missouri. Talk about symbolism.

At this point, the pond was rolling around on the floor, marvelling at the way Colbert knows exactly how to evoke the surreal sense that America is completely weird.

You can get the same feeling living in Australia. Casual readers might remember how the lizard Oz has been banging on about 'class warfare' the past few days.

It seems that Tony Abbott was at one with the message, and on song, at least if you take The Age as a guide in Abbott accuses government of playing class war card:

And the Daily Terror got the same message as the lead message:
And the HUN also led with "class war".

So how did The Australian open up with the story?

Oh come on myrmidon Murdochians, maintain the rage. Fair dibs.

Was it a bit too close to the bone to see the parrot squawking the company line? It takes two to have a class war. What's this jibber jabber about hard work? How about a re-run of a hammer and a sickle on the front page? Have you thought about putting Tony Abbott on a shining white pony in full medieval body armour, with the cross of St. George on his shield, and a valiant lance ready to slay the socialist dragon?

Eek, the Stalinists are at the gate, quick save the fair maiden ....

Was that why you allowed a story about Gillard's class war to lurk outside the paywall in Gillard ups ante in class war fight?

Julia Gillard has ramped up her class war rhetoric, branding Tony Abbott and the Liberal Party as servants of the nation's rich.

But, but, but, billy goat butt, it was Tony Abbott who ramped up the class war rhetoric, following The Australian's speechwriting course 101.

Truly, as Jon McNaughton is to art, so The Australian is to journalism. What a pity there's no decent Colbert on the ground to celebrate its surreal brand of special pleading.

Moving along, what other Jon McNaughton journalism can we discover this fine Friday?

Well there's always David Penberthy chattering away like a fully paid up member of the chattering classes in Class war: sounds crazy but it just might work, but all that proves is that around the water cooler in Murdoch la la land, all they can handle these days is a two word slogan.

And surely it leads to arrant stupidity and gibberish:

Class war is obviously kind of stupid, especially in a country where, unlike the UK, people do not really identify themselves in the context of political class.

Political class? Waiter, I want the some of the sociology he's been drinking.

Class: a social stratum whose members share certain economic, social or cultural characteristics (here).

It seems discussing class is beyond the paygrade of the average Murdoch hack. Quick, bring back that hammer and sickle, and paint the slogan "political class warfare" on it.

Come on Daily Terror, step up to the plate, show how it's done. What's your lead today?

Oh ye ancient cats and dogs, the hardships, the suffering and the sacrifices to make it to the north shore, only to be caught up in a bitter, ugly, vicious, savage class war, courtesy of the Daily Terror and the Murdoch hacks enraptured at their latest bit of group think.

Naturally the Terror couldn't resist rolling that old Melbourne v. Sydney rivalry schtick into its pained editorial Flawed, divisive attack belittles PM:

... a greater awareness of Sydney is clearly required. Perhaps Ms Gillard could ask her prime ministerial limousine driver to take her for a tour the next time she stays at Kirribilli House, on Sydney's lower north shore.

Hah, hah, that'll learn ya, red-headed bogan from Melbourne's Altona ...

Not that we're into class warfare when simple misogyny and abuse of red-heads will do.

It is at this point dear reader that we really should stop. Just in reading this coverage of Murdoch hackery, you might well have lost ten I.Q. points, and be already ferreting in the cupboard for a pitchfork and a flame stick so you can join in the political class warfare.

After all, someone has to defend the billionaires of Australia, and we can't just leave it to the Murdoch press ...

By the end of it all, the pond was absolutely yearning for Colbert to do a quick tour down under so he could decode the Murdoch press in the way he decoded the nuance, metaphor and subtlety in Jon McNaughton's painting of President Obama holding a copy of the US constitution going up in flames:

COLBERT: There's the President, pointing to the Constitution that he has set on fire. It could mean anything. As the artist says "I like to use metaphor and multiple levels of meaning." It's complicated, so let me explicate the painting's message on multiple metaphorical levels.

Barack Obama represents, President Obama. And the burning Constitution represents, the Constitution on fire. I didn't get it at first either. I'm just glad the art world finally has a great conservative master to balance out all the liberal hacks.

Yes, that's just what we need to explain the political class warfare going on down under ... Murdoch's conservative master-minds balancing out all those envious liberal latte-sipping elitists lurking on the north shore.

Who'd have thunk that Palm Beach is more Penrith than Penrith?

(Below: the pond is in a Friday celebratory mood, so here's some more great art from the United States. Look it can also be a jigsaw puzzle, and there's lots more here. Everybody sing along:

Wide eyes,
Burning like fire.
Wide eyes,
How can you close and fail?
How can the light that burned so brightly
Suddenly burn so pale?
Wide eyes.

Answer: political class warfare).


  1. Well I know what Jesus Christ looks like!

  2. Thanks for that link anonymous. It will provide me with a good hour of belly laughs. Dot, I think there are a few in there for your photo library!

  3. Glad I wasn't eating when I looked at Jon McNaughton's site.
    I love the commissioned works. After all, if you are going to have a family portrait done, why not include the imaginary members as well.

  4. Clearly the Muslims saw this kind of thing coming when they decided to forbid images of the prophet.
    (Although it probably also falls under the seldom mentioned second commandment)

  5. David Irving (no relation)May 11, 2012, 4:44:00 PM

    Jeez first anonymous, that's a whole website full of Wrong-eyed Jesus.

  6. Jim White is my Jesus. Caught him live, what songwriter.

  7. What's behind the paywall or not behind the paywall is interesting. It's like the OZ can't help itself. "T'daywehav'tagetthemessageoutthere".


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