For Crisis in Western Civilisation specialists only ...

Who can really blame the ANU?

The pond always knew the oscillating fan was silly, and perhaps delusional, seemingly unaware of the the nature of the lizard Oz rag he regularly turns up in …

The answer, doofus, is that every reptile worth his salt can, and will, blame the ANU, and even a few of the unsalted nuts will do it too …

Why there was the reptile editorialist this day, sounding off, and sounding like they'd invited the onion muncher in for a guest spot … and feeling strongly enough about it to put a pointer on the front digital page …

Get a grip OF, when the reptiles are on a crusade, they make Mao's thousand mile trek look like an afternoon saunter …

And nota bene OF, it's the ANU or nothing, they'll never settle for another university, not even the ACU, because when reptiles get in a rage, they stay angry for years, no, decades … because the hunt for the Order of Lenin medal to expose the ANU history department continues apace to this very day.

Oh speak to the hand, or the Oz editorialist OF, this bloody caper has entirely ruined the pond's credibility. 

It's sillier than a Python sketch, but since you insist on going over it yet again, the pond must perforce make it available to its trained army of dedicated Crisis in Western Civilisation readers … there must be one, or perhaps two left ...

This is news, OF? As if we didn't already know the onion muncher was a born liar, devious, underhand, and with abundant delusions of grandeur? That's why the lizards of Oz love him so, and shit stir on his behalf on a daily basis ...

The pond's army of Crisis in Western Civilisation specialists will need something more to justify this epic waste of their time …please, do go on ...

Who could blame them (rhetorically, and without a question mark)? 

Why every dumb fuck reptile will go on blaming them until the twelfth of never. 

Get used to it, and next time a reptile scribbles about climate change, just think of the damage they're doing to Western Civilisation, not to mention the planet.

Do you ever wonder why you support them? Would the Ramsay centre provide teachable moments about quislings and fellow travellers?

Never mind, the pond was delighted to see the way the cartoonists are currently celebrating another possible Crisis in Western Civilisation, and with a bit more impact than another useless y'artz degree (the reptiles having assured the pond that y'artz degrees and y'artz students are generally a waste of space) …

 

In which the pond's worries are calmed by the savvy Savva with her usual communiqué direct from Malware's desk ...

Yesterday the reptiles, always on the search for afternoon click bait, delivered this poignant juxtaposition … with the onion muncher and Kev "chuckles" Andrews front and centre of reptile fantasies … and what a rich fantasy life they lead.

It whetted the pond's appetite for its Thursday dose of the savvy Savva … and sure enough, the world and the reptile cycle has returned to normal ...

The pond always treats the savvy Savva's pieces as a communiqué direct from the Malware desk …

It's always an heroic tale, with enemies to the right and the left, enemies all around …

… and yet after the kiddies have been frightened and alarmed, the lights are turned back on, Malware is saved, and he can go on valiantly doing his best to build another great NBN …if only those bloody gamers would stop ruining it ...

Oh that's not fair Stephen, it's just another day in the bunker, and if you want to see the fighting, you have to pay, or visit the pond ...

Yep, the worthy Worth knew so much about campaigning and what it takes to make governments tick that she got knocked off by her own party, at the very same epic chin wag where the Libs voted to privatise the ABC (at the ABC here)… no thanks in small part to the rising of the religious nutters in the Victorian branch … but back to Malware's suffering and the treachery of Erica ...

Cue the Jaws theme in honour of a man so clueless that he and his supporters didn't even realise the fix was in? Why, gladly, it might even evoke the fate of the NBN for the pond ...

Okay, enough of the shark … let's get back to the hate ...

Dear sweet long absent lord, the pond knows that feeling … the persecution, the crucifixion, and what has the man done, except valiantly fight for the best and cheapest NBN the world has ever seen? Why the valiant lad is surrounded by relentless sharks, sharks to the left, sharks to the right ...

Anyway, they delivered the NBN bomb, and now please relax, because it's always darkest before the dawn, and hope always beats in the heart of the savvy Savva's communiqués..

Remember, tomorrow is always another day …and comrade Bill might yet let Malware snatch victory from the jaws of defeat …and it'll all be settled at the by-elections, and what a tale it will be, told around Viking campfires for time immemorial, the day that Malware once again defeated the sharks ... 

Oh yes, the even-handed Savva knows that comrade Bill is the one in the kill zone, and as in all the classic movies, with a leap and a bound, Malware will jump the shark and nuke the fridge and run wild and free, with a fiddle de dee to the onion muncher, Erica, and all the rest of them ...

Meanwhile, the Pope has a report from the front line on the never-ending class war, almost as disturbing as the Crisis in Western Civilisation, with more papal reporting here.

And now as the pond mentioned fiddle de dee, here it is …

And now, thanks to the sharks, while the pond's thinking of movies and Canada and the old days, how about another Norman McLaren ...

What's that got to do with Malware and the reptiles? Absolutely nothing, but it is lunch time, and that's enough ...

In which the Crisis in Western Civilisation shows no signs of abating, and might even be turning pinko prevert socialist ...

Dear sweet long absent lord, will it never end? There's the savvy Savva to attend to, and important news of the Donald's mighty achievements …

But the ongoing crisis in Western Civilisation still consumes the reptiles and so perforce it devours the pond's attention, and how, this day, does the pond know this?

Well it's an old reptile ploy. Get someone to write a column, and then get a worthy reptile - say the urbane Urban - to write it up, and then you get two for one, a very canny recycling, do you ken?

It takes extraordinary skill to read a column in the lizard Oz, and then regurgitate it as a news story, but the base are simple, humble folk, and incessant repetition is the name of the game, and that's why the pond loves the reptiles so ...

Poor old "Simon says" has now reached the point of "I said it, he said it, she said it, they said it" and the more the public airings of these negotiations and all the associated finger-pointing goes on, the more likely no other university will step into the ring.

Only a desperate second tier university perhaps … say the Australian Catholic University. Where is that Craven chappie?

Well to help ensure that all the dirty laundry is properly aired, the pond naturally turned to "Simon says", and right from the get go there seemed to be a problem ...

Forget Evans - let him go bomb Tasmania - but VC Schmidt wasn't in on the discussions? 

Butt, butt, Billy Goat, as the Donald showed, the only way to get a great deal is to have a master negotiator involved from the start …

Never mind, please repeat all the talking points already noted by the urbane Urban … because the pond can never get enough of the ongoing crisis in Western Civilisation …

Oh dear … attending the odd class as part of the process of "health checks"…

Moi, dissembling muchly, or perhaps bigly? 

How much easier it would have been if righteous Simon had been able to say that the last thing the Ramsay centre would have wanted to do is attend the odd class as part of the process of 'health checks', wherever the idea came from, because it hauntingly reminded them of that giant of Western Socialist Civilisation, George Orwell.

But do go on, finish up, because speaking of socialism, somehow it seems a rogue prof managed to wangle his way into the house of reptiles, and the pond must attend to him too ...

Good luck with all that, but here's a thought. Have you approached the Craven at the ACU? Surely that fits the bill of "any Australian university"?

Kind regards, the pond … and now for an eastern religion socialist bonus, though it will only appeal to specialists in the ongoing Crisis in Western Civilisation that continues to roil the reptile universe ...

Yep, some smart alec prof has come along, and is asking tricky questions … and the only thing that could make it worse is if he's come down from the deep north ...

Now listen shearer prof working for the mob that routinely shears the workers, the pond is not going to have any of your clever dick suggestions that Christianity is an eastern religion … the pond knows for a fact that both Santa and Jesus are white … Fox News told the pond so …

 

Now that the pond has settled that matter, please go on ...

Ah, the pond can see where this is heading, clever dick prof, but first since the barebones reptile version omitted that picture of a statue of Socrates in Athens, here, have a picture of a statue of Socrates in Athens, and with bonus bloody Apollo in the background ...

As if the ancient Greeks have got anything to do with western civilisation!

Yes, the pond is getting an unsettling sense that the awkward-question-asking shearing prof is hinting, with his talk of Greek roots, that maybe the ancient Greeks had something to do with Judeo-Christian civilisation, and long before the white Jesus came on to the scene …

The pond sincerely hopes that he immediately corrects this grievous thought crime … and isn't going to add to his crimes with talk of some sort of Silk Road linking civilisations, and making them interbreed in a way that ruins bodily essences ...

Say what? Marxism is just another branch of the Enlightenment?

Oh wash out your provocative mouth and say a prayer of forgiveness …

What a cheeky, naughty shearer prof you are ...

How on earth did this heretical Tor fella stumble into the reptile den? It's unforgivable really, though his job application to 'Simon says' to conduct a course on Eastern Western Civilisation has been duly noted by the pond, which wishes him all the best with it ...

And the pond forgives him his talk of Norwegian socialism, though it brought back to the pond nightmare visions of socialism rampant, and the way that caused the reptiles of Oz and the Fox folks enormous distress ...

In which the pond finally gets around to the Caterist and immediately regrets the folly ...

 

The reptiles recently showed a flicker of nervousness at recent fluctuations in the Force, or the Market, or whatever, while the pond felt relief. 

It might be necessary to bring down the whole temple so that George Sanders, or the Donald, gets only one last sip of wine …

 

Oaky, the pond admits it, the Caterist called to the pond early in the day, and the pond has done its best to ignore the siren song all day …

All day the reptiles have been wildly excited by Albo v comrade Bill, and comrade Bill making a captain's call, and class warfare and the war on business, and the suffering of big business and all the rest of it, with nattering "Ned" advising that comrade Bill looks shifty, though whether that's worse than being a pompous prat must remain an open question.

Anyhoo, the Caterist was blessed with the Lobbecke of the day, but here's the thing.

The pond is much more amused when the Caterist applies his immense scientific and engineering skills to quarries, dams, floods and such like, and climate science, and dinkum clean Oz coal, oi, oi, oi … yet here we are, with a cheap masturbation joke at the top of the tweet ...

Yes, yes, Barry McKenzie holds his own, and all that, so bloody witty, elegant and intelligent … so hey ho on we go …and look, it's the same joke at the top of the column …while the Lobbecke sums up the tone, and almost makes irrelevant, the whole Caterist discourse … as a classic wanker makes jokes about others wanking ...

Indeed, indeed delivering a lecture on fiscal rectitude to a Caterist quickly turns to the question of how much cash there is in the paw …

Oh dear, it's such a wank and so bloody tedious, would it be wrong of the pond to indulge in a little lizard Oz click bait?

The pond knew there was a reason the pond had abstained from the click bait ... but oh foolish, silly, wretched pond, nothing has saved you from the Caterist … please allow the pond to get the last gobbet quickly done and dusted ...

Yes, yes, all good propaganda from the Government Gazette, funded by the the feds, but what's that, the pond miscounted and there's another gobbet?

Oh desperate times, please make it end ...

Amazing how quickly 2008 can be forgotten, but if the trade wars that are brewing really take off, perhaps the Caterist will get around to remembering it, and how lucky Oz was to skate through …

But the pond and the Caterist are at least on the same side about the uselessness of certain public service practices … and the hypocrisy of people who suck on the government teat while idly blathering about free markets …

And with that the pond has catered to the specialist late arvo cultists in love with Caterism and Lobbecke, and now it's time to celebrate the uselessness of trying to shame Caterists, in much the same way that it's impossible to shame a Trumpist …