Miranda Devine, Tony Abbott, and much myna bird squawking on the pond

(Above: time to dust off and get out my favorite Tony Abbott pictures as the good news is that the redeemer cometh).

Credit should be given where credit is due.

It's thanks to the loons that grace these pages - the Miranda the Devines, the Janet Albrechtsens, the Tim Blairs, the Piers Akermans and the Andrew Bolts - that the Liberal party has taken a hard right turn, and driven itself into the deep end of the pond, with the electricals likely to be ruined and the body inclined to rust (well Andrew Bolt should grace these pages, but there's loons and then there's the irreducibly barking mad).

For years, this cadre of comradely columnists has carried out a holy war against climate change science and scientists, with a ferocity of squawking that silenced everything else around - much the same as the Indian myna birds in the back yard drive out any other voices, except for the two weeks a year the parrots turn up at blossom time. It's the editorial theory of print the controversy to capture the eyeball, which could yet see creationism and intelligent design make a strong comeback in Australian schools.

Some might think that what's needed to keep these mynas on the hop is a flurry of parrots in federal politics.

What fun if Malcolm Turnbull did a Don Chipp and set up a new liberal democrat party prepared to carry out the policy espoused by the Howard government when it went to the last election:

John Howard's election policy said: "A re-elected Coalition government will establish the world's most comprehensive emissions trading scheme in Australia, commencing no later than 2012. The scheme will be the primary mechanism for reducing Australia's emissions at [the] least cost to families and to Australia's economy." (Rambunctious conservatives put reason off to one side).

Yet Miranda the Devine is surprisingly modest in Liberals wallow in sceptic tank, with the header the one true flash of wit - surely some subbie prepared the delightful salutation to the Devine as the sceptic tank. Unless of course her self-image is cheerful about being a sceptic tank.

The muddle headed wombat theory of life is shown charmingly at work in the Devine's scribblings, wherein everything that has happened is someone else's fault and nothing to do with her.

First she literally interprets a theory that the current split in the Liberals is equivalent to the DLP split in the fifties and must involve the Catholics:

While there are certainly a lot of Catholics involved - Malcolm Turnbull, Tony Abbott, Joe Hockey, Kevin Andrews, Barnaby Joyce, Cory Bernardi and Christopher Pyne, to name a few - they are found on both sides of the debate.

Yes, and isn't it great that one of the major Catholic players - Tony Abbott - is infected with the heresy of Pellism.

But surely this isn't about old religion - it's about the great new religious crusade, which the likes of Ian Pilmer and the Devine assure us infect the climate change types, and the climate change types assure us infects the likes of Pilmer and Devine. The whole debate has been given a zealous religious hue, egged on by the language deployed by the commentariat columnists.

Now suddenly, the windows egged, it's the quiet tone of rational thoughtfulness that delights:

It is incomprehensible why Turnbull would want to share ownership with the Government of this "train wreck".

Could it be that Turnbull remembered what he devised under John Howard? Well I guess remembering back a few years is incomprehensible to someone who can barely remember last week's barking mad opinion piece.

But wait fresh dangers emerge from abroad, and perhaps after all we can blame the English, and of course the talking tampon who will become our king (hang on, the commentariat wanted to keep the monarchy):

Far from neutralising the vexed issue of climate change, Turnbull has turned it into the Opposition's defining concern, ever since the day in October he returned from meeting the neo-green British Conservative leader, David Cameron, in London and declared: "I will not lead a party that is not as committed to effective action on climate change as I am.''

A neo-green conservative. Lordy, I feel faint at the prospect. We must cut our ties with Britain at once, before we're tainted by bonnie Prince Charlie's save the planet rhetoric and any more Australian conservatives are forced to meet the neo Cameron, fresh from some new and incomprehensible neo-matrix of feel good green gaia gooiness.

But first we must allocate the blame, having gone way past enthusiasm, disillusionment, panic, and search for the guilty. Now it's punishment of the innocent, while letting off the guilty. The whole storm in a teacup (that's all you ever get with climate change) is about Turnbull:

With his reckless talk of electoral "catastrophe" if the party does not back him, even as his front bench disappears before his eyes, Turnbull is effectively burning down the building on his way out to ensure any successor fails to prosper. In the eyes of his fans, this scorched earth policy makes him a man of honour martyred for his principles, too good for his party, nobly exiting politics to get on with the next phase of his personal-destiny fulfilment project.

"This is about the future of our planet," he said, with an eye to the historical record, "and the future of our children and their children."

Oh the hubris of the man, the conceit, the popinjay grandstanding, and on the very day of disaster, there he was spotted eating oysters! Just at the moment of his downfall! (and suddenly I realized we did share something in common. We can always share a plate of oysters when I stumble on poor Malcolm derelict in the gutter in Oxford street some day. I dream of course, but what a dream as I grandly say come on Malcolm, things aren't so bad, let's knock off a couple of dozen together, the finest Coffin bay can offer).

But what you might ask about the hubris of Nick Minchin, or the wretched Eric Abetz, who so ably assisted in making utegate the comprehensive disaster it was, or above all the surly pious devious, deviant - you'd almost call it Jesuitical except he belongs to another part of the cult - ways of Tony Abbott?

In the words of one dismayed colleague, Turnbull had decided to "crash or crash through. Either way he wrecks the party." But the irony is that the Liberal Party wasn't in great shape anyway, and the agonies it is enduring, thanks to Turnbull, may turn out to be a blessing.

Yep, he's the party wrecker, and the hard men, the tough brawlers, the crazed fanatics, the fundamentalists, are innocent, no blood on their hands.

But surely there must be a consolation prize. Whenever I went to a children's party, there was always a prize of some kind - smarties, chocolate, lollies - for the dropkick losers and nerds and geeks too hopeless to win the 'pin the tail on the donkey' contest:

At least they are openly contesting ideas, which is healthier than the Labor Party's undemocratic fake consensus.

Oh you mean acting like an incoherent, opportunistic rabble is healthy debate?

So who have we got to lead the rabble out of the wilderness known as loon pond?

Well it seems that the likes of one Bernardi from Adelaide is the way forward. He's both an author and a rowing champion, and he preaches the importance of appealing to the party base and the core Liberal principles, which might make up thirty to forty per cent of the electorate.

But um didn't Malcolm Turnbull say to win an election you need the proverbial fifty per cent plus one in the current system? You need to be somewhere in the middle, luring the swinging voters to your cause and your team, rather than off barking at the moon about your fundamentalism?

Never mind:

Bernardi has emerged as the most promising rising star in politics for years. He is a clear thinker, articulate, with conviction and courage.

Well good luck with that. Perhaps there'll come a day when the electorate will swing to the hard right. Perhaps in 2012 as we get closer to the end of the world, thanks to the ravages of climate change. Meantime, who else you got?

These are qualities Tony Abbott has in spades, of course. As brilliant as Turnbull, he also has the shrewdness of a practised politician. While not as popular as the affable Hockey, he is the intellectual leader of a pared-down Liberal Party that will emerge from the ashes Turnbull leaves behind.

Dear lord, the mad monk, the jesuitical turncoat, the man willing to say one thing, and then when it doesn't suit, change his mind and say another, this is the intellectual leader of a pared-down Liberal party? And pared down? For how long?

You mean it's better to be a savage, wild pack of wolves cheerfully proud of fundamentalist thinking than a viable alternative government ready to pick up the pieces if Chairman Rudd's hubris gets too intolerable? Sorry Australia, Miranda the Devine wants the Liberal party to turn inwards and become a self-serving cult of true believers.

Well let the fun begin. Already the first note has been struck, in Abbott reveals thirst to lead by Mark Metherell:

Sex has always been something of a touchstone for Abbott. He revealed this year for instance that he had ''a celibacy adviser'' during his time as a trainee priest at Emu Plains in Western Sydney.

Oh yes, we're back with that Catholic thing, and the DLP, and suddenly it's in the Liberal party, and what fun and hooting and joy for the inhabitants of loon pond for months to come.

Abbott drew enduring dislike from women for his resistance as health minister on such issues as the morning-after pill and his questioning of government funding for abortions.

But not of course from Miranda the Devine. She likes that kind of talk. Let's see if fifty per cent plus one of the Australian electorate shares her enthusiasm for the mad monk.

But credit where credit's due - she sowed the seeds, and now she can reap the harvest. It's just a pity the lunatics have taken control of the asylum, in preference to offering themselves as rational alternative administrators of Australia.

UPDATE: we interrupt these proceedings, which sometimes take on a republican tone, and lambast anti-republican monarchists like Tony Abbott, with an important message from the Queen of Australia:

The Commonwealth can be proud of the fact that in each of its six decades, it has shaped the international response to emerging global challenges.

And on this, the eve of the UN Copenhagen Summit on Climate Change, the Commonwealth has an opportunity to lead once more. The threat to our environment is not a new concern. But it is now a global challenge which will continue to affect the security and stability of millions for years to come. Many of those affected are among the most vulnerable, and many of the people least well able to withstand the adverse effects of Climate Change live in the Commonwealth. (more here).

God save the Queen. And while we're at it, god save Malcolm Turnbull, Tony Abbott, Miranda the Devine and the Liberal party.

(Below: I'm indebted to the Great Lakes council for the handy information sheet on Indian Myna birds recently introduced to loon pond, available here. Please make sure you take steps to remove the Myna, an introduced pest, and while you're at it, make sure you discourage a commentariat columnist today, another introduced pest which really makes the pond an unpleasant place to visit some days).

The common or garden introduced commentariat columnist: