Saturday, December 19, 2015

Speaking of spent fuel rods and containment facilities for reptile minds ...

(Above: the most excellent Pope, reminding the pond of spent fuel rods, still toxic and in need of a home. But will anyone take the rod? Rickie Lee Jones style, the pond was inclined to throw all the rods he gave her. No wonder NIMBY-ism is so popular, and more Pope here).

Only a few more sleeps before the pond heads off to a timeless land where broadband is a state of mind, and mobile phone connectivity requires a kind of Carlos Castaneda, or dog-like ability, to curl up in exactly the right spot. Yes, there are other places besides Camperdown in the land of Oz.

How pleasing then to see that the fascists are out and about today in the lizard Oz.

What joy! Not just a column by a rabid, raving ratbag, but an EXCLUSIVE as well.

Of course this doesn't go nearly enough for the pond. Surely there's a case for enforced sterilisation, state-mandated internment camps - off to the islands with the cheap hussies - and a couple of onshore gulags. (No, it would be absolutely wrong to suggest men be castrated for having sex with the hussies - men must be allowed to run wild and free and sow their seed as they will, for of such pleasures is a nirvana made).

No doubt some of the hussies would try to evade compulsory contraception, so where's the harm in having their wombs untimely ripped from them? We all know what damage Macduff did to the world ...

Now the pond is pleased to help, provided the uniforms are of a decent Fitzroy black (Carlton black is so yesterday), and there are plenty of skulls and lightning symbols on caps and belts and suchlike. The pond has many wild ideas that will come in useful - such as the enforced sterilisation of Oz columnists relying on a parliamentary pension in their dotage.

Funnily enough that 60,000 number had a great ring to it ...

For a minute there, the pond was tempted to spend the rest of Saturday looking at Nazi posters trumpeting eugenic joys. So many posters, all speaking to Johns' Godwin Law-breaking heart, so little time.

But there are always other pleasures in a fascist rag, and speaking of parliamentarians in their dotage, the pond was reminded of the wall-punching spent fuel rod ...

You see, the reptiles are in deep grieving, because they still yearn for the Tony Abbott business plan of relentless nattering negativity. How else to fill a front page than with screeching about teh Islamics and their death cults?

This story particularly moved the pond ...

Oh dear. Just a knock on the door? What about enforced castration?

But that story drew attention to the poignant sight of crazed, fanatical minds, so closed you couldn't use a stick of jelly to blow them open.

We speak of course of the reptile mind, a study of intransigence, dedicated to maintaining the rage and the hate and the division and the fear, and to speaking out in support of same ...

Oh brave fearless, plain-speaking reptiles. Why sterilisation is too good for these noble warriors of the keyboard ... let them speak forth ...

Excellent plain speaking, though if Mr Lewis is entitled to express his views, what's all the fuss about?

Well for that we must turn to the bromancer, still deep in his grief and his shattering sense of loss.

It requires a history lesson of almost unendurable length, a Himalayas trek which might challenge the toughest minds and bodies ...

And yet it could all be summarised by this poignant plea for Tony to stay and vent and vent and vent ...

No way should the spent fuel rod knick off, because venting at Islamics is as much fun and as much sport as talking about the NSW art gallery ... and climate change, which everyone knows is a delusional conspiracy by the UN to produce a world government ... as will be seen when the former chairman gets the top job and we enter a thousand year Queensland-run world reich ...

And so to the real test, and a warning. Anyone who falls by the wayside will be shot and left in the ditch, their only consolation some peppermint-flavoured condoms. Chew on those, you lazy rascally Fairfaxians ....

Oh don't you just love the pond's black leather jacket and aren't the jackboots just so scrumptious?

So what's it all about, what's the real bromancer agenda? Well it doesn't take that long for it to become clear ...

Of course! Lewis crossed the line and dared to suggest that Tony Abbott and a number of other senior Liberals were endangering national security.

Now this is true enough - is it possible to imagine a group more dangerous and deadly than the wall puncher, Cory, George, Erica and friends? Why their bumbling impersonation of Colonel Blimps could reduce even the most solid security walls to jelly-like wobbly laughter ...

So Sheridan is on about the right of his good mate to maintain the rage, and the fear and the terror and the loathing and fomenting of the divisions and so on and so forth ...

Now at this point, the pond is prepared to let out of class the weaklings and the starvelings who can't handle the pace or cut the mustard.

Just remember that if you find someone following you, it's simply procedural, because the pond will be checking up on your fornicating single mum and her wanton disregard of the pond-mandated contraception that produced such useless, weak, snivelling, tear-sodden spawn. Epic fail, dropkick losers. Couldn't make it through a bromancer story? No more welfare for you ...

Oh just harden the fuck up, there's an important history lesson to follow, which admittedly reveals much more about the strange world that the bromancer inhabits than the actual history that happened ... where would the world of the kool-aid saturated reptiles be, without a post-ironic, post-modernist reflexive reference to lazy, insular Fairfax journalists?

Oh the sweet delusional bromancer, still singing his song of Tony, and yet somehow - remind the pond if this is true, pinch the pond on the cheek, as pain induces pleasure and a reality check - is it true that Tony has now gone and Christmas and the New Year not yet upon us?

Weep, bromancer, weep. Shed more tears of pain, take it out on whoever is nearest ...

How interesting. A man who dares to speak of narrow provincialism from the depths of his bromancing Catholic fundamentalism.

Strange days, surely the end times are nigh.

And so to the rest of the history lesson.

The pond has had its fun, and tedium and a deep sense of ennui must be the price to pay ...

Has there ever been a scribbler more wrapped up in his cocoon than this? Now he discovers that opposing the war in Vietnam was a legitimate activity?

What about those who oppose a war with Islam? What about opposition to the war mongers that led us into Iraq? Like the war criminal Howard and his wall punching lackey?

It was not up to ASIO to have political opinions and it was certainly not up to ASIO to act on those political opinions.

So why were the reptiles running that story about ASIO tampering with young minds?

Oh right, that's because they're young minds. All ASIO needs to do is avoid tampering with reptile minds.

Now you don't have to be Jean-Luc Godard to realise that on one level everything is political and so that guff about being above politics is just pure gibberish of the kind which should see the sterilisation squad called in to prevent such impaired brains from reproducing.

Too late? Never mind,  though it's a pity the pond had to endure the irrelevant tirade ... when all the bromancer needed to scribble was "let my fundamentalist chum be as Hansonite as he likes, because that will really help fix things up ..."

All that blather just because a professional suggested that Tony Abbott and friends might still be fucking up the country? Why is it that the reptiles would want to feel a shred of sympathy for ASIO, caught between fundamentalist camps, when the pond has spent a lifetime disdaining ASIO? Talk about fiendish plots ...

And what is this jibber jabber about a nonpartisan inheritance?

Has the country ever been more divided and partisanal - not quite the same as artisanal - as a result of two brief years? Are we tired? Is there a containment dump somewhere that will take the spent fuel rod and his partisan scribblers?

As if it wasn't obvious for all to see, and Sheridan - already awarded the egg beating columnist of the year by the pond - wasn't content, and wanted another feather on his cap, a bar for his pond-approved DFC, short for Distinguished Fucked-up Commentary ...

Now the pond would usually end with a cartoon - oh Rowe why have you abandoned us - or perhaps a Nazi poster or three, so many with a Johnsian flavour, but as we're soon to hit the road, here's the pond's favourite RL Jones song ...


  1. The number 60,000 crops up again. It was the number of forced sterilizations carried out in the US 1909 up until the 1960. The US led the world in eugenics, giving the Nazis all their best ideas, up to and including euthanasia for the deformed, feeble minded and destitute.

    Ben Carson's crowd - the SDA's - got into the action as well, establishing the Race Betterment Foundation at Battle Creek Sanitarium in 1906 dedicated to the science of improving humanity by selective breeding and vegetarian diet. Remember that next time you eat Weetbix from the Sanitarium Health Food Company, derived from Battle Creek and still run by the sevies.

    1. But I have joyfully consumed Weeties for 50 years, Anony, and now you tell me ?

      But Weeties time is passing, I suspect. They've already all but disappeared from the shelves of my local (Woolies) supermarket, and I haven't checked Aldi, but I reckon they'd be conspicuous by their absence there.

      I'm gonna have to end my days eating ...ughhh... Weetbix !

    2. GB - you might think switching to Kellogg's products is one option. But no Kellogg's was founded by JH Kellogg's (he of Battle Creek fame) brother who got all his ideas from the sevies. See The Road to Wellsville starring Antony Hopkins.

      BTW SHF is still tax exempt in Australia as it is counted as a religious organisation.

      For a laugh look up JH Kellog's ideas about the evils of masturbation.

      “A remedy which is almost always successful in small boys is circumcision, especially when there is any degree of phimosis. The operation should be performed by a surgeon without administering an anesthetic, as the brief pain attending the operation will have a salutary effect upon the mind, especially if it be connected with the idea of punishment, as it may well be in some cases. The soreness which continues for several weeks interrupts the practice, and if it had not previously become too firmly fixed, it may be forgotten and not resumed. ”


      “A method of treatment [to prevent masturbation] ... and we have employed it with entire satisfaction. It consists in the application of one or more silver sutures in such a way as to prevent erection. The prepuce, or foreskin, is drawn forward over the glans, and the needle to which the wire is attached is passed through from one side to the other. After drawing the wire through, the ends are twisted together, and cut off close. It is now impossible for an erection to occur, and the slight irritation thus produced acts as a most powerful means of overcoming the disposition to resort to the practice ”


      “In females, the author has found the application of pure carbolic acid (phenol) to the clitoris an excellent means of allaying the abnormal excitement."

    3. Well, Anony, at least I have never masturbated into my weeties, or my Weetbix.

      But I do have to ask, being of a simple minded disposition, if "It is now impossible for an erection to occur", how did they create the next generation ?

    4. Oh, almost forgot, Kellogg also recommended and performed FGM on overly-libidinous girls.

      In his Ladies' Guide in Health and Disease, for nymphomania, he recommended

      “Cool sitz baths; the cool enema; a spare diet; the application of blisters and other irritants to the sensitive parts of the sexual organs, the removal of the clitoris and nymphae... ”

      Kellogg thought that masturbation was the worst evil one could commit; he often referred to it as "self-abuse". He was a leader of the anti-masturbation movement, and promoted extreme measures to prevent masturbation.

    5. All well and good, Anon (9:06am) to wire the thing up. But first thing in the morning it tends to have a mind of its own, doesn't it?

      What a way to greet the day!

  2. Camperdown, DP ? Camperdown in Victoria ?

    Oh, Dorothy, my heart bleeds for you.

    [Is it time for that old WC Fields joke: "I went to Camperdown once. It was closed."]

    1. Silly, silly GrueBleen, I'm sure Dorothy means the hip and cosmopolitan Camperdown in NSW! Why it's just a stone's throw from the centre of the alternative universe (no, not THAT one!!), Newtown.

    2. Well I can't help it if NSW wants to adopt the same place names as Victoria, Mercurial. There'll have to be a concerted campaign to get NSW to adopt its own names.

      Besides, DP has been known to arrive in strange, out-of-the-way localities in Victoria from time to time.

      But anyway, it is already the third day of Saturnalia, so I guess DP will have to hurry if she wants to make it for the closing ceremony.

    3. Yes I know, GB, it's a worry. Sometimes we adopt the names and don't even bother spelling them properly - like Surry Hills, for example.

    4. Get thee gone if you think Armadale is the place the pond went to for its glorious tertiary education amongst the rural scientists and ag economists ...

  3. Fitzroy black? Carlton black? Well according to Harriet Watson of the lizard Oz (no links, it only encourages the reptiles) this season's black is green (although given today's weather forecast in SA and Vic, that green may very quickly turn back to black!).

  4. Fitzroy black? Carlton black? Melbourne has 50 shades of black. East Brunswick is now really dark grey as black moves outwards with the real estate prices.

  5. Nearly one in every three Republican primary voters who responded to a recent poll said they wanted to bomb Agrabah, the fictional city in Disney's 1992 film Aladdin. Democrats polled were slightly less in favor of destroying the made-up place.The company that commissioned the poll, Public Policy Polling, announced the Agrabah result in a tweet on Friday: "30% of Republican primary voters nationally say they support bombing Agrabah. Agrabah is the country from "Aladdin."

    1. Unstated was that nearly two thirds of voters supported the necessity of somewhere being bombed pronto.

    2. What, Somewhere needs bombing again?


      Who is flying high, who is bombing on that list of the out gunning stakes?

      Who needs bombing?

      Iraq, Syria, Islamic State, Mexico, Iran, Russia, Yemen, China, Middle East, note there's a WORLDWIDE entry, ah shit, Anywhere...

  6. i'm on hols at the moment, enjoying a delicious pho for breakfast. Here they don't refer to the Vietnam War; the call it, probably more correctly, the American War.

  7. Hi Dorothy,

    Picture the scene, a late night conversation in the office of the Director-General of ASIO. Two men sit in leather bound chairs each mulling over a snifter of brandy, the silence eventually broken when one speaks;

    Sheridan (for it is he): "You do know Duncan, that all of us over at News have always considered you to be a patriot of the highest order. Your service record is exemplary and we know you have always acted in what you thought were the best interests of Australia.

    Sheridan pauses to take a sip of brandy. "That is what makes this so damned hard. Frankly, things have come to a pretty pass and I fear your actions have gone too far. I realise that Malcolm put you up to it and now that he is PM you have to pay him some heed but really you should have talked to us first."

    Sheridan stares down as he swirls the amber liquid in his glass. "Tony isn't happy and I'm sad to say Rupert isn't happy either. You have encroached into areas which are none of your concern and that is something we just can't have."

    Sheridan drains his glass and rises from his seat. "As I said we never doubted your loyalty and we know you will do the right thing." Unobtrusively Sheridan removes a Walther PPK from his jacket pocket and places it on the table separating the two men.

    "Goodbye Duncan."


    1. :)³, and while some might think this a fantastical tale full of spoofery, DW, the pond knows it to be accurate, true and credible in every minute detail.

  8. The headline story by he two Davids in today's lizard of Oz (not the funny Pope/Row combo, but the nasty Crowe/Uren pair) is that workers will have to cough up $41 billion for budget repair (whatever that is).

    But this is not just opinion - they have evidence. Right there on the same page. Adam Creighton dutifully reports that nearly half our households pay no tax. And the editorial says the tax burden is falling upon too few shoulders.

    It's clear those lazy workers don't pay their fare share.

  9. "and lightning symbols on caps and belts and suchlike."

    The SS motif of Fr Heinrich Himmler S.J.?

    Lots about genetic work being done from early on in links there! Who'd 'a thunk it?

    1. The reports below, enlightning symbols or coincidental conspiracy strikes, Anon?

  10. Gadfly: To Mitchell and back

    It’s difficult to believe what you’re reading in The Oz, whether it’s part of some loony agenda or something approximating what’s going on. If the paper had not been so ideologically batty under Kransky’s leadership it may have appealed to a much wider audience and would not be losing $30 million a year.

    Instead, it’s read largely by retired majors in Wahroonga, ancient climate-deniers, New Guard conservatives, boots-on-the-ground advocates and David Flint.

    1. :) ³Most excellent and worthy link, Anon. There is life outside reptile la la land, even if the pond stays stuck in the herpetarium


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